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Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother,
Daryl. And this is my other brother,
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00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,660
Hi, guys. It's great to see you.
3
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,760
Honey, I'm just trying to learn to make
the best of it.
4
00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:13,320
Thank you for that unexpected warm
welcome.
5
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,540
Daryl's a bit flushed.
6
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,940
We just came by to announce the further
branching out of our creative talents.
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We've started inventing.
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And we wanted you to be the first.
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to upgrade your standard of living with
this.
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00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,660
We call it Dr.
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Dribble.
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00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:35,940
Ah.
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We find that eating our favorite critter
in gravy can be a sloppy, wasteful
14
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affair.
15
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And it's just not as much fun as it used
to be sucking each other's shirts.
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We know that feeling.
17
00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:53,940
Hence, Dr. Dribble.
18
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See, the main portion of your meal
remains here.
19
00:01:57,690 --> 00:02:00,150
just like in your normal inferior spoon.
20
00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:03,070
But any sloshing overspill is caught
here.
21
00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:04,810
You can have that one.
22
00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:12,470
No, no, thanks. We'd, you know, we'd
just wind up fighting over it.
23
00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,370
We understand.
24
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,410
Come on, Darrell, we'd better patent
this baby.
25
00:02:19,410 --> 00:02:23,870
We were beaten once before, and now
every time we see mail order sea
26
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breaks our hearts.
27
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:31,240
S .O .S. Mayday.
28
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:32,700
Mayday.
29
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,160
Michael, what's wrong?
30
00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:36,700
It's the station.
31
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:39,460
Oh, Michael, don't get me upset for no
reason.
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00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,300
For a minute there, I thought something
cosmetically devastating had happened to
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00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,180
you. No, Steph, I'm un -mamed.
34
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:51,160
But WPP is in serious financial trouble.
It even looks like they won't be able
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00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,200
to pay anyone this week. Michael, this
won't affect the quality of our dates,
36
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:55,260
will it?
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00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,100
Don't worry, Cupcake. Seeing this
disaster coming, I made a brilliant
38
00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:01,080
management decision and advanced myself
a month.
39
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,980
Well, then, everything's fine.
40
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:11,620
Michael is relieved, as I am, about your
ability to date.
41
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,860
What about the other people at the
station? Don't worry, Dick. I've earned
42
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,180
nickel of that ill -gotten booty.
43
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:23,220
I've come up with a plan to save WPIV. A
telethon. A telethon? Yeah.
44
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:26,550
We get viewers to send in money so the
station can stay on the air.
45
00:03:27,030 --> 00:03:30,530
Michael, that's what public channels do,
but people won't pay to watch
46
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:31,770
commercial TV.
47
00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:34,590
We don't know that, Dick. No one's ever
had the gumption to ask them before.
48
00:03:36,910 --> 00:03:40,030
I think a telethon is a ridiculous idea.
49
00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:43,850
Gee, Dick, I hope that won't affect your
performance when you host it.
50
00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:47,810
No way.
51
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:52,060
Now, Dick, think of your family of
fellow PIVers, all hoping, praying, that
52
00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:54,100
little TV home won't be foreclosed on.
53
00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:57,560
I think you should know, I took a poll
of every other performer at the station,
54
00:03:57,620 --> 00:04:00,120
and they voted unanimously that you were
the one to host the telethon.
55
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:03,720
Really?
56
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,880
Every last one. They all thought you
were the only one with enough stamina to
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00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,180
stay up 48 hours straight.
58
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:13,600
48 hours? That's two days.
59
00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:16,519
Dick would have to do something to grab
the viewer's attention, and everyone
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00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:19,540
thinks that the health risk to a man
your age stressing yourself out like
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00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:20,959
for that many hours is just the tickets.
62
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:24,780
I am not killing myself for the station.
63
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:28,080
Look, I would never take the slightest
chance with your health. You're my
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00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,600
friend, my workmate, my meal ticket.
65
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:36,960
Well... And just to make you feel
totally safe, I've arranged to have a
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00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,260
by your side every minute.
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00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:39,900
Dick.
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00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,520
For our relationship to keep working,
you must be alive.
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00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:50,960
I know that, but... I mean, a whole
station is at stake, and I'm sure, you
70
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:54,000
it couldn't be that dangerous.
