All language subtitles for simon_simon_s08e03_zen_and_the_art_of_the_split_finger_fastball

And now for the business news.

Wall Street insiders were stunned at
another Japanese takeover today.

Tokyo juggernaut Transnepan
International already controlled the

auto concern in the world last year when
they branched out, taking over a

bankrupt American shipbuilding concern.

Next to fall was a U .S. computer
distributor, and today Transnepan

recreation market, purchasing four
Sunbelt hotels from Sunland Resorts of

Diego. Rumors have it they may soon add
a U .S. baseball franchise to the two

they own in Japan.

How could you do this to me, Rick?

You're not a man.

You're an animal.

Our baby's got a... Rick, you want to
turn that trash off and help me tidy up?

We've got a client... Hold it down over
there.

Cliff was just about to tell Rick who
killed Finstermine.

Rick? Rick. Is he the one who pretended
to be a brain surgeon and then sold

Cynthia into what slavery? No, no, no.

You're thinking of Dick, Bob's evil twin
brother. No, Rick has secretly been

seeing Patricia and he...

Ha -ha -ha what?

Ha -ha -ha you.

I thought you said you didn't watch this
trash.

I did.

You've got it on all the time, and I
can't help hearing it. Besides, the

about Cynthia's practice. No, no, no.
You're hooked, J .J. You are closet

I'll bet you watch this stuff at home
every day with the blinds closed so

can see.

You think so? Yes.

He's just about to say who killed
Finstermeyer.

Watch this. No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm early.

Oh, no, Mrs.

Yamanoff. You're right on time. Please
come in. We've just practiced... Spring

cleaning. I'm always telling A .J. how
to tidy up around here. Look at him,

a pigsty. Got to be ashamed of yourself.

Please, come right on.

How do you do?

I'm Rick Simon.

This is my son, Akiro. He's attending
college here at Stanford.

Well, please, I want you to sit down.

Sorry. Now, how may we help you?

I want you to protect my brother,

Mitsuo Nagumo.

The Mitsuo Nagumo?

I mean, as in Nagumo radios, VCRs,
walkabouts. As in Nagumo giant

Mondo televisions with booming stereos,
cable ready. I'm going to like this.

Last week when my brother was in Hawaii,
I'm certain an attempt was made to kill

him. Well, the police ruled that it was
an accident, but my mother does not want

to take any more chances.

Well, as rich as he is, there's lots of
folks who might want to bump him off.

Oh, yes. He has many rivals who would
profit from his death.

So, Japan, huh? When do we leave?

No, no.

He's coming here.

Sayonara.

Just out of curiosity, why did you
choose us?

Careful research.

We need somebody here in San Diego who
plays baseball.

But I have to tell you, I mean, these
clippings must be...

Almost 10 years old. 15 if they're dead.

He's arriving tomorrow to attend the big
league fantasy baseball camp.

Oh, that outfit where you pay a lot of
money to rub elbows with all those Hall

of Famers?

That's right, exactly.

Ever since we were children, he dreamed
of America with all great teams, great

players. And nothing would change his
mind.

I'm afraid not even a threat on his
life.

So you want us to just sort of tag along
as bodyguards?

One restriction.

He must not know, nor must anyone else.

Uncle would be subject to great ridicule
at home if it were known that a woman

was protecting him.

With all due respect, I feel I have to
point out that it's been quite a long

time since either one of us played any
baseball.

I will pay you double your usual fee.

Well, that's very gracious. Play ball.

Oh, hi, Mom.

How'd it work? Like a charm.

Well, did you need a new transmission?

No.

One look at this, and the mechanic swore
he never said I did.

He even gave me a free tune -up, thank
you.

Anytime, Mom, anytime.

A .J. told me all about the baseball
thing. Oh, yeah.

You think you're in proper shape?

For what, Mom?

running around the bases a little bit,
throwing a few soft ones to the old

-timers, spitting a lot. I can hold my
own. I was as good as I ever was.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Have you played baseball since you quit
Little League?

Who quit Little League? I retired to
pursue other interests.

Yes, I remember.

Cheryl, wasn't it?

The only ten -year -old girl in the
world who owned her own car?

Yeah. It was cherry, too.

Would you look at this?

You remember this?

Mickey Mantle signed that the day that
Dad took us to the ballgame.

A .J.'s fifth birthday.

Yes, I do remember.

You said you wanted it as a present for
your little brother.

Then you never gave it to him.

Did you ever forget anything?

Nagumo!

Nagumo!

Nagumo, he here?

I guess he's a little late. Yeah? You
his mommy?

No, I'm his roomie.

Nagurski. Nagurski, Bronco?

