Original subtitles

That was delicious.

Well, you might sound a bit more enthusiastic when I come round here to

a meal.

That's gratitude for you.

What are you thinking?

it's boiling over what coffee next time you cook them

all

if the

coffee is anything like the rest of the meal uber which is slaved with a can

opener for five minutes so she's the darling girl and even though cooking is

her strong point the night is young

Buenas eras, senore.

I am Domenico Nicaro. May I come in?

You already are in, Mr.

Nicaro. The restaurant.

The best Italian restaurant in London.

Yes, well, I've already had dinner, Mr. Nicaro. What can I do for you?

Oh. Hey.

Maria.

This is my daughter, Maria. I am her father.

This is my granddaughter.

She has no father. You are the only one who can save the honor of the Nicaro

family. What do you mean, save the honor of the Nicaro family?

For an Italian family to have a baby with no papa is a terrible thing.

It's not exactly recommended for English families either.

Good night, Casanova.

The name is Simon Templer.

So you see, Mr. Templer, about a year ago, Papa and I, we had a big fight.

She said I was too strict. So you are.

So, I got a job and left home. We didn't speak for a whole year.

She's very hot -blooded, my Maria.

Yes, I can see that.

So for a whole year, Maria and me don't speak a word. But all that time, what

happens? A country money seeing her and pesto.

He did ask me to marry him. Ask?

Now I am a grandfather with no son -in -law. Yes, but who is this countryman?

His name is Giuseppe Rolfieri.

Rolfieri? The Apex Building Society?

One and the same skunk.

Why don't you go to see him?

We'll try, but he's gone abroad.

Where? Nobody knows. Let us in his office have a forwarding address.

You mean that Rolfieri has just vanished into thin air? Yes.

Gone.

And without marrying Maria.

Mr. Nicaro, are you sure about this?

Signore. Without my word?

Why, have you been to the police?

Police? They will not look for him. What do they care what happened to my Maria?

What do you want me to do?

Find him, signor, find him.

Why, I'm not so sure.

If it's money, I will pay.

Yes, but he's an Italian. He could have gone back to Italy.

To Rome, Naples, anywhere.

I think the same.

Papa's been in touch with a cousin in Florence.

Yes, in Florence, in Milano, in Geneva. We have a family all over Italy, signor.

In 24 hours, we will know if he's there.

Well, why don't you speak to your cousins, and then we'll meet again. That

be tomorrow.

You will come to the Trattorino Caro, I will make a Caderoni, and we will make

plans.

Oh, good morning. Sorry, sir, no one allowed in.

Where is everybody?

Investigation. Fraud squad's in there now.

Oh. Long?

Looks like a big one, sir.

Who's in charge?

Chief Inspector Teal, sir.

You're quite right, it will be long.

But sir... All right, let's see that one.

Apparently Rolfieri had account in several banks, Inspector.

What are you doing here?

I believe congratulations are in order, Claude Eustace.

The fraud squad. Did the yard boot you out, or is it really promotion?

I'm in no mood to swap funny talk with you, Simon. What do you want?

I have an appointment.

Here? With whom?

Private matter.

Look here, Simon. If you came here to see Giuseppe Rolfieri, I have a right to

know what about.

Why? Because there'll be a warrant out for his arrest in the next few hours,

another one for you if you withhold any information.

Oh.

Thank goodness, Claude. Mr. Rolfieri really has upset you. What's he done?

There's nothing amusing about grand larceny.

There's nothing amusing about common assault either, Claude.

Surely you exaggerate. Graham Blasney?

Exaggerate? What do you call a million pounds?

A lot of money. And belonging to thousands of small investors.

So thank heavens not a penny of it was mine.

You mean you're not an unfortunate investor?

Sorry to disappoint you, Claude. And you've never even met Rolfieri.

Have you? Not yet, but I will.

That's if you find him.

And her?

Ah.

Cherchilla Femme, a female accomplice. Barbara Astral.

She was posing as his secretary.

Go on.

She's English. She's an Italian national.

Ah. Well, he could make things very tough for you if he got back to his own

country. You couldn't extradite him. I don't need you to tell me about the law.

I'm only trying to help.

Why?

Because you have a nice face, gentlemen.

Take my advice and forget about Rolfieri.

That shouldn't be difficult.

