Original subtitles

Sir.

Hold it.

Huh? Cut.

Just a minute, Leon.

I think you're crossing to the sofa a little too late.

But, Nigel, if I haven't seen the hand yet, why would I go over there?

To sit down.

Oh, you want me to sit?

Sam, do you want to take five?

Thank you, Nigel.

Leon, my dear fellow.

If you go over to sit, it will be much easier for you to spot the hat.

More discussion.

More discussion.

I assure you that my brother is very prompt, Miss Aldridge.

Call me Tawny.

That should be easy enough to remember.

You won't mind spending the next month in the Bahamas?

I'm up for that.

I'm afraid during that time I'm going to have to insist you stay very close to

me.

White paper.

Hey, Rick.

Oh, A .J.

This is Tawny Aldridge.

Hi. How do you do? She, she.

funds treasure dives, and she wants to hire us to locate a shipwreck off the

coast of the Bahamas.

Would you excuse us just a moment? One second. We'll be right back. Let's just

eat that hell out of divorce work or what.

Rick, I've got to take a three -week leave of absence.

You mean like right after we get back from the Bahamas? No, I mean right after

we get back from lunch today. This is very important to me, Rick.

What?

Do you have any idea how much he's going to pay us to do this? You'll just have

to go without me.

In that case... No, wait, no. No, I'm sorry. Oh, don't be sorry. I'm ready to

devote full time to this, really. This is a job for two operatives. I can talk

him into this. The Parnell agency guaranteed me to.

I know all of his weaknesses. You give me one hour and I... I

appreciate your making the sacrifice, Rick.

Oh, no.

It's a human sacrifice I'm going to be making.

I want to show you something.

I want to tell you something.

And remember... It's important to me.

Lose weight and gain friends.

No. No, right there.

Andrew Jackson Simon's new play, Cloak of Danger, will be presented... You

a play? Yeah, you want to read it?

I want to go to the Bahamas with Pawnee and you're telling me I can't do it

because of danger?

Jackson rises and crosses left.

He smiles with renewed vigor and yet darkly.

He knows he can never forget what has happened here.

He takes a deep breath and walks his prisoner to the door.

Curtains.

The end.

That's it.

Oh, thank you, A .J. It was wonderful.

It was really, really... It must have...

I mean, it's a lot of work there. How long did it take you to write all that

stuff? Well, I've...

I've been working on it off and on for a couple of years, and I read about the

play contest, and I decided to take a chance.

Well, it certainly... I mean, it's so full of... I like that scene

where... Which?

I don't remember the exact.

Honey, one thing occurs to me.

Don't you think it's a little long?

A little long?

Okay.

Let's get this over with.

What did you think of it?

Well, A .J., it's the Snyder case.

Obviously. But you got the ending all wrong. We didn't solve that one.

Rick. There was no nude painting, and the brother was never a suspect.

Rick. We never even questioned the brother.

Rick, it's not a documentary. It's a piece of imaginative literature.

It's a piece of... Rick.

The Snyder case bothered me for eight years. I decided to do something

with that frustration.

What? I wrote a play.

And I think that's a damn good way of dealing with it.

Of course it is, honey.

If it's too long and it bored you, I'm sorry.

I didn't say that.

At least somebody down at the theater thinks I can write. And that drives you

crazy because it's something I did without you. Oh, come on, AJ. AJ, wait a

minute now.

Hey.

mean it that way.

All right, why don't we read through this whatever.

Harriet, off you go, darling.

Here comes my husband's Uncle Andrew.

He'll want something hot.

He's Scottish, you know.

Right. Bye, doll.

Perfect, darling. Then there's a knock at the door.

Excuse me.

Leave your picture and your resume at the front office.

This play is already cast.

No, I wanted to watch.

I'm afraid I can't allow that.

I remember I did a production of Ghosts at the Theatre Warehouse in New York,

and I allowed everybody to come to the rehearsal.

Well, the results were absolutely ghastly.

I'm A .J. Simon.

I... I'm the playwright.

Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I'm Nigel Casey, the director.

You have written a glorious romp through every bad theatrical cliché known to

man. Romp? And I want you to know that I adore absolutely every obvious word of

it. Why don't you meet the strolling players?

This is our leading lady, Harriet Poolebrook. Hi. How do you do? How do

The character you've written is very, um, interesting.

