All language subtitles for newhart_s06e01_heres_to_you_mrs_loudon

Only good.

Dick, I've got a serious personal
problem, and I'd like to discuss it with

Okay. I need a nickname, Dick, and I
need it soon.

Well, the first question that pops to
mind is, uh, why?

Oh, the Beavers are putting out a
Facebook.

Facebook. You know.

A book of pictures of our faces with our
names under them.

All the Beavers except me have
nicknames.

There's Dwayne Porky Moyer.

Heyman Noodle Burkhead.

George, why don't you just pick a name
that you like and use it?

No, a nickname has to be a genuine
reflection of how people around you feel

about you.

Come on, Dick. Finish this sentence.

I think George is... is...

is... is... is swell.

George Swelly Utley.

No good, Dick. It makes me sound like I
have a condition.

Try something else.

I'll work on it, George. Okay, but I
don't have much time.

I have to get a nickname and get it into
general use by next Tuesday.

Morning, everybody.

Hello, morning, Joy.

Mr. Vaughn, are you going to go
birdwatching with us again today?

Oh, I don't think I can, Andy.

Oh, that's too bad.

I think we're really closing in on that
evening growth peak.

It'll be my loss.

Okay, well, if I see it, I'll take an
extra picture for you.

Two different f -stops.

Is that the one with the crush on you?

Yeah. Isn't he cute?

Could I get in on this?

We're just talking about the little
crush Andy seems to have on you.

Oh, really? I didn't notice anything.

It's in the eyes.

Maybe Dick's right. I'm probably reading
too much into things.

Exactly.

What? What things?

Oh, the way he opened the door for me.
The fact that he carried my binoculars

home. The eyes.

There now.

That's better, huh?

Thanks, Mr. Bond.

I probably shouldn't have gone for that
second F -stop.

Told you he has a crush.

He sprained his ankle, George, that's
all.

He's in pain, not love.

Isn't this sweet?

What is it?

A little haiku Andy wrote for me.

The lovely warbler.

Your eyes and voice overwhelm.

He pales, you shimmer.

Okay, he's got a crush.

Who has a crush? Andy has a crush on
Joanna.

Satisfied?

Uh, I don't remember Andy having a crush
on me.

He doesn't have it on you, he has it on
me.

But the natural course of events would
be for him to have a crush on me, feel

rejected, and then move on to you.

Unless, unless something is very wrong.

Nobody panic, but I think I'm starting
to doubt myself.

Oh, dear.

Here, here.

Sweep it off.

Do not forget about this crush thing.

Honey, I was young once. All young men
have crushes on older women. It's

harmless.

What do you mean, older?

Having lived more years than he.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You can't get
mad at me for saying you're older when

you are older.

I can get mad when you say older as if
it were synonymous with ancient.

That's kind of how it sounded to me,
too, Dick.

George.

Okay, good news.

The rebate on the espresso machine came
today, so there's dinero for dinner.

What's wrong?

Michael, see that boy over there?

Yeah? He doesn't have a thing for me.

He's at that age, maybe his hormones
kicked in funny or something.

It does happen sometimes, doesn't it?

Besides, Steph, you have me now, so
you've probably been sending out not

-available vibes.

Don't be silly, Michael.

No, you were right the first time.

Keep this.

Poor thing.

Well, let's eat.

I want to check the gloss on those sweet
lips, sweet lips.

Boy, the way you come up with nicknames
is amazing.

It's a gift. Michael, I need a nickname.

Well, let's throw the old brain into
first and see what we get.

I would suggest Tool Jockey.

Or Denim Dude.

Or my personal favorite, Bub.

Well, thanks, Michael. Anytime, Bub.

Have you come up with any nicknames for
me?

Not yet, George.

I don't look like a bug to you.

Do I, Dick?

Not really.

What's wrong with me, Dick? Why don't I
have a nickname?

George, not everybody does. I don't.
Sure you do.

Dick is a nickname for Richard.

