All language subtitles for newhart_s04e17_the_snowmen_cometh

How did it look outside?

Clear blue skies, cloud inside. It's
absolutely beautiful.

Damn it.

Honey, don't get upset. It can turn
miserable like that.

I hope so, Dick. The snow carnival is
only a week away.

How are you doing with those caps?

Well, I'm just finishing my hundred and
third.

Snow carnival 1986.

Well, either it'll snow and these will
sell like hotcakes or you'll waste a

month of your life.

Hi, Dick.

Joanna. Hi, Harley.

Well, dead time of year again.

Ready to shovel the snow out of your
driveway.

Harley, uh... Maybe you noticed on your
way up to the house that you had to

trudge through nothing.

Yeah, now that you mention it, the
shoveling game's been kind of lean

Thank God the snow carnival's coming up.
I always get a job as the target in the

dunking booth.

Harley, you work in the dunking booth in
the middle of winter?

Yeah, once I get over the frostbite, I
deposit a nice chunk of change in the

bank.

Harley, if it doesn't snow, there may
not be a carnival.

Whoa.

Mother Nature sure is a tough old broad.

Hi, innkeepers.

Where's my favorite lodger?

Stephanie Michaels here.

Oh, guess what?

I got the go -ahead to produce my TV
special on the snow carnival. This could

my ticket out of Sunday afternoon yakety
-yakety.

No offense, Dick.

Hi, Michael.

Wait till you hear the news I've got for
Steph.

Get ready to ooh.

What is it?

Stephanie has been named the official
1986 snow carnival ice maiden.

Were there a lot of girls up for this?
There was no competition.

Not even close, huh? No, there was
literally no competition.

They left the decision up to me, so I
said to myself, in this entire town,

more deserving of the title Ice Maiden
than my staff?

Well, I'll have to go along with you on
that.

Oh, thank you, Michael.

Come on, let's celebrate with an
expensive lunch and then take a tour of

kingdom.

Dick, Joanna, I've designed a Stratford
Inn float for the parade. Want to see?

It looks like a giant sleigh. I call it
the giant sleigh.

It's going to be bright red with silver
runners. I figure the whole thing should

cost $350.

George, you better hold off. If it
doesn't snow, building a sleigh could be

as useless as what Joanna's doing.

Dick!

Don't worry. Don't worry, Joe, it's
going to snow.

All the signs point to it. This morning
I saw rabbits scurrying into the woods.

There, Dick, you see?

Yeah, that always means a storm is
coming.

You'll have to forgive me, George, but I
have this thing about getting my

weather information from primates.

There's an emergency town meeting
tonight. They're going to decide whether

cancel the carnival. I think we ought to
wait for the outcome before we build a

float. All right, Dick.

But if we don't get started soon, our
entry in the parade is going to be this.

Now, the reason I call this emergency
meeting is, well, we're faced with an

emergency.

For the first time, we've had no snow in
February.

We've got to decide what to do about the
snow carnival. Well, Chester, you know

how I feel.

We're all spending money on supplies and
preparations.

I say call off the carnival now and cut
our losses.

What about people like me?

The money I make during the carnival
carries my souvenir shop through the

of the year. Yeah, if the snow
carnival's canceled, a lot of us are

under.

Well, I guess I'll go under either way.

Look, there's still a chance it might
snow.

Remember the winter of 58?

The weather was just this pleasant. Then
a blizzard came along and wiped out

half the town.

But there's no guarantee we'll luck out
like that this year.

Has anybody heard the slightest reason
to hope it's going to snow?

There's that thing of George's about the
rabbits.

Honey, big deal. He saw some rabbits
running into the forest.

Rabbits ran into the forest?

That's one hell of a piece of
information to be sitting on, Dick.

Yeah, you're playing with people's lives
here.

I guess I was right to be optimistic.

Rabbits never run into the forest unless
a storm's coming.

Unless they were just running away from
that dog.

They were running away from a dog?

Huh? What?

Gee, Dick, you should get your facts
straight before you get people in an

uproar.

Yeah, you're playing with people's lives
here.

In the light of this rabbit thing being
a cruel hoax, I think the best thing to

do is cancel.

I'm Stephanie Vandercallen, Ice Maiden.

And I've heard just about enough. Not
only do I insist the carnival continue,

demand that it's no.

Immediately.

Thank you, Miss Vandikeller.