Uh, no. No, Rick Nagurski. No relation.

Well, look, Nagurski, you take this over
to training complex and get fitted for

your uniform.

Anybody seen Nagumo?

You are, Mr. Simon?

Enjoy your stay with us.

Oh, I intend to.

We'll be seeing more of you?

Oh, you certainly will.

But you wish you hadn't.

Oh, I don't think so.

Don't bet on it. During baseball season,
I'm physical fitness instructor.

My last assignment was in Kansas City.

I'm here to put the pain in your game.

Oh.

Well, Uncle, have a good time, and I'll
see you in one week. Thank you, Kiro.

And please tell your mother not to
worry.

Hello. Hello.

You are a famous player, yes?

Sorry.

Rick Nagurski, used car broker, Peoria.

You push him in, we push him out. I'm
your roomie for the week.

I'm very pleased to meet you.

I am Mitsuo Nagumo.

Oh, came all the way from Japan, right.

Believe me, American children are not
the only ones who grow up with dreams of

glory. Yeah, I guess we're all pretty
excited. Excited, my friend.

Baseball has been my passion since 1955.
That year, I fooled my

parents and stayed awake.

until three in the morning to hear your
Maryland call the final game of the

World Series on Arms Forces Radio.

Ladies and gentlemen, Brooklyn Dodgers
are the champions of the world.

Still gives me chills.

Yeah. Polo grounds, right?

Have it filled.

Just testing, just testing.

This will be a glorious week. Yes.

What is your position?

Oh, pitch, catch, center field, jack of
all trades, just like Pete Rose.

Matter of fact, my dream is to be a
coach and a manager and maybe one of

days own my own franchise.

A noble ambition.

Time for our first pep talk.

No, that's pep talk.

Pepper game, pep talk.

Bad luck.

Hat on the bed is bad luck. Hat goes on
the head.

You're welcome.

Guess I lucked out.

Well, how's that?

I thought for a minute there they'd
stick me in a room with that Jap.

I thought this camp was for Americans.

Look, Mr... Simpson, but you call me
Charlie. Did you see the way he drove up

here like some movie star?

I'll tell you, the way they're buying up
this country, there won't be nothing

left for the rest of us.

You can hardly blame him for that.

Well, maybe not.

But the next thing you know, they'll be
taking over our national pastimes. They

already have.

The hell you say?

You never heard of that Harold O. at the
Yomiuri Giants?

He's right up there with Hank Aaron and
Babe Ruth in total home run.

Where'd you say your name was?

A .J.

But you can call me Mr. Simon.

Welcome to the Big Lake Fantasy Baseball
Camp, Kent.

This may be a fantasy to some of you.

But I want you to know this is real
baseball we play here. Right, Gene?

You all know the little general, Gene
Malk?

Rick Yard speaks the truth.

I expect to see a lot of hustle this
week.

If you want to talk about an all -star
who played some terrific first base for

the Dodgers before he hung them up, say
hello to Wes Parker.

Hey, guys,

you want to polish up your home run
swings?

I'm your man.

Okay, now listen up. We got two camp
rules.

Bed check at 10 p .m. and no alcoholic
beverages.

A boozed -up ball player is a danger to
himself and those around him. So anyone

found hitting the sauce instead of the
ball is out of here.

We're still missing one camper, Mr.

Ben Kruger, but he called from the
airport to say he's on his way, so let's

start putting you in your positions,
okay?

See anything suspicious?

Nada. Just relax and enjoy.

All expense paid trip to Fantasyland.

Taking your lips against the legend.

We are working, Franco.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Okay, Mr.
Detective, what do you have?

My roommate is only a little less open
-minded than Lyndon LaRouche. Especially

when it comes to the Japanese. Name is
Simpson.

Did you flag him?

Lieutenant Morris doesn't find this out,
but yeah, he conned Nixon into running

a background check on all the campers.

Well, look at that.

It's like when Gumo plays more in
baseball.

The right knee is the bad one, right?
Very bad.

Okay. The secret is to stretch the
muscle group by slowly pulling the toe

forward. That's it.

Ouch! Is this supposed to heal me? Look,
you want to be pampered, go to a geisha

house.

What about danger around every curve?
Who is that lady?

Do you believe that she's Bo Jackson's
ballet coach when she's not supervising

George Brett's weight training program?

Trainer, huh? Yeah. That's good.

I thought for a while there they were
letting girls play.

I don't think I could have taken it if I
found out she could hit better than

you.

Anything

else,

Mr. Kruger?

No, thanks.

Thank you, sir.

You want to hear an incredible stat?

You know how many times Wade Boggs
popped up to an infielder last year?

