Original subtitles

Dick, honey, I just met the most perfect, wonderful woman at the antique

and I can't wait for you to meet her.

Well, honey, I'm, you know, I'm pretty satisfied with you, but let's hear it.

Her name is Irma Brown. She runs the antique shop, and I think she'd be great

for George.

Honey, couldn't you have just come back with a rocking chair?

Come on, Dick. I just thought I'd invite Irma over tonight and let George meet

her. Honey, why do all women love to get involved in matchmaking? I think it's a

real bad idea.

I mean, you're responsible for the way the relationship turns out.

And if this thing blows up in George's face, then we've got to put up with his

disappointment.

Yeah, but what if it goes great and they really hit it off?

Then I've got to put up with your gloating.

Joanna, stay out of it. George is fine. He's happy with his life the way it is.

Well... I'm ready for another big Saturday night.

You see?

I'm going to re -grout the bathroom in room six.

I'll fix him up.

George, there's a woman I'd like you to meet. Her name is Irma Brown, and she

runs an antique shop in Tyville.

Tyville?

That's eight miles away.

So? I don't know, Joanna. Those long -distance relationships are just

Now, George, I think she'd be perfect for you.

Really? Does she have blue eyes?

No. Is she tall?

Well, no.

Does she have long hair?

Not really.

Gee, Joanna, what made you think of me?

George, just let me call her up and invite her over tonight.

Well, does she like butterscotch pudding? Just give her a shot, George.

All right, all right. I'll see her.

Great.

I hope I did the right thing, Dick.

I was really looking forward to that re -grouting.

Hi.

I'm Jim Ramming. I'm here to check in.

Do you have a reservation?

No, but I don't think that should be a problem.

Well, you're in luck. We have a cancellation.

I'll put you in room five.

Now, you're sure that's the best room you have? You wouldn't be holding back a

better one, say, the Hamilton room?

No, that's the only room available.

Sure it is.

Look, look, look.

You don't have to do that here at the Stratford.

Oh, I understand.

Terribly sorry.

Please, forgive me.

We helped you. Oh, well, thank you. That's terrific. Great job.

Ahoy,

Popeye. Is my sweet pea around?

time to catch the 8 o 'clock show. We're off. Hold on, Stephanie.

We have a new guest in room 5, a Mr. Ramming. Would you bring him his towel?

Oh, Joanna, couldn't he drip dry just this once?

Stephanie.

Great. Terry Fuzz.

Don't worry, Cupcake. I'll help you tow to Miss Towel.

Let's hurry.

Why bother going to the movies if your grand entrance is in the dark?

George, you look nice.

Irma's going to be impressed.

Just remember, George, you know, all blind dates don't work out. So if this

doesn't, don't be too upset.

I think you could show a little support.

I'm sorry, George. You're having a terrific time tonight.

And remember, I didn't have a thing to do with it.

I never know what to wear on these things. I mean, I only have so many

And if I put on my best stuff for the first date, she'll just be disappointed

the second.

Irma, hi. Good to see you.

Irma, this is my husband, Dick. How do you do?

And this is George Utley.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Normally, I'd never do this, but Joanna was very persistent.

Well, normally, I'd never agree.

Can I be anybody's something to drink?

Your mouth getting dry, too?

Dick, I could use a hand with the drinks.

Are you sure you've done such a good job so far?

So... Joanna tells me you grew up here at the inn and that you love baseball

that you're the best handyman around.

Gee, she didn't give me half as much to go on.

Well, there's not that much to tell.

I'm an antique dealer.

Actually, the family's been in the furniture business for years.

My granddad sold them new, I sell them used.

I love antiques.

That's good to hear, because sometimes I never know what's creaking, me or my

inventory.

George, have you ever been to an estate auction?

There's one tonight in Tyville.

All the way over? It sounds like fun.

You know, for a blind date, You're much more handsome than I expected.

And for a girl without blue eyes or long hair, you're okay, too.

Oh, you're leaving?

Oh, yes. It's back to Tyville.

Well, I'm sorry this didn't work out.

Oh, no, Dick. I think Irma's great.

We're going to a big estate auction there.

Well, that's nice, too.

Oh,

why can't we have more guests?

Why can't we have more guests like Mr. Ramey?

I just wish we hadn't run out of towels.

George, I'm so happy you had fun at the auction.

It was fun.

I'm just glad I sat on my hands.

Or who knows what else I would have bought.

At least you got stuck with a famous memento. The nutcracker from Franklin

Delano Roosevelt's very own kitchen.

Yeah, they told me it was one of his favorites.