Uh, I excel at playing one -dimensional people.

This is Leon Schwartz. He will play McTavish.

Of course.

Don't worry.

I'll make it work.

Thorne Hudson.

Thorne will essay the role of the wily detective Jackson. You wrote this?

Yes. You must be very... tired.

I'm Cal. I play the dead guy.

Yes, right. Hi. Yes, Cal is filling in for an actor who walked out without so

much as a buy or leave.

Nigel. And I personally will make sure that he never works in this hemisphere

again. Nigel, your blood pressure.

Thank you, darling.

And this is, um... I'm so sorry.

Bean.

Cindy Bean.

I done it.

Now, if you'll be kind enough to sit down, and please do not interrupt us

Okay, from your entrance, Leon.

Right, right.

Do you want me to start coughing before I go through the door?

Yes. Oh, and Leon, really ham it up. Give us about 30 seconds of coughing and

spluttering. I think it'll be very funny. Ah, okay, fine.

Uh, excuse me.

Is this a good time for questions?

The coughing isn't supposed to be funny. See, the character that...

Tavish, it's based on actually died of a very severe bronchial infection not

long after this.

Fascinating.

Would you mind if we talked about this later?

Yeah, sure.

Sorry.

Continue, Leo.

Oh, um... Um... Where's my nephew, woman?

I come to you with a purpose in mind, and that is to visit with my nephew.

Produce him at once.

I'll see if I can find him. I think he's in the garage polishing his knives.

Garage, darling.

Garage?

Garage.

I think he's in the garage polishing his knives.

She exits.

McTavish stumbles over the body of his dead nephew.

That's you, Cal. Okay.

Congratulations, Cal. You're the first one off the book.

Show business is my life.

Uh, Leon, uh, when you find the body, trip over it in a really big pratfall.

good. Oh, that'll be funny.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Baxter was McTavish's nearest relative, and the shock of

finding him dead very nearly killed this man. I mean, there's nothing funny

about this scene.

Kevin, will you save this poor playwright's life?

Remove him from my rehearsal.

Thank you, Liam.

There you go.

Okay. Thank you.

I've got nothing to worry about. Your play is hilarious.

It's not supposed to be.

Who are you kidding?

You've made use of every hoary cliché since Beaumont and Fletcher.

You must have done 15 years of summer stock to come up with that many

hackneyed... No, wait.

It's time.

This play...

is based on an actual murder case, a brutal murder case.

The end of a man's life.

Oh, and you'll love this. Since the play is so Agatha Christie, you could gag on

it. The costume designer's doing the whole play in the 1920s. Could you die?

No. Yes, I mean, I could. That's awful. No, it's wrong.

Look, the... The play is set in 1982.

San Diego, 1982.

Your play is very good.

We wouldn't be doing it otherwise.

Nigel always puts his own spin on a play.

When he directed Oklahoma, he reset it in 10th century Persia.

10th century Persia?

Yeah.

They were jiving you over the rehearsal. You took it very well.

I was about to have a heart attack.

You can't take yourself too seriously in this business.

You've got to develop a thick skin if you're going to survive.

Try.

I've worked with a lot of first -time playwrights.

You mean I'm not the first one to feel this way?

Maybe Sophocles was.

Wait till it gets on its feet.

When you can see your words, your ideas walking around on that stage.

It's like a window into another world.

A world full of sights and smells, people, feelings.

A world you created, A .J.

Here comes my husband's Uncle Andrew.

He'll want something hot.

He's got it, you know.

Right.

Bye, doll.

and mine is to visit with my nephew.

Produce him at once.

I think he's in the garage polishing his knives.

I'll see if I can find him.

Okay, let's take it from the top. Everybody but Harriet, take five.

Leon,

that was good. That was good.

Harriet,

darling, you're not being anywhere near nasty.

I'm trying, Nigel, but I can't find him. What are you doing here?

We came to watch rehearsal. This is so exciting.

I've heard of humble beginnings, but this is ridiculous.

Both of them have to sit down and be quiet.

Whose turn is it to pass out the animals?

What the hell is going on in my rehearsal?

Nothing. It's just my mother and brother.

Well, shut them up or get them the hell out.

Now, if you end it if you've just heard a good joke, the audience will assume

that you killed him.