I can't promise anything about the million pounds, though.

Here we are.

Spaghetti alla cacao. A very good choice.

Signora Williams, the lasagna, it was all right, huh?

Absolutely delicious.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Excuse me.

Signora Templer, so good to see you. Come this way, please.

I have prepared the most delicious scandal of me. I'm sure you're going to

it. What did you find out?

Only within a few hours, half the police in Europe will be looking for you, Mr.

Rovieri. Si.

What did I tell you, huh?

You didn't tell me. It was that he'd embezzled a million pounds.

Million?

Mamma mia. Hey, Alessandro.

Million? A million pounds is of no concern to us. What he has done to Maria

far worse.

Papa, it is right.

Oh, excuse me, Signor Templer. This is my son, Alessandro.

How do you do? Do you want to join us?

Tell him, Papa.

Oh, si. Now, Papa has a wonderful idea. Yes, it's a wonderful idea, but first

you must agree to help. He said that we should go after him.

Who, Rovieri?

Yes. Do you know where he is?

Yes, in Florence. A cousin, Dr. Guido Nicaro, he telephoned from Florence to

that he was living there. So you and Alessandro will go to Florence and bring

him back here to marry my Maria.

You want your daughter to marry a crook?

La bambina, signore. She must have the father's name.

But how do we get him back here?

Ah, that's where you come in. You must, come si dice, rapire. Kidnap. Kidnap

him. Kidnap.

Oh, it's pretty wild.

All right, supposing Alessandro and I, we do go to Florence, and somehow or

other we kidnap Rovieri and bring him back here.

Then what? Then we kill him.

Barbara, don't start pacing again.

Why not? I've been stuck in this mausoleum for ten days.

Watching you swilling scotch all day and trying to grow a beard.

Arthur!

Nobody asked you to come.

What do you expect me to do?

Sit around London waiting to be arrested?

Two people are easier to trace than one.

You should have thought of that when we planned the whole thing.

Oh, shut up, Barbara.

You never lived like this in your life.

Yep. More soda.

And take away the empty bottle.

And change your jacket. It's dirty.

Do we have to employ an ape like that?

What do you want me to do, drag people in from the street?

I've advertised for staff.

Now, for God's sake, shut up.

And stop complaining, huh?

Look, Giuseppe, all I want is my share of the money.

Not yet.

When?

Darling, we are partners, huh?

But...

You are the silent one. I know what I'm doing.

I'm glad somebody does.

I am responsible for the million pounds.

Don't forget that.

We are responsible.

Don't you forget that.

Thank you.

What's this cousin of yours a doctor of?

Oh, he's not really a medical doctor. He'd just like to be called dottore.

Signora.

Thank you, dottore.

There you are, signora. Oh, Lorenzo. At last, you come home to

mama. Don't forget, signora, your Lorenzo, he's allergic to strawberries.

tanto, dottore. Grazie, buongiorno. Buongiorno.

Good to see you. This is the famous Simon Templer. Ah, Signor Templer,

Modiglietto, dottore. Uncle Domenico, wrote you were coming. I welcome you to

Florence with all of my heart.

Grazie tanto.

Now, Guido, what's the latest on Rolfieri?

Who?

Oh, Rolfieri!

Rolfieri, he changed his name now to Volponi. He buy a house on the other

of town called the Villa di Milo.

You see, I told you, we'd have everything lined up. Now, if Rolfieri

Bologna... to Geneva, to Venezia, the result would have been exactly the same.

The Mercado family is everywhere.

You have your own sort of private mafia.

Now, Guido, what else?

Well, he live in this house with the girl.

Very nice. And every day he make advertisement in paper for a chauffeur.

Every paper in Florence.

Here, chauffeur. Ah, chauffeur. Well, me.

I cannot go. I cannot leave my dog.

Of course, Raffaele knows me from the restaurant.

But maybe...

Signora Volpone?

Yes.

The chauffeur's position you advertised.

Perhaps I am the manner you want?

There's no doubt about it.

Come in.

Grazie, signora. I have here the references from la Cattessa Vitale. Who

that?

The job, my friend, is all yours.

It's the new chauffeur!

Ah, signora.

Have you everything you need? Everything.

Good. I'm sorry the room is so small, but I'm sure you'll be comfortable.

Si, senora.