Wow.

Didn't you hear what Brickyard said
about drinking?

It wasn't about me, you.

No? Don't you want to be fresh for the
morning?

Come on.

And we were playing with Ron Say and Don
Newcomb. This is the dream vacation of

a lifetime.

Hey, bud, my whole life is a vacation,
so don't go telling me how to enjoy it.

Sorry, uh, Simon, can I talk to you for
a second?

Sure.

I lost him.

Nagumo? No, Jimmy Hoffa.

Just sitting around rapping, comparing
Kieran to Sapporo.

I went into the head, next thing I know,
sayonara. Think someone grabbed him?

Jimmy Hoffa?

No signs of a struggle.

No.

He didn't chain down the drain pipe.

No. Sure didn't.

Already checked.

Nothing's been touched.

In that case, I guess he wasn't planning
on going very far.

Or he wasn't planning on going at all.

Ideas, Einstein?

Yeah.

Smoke signals?

Sort of.

Here, let's flush them out. We'll find
out soon enough.

It worked.

Just give it a moment. Give it a moment.

Everybody.

Can you believe that?

The one in my room doesn't work either.

I mean, what would happen if there were
a fire in here? We'd all be burned to

death in our rooms. I'm going to
complain to the management.

Friendly guy.

Yeah! Whoa!

So, where were you?

Rick,

I've got a sign.

Sign it. Oh, autograph.

Autograph. To Mr. Nagumo, best wishes
from Don Newcomb.

Simon, you've got to do a lot better
than that if you expect to steal on the

boys.

Okay, that's it for now, men.

A lot of time catching up with you, huh?

Oh, yeah.

I have to run one more windspin.

Catch one more pop fly. I'll run one
more pace.

All right!

I count all 25 off the field. Happy
hunting.

Don't take your eyes off Nagumo.

Right.

Oh, sorry. I've got to go rework the
times with Rick Garkey.

Yeah.

Simon, give me 50.

I

didn't

realize having fun could be so much
work.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Thirty -six.

Thirty -seven.

Thirty -eight.

Thirty -nine. It's much better, really.

Sure, now, well, it's loose, but later.

You'll see me clenching in the working
right now.

Not all the meth we make is real.

Only the best of them.

I could do with some of that myself.

Do you mind if I join you? Sure, why
not?

Let's go.

49 and 50 and rest.

So what?

Man cleans his ears.

With gun oil?

What is it with you guys?

Two free Simons with every body?

Like any Irish, I guess.

French?

Romanian, Serbo -Croatian. Once, just
once, I'd like to get you a crime scene

and find you weren't there.

Abby, the point is a man's been
murdered. Allegedly murdered. Absolutely

murdered. Look, this thing's been cross
-wired. It was grounded to the

whirlpool. 220 -volt fish fry.

Okay, okay, you want to argue or you
want to tell me what you know about the

victim? Name is Kruger.

He arrived late.

He cleans his ears with gun oil, leading
us to the conclusion that he was in

camp to kill our client.

Whose name is?

Loose Lip Sync Ships.

Well, let's see if I'm warm.

He owns a multinational electronics
company, and he's one of the world's

men. That's very close.

How'd you know?

Because your hitman, Kruger, worked for
the U .S. government.

Well, that's a real grabber, huh?

Apparently you and Uncle Sam had the
same interests at heart.

Why would a U .S. agency be interested
in Nagumo? Simple.

He's scheduled to be in Washington next
week for congressional hearings on a

proposed joint U .S.-Japanese defense
project.

His company controls the technology we
need.

An attempt was made on his life in
Honolulu, but it was hushed up.

That's when State assigned security for
him.

Well, looks like for once maybe we can
do you a favor.

Yeah, and hell froze over yesterday.

Come on, Abby, I'm not talking fun and
games here. U .S. law officer is dead.

Don't you think I know that? Then do
yourself a favor and don't order us off

this case. We're already on the inside.

As of now, you are also my
responsibility, along with Nagumo. Well,

you right now, you're not going to get
Nagumo to budge no how, no way.

At least with us in there, you've got a
little fresh bait working for you.

All right, look at it this way. We get
ice, no more ruin in your day.

Don't tempt me.

Okay, tempt me. Consider yourself
deputized. But on one condition.

No freelancing. You're working for me.

Aye, aye, sir.

Ma 'am.

Ma 'am.

Oh, by the way, make sure the feds give
Nixon a hand running the histories on

all those campers that A .J. requested.

Your wish is my command.

Don't forget the 10 o 'clock bed check.
I don't want any of you guys falling

asleep out on that field tomorrow.