They'll hate you.

Is that good?

It's very marvelous. Excuse me, Mr. Casey?

Oh, my God.

I'm Cecilia Simon, the playwright's mother.

Fortunately, madam, that is not my problem. I saw your production of

Night's Dream four times.

Bless your heart. Now, if you'll... I've appeared in many community theater

productions. I even played Titania once.

What shattering news.

Now, madam, if you insist on walking down memory lane, I wish you'd do it

outside, because we're very busy.

Let's take it from Leon's entrance. Take it back a couple of lines.

He's a real S .O .B.

Here comes my husband, Uncle Andrew.

He'll want something hot. He...

Scottish, you know.

All right.

Well, bye -bye, doll.

It's your entrance, Leon.

opened the door, and the next thing I knew, he was lying there, dead.

And you didn't see anything?

Nothing.

How well did you know him?

Well, Leon and I had been in many shows together.

He was like family.

Any enemies?

No. Everybody loved Leon.

Except, um, I don't know if I should mention this.

No, go on.

Sidney Bean.

He and Leon had a falling out over a woman two years ago.

Well, Sidney can be kind of crazy.

I'm not saying he'd kill Leon or anything like that. It's just, well, I

thought I'd mention it.

Okay.

Thanks for your help.

Be careful around here, especially at night.

Thanks. I'll try.

Is that everybody?

Um, not quite.

Remember us?

I'm not going to even ask what you're doing here.

Because I know you will tell me some outlandish lie, and then I'll have to

come on, guys, this is a murder investigation.

And then you'll say... I wrote the play.

You're going to make me do this.

I wrote the play.

Okay, you wrote the play.

Darla made the curtains. Spanky sold the tickets.

Not funny.

You bet it isn't.

Because everybody was so busy rehearsing, they didn't notice a man get

to death.

The back door of the theater was open. No one could tell me who came or went.

And on top of it, I get the two of you at the scene of the crime.

Oh, come on, Abby. Don't you think he feels bad enough? He wrote the play.

Look, I'm sorry, A .J. I didn't mean to... All right.

I know what I have to do.

I don't want it produced.

The play?

You don't want it produced?

Are you out of your mind?

I am Nigel Casey.

We've met.

Your play is about to become a Nigel Casey play.

My play will become nothing. It will become a manuscript gathering dust on my

bookshelf. My dear boy.

No, a man has been killed.

Nigel knows that, A .J.

We all knew Leon.

He was with us for six seasons, and believe me, we are heartbroken.

This is how you show it? You've got to remember the window, the world you

created. Killing that world is not going to bring back Leon.

But I can't help feeling that a man was killed because he was in my play.

He was killed because the theater is in a bad part of town.

Leon wouldn't have wanted the play stopped.

The show must go on, that's what he'd say.

He was a trooper in the finest sense of the word.

He died the way any actor would want to die.

With a knife in his back?

Writing the play was a wonderful idea.

Oh, get real. I saw your face when I read it.

I liked it.

You were bored.

Now, who am I kidding? I wrote a play. I wrote a bad play.

People are tripping over each other, vying for the chance to tell me just how

bad it is.

Oh, A .J.

Now a man is dead simply because he was in my play.

Well, you have to finish what you started, A .J.

You sound like the people at the theater. They sang me a chorus of

Business Like Show Business and sent me on my way.

I know you didn't like the way I reacted when you read us the play, but that

doesn't mean I don't like what you're doing.

I do.

It takes one kind of courage to risk getting shot every day.

It takes another kind to expose your creation to the public.

I knew there was a reason I came over here.

Get your brother to help you.

What could he do?

He could do what he's been doing all his adult life.

Screwing things up?

He could handle the security problems.

He hates the play.

Maybe he wouldn't hate it so much if he were included.

Well?

Forget it, I shouldn't have asked.

Face it, A .J., Cloak of Danger blew in on a bad win. First of all, it came

between me and a woman I could have liked a lot. I said forget it.

Parents could punish their children with that play.

Why hold back? Why don't you just tell me what you really think?

I think you've come up with a permanent cure for insomnia.

Oh, fine.

All I wanted was a little extra security during rehearsals. I could handle that

myself, but not and be involved with the play at the same time.

Kevin said they didn't want you to be involved.