They say he kept it jammed under his wheelchair to keep it from rolling.

Thanks.

This place has the best water in town.

It's the ice.

You know, I'm having a real good time tonight.

Me too, George.

But then it's hard to miss when you have good company.

Good ice.

Oh, let me give you a tip.

Be careful of the a la mode. The ice cream in here is so hard it squashes the

pie.

Thanks, but I think I see what I want already.

Butterscotch pudding.

I didn't think this date could get any better.

You know, tomorrow night, Farmer Mahoney is throwing his annual barn dance.

It's a lot of fun. B -Y -O -B.

Bring your own bale.

I like fun.

It can get pretty wild. Last year, it started at nine and ran straight through

milking. So, shall we make it a date?

You're on.

So, you're seeing someone else.

I think he means you.

Cal.

Figures. I come in for pudding, I find you sipping water with another guy.

Cal, we agreed not to see each other anymore.

Well, that didn't mean the minute my back was turned, you had to go take up

the daffodil.

I guess going out with a tree surgeon wasn't good enough for you.

You had to find a...

pretty boy in a sports jacket.

What do you do anyway?

I'm the handyman at the Stratford Inn.

Ah, a handyman.

Mr. Hotsy Totsy.

Now, just hold on a minute there. Yeah, that figures. Napkin in the lap and

everything.

Well, you listen to me and you listen good, Mr. Park Avenue.

I see you with my girl armor again, I'm going to tattoo your face.

Suddenly I'm not in the mood for butterscotch pudding.

I'm so embarrassed.

Maybe you should take me home and forget about tomorrow's date.

No, I like you. And no bully is going to keep us from seeing each other. And

darn it, we're going to have that pudding.

I'll pick you up tomorrow at night.

Morning, George.

Good morning.

Okay, tell us all about last night with Irma.

Well, we went out to an auction.

We got something to eat afterwards. I almost got beat up.

We made another date for the night, and then I came home.

You almost got beat up?

Gee, Dick, you would have to harp on the one bad thing.

Pass the cream.

George, what happened?

Irma's old boyfriend, Cal, showed up at the diner. And he threatened you?

Actually, it sounded more like a promise.

He said if I saw Irma again, he'd tattoo my face.

Are you serious with this guy?

She said they only went out for a little while. She finally stopped dating him

when he slugged an usher.

He beat somebody up at the movie?

At church.

Hey there, hi there, ho there.

Hi, Michael.

Ooh, stop over in Sullen City.

What's all the hush -hush?

I fixed George up on a blind date with somebody who has a very jealous ex

-boyfriend. That's easy, George. Drop her.

I can't do that.

Oh, I get it. Hooked yourself a looker.

Looks have nothing to do with it. Get real, Dick. He's going to get his head

bashed in by some bozo bludo over a bow -wow?

George, maybe you can sick this guy on Michael.

Well, I hope I don't have to fight him, but I'm still going out with Irma

tonight.

George, you can't get in a fight over a girl. This isn't the fifth grade.

I wish it were. I was taller than everybody else.

George, the point is, fighting never solved anything.

I mean, it's pointless and barbaric. And no way for two mature, grown men to

deal with a situation.

Yeah, tell that to Cal, but first cut out some of those big words.

Dick, I don't think we have to worry about George. He's always got that

Besides, we've got TV to transmit.

But first, a morning dose of fresh squeeze from my citrus sweet.

Oh, thanks for getting that door, pal.

Mr. Ramning, I don't want your money.

You know, I kind of help with that door thing.

You know, I'd really appreciate a nice table this morning.

You know what I mean?

Certainly. We have a very nice table right over here.

Of course, there's an even nicer table right there.

Ah, yes.

What would you like this morning?

Pancakes, eggs, or cereal?

Well, I think I'm in the mood for something a little more New England

Why don't you see if you have a lobster back there?

Mr. Ramming, I really don't think we have any. I'll see what I can do.

Stephanie, you're taking advantage of Mr. Ramming. Oh, come on, Joanna. He's

begging for it.

Go back there and give him back his money.

Here you go, Mr. Ramming.

You know, the proper way to do this is just leave it under the plate.

Yes. And thank you for that bit of advice.

So, there you are.

You in a shiny overalls.

Uh -oh.

I called... Irma this morning to ask her out for tonight.

She told me she was busy.

Well, it didn't take me long to figure out she was going out with Mr. Fancy

Pants here.

So I take a little pride in how I dress.

Now, now, now, George.

From what poor sap did you steal this one?

Joanna and her husband run the inn.

Your boss's wife?

That's it.

Come on.