And Nagurski, you skip out on practice
one more time, and you'll be selling

peanuts at the big game on Friday.

Sorry about that, Bert. I had a little
problem with an abscess, too.

Okay, that's it for today, men.

Another busy day.

Getting in and out of cars, eh, Rick?

No, it is Deputy Rick.

And you are my bushy table sidekick,
Deputy AJ.

Laguna, you were great.

I can't believe it. You stayed right
under the census pad.

I must make sure these tents never get
washed again.

If only I can improve my hitting.

I can always arrange extra time in the
batting cage.

Rick, I'm glad to see you. I was worried
when the police took you away.

I just told them everything I know.

Nothing. It was a terrible accident for
Mr. Kruger.

Well, the police don't think it was an
accident.

And they think that whoever did it was
after you.

They're probably right.

I don't suppose there's any way they
could persuade you to leave the camp.

No.

This time at the camp is special for me.
It is my time.

Have you ever dreamed of being very
rich?

I'm not.

It has crossed my mind, yeah.

It changes you.

When I started my corporation, every day
was a challenge. It was exciting.

Then as it grew, it took on a life of
its own.

Instead of dealing with the electronics
that I loved so much, I was battling

with buyouts, international trade
barriers, layoffs, and what you here

the bottom line.

One acquires many enemies along the way.

But nothing is going to stop me from
playing in that game with the heroes of

childhood.

I understand.

I wish I didn't, but I do.

We'll do everything we can to help.

Okay, Rumi.

I have a loop in my swing. Maybe you can
straighten out.

Well, actually, there's no problem in
that. The trick is to just lay your

flat back and don't cock the bat up here
behind your ear like this. Just

straight back.

Rod Carew's theory.

Right. Yeah.

I read it on a box of cornflakes also.

Come grab a shower.

This is really an Ultron unit, you know.

That's Nagumo.

Trust me, it's an Ultron.

You remember them?

Why do I ever?

When I was a kid, we had one of those
big console models.

Yeah, one of the Japs bought them out in
79.

To save a few lousy bucks, they took the
old units.

shoved in some new technology, and sold
them under their name.

There.

That ought to do it.

Forgive me, Charlie.

But remember, we've priced them
exceptionally low.

Well, if it isn't the big shot himself.

You faith it, Nagumo.

At any price, you rook your customers.

Those old capacitors couldn't handle
your precious solid -state resistors,

you knew it. We did not know that at
that time.

Well, I could have told you.

Leave me, Charlie.

I wish you had.

My mistake caused much hardship.

Thousands of American workers were laid
off.

Yeah, I heard about it.

better, Simon. Now, really get that
weight forward when you meet the ball.

Yeah, keep your foot out of the bucket
and keep that head down.

Keep my head down any further, I'm gonna
be looking between my legs. Might work.

Nagurski, who's managing here? Me or
you?

You are. I'm third base. You give the
orders, I just... There you go.

You give the orders, I pass them on. I
promise. I'm Ty Cobb's drinker.

Oh, let me guess, another abscess. Oh,
yeah, by the way, make sure that Nagumo

lays his wrists back, keeps the bat
flat, all right? And tell him those

two steps out of the box, short ones.

Did you give me this on your phone?

My phone, yes. The fantasy camp phone,
no, just in case. Okay, what do you got?

Very little.

Every one of your campers comes out
clean.

No priors, no arrests.

I even had to dig for a moving
violation.

I repeat, you couldn't give me this over
the phone?

I did find one small item of interest,
however, regarding a man named Charles

Simpson. Yeah, AJ's roomie. Mm -hmm. Up
until three weeks ago, he was production

VP for the Ultron Corporation.

It's a division of Nagumo, Inc. Ultron,
of course.

Sound familiar, huh? Mm -hmm.

Anyway, Nagumo shut down all its U .S.
production facilities and laid off over

20 ,000 employees.

The old...

Early retirement bit, courtesy of Mitsuo
Nagumo.

No wonder Charlie's holding a grudge.

Enough of a grudge, maybe, to kill
someone?

Yeah, he might have them.

All of the Far East stuck in his craw,
but Charlie Simpson, the killer?

Nah, I think you better run a background
check on the whole staff, Abby.

Oh, tough workout, Rick.

Boy, I'll say. I never handed out so
much advice in my life.

One thing I do not understand.

Why do player coaches not have to run
laps?

It's not a pretty story, Mitsuo.

Do you mind if I say first no you go
ahead you earned it buddy

Now he's gone after bathroom window in
the name of true love come on you're not

keeping your head down anyway

Evelyn

Hi, buddy.

Can you operate the ball machine for me,
please? Sure, pal.

Thanks.