Ice maiden.

Well, we've heard both sides, and the
Weather Service has promised to give me

detailed update this evening.

So why don't we recess till one o 'clock
tomorrow and make our decision then?

In the meantime, I declare that...
Excuse me.

I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl, and
this is my other brother Daryl.

We can save this town.

Well, how are you going to do that?

We can make it snow.

Well, of course, only God can make it
snow.

But sometimes he needs a little goose.

That's where we come in.

Our fee is $1 ,000.

$2 ,000 if you want it to stick.

Does this laughter represent... Crafty
negotiating on your part?

No, Larry, this seems to be the one
thing we all agree on.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Fine.

We'll all bite the big one together.

Come on, Daryl.

It's a town without pity.

Dick, I've been practicing my ice maiden
wave, and I need an opinion.

Which one of these do you think will be
more likely to turn heads?

This?

Or this?

The first.

I like the second.

Hi, Steph. I'm here and I'm not empty
-handed.

My ice maiden costume.

I'll run upstairs and try it on.

And I'll wait here and prepare to hubba
-hubba.

Glad I could make what? An emergency
meeting of my trusted advisors.

Well, well, a confab of the town
biggies. Glad I'm here.

Dick, we've got to decide what to do
about the carnival if it doesn't snow.

Ah, so we're here to powwow over worst
-case scenarios vis -a -vis the snow

carnival.

I still think we should cancel. If you
don't mind, I'd like to address Jim's

suggestion.

Real stupid.

Michael, butt out. You're just trying to
save your TV special.

If we could just focus on the matter at
hand, the purpose of this meeting is to

come up with suggestions to save the
carnival. Well, if we're spitballing.

Snow or not, it'll still be February.
Why not call it the Febfest?

Michael, people come here for snow. They
could get Feb in Jamaica.

Hold on, Dick. This is the first
alternative anyone's come up with.

Michael, how would this Febfest go?

Well, exactly like the snow carnival,
but with a few variations.

Instead of an ice sculpture competition,
we'll have a wet t -shirt contest.

I don't know about you guys, but I
prefer cheesecake to ice.

And we won't have to change a thing
about the dog sled race. It'll be more

challenge for those pups to pull over
concrete.

So... Is everybody ready to carnival?

Thank you, Michael.

I think you've made it clear there's
absolutely no way we can have this

without snow.

Let's drive for Dan.

It's the weather service.

Everybody pray for a blizzard.

Thank you very much.

Fair and warmer all next week.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to announce
that the carnivals cancel for the first

time in the town's history.

I'll be branded forever as the No Snow
Mayor.

I'll have to kiss my TV special goodbye.

When the town hears about the
cancellation tomorrow, they'll be

streets. Lynch mob. Oh, take it easy,
Chester. We're more of a tar and feather

community.

Come on, guys. In a crisis, the people
in this town can be pretty...

level -headed and mature.

The ice maiden's here.

With one possible exception.

Uh, Steph, about the snow carnival.

Yes, sir, Michael?

Uh, Dick has an update.

Stephanie, I think this is something
Michael should tell you about.

Whoa, boomerang.

of my subjects acting so strangely.

Tragedy, Steph.

The snow carnival's been canceled.

What?

You can't cancel the carnival.

I've got my costume.

I've been practicing my speech and my
wave.

I declare the snow carnival officially
open.

You can't be an ice maiden. There's no
ice.

No. But it isn't fair.

Stupid, stupid act of God.

I better go comfort her before she does
something destructive with that wand.

Well, Chester, I'm not going to say I
told you so.

A good portion of the town will do that
for me.

Dick, I've got to do something.

Like what? We've exhausted every
possibility.

Not all of them. I could hire Larry,
Daryl, and Daryl to make snow.

Chester, what do you want to be known
as? The No Snow Mayor or the Moron

But those guys are our only hope.

Dick, I want you to talk to them. Me?

Well, I've got to prepare for the town
meeting, and they seem to like you.

Besides, I'm afraid of them.

I see what I can do, but I think it's a
crazy idea.

Tell them the deadline is one o 'clock
tomorrow.

We've got to have snow before that
meeting.

I'll write you out a town's check for $2
,000.

Now, are you sure you want to give these
guys $2 ,000?

Well, I'd love to give them only one,
but we do want it to stick, don't we?

Can I talk to you about something?

