All language subtitles for newhart_s07e05_goonstruck

Well, Dick and Joanna, it looks like the
three of us will be showering together

tomorrow.

Why is that, George? I still can't fix
that water heater.

There's only enough hot water left for a
quick soap and rinse.

How much is a new hot water heater?

About $1 ,200.

Wow.

Will you wash my back?

Maybe I should keep tinkering.

Well, isn't that new handyman coming
today? Maybe he could help you.

He's not a handyman.

He's a stonemason. He repairs
fireplaces.

I repair water heaters.

No, no, you don't, George.

Low blow, Dick.

Honey, since we're doing repairs anyway,
wouldn't this be a good time to print a

new brochure?

Now, what's wrong with the old brochure?
Oh, it's so dated. Read this.

Coming soon, color television.

Well, I guess we could spruce it up a
little. Great, I'll rewrite the brochure

and take some pictures for the cover.

Joanna, you're not a photographer.

I think I have a very artistic eye.

Well, then open it the next time you try
to take a picture.

What's the haps, chaps?

I'm going to update the Inns brochure.
Oh, did that color TV finally come in?

Hey, everybody.

This is Stoney, the stonemason.

Yo.

Yo to you.

How you doing?

Michael, is he a laborer? He said yo,
didn't he?

Welcome to the Stratford.

Thanks.

Hey.

Nice pipe wrench.

It was my dad's. Well, he had good
taste.

Hey, you're all right, Stoney. Do you
know anything about hot water heaters?

Sure. My pop was a hot water heater man.

The fireplace can wait. Come on.

I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for a
moment like that.

Don't even try it.

I know your type. You wear a hard hat
and say things to make me walk fast.

Broom.

Is that some macho wisecrack you use
while you and your buddies are drinking

beer?

No, I just need a broom.

Oh.

Go get me one.

Just who do you think you're talking to?

The maid.

Do I look like a maid?

Well, yeah.

Oh, stop begging. I'll get it.

Okay, now I want to get some indoor
shots.

You got pictures of me waiting to the
postman, pointing to the end, and making

stupid angels in the snow.

Dick, you looked adorable.

A grown man lying on his back, flapping
his arms in the snow.

It's not adorable. You better burn that
picture.

I just want to finish up the room.

How many more do you have? Thirty.

I'm going upstairs.

Oh, great. I can get an action shot of
you turning down the bed.

You do?

Don't worry.

I'll clean this mess up before I go.

Well, you'd better.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

And don't ask me for anything else.

I'm excited on the perfect picture for
the brochure.

The one where you're posing with some of
our guests.

I don't remember that one.

Well, it'll only take two seconds.

The jolly innkeeper posing with his
happy -go -lucky lodgers.

Excuse me.

My wife was wondering if you'd do us a
favor.

We're eating.

My wife can see that, but she'd like to
take a picture of the three of us for

the new Stratford brochure.

Who are you?

I'm Dick Loudon, the jolly innkeeper.

Oh, say yes, Art. Maybe he'll leave us
alone.

Okay, here we go.

You didn't say you were going to touch
us.

lovely. Take the picture, honey.

Take the picture.

Take the damn picture, honey.

I'm waiting for the little green light.

Art, he's looking down my blouse.

Oh, that's a good one.

It's also the last one.

Oh, it's you.

You.

I guess Dick and Joanna failed to
mention that we require proper attire in

dining room.

So if you intend to eat in here, I
suggest you either pull your shirt down

Pull your pants up.

I'm just having coffee.

I suppose you want me to stir it for
you, too.

If you want.

I think

a

man with shoulders like that could stir
his own coffee.

How's my little sugar plum?

Ooh, someone should send him a message
in dress code.

So, ready? The meter's ticking on the
sleigh.

Sleigh?

Cuppers, yesterday was the first
snowfall.

Our annual sleigh ride down Main Street
to show off our new winter woolens.

Oh, of course.

Michael, you know how I live for this
day, but... This doesn't have to work.

Well, this really ruffles my muffler.

Does this man know respect for
tradition? How about this afternoon?

Well, I guess.

Of course, we throw him a curve and show
up fashionably late. After seven hours

in foot -freezing weather, those
pedestrians will pop their parkas.

Till then, my dreamsicle.

Pumped too much iron?

I must have pulled my belt.

Your what?

My delt.

My shoulder.

Oh.

Is it painful?

I can live with it.

Good.

I certainly hope you don't expect me to
rub it or anything.

Suit yourself.

Is this the dealt you're talking about?

What's this?

It's what I've written for the brochure.

As you wake and gaze through the leaded
glass window of your elegantly appointed

bedchamber, your eyes will fairly dance
as they feast upon

the verdant panorama of the majestic
rolling

hills.

Exactly where are the hills?

Well, you know, that one out back.

It's not a hill. It's more like a bump.