AJ, I don't know.

You all right?

Rick, I could have been killed.

I think that's an accurate assumption.

But who?

Avalon and her Jim Dandy batting
machine.

I don't think so.

Nagumo, I'm sorry I'm late.

What's wrong?

Everything. Yeah, and that's just for
starters.

You all right?

Come on, Charlie.

Up and at him.

Oh.

Feels like someone took a blowtorch to
my brain.

Someone did. You.

Okay, okay. Now it discerns again.

Just give me a year or two in horizontal
like this, and I'll be fine.

No, you won't. You'll be dead.

Hey, if I wanted therapy, I would have
hired a shrink.

It would have been cheaper than this.

You know, why you paid good money to
come here and go on a pity binge is

me.

But I, for one, have had it.

The guys who came here came for fun, for
camaraderie.

To live out a childhood dream. No dream
of mine ever included listening to some

bourbon -soaked whiner.

Watch your mouth, bud.

Or what? You're going to slag me? Come
on. What are you going to do about it,

Charlie? Go out and buy another bottle?

It'd be listening to you.

Why are you here, Charlie? You're not
having any fun.

You want to know?

I'm here because my wife did. If I
didn't get out of the house and do

we'd both go nuts.

Surprise, honey. Took your advice and I
went nuts anyway.

Get off it, Charlie. Where's your pride?

Pride?

My pride is on a day shift at the Ultron
factory in Akron, Ohio, with my crew

and my men.

I could hold my head up high till that
bastard Nagumo decided that profits

outweighed people.

You're wrong about him.

Why? Because he showed up here with all
those smiles and attaboy BS?

You can't trust those people.

He's not those people, Charlie.

He's a man.

He's flesh and blood and feelings.

And if he's on top of the world, it's
because he's smart and he works hard and

long and because he lives for what he
does.

You better do the same thing if you want
to have a prayer for the rest of your

life.

I'll see you in the locker rooms.

Better hurry if you don't want to miss
the game.

Okay, you guys, now listen up.

This is it.

Me, Ron Say, Doug DeCincy, Duke Snyder,
and the rest of the staff, we've done

what we can to make ballplayers out of
you guys.

Now it's up to you to go out there and
prove it. And don't forget, keep your

on me in the coach's box.

It could cost us the game if you forget
any of those signs I gave you. Wait,

Brickyard gave you.

Now the results of the team vote.

The honorary captain for the big game is
Mitsuo Nagumo.

Nice going, Nagumo. You earned it. What?

Can you give me that again?

Evelyn Jacobson, the sweetheart of
physical fitness.

Forget it. There is no Evelyn in the
Kansas City organization or anywhere

as far as we know.

How about the rest of the staff?

Strictly apple pie and mom straight down
the line.

But listen, A .J., keep an eye on pretty
Evelyn until we can get a run on her

fingerprints. Now, you go out there, and
you hit that ball. You make good,

accurate throws. You watch for signs.

You do that, there's nobody can beat us.
Okay, gang?

All right!

What?

Batting eighth and playing third base
for the Fantasy Reds, Orioles and Angels

great, Doug DeCense.

I'll sign one for you. Sign one of those
giant television sets for me.

I'll just buy it.

Pocket room, training room, coffee shop.
Even the ladies' room.

It's never cost me my life, no ever.

You heard him, man. Play ball.

Rick, hey, hard ball on this. Hard ball.

Three strikes here and somebody's dead.
Did I say don't keep your eyes open?

Now, you're batting second. If Nagumo
gets a board, I'll put a bond on it and

get you off the base of the house.

Bond? Me?

Bond.

I'll save you the embarrassment.

For the Blues, the first batter, Mitsuo
Nagumo.

specializing in contract work with the
Japanese mafia.

Is she working alone?

No, we know she isn't. We ran a trace on
the credit card. She needs to buy her

plane ticket.

Gets even cuter.

You're under arrest, Akira, for the
attempted murder of your uncle.

Did you see your picture on the front
page, AJ?

Did you see your picture on the front
page? What was I, chopped liver? Come

you got the girl, didn't you? I can't
believe Akira wanted to assassinate his

own uncle.

Yeah, well, that's because you're not in
hock to the Japanese mafia to the tune

of two million in gambling debts.

Well, one good thing.

At least Charlie's got a new lease on
life.

Yeah.

I'd call being the West Coast rep of
Nagumo Electronics a definite step up

mandatory retirement.

There's no real justice in the world,
though.

I didn't even get one at bat. Not one.

Didn't even catch one lousy ball.

Honey, you will always be my Alvin's
shoe repair genie's hero.

Nobody can take that away from you.