Just so it's not 18th century interior
design.

Actually, I'm here on behalf of the
town. They want me to speak to you about

making it snow.

Seems like the last time we saw the
town, it was making a municipal mockery

us.

Well, they reconsidered. Here's the
town's check for $2 ,000.

Well?

Should we decide to take this job, we'll
of course need to see the town's

driver's license and one other form of
ID.

Guys, it isn't like the town is going to
skip town.

Even so, faith is an important part of
our snowmaking process.

We can't accept this check until we know
that you...

as the town's representative, have
complete faith in us.

Do you?

Well... No faith, no snow.

Actually, I honestly believe that in
some strange way,

you and your brothers will do something,
and it...

Some point after that, it will snow.

Whoa, this guy's going to the wall for
us.

Okay, we'll do it.

Darryl, make a list.

We'll need the usual supplies.

Cannonball, fabric softener, two pounds
of veal.

Obviously, you guys know what you're
doing.

Well, there's a deadline. They need that
snow by one tomorrow.

Well, that doesn't give us much time.

Darryl better add pimentos.

Well, we got a mountain to ascend.

Oh, I should warn you.

There's one little hitch to this
snowmaking process.

I know. You can't guarantee results.

Oh, no. It'll snow all right.

It's just that on a rush job like this,
we can't promise that two snowflakes

won't look alike.

Do you think it's going to snow in time?

I hate to think that Larry, Daryl, and
Daryl bought two pounds of veal for

nothing.

When are we going to start this meeting?

It isn't scheduled till one.

That's in three minutes.

Anything can happen in three minutes.

Just tell us the carnival's canceled so
we can start painting our going -out -of

-business signs.

You might want to move things along. If
they come for you, I can't take out more

than six of them.

I'm not saying the meeting's started.
Just let's talk.

Is the carnival canceled?

Not exactly.

Any time?

Not exactly. Some mayor can't even speak
out of one side of his mouth.

I'm going to take a couple of steps away
from you right now. It doesn't mean

anything.

Look, folks, it's not as hopeless as you
think.

I've hired snowmakers.

Snowmakers? You hired Larry, Daryl, and
Daryl? Let's turn Feather up.

Larry, Daryl and Daryl may be a lot of
things, but I've never known them to be

dishonest. Oh, yeah?

This morning they came into the bank and
cleared out all their money. And their

cafe is all closed up. Even the cash
register is gone.

Whoa.

Sounds like we're talking about fraud,
embezzlement, and... I love this word.

Bunko.

Now, wait a minute. We gave...

Larry, Daryl, and Daryl till 1 o 'clock
to make it snow. The least we can do is

to wait until the deadline arrives
before we pass judgment.

I'll go nap him.

Well, that's it. I sadly declare that
the snow carnival is officially

Under the circumstances, the only
honorable thing for me to do is resign.

Good thing this isn't Japan. You'd have
to kill yourself.

Got him.

Three male cocks.

They didn't put up much of a struggle.

Why should we? We was hidden here
anyway.

What's all this about?

Larry, they think the snowmaking thing
was a swindle.

Oh, dear.

I guess they don't have the faith in us.
You do.

So, go figure.

Why'd you withdraw your funds from the
bank this morning? We moved it to

financial institution that was paying
significantly higher interest and giving

away toasters.

What about this cash register you're
lugging around?

We needed it to add you up an itemized
bill.

You never heard of a hand calculator?

You can get one of these that'll fit in
your hand?

I wouldn't say anything more if I were
you.

You boys could be looking at three to
five years of kissing your honeys

plate glass.

I guess we deserve it.

We promised you snow and all you got was
a sky full of zilch.

Darryl, are you sure you was naked and
facing east while you was juggling them

chipmunks?

You just don't figure.

We covered all bases.

It's snowing.

Boy, it's really coming down.

Yeah. And it's sticking, too.

I withdraw my resignation and declare
the snow carnival officially on.

Here's your check back.

Larry, you earned it. You made it snow.

The deadline was one.

We was a minute and a half late.

Besides, this is shoddy workmanship.

What do you mean? As we feared, two
identical flakes.

We've been over this.

How am I to be addressed?

Forgive me.

Your royal frostiness.

And that outfit is worth every cent of
the $20 a day it's costing me to rent

The thing is, though... Yes, Michael?

The snow carnival ended three weeks ago.

Meow.