71
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,500
Joanna, you have my word. He'll be just
fine, or I'm not the best darn producer
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00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,500
in show business.
73
00:04:58,860 --> 00:04:59,860
Dick, hold me.
74
00:05:01,540 --> 00:05:06,500
How about that snazzy tote board, huh?
75
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,800
Oh, and here's your tote board toots.
Debbie.
76
00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:10,420
She's the best. Watch.
77
00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:12,440
And our new total is $500.
78
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,020
Great gesturing.
79
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,680
And for every $100 pledge, the devster
will peel off an item of clothing until
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00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,020
she's down to her string bikini. I call
it strip pledging.
81
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,040
Great name. We're not doing it.
82
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:32,820
Okay. Lose the strip pledge angle. Dick
doesn't want it. Thank you, Dick.
83
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:38,740
Gee, Dick, the crew's already antsy
enough about not getting paid yet this
84
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,900
and now you've shot a torpedo through
the SS morale.
85
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:45,900
Anyway, I've written an opening speech
for you on the teleprompter. Michael,
86
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,380
not going on the air until I see the
doctor you promised.
87
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:53,620
Well, he, uh... He's not here at the
moment. I'm over here.
88
00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,460
Hi, I'm Timmy.
89
00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,380
Dr. Timmy.
90
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:00,700
Dr. Timmy.
91
00:06:05,610 --> 00:06:10,610
Well, not technically, but he's a
certified junior lifesaver. In swimming.
92
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:13,730
Good for you.
93
00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:17,110
Michael. Dick, real doctors cost money.
You want to station further in debt?
94
00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:21,970
Michael, there is no way... Dick, you're
on the air. In three, two... It's the
95
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:25,410
WPIV 48 -hour telephone with Dick
Lowden. Hi.
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00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,790
Welcome to the first WPIV telethon.
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00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:35,800
You may ask, what's this telethon for?
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00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,340
Well, it's for disease.
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00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:43,780
A disease called low profits.
100
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,340
We need your money to stay on the air.
101
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:55,080
You see, all those high -quality WPIV
programs, the Ropers, Bracken's World,
102
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:59,780
me and the chimp, don't come cheap.
103
00:07:00,430 --> 00:07:05,110
Now, I know many of you have been
watching these shows for years for free,
104
00:07:05,110 --> 00:07:09,790
a way you kind of owe us.
105
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:16,670
Anyway, I'm going to go without sleep
for the next 48 hours.
106
00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:22,190
Joining me will be some wonderful acts
as well as many of your favorite WPIV
107
00:07:22,190 --> 00:07:27,490
personalities like Pearl of Pearl's
Kitchen, Jack of Jack's Shed, and Willie
108
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,490
Willie's.
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00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:30,760
Compost heaters.
110
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:38,240
Now let's take a look at the tote board
and our beginning total here.
111
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,560
Minus $200?
112
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,580
Tote boards cost money, Dick.
113
00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:52,380
Well, we better get started then.
114
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:58,340
So here I am doing my late night
sermonette.
115
00:07:58,810 --> 00:07:59,810
And it hits me.
116
00:08:00,530 --> 00:08:05,350
The crew has taken out the New Testament
and put in Hollywood wives.
117
00:08:06,710 --> 00:08:09,490
For a moment there, the last supper was
at Ma Maison.
118
00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:20,310
That was really good, Billy.
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00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:23,190
Billy was two hours ago.
120
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:27,050
I'm Danny from Sermonette with Danny.
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00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:28,550
Oh, oh, yeah.
122
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:34,610
Well, let's check our tote board as we
go into hour 25.
123
00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:38,690
And the new total is...
124
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:45,570
Minus
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00:08:45,570 --> 00:08:46,570
57.
126
00:08:47,870 --> 00:08:53,430
Listen, in this next hour, I want to see
that board climb all the way to zero.
127
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:59,080
I'm... I'm going to take this call
personally.
128
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:03,000
Hello, you're on the air with Dick
Loudon.
129
00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:07,980
Joanna, not now.
130
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,560
Well, some real pledgers might be trying
to get through.
131
00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:15,740
They could so.
132
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,400
I'm fine.
133
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,540
Everybody gets memory trouble when
they're tired.