So I should cut out the word majestic?

That could do it.

Oh, and maple syrup doesn't plummet out
of a tree.

It kind of... Cascades?

I was thinking drips.

Of course, that's just one man's verdant
opinion.

Well,

if what I've done doesn't meet your high
standards, fine.

Write the whole damn thing yourself.

Yo.

What are you doing?

Dick, I'm pushing a wheelbarrow.

Isn't that one of the first signs that
the world is coming to an end?

You're a good little worker.

Oh, I got a kink.

If you'd like, I could rub your shoulder
again for you.

I'll just... I'll be in if anyway.

lenses deceive me, or were your dainty
digits actually burrowing that

biceps?

What are you talking about? Steph, I
could see with my own peep.

Good God.

Is that soot?

Uh -huh. What's come over you, girl?

Referring to yourself and another man in
the same sentence?

I was just doing an honest day's work.

Stoney does it every day. Oh, Stoney
does it every day.

Steph, don't you see what's happening to
you? You're being swept away by that

wolf in cheap clothing.

Michael, you're acting like a child. I
am not.

You like Stoney and you don't like me.

Michael, where are you going? What
difference does it make? You've got your

stone man.

Oh, sure, he may... be built like a
Greek god and have the strength of ten,

I have something he'll never have.

See, that would be more Joanna's
department.

Dick, please.

Help me.

Stephanie, I'm really... I'm not very
good with... with hormones.

Dick,

I don't know what's happening to me.

Have you ever been uncontrollably
attracted to someone whose powerful

slick with sweat?

Dick, I want Stoney. Bad.

Stephanie, I'm not sure I'm the right
person. And then again, I still love

Michael.

Oh, Dick, make this feeling go away.

Which one?

I'm not sure.

See, I don't know where to begin.

Daddy always used shopping as a
metaphor.

All right, all right. Let's say you're
out shopping for clothes.

Can we make it sweaters? I love
sweaters.

Fine, fine. You're out shopping for
sweaters.

Good.

And you walk into this store and you see
this nice blue sweater.

I prefer red.

It's red.

And you'll look great in it.

You think?

Yes.

But when you examine it closely, there's
something that's not quite you

about it.

It's Orlon.

Whatever.

Well, see, Stoney is like that Orlon
sweater, and somehow I

just can't picture you going out with
a...

Orlon kind of guy.

Go on.

Go on.

Go on.

On the other hand, Michael is more...
Cashmere. Okay.

Cashmere lasts, and I wear it so well.

Great.

So the point is, you're going to have to
make up your mind, you know. Is it

Orlan or is it cashmere?

Daddy would let me have both.

Well, this is my story.

Okay, I'll take the cashmere.

But then again, is that Orlan? You can't
change your mind. All sales are fine.

I like your store. The salespeople are
so pushy.

Stephanie, is any of this sinking in? I
think so.

You're saying that Stoney is sort of a
machine knit, whereas Michael is more of

a hand -woven.

That's where I was going with it.

I'm so glad we're talking in sweaters.
It actually makes learning fun.

Thanks, Dick.

Well, I guess I'd better go break this
to Stoney.

He probably doesn't have any sweaters.

How do I say this using tank tops?

Well, just tell him how you feel without
clothes.

Dick, that would only lead him on.

Nice work, Stoney.

Okay, it's like this.

I'm a natural fiber person, and I could
never even try on a synthetic, let alone

have one in my closet.

I hope this doesn't destroy you, but we
must end this madness now.

I don't understand, but I'm sure I'll
get over it.

Not you, George.

Stoney. Oh.

Well, another job done.

I'm out of here.

What do you say we go somewhere for a
drink and talk?

I don't think so.

A clean break is best.

Not you. George.

Sure.

Well, you're a good little worker.

I mean that, Stacey.

How did he take it? He was destroyed.

And they out!

I'll just... If anyone... Michael,

you're soiled.

Never whip a nag before you climb into
the carriage.

Should have seen the looks I got dashing
through the snow after a one -horse

open sleigh.

I don't know what came over me.

It's all my fault.

I was driven by a surge of unbridled
lust, but I know with you by my side

never feel that way again.

That's my girl.

Do you think you could forgive me?

What's to forgive?

I never thought for a moment that sturdy
stallion was any match for this polo

pony.

Oh, Michael.

There have been times my loins, too,
have been tempted by animal passion.

When?

Whoa, look at the time.

Well, if we're going to make that sleigh
ride, we better meet back here in an

hour, cleansed, clothed, and covered in
cashmere.

Cashmere. Look at this.

What are you laughing at? Pictures of
you, Dick.

George just picked them up at the one
-hour photo.

Oh, let me see.

Okay.

These are good.

What's this picture of Stoney doing in
here?

Oh, that's mine.

What?

Joanna, let me explain the difference
between cashmere and Orlon.