Your college friends named you Slats.

Even the fellas at the barbershop, they
call you that writer guy.

You're a fountain of nicknames.

Maybe I was a bad choice.

Michael doesn't have a nickname.

Well, that's because people aren't
really that crazy about Michael.

Maybe that's why I don't have a
nickname.

Because no one's really crazy about me.

And I never knew until they didn't call
me Bob.

What do you want, Andy?

Oh, I just wanted to return this.

Thanks. My ankle feels a lot better. Oh,
good.

Yeah, super.

Well, uh, good night.

Good night, sweetie.

Goodbye.

You know, Joanna, uh, this is getting a
touch out of hand, and I think, you

know, you're starting to encourage him.
What?

I think maybe it's time to, you know,
nip this thing in the bud.

Dick, don't be ridiculous.

I was just being nice.

He's only gonna be here... few more
days, and I don't want his first crush

end with him hurt.

Come on.

Be a sport.

Well, I guess I can try not to feel
threatened by a 16 -year -old.

Well, actually, I'm sort of flattered by
Andy's affection.

He makes me feel less ancient.

If I were 16, I'd be crazy about him.
Joanna, you want to quit now?

I'm starting to have a little trouble
being a sport.

I just think the crush is a nice thing
that both Andy and I can enjoy.

Joanna?

And tomorrow I'll nip it.

Come in.

It's me, Dick.

George Nothing Utley.

Joanna said you wanted to see me.

George, I spent all morning coming up
with a nickname for you and I found one

think is perfect.

I don't like it, Dick.

You're a handyman, so sometimes you
get... Dusty!

That's not a real good reason, Dick.

Well, besides, Dusty was the name of my
favorite cowboy star when I was a kid.

And I kind of remind you of him?

Okay.

George Dusty Utley.

Hey, Dusty!

It's growing on me, Dick. Thanks.

Anytime, George. See you later.

Flat. See ya.

Dust.

Hi. Hi.

Did you talk to Andy?

Yeah.

And? And it was a good talk.

I laid the groundwork for explaining to
him how this...

Infatuation is not such a good idea.

And the next time I see him, I'll
definitely be able to tell him it has to

When will that be?

On our date.

Joanna, don't you think that dating him
is encouraging him?

I know, Dick. I didn't want this to
happen, but you know what a hard time I

saying no.

No, I don't.

I didn't want to go out with the boy on
a second date. I wouldn't say no.

I'd just bring my roommate Betsy along.

And sometime during the evening, she'd
tell him.

You brought Betsy on our second date.

Well, yeah, but Betsy thought you were
too cute and wouldn't tell you why she

was there.

You mean we're together because Betsy
wouldn't break up with me?

And I have never regretted her decision.

Honey, this isn't helping me with Andy.

still bad at saying no.

Well, then let me teach you.

Do you like Brussels sprouts?

No. Great. Seems ready for me. Okay.

I don't want to hurt him.

You want to see this for the rest of
your life?

No. Just keep saying that word.

Just call me Betsy.

I don't know what to do.

It's simple. Just tell him how you feel.

But I want to let him down gently.

Then tell him how you feel in a haiku.

Hi, Jonah.

Mr. Lawton.

Are you ready to go to lunch?

Andy, I need to talk to you.

Okay.

I'm just here to... I'm just here.

Andy, I like you.

I really like you, but now I know the
word but is usually followed by

negative in these situations, but in
this case, what's about to come is not

really negative, but more neutral.

Now, it may not seem neutral now, but
one day you'll see. Oh, I know, adults

always saying one day you'll see, but
that's because we, being adults, are

older and wiser and know that one day
you really will see what we are already

seeing and are now telling you.

So what I mean is, Andy, I like you.

What Joanna is trying to say, Andy, is
no.

As in no, you can't go to lunch with
her. No, she can't accept any more gifts

from you. And no, she can't be your
girl. So cut it out, okay?

Oh.

Okay.

Sorry.