Just a minute here. I will not have any fighting here.

All right.

Vickers Park tonight.

Nine o 'clock sharp.

I'm not going to be there, Cal.

Because I have a date at nine with Irma.

Okay. Eight o 'clock.

And you better be there.

George, you're not going to go through with this.

Joanna, I'm not going to be intimidated.

Besides, I couldn't back down in front of the whole breakfast crowd.

Oh, Dick.

George just took off for Vicar's Park to fight Irma's old boyfriend.

What? He came here and challenged George.

Did George at least take his hammer?

All right, Joanna, I'm going to go there and put a diplomatic end to this thing.

Oh, I don't know, Dick. This Cal is pretty unreasonable.

Joanna, relax.

I can handle this.

I've had a lot of people on Vermont today with opposing views.

I've done the show for four years. No one has been hurt, and no one has been

killed. Dick, Cal is a little more bloodthirsty than the League of Women

Joanna, calm down.

Are you calm?

I guess so.

See how good I am?

Mrs. Loudon, glad I caught you. My room is nice, but I just saw a little bigger

one and I was wondering if I could see it.

Mr. Ramming, you don't have to do that. If the room is available, I will be glad

to... I don't think availability is going to be a problem.

What room did you have in mind?

The blue one around the corner with the big comfortable bed and spacious walk

-in closet.

That's my room.

Oh, I understand. So I guess it's...

Very inconvenient.

Mr. Ramning. I was told the room could be made available.

Well, who told you that?

Stephanie?

Oh, come on, Joanna.

Where's your sense of adventure?

You and Dick could pack up a few items and just take off for room six.

Think of it as a vacation.

Absolutely not.

Sorry, Mr. Ramning.

Oh, George, are you okay?

Oh, yeah. I didn't even make it to the park. Oh, good. You've come to your

senses? Uh, no. I've got to get my tire ironed. George!

I got a flat tire.

And I must have forgotten to put the jack back in the truck after I took off

snow tires.

Serves me right for being in such a rush for spring. Well, Dick just left to

break up the fight, didn't he, Matthew?

No, darn it. I guess I'd better jog over there and give Dick something to break

up. George, take my car.

If you really insist on fighting this guy, I don't want you to show up winded.

Thanks.

Is that guy really going to fight somebody? I'm afraid so.

Twenty bucks to tell me where Vickers Park is.

Hi.

You wouldn't be looking for George Utley, would you? What's it to you?

I'm Dick Loudon.

George works for me. I'm sort of looking for him, too.

Oh, you found out about your wife, huh?

Well, you're going to have to stand in line because I got first crack at that

gigolo.

George isn't a gigolo.

Hey, man, open your eyes.

Hey, listen, do what you want.

But I warned Dudley what I'd do to him if I caught him with my armor again.

Look, why don't we take a deep breath and just

kind of collect our thoughts and just, you know, discuss this

thing like the...

Like the two adults that we are.

Come on, come on.

Oh, I get it.

Pretty boy sends his snotty rich boss to beg for his eyes.

Cal, I mean, don't you feel silly, you know, calling people names? I mean, you

know, it really makes you seem small.

In the abstract, of course.

Now I know why Utley isn't here.

He's a dirty, lousy coward.

You're not even trying to discuss this thing like the two grown -up men that we

are.

Not only is he the biggest chicken in the world, but he sends a little pasty

-faced Lord Faulkneroy in his place.

Cal, you got five seconds to get your hand off my swing.

Oh, Dick.

How'd it go?

A black eye, Dick.

You should see the other guy.

Yeah, I didn't mean to hit Cal so hard.

But when he hauled off and socked Dick... Sucker punched.

Well, Joanna, I lost my head.

George, fighting like schoolboys.

You're right. I almost feel like grounding myself.

But when that guy hit my friend... Sucker punched.

Anyway, I feel awful. You were right, Dick. Fighting is a silly way to solve a

problem. It's barbaric, and it's pointless, and it's no way for two

men... Oh, shut up, George.

Well, I can't remember when I've had a nicer vacation.

I'd stay another week, but this place got the mint.

Bill, I just have to thank you.

And you, uh... And you.

Mr. Ramey, we appreciate your generosity, but...

All these tips aren't going to get you better treatment here at the Stratford.

Gee, I always thought the only way to get better service was to buy it.

You don't have to do that. Most people would be glad to help.

Gee, I'm really touched. I don't know what to say.

I gotta give you something.

Uh, mister, you order a cab?

Well, thanks again for everything. Bye -bye.

I wonder if any of that thunk in.

Gee, thanks, mister.

Meow.