134
00:09:27,829 --> 00:09:30,190
Dick Loudon, 28 Westbrook Road.
135
00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:39,850
Well, I... I missed you too last night.
136
00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:46,350
I love you too. Goodbye.
137
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:52,010
Well, let's get back with Reverend Lenny
and see some of his clips.
138
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:53,410
And we're clear.
139
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:55,650
How's it going, Marathon Guy?
140
00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:56,950
Terrible.
141
00:09:57,459 --> 00:10:00,620
Well, don't worry dick as you get closer
to total collapse. I'm sure things will
142
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:07,400
pick up Something
143
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:12,960
up guys Michael you promised we'd get
our paychecks today.
144
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:14,460
Where are they?
145
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:20,680
Well, they are supposed to be Well here
they are now the checks
146
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:29,340
Well, guys, here's your check, just like
I promised, but WPIV management asks
147
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:30,340
one teensy favor.
148
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,860
Under no circumstances, try and cash
them.
149
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,220
That does it. We're leaving.
150
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:41,520
Guys, try and look at this in a positive
way. You know, some of you could stand
151
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,780
to forego a couple of meals and shed a
few kilos.
152
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,140
Wait, wait, wait a minute, guys.
153
00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:51,400
If you walk out that door...
154
00:10:52,550 --> 00:10:55,530
You're saying goodbye to WPIV forever.
155
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,970
I mean, what about the close little
family we've become?
156
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,590
Norm, Greg, Ted.
157
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,570
Who the hell are they?
158
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:09,130
All right, I'm having a little trouble
with names.
159
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:10,750
I'm tired.
160
00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:17,350
The point is that the closer I get to
total collapse, the more people will
161
00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:19,790
in and pledge. Right, Michael? That's
the hope.
162
00:11:21,790 --> 00:11:22,790
Job hunt, people.
163
00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:32,110
Nice speech, big guy, but I guess it's
over.
164
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,970
Come on, I'll drive you home.
165
00:11:35,890 --> 00:11:37,030
I'm not leaving, Michael.
166
00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:39,750
Sorry? No, comprende.
167
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,770
I'm staying a key.
168
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:47,930
There's no crew, no camera operators, no
director.
169
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,900
It is my professional opinion that you
should go home, Mr. Loudon.
170
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,200
Go to your tent, Timmy.
171
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:00,880
Wow.
172
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:02,840
Ignoring the doctor?
173
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,460
Dick, I have to tell you, I think lack
of sleep has seriously impaired your
174
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,420
judgment. And I demand you let me take
you home or else.
175
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:15,140
Or else what? Or else...
176
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,120
Or else I'm going to have to slap you.
177
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,160
I'm not giving up.
178
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,220
Okay, Dick, you leave me no choice.
179
00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:52,390
Well, Dick, I didn't want to have to do
this, but you're forcing me to use my
180
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,390
big gun.
181
00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:54,630
I'm telling Joanna.
182
00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:13,990
Hi again.
183
00:13:14,730 --> 00:13:15,730
Sorry.
184
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,570
Sorry for that little technical boo.
185
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,240
Oh, boo.
186
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:27,800
But as I said, I'm sort of... sort of
doing everything myself.
187
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:30,960
Moi.
188
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:37,820
Now, I got a couple more pledges, which
will bring our... our tally -ho.
189
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:42,960
Tally -hi up to...
190
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,500
Aggression, total loss.
191
00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:13,540
$37 .00.
192
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:15,080
Oh,
193
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,340
we've finally broken that elusive zero
barrier.
194
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,500
I lost my head, folks.
195
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:54,000
Ten songs is the maximum you can play on
your head.
196
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,400
Thanks.
197
00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:02,220
Dick, the family cavalry's here.
198
00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:05,460
Don't touch that dial. Dick'll be right
back.
199
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:07,840
Honey,
200
00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:09,820
honey, are you all right?
201
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,080
I'm fine.
202
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,880
Joanna. I know.
203
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,400
What is it?
204
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,560
We decided if you can't slap him, join
him.
205
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,940
I'm going to run the cameras. I'm going
to handle the phone.
206
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,440
I'm going to show everyone how to build
a bookcase.
207
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,240
And I can go like this. Much better than
that other girl.
208
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,820
And we're going to... Actually, we're
still working on that one.