Molto comfortable.

Do you know Florence well?

Like at the back of my palm.

Your English is very good.

Grazie, senora.

I wish I could say the same for my Italian.

It would be my pleasure to teach you.

Really?

Certainly, I'm yours to command.

What a charming thought.

What's Italian for may I have the pleasure of this dance?

What?

May I have the pleasure of this dance? Yes.

Barbara, what are you doing?

I have to go shopping tomorrow.

Two o 'clock.

Yes, signora.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow.

Yes?

Why the interest in the new chauffeur?

Possibly because he's human.

There's to be no fooling around, you understand? I won't have you stepping

of line.

Mind your own business.

It is my business. One million pounds worth.

We are supposed to be respectable people.

Signora and Signora Volponi. There will be no gossip.

It's enough.

It won't last forever.

The police in Europe are looking for us.

We lie low for a month.

Then, in a quick trip to Zurich, we collect the cash.

Another month with you?

Give me some air.

Barbara, after that, as far as I'm concerned, you can go to Borneo.

As a constant companion, give me a cannibal any time.

I mean... Ciao,

Alessandro. Ciao. How did it go?

Oh, you don't think I got this in Savile Row, do you? I didn't even have to take

a driving test.

It was that letter of reference from the Contessa d 'Italia that did it. Yeah,

you always ride the best.

You can say that again.

What is the set -up at the house?

It's Ralphieri, a muscle man named Arthur. I can handle him. And the girl.

got other plans for her.

Nobody else?

Trust me.

This is what we're going to do.

Rolfieri drinks like a fish from sunup to sundown. So we'll slip a little

something in his whiskey, something like chloral hydrate. Can you get any?

Of course.

Two drops for the St. Bernard dog to sleep for ten hours. We give Rolfieri

Good. I also want an aeroplane.

Aeroplane? We dope him and then fly him back to England.

An aeroplane?

Hey, we have a fifth cousin by marriage who is an aeroplane flying instructor.

We have? Oh, see, at the flying club on the Bologna Road.

Ah, I forget.

You forget what?

We're not speaking.

Well, then, make up, apologize, be friends.

This airplane, when you want.

Midnight tomorrow.

Midnight tomorrow.

All right, you have.

Good, and the dope? Dope?

Oh, well, I have to buy in the chemist's shop tomorrow morning, eh? Good, you

give it to Alessandro. We'll meet tomorrow afternoon between two and four

outside the Banco Toscano on the Vira Petra.

Papa will be so happy.

But will Maria.

Ciao. Ciao.

Ciao. Ciao.

I was not listening.

I said wash my car.

I ain't half a door finisher, this one of hers.

Well, if you're going to do it, make a good job of it.

You're not done with that.

Now I've got to wash it all again.

ridiculous way to ask.

I'm ready, Sebastian.

Governor?

No chauffeur, you're Sebastian.

No.

He's no chauffeur.

What do you mean?

What'd I say?

He has the finest references from the Countess. I don't care what he's got.

no chauffeur. No chauffeur's ever knocked me around like this.

Maybe you'd better keep an eye on him and see what he's up to.

He'd be a pregger.

You've been in Firenze before, Signora?

Never.

And never again.

Ciao, Alessandro.

Ciao, Sebastiano.

Come stai? Bene, tu?

Oh, sto benissimo, you get it?

Che cari genata, eh?

Grazie.

Guido's uncle works in a chemist shop.

Just four drops and he's right out.

Plain pick?

Standing by from ten o 'clock tonight.

I'll see you later, then.

Maria, and the wedding bells.

Yes, I've never held a shot on me before. It'll make quite a change.

All right, Alessandro, ci vediamo, eh? Ciao. Ciao, Sebastiano.

What

is

this?

I'm just a tourist.

What do you want?

Money? No, information. The name first.

John, John Smith.

Possible. In my hotel room.

Yes.

Possible.

I asked him.

Si, senora. Do you have to be so formal?

Senora, I'm only your chauffeur.

You might get a sudden promotion.

Would you like that?

Grazie, senora. I am, come si dice, ambitious.

Well, that makes two of us.

So the name's Barbara, okay?

Si, Barbara.

I'm in no particular hurry to get back to Bleak House.

Drive me somewhere.

Beautiful, isn't it? Absolutely gorgeous.