When did you... I wouldn't mind being involved with her.

Beginning to understand your interest in the theater.

I saw her first.

I am?

Well, it appears that we might be able to strike a deal here.

All right.

I got a little royalty money for the play. I could... I

could pay off some of your parking tickets.

Well, that coupled with Kevin might be an enticement. But while you're at the

theater, I have to ask you to be invisible.

Soul of discretion.

Is this one of those funny breakaway things that you guys build?

I'm sorry.

If that man ever speaks on my stage again... Drop him into the pit.

Quietly.

Uh -oh, Kevin.

I think it's time for playwright patrol.

Quickly, quickly.

All right, let's pick it up from the top of the scene again.

Your brother's nice.

A little forward, though.

What do you do?

Offered to take me for a ride in his Camaro.

His Camaro? You saw me first.

That's what I told him.

You want to go next door and get some lunch?

Yeah, sure.

I never know what to get at that place.

Rigatoni fajitas or tofu marinara.

Oh! I also want to get your advice on some costume sketches. You mean somebody

actually wants to get my opinion on something?

Of course. You're the playwright.

I see. You just want to get me out of the way.

I want to get you alone.

Oh.

You put it that way.

All right. Let's pick it up from you and your so -called brother.

You and your so -called brother?

Are you talking about me, man?

Well, I have nothing to say to you. You are a symbol of capitalistic tyranny.

I am an artist.

I create the very breath of life.

There, you see? You've hurt my brother's feelings. He's very sensitive.

I am exempt from the mores of this pathetic culture.

Murder One's going to hang just as hard on you as anyone else.

Oh, my brother won't.

He is no more your brother than I am.

Would a man paint this picture of his sister? Where did you

get... Do you deny painting this picture? Of course not!

It's my style!

As anyone in civilized art circles could tell you, impossible to imitate.

Then, by your own admission, you are not her brother.

You are her first husband.

No!

Together, you plotted, pretending to be related for four years until you could

murder your new husband and live together on the insurance money.

I can't take this.

What are you doing? My brother thinks he's Harold Pinner or something, but

is just, it's ridiculous. Your character, for instance, what's his

two stage managers.

Richard Jackson.

There. Richard is my first name. Jackson is my brother's middle name. You see

how that works?

Get off my stage.

Hold your water. I was there. And your character?

What about her? Well, in real life, her name was Snyder. Not Baxter Snyder and

the real Mrs. Snyder. Yeah, she had men coming out of the woodwork, all right,

but she was subtle about it. You're playing it like some sort of a carnival

bimbo. Who is this man?

The playwright's brother.

Well, I can't work with him here. He's got no right to talk to me that way.

is the straw.

This is the straw!

Hey, look, if you don't want my advice, just say so. We don't want your advice.

Just thought a little authenticity might help.

All right.

Let's take it from where we left off.

Clear the house.

Will you get off my... Clear the house.

I said to you, get off my...

What the hell was that?

Your play.

No, wait.

You're telling me there's no way that I can stop the performance of my own play?

Will you calm down? Just try and relax. It was clearly homemade. It was three

sticks and black tape, mag time, a couple of nine volts.

Who do you think did it? A critic.

Hey, they bought the rights to your play fair and square, and you spent the

money. Excuse me, my brother spent the money. AJ, sit down. Don't get your

shorts in his waist. I'm working on a theory here. Wonderful.

Just what I needed, another one of your theories. What if somebody is trying to

scuttle Cloak of Danger because of the content?

Why? What's it about?

It's a fictionalized version of a case we couldn't solve.

Our insurance company hired us.

The man was murdered, bludgeoned to death.

His wife was the beneficiary of a gigantic life insurance policy.

Yeah, and she looked guilty as hell, but we never could prove anything. Yeah, a

tight alibi.

Oh, he dug up a few men she'd had affairs with.

Yeah.

The mailman, the meter reader, the stockbroker, the paperboy, they all had

alibis. You know, that sounds like the Snyder case.

It is a Snyder case.

You guys worked on that?

They're still talking about it over at Homicide.

Textbook example of an unsolved murder.

Yeah. Now, here's where the craft of the playwright comes in.

Oh, shut up.

A .J. turns Mrs. Snyder's brother into an artist. But what was he in real life?

Plumber.