See ya.

Boy, when you say you're not good at
something, you don't give yourself

credit.

But he seemed to take it pretty well.

And why did he have to be told, Dick?

Because we decided... No, you decided.

You decided that even though he'd be
gone in three little days, he had to be

told today. And you decided that
something was wrong with someone paying

little special attention to me. In fact,
you were the only person uncomfortable

about this situation, and now you're the
only one who isn't miserable.

Well, I hope you're good and happy now,
Mr.

You.

Andy, why don't you have a seat?

I didn't bring you here to yell at you.

Are you going to slug me?

No, I just want to ask you some
questions.

Okay.

You're leaving on Sunday, right?

Yes, sir.

Remember that flirting that you were
doing with my wife?

Yeah? Start doing it again.

Sir? Start doing it again.

You told me not to. Andy, I don't want
to have to go into this with you. I'm

adult, so obviously I know best.

Go flirt with my wife.

Anything special that you want me to do?

Here's some money. Go buy some flirt
things. Just go wild.

All right, if I get them tomorrow
morning, I have a group staying tonight.

Fine.

You don't think this is at all weird?
Andy, don't analyze this thing to death.

Oh, and Andy. Yeah?

If you tell anyone about this, I'll slug
you.

Morning, Dick.

Morning, George.

I mean, Dusty.

I need to talk to you. about that, Dick.

The name's not working out.

Why not?

I realize the nickname can be dangerous.

I can't even imagine.

Suppose I'm crossing a busy street.

A huge truck is barreling towards me at
top speed.

But for some reason, I don't notice it.

I'm moseying along.

without a care in the world.

Suddenly, some pal of mine sees the
truck, realizes the danger, and yells,

out, Dusty!

In the split second it takes me to
realize I'm Dusty, I could be something

gotta put flares around.

I never thought of that.

And I never would have.

I think it's a lot safer to go through
life with a name you know is yours.

Well, this has been a pretty morbid
conversation.

I think I'll go to my room and practice
my reaction time.

Dick,

do you want breakfast now?

No, I think I'll wait until Joanna comes
in and sees Andy and...

Happiness reigns again in my little lip.

I'm turning stuff off in five minutes.

Morning. Morning.

You up?

You mad?

Yes.

At myself.

Huh? Last night I was having trouble
sleeping.

It was because I was wrong.

You were?

I was so caught up in Andy's flattery
that I was leading him on.

He needed to be told.

Not the way you told him.

But I'm glad it's over.

Yeah. Yeah, me.

Me, me, me too.

Hi, Joanna.

Um, these are for you. Andy, I thought
we decided we weren't going to do this

anymore.

Mr. Martin, I wish you'd just go ahead
and flog me. I mean, one minute you tell

me to stop, the next minute you tell me
to start again and... Hold it.

Start again?

You come with me. You stay here.

That's Mr.

You.

because Minor already promised it to
someone else.

Mr. Loudon.

He's the one who said it was okay to do
this stuff.

Well... As much as I love Mr. Loudon,
unfortunately, he is a lunatic.

Andy, you need to save your efforts for
somebody who's free to care back.

And whoever she turns out to be, I'm
going to be a little jealous of her.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Oh, I won't bring her here then.

Thank you.

Dick, do you want to eat now?

I think I'll wait until the yelling
stops.

Will that be before or after happiness
reigns?

Go away.

First of all, you acted as if that boy
had no feelings. I know.

Secondly, Andy is not a pawn to be used
to cheer somebody up. You're right. And

most of all, I think what you did was
very sweet.

Sweet? Stupid, but well -intentioned and
sweet.

Well, you know, I mean, that's what I
was shooting for.

Were the roses your idea?

Well, they are your favorite.

And the note?

You love those.

And the picnic brunch?

Well, you know how crazy you are.

He invited you to a picnic brunch?

Yeah, in Vickers Park in 15 minutes.

He already bought the food.

Joanna, wait for Betsy.

Meow.