Sebastian, are you married?

No. Any emotional involvements?

Why?

Rather soon now. I expect to come into a great deal of money.

Tell me more about this fortune of yours.

Well, an old aunt of mine has just died and left me the entire estate.

It's just a matter of probating me well.

How much do you think you will get?

After death duties, about half a million.

Half a million?

You're not impressed?

I'm stunned.

I think you're just as greedy as I am.

You just don't want to admit it.

Half a million is a great deal of money. You can buy an awful lot of happiness

if you know how to spend it. I know.

And I can buy anything I want, can't I? Don't make it sound very romantic.

The romance can come later.

I like to settle the practical details first.

So do I.

When do you expect to come into this fortune?

So you have never employed a chauffeur called Sebastian.

No, no.

Thank you, Count Vitale.

I'm sorry to have troubled you.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Where the hell have you been?

Look, I've had enough trouble for the day. You talk to me nice or else I'm

to quit.

What happened to you?

Did you follow them?

Yeah. Well?

Sebastian met a friend, a man who calls himself John Smith, but his real name is

Nicaro.

Alessandro Nicaro, Domenico's son.

So Sebastian was planted.

You mean he's a copper?

If he is, he will regret the day he enlisted.

One whole month.

It is impossibile.

I had no idea you were so impatient.

You're... molto bella ragazza.

What? You're a very beautiful girl.

And very considerate.

No passport, nothing.

He's too smart to be a copper. I tell you, he's a plant.

He's got to be.

The Vitale family never heard of him.

You think he's in the bed?

No, it's too early.

Good night, Sebastian.

What's in my room?

An hour and a half.

Buonanotte, signora.

By your description, it must be Rolfieri's men.

Once Rolfieri knows my name is Niccaro. Yes, and finds out you know his

chauffeur as well. We're finished.

Yes, and perhaps the saint is finished too.

Guido, we must do something. Yes.

Let's go and eat.

No. Aren't we men of courage?

Aren't you hungry?

Come. Where?

The Villa de Milo. The saint may need us. He might be in terrible danger.

Come on.

All right.

Who sent you?

Nakato? Come on!

Don't you know?

Mr. Ophiaring.

That was foolish.

Whatever your game is, you know too much.

Five million pounds worth?

You just signed your death certificate.

Oh!

Don, we are not too late.

Moochie! I thought I could walk the other car.

And in the front seat? I saw.

The seat!

We took the wrong fork.

See, see, see, I turn around.

The brakes make it look like an accident.

I'm sure there's no ill people.

Everything okay? Okay, Governor.

The Grandissimo Santo.

A great man.

So kind.

So generous.

And so courageous.

Everything is lost.

The honor of the family.

Everything.

Poor Maria.

Well, Guido, the saint is dead. We cannot sit around here all night.

That's right.

Santo.

But... You're dead?

Not quite. I managed to get out of the car before it hit the tree.

Oh, a miracle.

An act of God.

Oh, what do we do now?

Do we carry on?

Of course we do. We have to the Villa de Mila.

It's only half past ten and we've got an airplane waiting. All right.

That was good work tonight, Arthur. You will be well paid.

Put the car away and go to bed.

What's all the fighting about?

Your friend Sebastian is a plant.

A spy working for Nicaro in London.

You're out of your mind.

I told... I told you not to step out of line. I didn't. Where were you all the

afternoon? We went for a drive. What did you tell him? Nothing.

You decide you want this man and you nearly wreck everything.

Where is he?

He's resigned.

What have you done to him?

Nothing.

From now on, you stay put.

You understand?

You don't go out.

You don't meet anyone.

All right.

When the time comes, we split the money. Then you can do what you like.

Now go to your room and don't bother me.

What's leaving Beauty in the car?

Oh, Alessandro, come on. Up, you big dog. Come on.

Get him in the car.

You glutton for panic, don't you?

I mustn't get him out of the country.

guys, right ahead. But right ahead.

We have done it.

As a son -in -law, it don't look so good, eh? In here.

It'll be all right in a couple of hours.

Here. Dump him here till he comes around.

All right, easy with him. He didn't lose him after we brought him this far.

Signor Templer, how can I thank you? I promise you that for the rest of your

life you will eat free at the Tatrina Caro as my guest.