Right, in Brooklyn.

But in the play, the brother is actually an ex -husband who is exposed by a

canvas that he paints.

Now, maybe old Eugene O 'Neill here has solved the case without knowing it.

Run a check on Mrs. Snyder and the brother.

Sit down, Hanrahan.

They're dead, both of them. Killed in the same skiing accident two years ago.

The same skiing accident?

Yeah. What about Mrs. Snyder's ex -husband?

I made that part up.

There is no ex -husband. Are you sure?

No.

Lester, this is Nigel.

Nigel Casey.

Lester, you've got to get me out of here. This play is absolute drivel.

Drivel?

Yeah, I know I read it, Lester, but you're my agent. You're supposed to

me from drivel.

Also from a playwright who carries a gun.

And a leading lady who is a licensed snake charmer.

To say nothing of actors who are being murdered one by one.

No, I didn't do it, Lester.

I haven't murdered an actor since my last wife tried to play Hamlet.

Listen, I'll take anything.

How about that job in Tampa?

We lost it?

The restoration comedy in the bowling alley?

Yeah, oh, damn. How about Shakespeare in the park?

Which park?

The park is immaterial, Lester.

No, don't put me on hold. Lester, don't. Lester, don't put me on hold!

Bloody agents.

No, I suppose not.

Even murderers make mistakes.

That must be oddly comforting.

That's it, Harriet. Make us feel as if we want to throttle you. That's very

good, darling. We're dying down here.

Nigel Casey.

Kevin! Kevin!

Has anybody ever told you you have the cheekbones for Ibsen?

Save it.

I am here to tell you so you don't forget.

You're risking people's lives. Now, I can't stop you, but one call to the fire

marshal and... Oh, you wouldn't do that.

So, if you have any complaints about me or my officers or the Simons looking

around anywhere, any place, just forget it. How thrilling.

The Keystone cops all over my little rehearsal.

I ran a check on Mrs. Snyder. As it turns out, she had

been married once before to a man named Sonny Bartell. And? And they were

divorced in 1979.

Mr. Bartell seems to vanish from the face of the earth.

Ah, thank you.

We got a problem.

Stop the presses.

He's gone.

Who's gone?

Abe, the actor we hired to replace Leon.

Don't tell me somebody killed him as well.

No, he's on a bus back to Glendale. That bomb scare really shook him up.

Charming. First Sam leaves in the middle of a five -minute break, dropping us a

note about a dinner theater job in Peoria, and then Leon gets himself

and now this.

Nigel. Wonderful, bloody wonderful. Where am I going to find a character

who can do Scottish in this quaint little village?

Baxter.

Baxter, man, say something. You do not look well.

Utman, have a care.

Where is my nephew, woman?

I come to your house with a purpose in mind, and that's a visit with my nephew.

Produce him at once.

Produce?

Okay, look, if Snyder was found in the living room behind the couch, whoever it

was had access, had to have had access. I mean, remember, there's no sign of a

break -in at all.

Are you listening to me?

Sure.

Okay.

Mrs. Snyder had been married before to a guy named Sonny Bartell.

Now, maybe he posed as her brother and killed the husband, just like the

character in the play.

What about the mustache?

Mustache?

What mustache?

Mine. You think I ought to shave it off?

Rick, for the play, do you think this MacTavish guy would have a mustache?

Rick, you think we could focus here a little bit?

Okay.

Okay, now there was no sign of a break -in.

No murder weapon was ever found.

So we have to assume... What about a limp?

What? A limp. A limp.

MacTavish is an older guy. You think maybe he'd walk with a limp?

I hope he doesn't step on my lines again.

Looks like he's already stepped in something.

I was in a high school production of The Importance of Being Earnest.

How nice.

Yeah, I played earnest.

I guess that's sort of the main role, huh?

It's great.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Uncle Andrew.

I want something hot. He's Scottish, you know.

Right.

Bye, doll.

Where's my nephew, woman?

I come to this house with a purpose in mind, and that's to visit with my

Produce him at once.

I'll see if I can find him. I think he's in the garage.

I think he's in the

garage polishing his knives.

Boxter. Boxter, man, say something.

You do not look well.

Good man, have a care.

Sorry, sorry.

On the top.

I thought everybody was gone.

No, I couldn't leave.