209
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,640
I am really beat.
210
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,020
Dick, Dick, everyone's real excited
about this. Try and show a little
211
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:38,020
sensitivity.
212
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,260
Besides, you'll have plenty of time to
rest once George gets rolling. Now, get
213
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:43,200
in there. Go ahead, get in there and
intro the handyman.
214
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:51,760
Ladies and gentlemen, the telethon will
continue after all.
215
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,980
Let's check our total once again.
216
00:16:58,880 --> 00:16:59,880
$93.
217
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:09,020
Thank you.
218
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,420
Thank you, Stephanie.
219
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:14,200
My next guest is Mr. George.
220
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,320
Oh,
221
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:25,060
hi, everyone.
222
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:31,120
I'm going to show you how to build a
fine quality bookcase. So just sit back
223
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:36,940
the next couple of hours, enjoy, and
pledge.
224
00:17:38,980 --> 00:17:41,060
See, honey, now you can get a little
rest.
225
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:47,560
First thing you do is make a frame by
hammering these boards together like
226
00:17:48,590 --> 00:17:52,790
Always remember that... Oh, boy.
227
00:17:54,270 --> 00:17:55,950
I really bashed my thumb.
228
00:17:57,370 --> 00:17:59,370
Sorry, I'm out of it. Back to you, Dick.
229
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:07,670
Dick.
230
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,540
talent you have, anything whatsoever?
231
00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:27,860
Think.
232
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,780
I sang once in boarding
233
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,140
school. Perfect.
234
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:39,480
Get ready.
235
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:53,800
Ladies and gentlemen, the musical
stylings of...
236
00:18:54,860 --> 00:18:55,860
Stephanie Vanderkill.
237
00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:58,700
I'm sorry.
238
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:06,460
Old Man River.
239
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,020
That Old Man River.
240
00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,840
He must know something.
241
00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:15,660
But don't say nothing.
242
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,540
He just keeps rolling.
243
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,800
He keeps...
244
00:19:40,999 --> 00:19:46,100
I get weary and sick of trying.
245
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,160
I'm tired of living and feared of dying.
246
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:54,240
But Old Man River, he just keeps
rolling.
247
00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:57,270
A dollar a member.
248
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,860
We've got to do something to shock him
back to his senses.
249
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,700
Okay. Okay, guys. Go ahead. This is your
big chance. Oh, boy. The limelight
250
00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:33,700
beckons.
251
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:40,560
Hi. Hi, guys.
252
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:44,300
Hi. I'm Larry. This is my brother,
Daryl. And this is my other brother.
253
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,280
Daryl. Sorry.
254
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:49,840
Bit of stage fright.
255
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:57,460
you're in for a treat.
256
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,680
What do you want to talk about, folks?
257
00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:08,580
Well, I guess the most exciting thing
for us is our newly patented consumer
258
00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:10,080
item, Dr. Dribble.
259
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,900
The only spoon with a patented dribble
catcher.
260
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,440
Oh, yeah, we have an update on our cow
and kitty cat crossbreeding experiment.
261
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:35,040
From the sound of it, things are finally
starting to pick up.
262
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,800
Honey, they're not pledging.
263
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:42,400
What? They all would have ordered Dr.
Dribble.
264
00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:44,660
Hot dog. A mail order winner.
265
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:45,880
Look out, Popeye.
266
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,760
People, you cannot order Dr.
267
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:53,860
Dribble through this station.
268
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,240
Please call only if you're going to make
a pledge.
269
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:07,380
That's better.
270
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,160
Hey, everyone, we're back.
271
00:22:12,580 --> 00:22:13,580
Everything's all settled.
272
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,700
Well, Dick, you did it. The telethon
saved the station.
273
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,080
Well, that's a nice thought.
274
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:19,820
Totally wrong, but nice.
275
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:24,500
The station owner found out he needed to
keep PIV on the air for the tax write
276
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:29,380
-off. He said we could all keep our jobs
if we pulled the plug on this... What
277
00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:30,820
did he call it? A fiasco?
278
00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:35,020
Okay, honey, come on, let's go home now.
279
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,780
Honey, now that the whole crew is here,
I can finish the telephone.
280
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,180
What are we going to do? He's delirious.
We'll never get him home.
281
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,040
Meow.
21987
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