Oh, thank you, Domenico.

Oh, Maria, you're all set for the wedding?

Yes, Signor.

Good. When's it to be?

First we clean him up, get him ready.

Two o 'clock this afternoon.

Oh, what about your customers?

Oh, the restaurant is closed for the day.

Oh, fine. I'll go home, have a shower, shave, change my clothes, and I'll be

back in time for the... Who knows? I may even be best man.

Senor, first you have a cup of coffee, eh? Oh, no, thanks. I'd hate to spoil my

appetite before the wedding cake.

Oh, he's such a brave friend. Always ready to help people in trouble.

I think maybe he's got to speak, eh?

Yes, we'd better not take any chances. Get to my port of Maria. We'll bring

Rolfieri round.

Welcome back to London.

Sir, how do you feel, Signore?

Domenico, I don't understand.

It's a long story.

Why am I tired?

What do you want?

Money. What money?

The money you embezzled from the building society.

How much?

Oh, we are not greedy, signore. We want half.

Half? You're crazy.

Oh, no, it's simple.

You pay us, and you are free, free as a pigeon to return to Italy where no one

can harm you.

Then we will have to hand you over to the police. They will be very interested

to say hello and maybe goodbye for 10 or 15 years. I have no money in England.

Where, then? Switzerland?

In a night date to Cote d 'Ivoire. With your own personal number?

Maria.

Perhaps we try a little gentle persuasion. But you cannot do that. And

you complain to? The police? Oh, no. Signor Alfieri is like myself. He's a

businessman. I'm sure we can come to some arrangement.

If I make a deal, what then?

We brought you here from Italy.

We will find some way of getting you back there, say, for half a million

I give you 250 ,000 pounds.

Half a million.

I haven't got any more.

Maria.

The name of the bank.

Zurich National. The number of the safety deposit box.

27... Come on!

27... Come on! I can't remember. I wrote it down in Florence. I can't remember,

I tell you. Can I be of assistance?

You're dead.

Not quite.

And how is the happy bridegroom?

He's being a little stubborn.

What a shame.

You're such a charming family. What are you going to do with me?

Untie you.

You're joking.

Try me, see if I laugh.

But we are friends.

And you'd hate to hurt me.

Oh, with all my heart.

Wasn't very friendly, was it?

This is true and beautiful friendship.

I think you'd better drop that hatchet, Mr. Mercado.

Oh, Claude, just in time.

This stunt will finish you, Templer.

Kidnapping is a capital offence.

Your abduction was reported by the Italian police, Mr. Volpone.

Yes, what the Italian police didn't report was that these fine, public

citizens have assisted me in bringing a dangerous criminal to justice.

Giuseppe Rolfieri.

What are you talking about?

Oh, of course I forgot you're a man, have you?

This is Giuseppe Rovieri, Chief Inspector Teal of the Yard.

You mean to tell me that none of you had any ulterior motives in bringing him

back? Ulterior motives?

Why, Claude, Mr. Nicaro here is one of the most upstanding men in London, apart

from being one of the finest restauranteurs.

I might settle for your story if I knew a little more about the million pounds.

Ah, well, that's deposited in a number account in a Zurich bank.

And I can't remember the number.

Oh, maybe I can help you out.

You see, you're a very methodical man, Mr. O 'Heary. While going through your

papers in your villa in Florence, I came across this.

Ah, it's rude to snatch.

All right.

Take him away.

All right, Simon.

For the moment, I'll have to buy your story.

Thank you, Claude. Oh, there he is, sir. Yes.

I'll see you get the reward.

You double -crossed us.

You must be mad. You had a million pounds in your hand and you gave it

And to the police.

But how did you suspect we were planning to squeeze all the theory?

Intuition.

It was quite a brilliant scheme, apart from a few little mistakes you made

the way.

Mistakes? Like what?

The kiss I saw you giving Maria a little while ago. That was most unbrotherly.

That is right.

I am her husband.

Yes, he is the baby's papa. That's nice.

But why didn't you tell the police the truth?

Oh, I hate to tell the police the truth unless it's absolutely necessary.

Apart from that, I haven't tasted your cannelloni yet.

Eh? The cannelloni.

Hey, buddy.

I can't do it. Me neither. What a brave Simon Simms. What a grand feast, eh?