It seems like it went, well, pretty well, considering.

There were a few glitches, but you know what they say.

No, I don't.

Bad dress rehearsal, good opening night.

Oh.

You know, for a while tonight, I could see through that window that you were

talking about. It's exciting.

Careful.

Don't let the grease paint get in your blood.

Your life will no longer be your own.

I'm not sure whether it was exciting because of the window or because of you.

Maybe both.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I thought you said about a bad dress rehearsal, good opening.

So where's the victim?

You're a real swell fella, Pink. Are you always this supportive of your friend?

A .J. Simon, my friend.

Yeah.

Look, here's a critic for the Gazette.

Oh, boy, I can smell burning flesh.

Hi. Oh, hi. Well, author, author, are you being eaten alive by butterflies?

Do you believe pterodactyls? Relax.

I have everything covered. Two unmarked, three plainclothesmen in the audience.

Me, I am just here to be entertained.

Yeah, me too. How's it go?

Break your neck?

It's a leg, and just a leg.

Break them both.

You're going to need all the luck you can get.

Thank you, and the horse you rode in on.

Knock him dead.

Out of my mind?

I do not think so, Marlene.

I think you murdered him.

Yeah.

I think you murdered him.

Yeah, there's nothing like it.

I think you murdered him.

I think you murdered the line.

Don't you know it's an old theater tradition? The author is not supposed to

the actress before the performance.

I'm sure you're just full of old theater traditions.

Well, Kevin's been very helpful.

Showed me a very neat trick. You want to steal a scene from somebody?

Pull one of these out of your pocket?

Scene's yours.

Oh.

Works for some people. I thought you were such a stickler for authenticity.

real Scott would be caught with a red handkerchief.

Well, Kevin also appreciates the power of illusion.

That's right, I do. And I'd appreciate you getting to your place. One minute to

Curtin. I beg your pardon.

Rick, good luck.

You're not supposed to say good luck.

Break something.

It's as quiet as a church.

Mine, too. It makes me nervous.

Like me.

Here I come with my husband's Uncle Andrew.

He'll want something hot. He's Scottish, you know.

Right. Bye, doll.

Where's my nephew, woman?

I come to this house with a purpose in mind, and that's to visit with my

Produce him at once.

Well, I'll see if I can find him. I think he's in the garage.

I think

he's in the garage polishing his knives.

Once one, do you hear?

A bunch of the boys were whooping up in the Malamute saloon.

The kid who handles the music box was hitting a Jagtime tune.

Back of the bar in a solo game.

Is that dangerous, Dan McGrew?

And watching his luck was his lighter love, the lady that's known as Lou.

Wait, time out.

You're Sonny Bartell.

How did you figure it out?

You were Mrs. Snyder's first husband.

You came back, you posed as her brother, you murdered the second husband, but

then she dumped you. Who told you that? She tell you? No.

She was making it with you too, wasn't she? No. You loved her too, didn't you?

No. Why did you write this play? Is this some sick way of getting back at me?

Where are you ever out in the great alone where

the moon was awful clear and the icy mountains hemmed you in

with the silence you most could hear with only the sound of a timber wolf

and you camped there in the cold a half

-dead thing.

In a stark, dead world.

Ah, mad for the muck called gold.

You did this just to taunt me. I read about your little play in the paper. I

knew you were only using it to flush me out of hiding. No, I didn't. I didn't

even know. Why not just come after me? I mean, why'd you kill Leon? I wanted to

kill you all.

Oh. But he caught me hiding my little bomb.

Wait, wait. Time out. Time out.

The music almost died away.

Then it burst like a pent -up flood.

And it seemed to say, Repay!

Repay!

My eyes were blind with blood.

Pitched on his head and pumped full of lead.

It was dangerous.

Dan McGrew, while the man from the creeks lay clutched to the

breasts of the lady that's known as Lou.

You're blocking my hope.

I thought you were supposed to break it open.

Now, these are the simple facts of the case.

Oh, my God.

I guess you ought to know.

They say... that the stranger was crazed with hooch, and I'm not denying it so.

I'm not so wise as the lawyer guys, but strictly between us two.

The woman, well, I kissed him and pinched his boke.

was the lady that's known as Lou.

Baxter!

Baxter, man, say something.

You do not look well.

Hoot, man, have a care.