All language subtitles for newhart_s04e07_the_geezers_in_the_band

That's it.

They're all coming.

I'm sorry he's just excited because he's
having a reunion with his college jazz

band.

All four jazz tones will be together
again after 25 years.

Apparently he's still excited.

Dick, will this reunion be a bunch of
grown men carrying on like college kids?

If we're lucky.

You know, some of the wildest times I've
ever had in my life were with the Jazz

Tones.

One time, Sheik and I... Sheik?

Yeah, he was a real, real lady killer.

You know, when he played his sax and did
his pelvic thrust, well... Honey,

just remember that you're married, okay?

Anyway, one time, Sheik and I took
Hogg... Hold it.

Someone actually let you call him Hogg?

Well, what else are you going to call a
guy who, on a bet, scarfed down five

pizzas, a rack of ribs, two dozen
donuts, and a bicycle seat?

What did Sheik and Hogg call you?

Slats.

Must be a zany story behind that.

Well, I always wanted a nickname, and we
just made that one up.

But, I mean, if you want to talk
crazy... Our piano player was the

king of the looms.

I mean, he was a natural leader of men.
He could get a food fight started at the

Vatican.

I almost don't want to know what you
called him.

Phil.

Well, he was beyond nicknames.

Wait till you see his entrance. He may
come in swinging on a rope. He may come

down the chimney.

You may find him buck naked in our
shower.

Dick. Are you still closing the inn next
weekend because your annoying friends

from college are coming?

Uh, no.

Then I'm going to go to Boston to get
away from them. No, you're not.

You'll still have to wait on Dick's
friends.

Oh, Poe.

Hi, all.

With an extra kiss -kiss to one in
particular.

Please let it be me.

I was referring to my wonder wench.

Save it, Michael.

We can't go to Boston. I'm about as
depressed as I get.

Would a fancy lunch and an afternoon of
compliments cheer you up?

Yeah.

Boy, do we know how to cope with crises?

As long as we're together, you'll never
catch us throwing away money on

analysis.

Yeah, you're the mental health poster
kids.

One thing before you go. I'm having a
slight negative cash flow problem. Could

you see yourself clear to make me liquid
again?

Sure, go in the kitchen and hop in the
blender.

Need I explain? I meant cash.

Michael, I don't want to let money mess
up this great relationship that we have.

Kiss, kiss.

Hi, Michael.

George.

You and I are close friends, aren't we?

No.

I like you, but we really don't spend
enough time together to be considered

close. Yeah, well, but we have a
relationship, you and I. Not really.

We never go anywhere together.

We don't have a single thing in common.

Right. And you wouldn't be able to lend
me $500 until next week.

Sure.

Why not? I trust you.

George, I think you and I are going to
be great friends.

You mean we'll have long talks and go
places together?

Well, let's not OD on each other.

Excuse me, maybe you didn't see the sign
outside. We're closed this weekend.

Clats!

Hog? Sheik?

Sheik?

Oh, sure, sure. You know, I was just
fooling around.

Same old slats. You haven't changed a
bit.

Well, you haven't either.

Slats? I've lost 120 pounds.

Except for that.

And I've started to get a little bald
spot on top.

Really?

Is Phil here yet? No. Oh, great.

We got here in time for his entrance.
Have you checked the shower?

My friend and handyman, George.

George, this is Al Sheik -Fraser, and
this is Walter Hogg Ambrose. Oh, I've

heard so much about you guys.

Dick said when you were together, a
minute never went by without something

happening.

Well, I guess we better get the rest of
our luggage. Oh, that's okay.

I'll take care of it.

So far, they've been a letdown, Dick.

Oh, this is my wife, Joanna.

Here they are, Sheik and Hogg.

Nice try, Dick.

Hi, Hogg.

Hi, Sheik.

Dick told me you guys are always fooling
around like this.

No, really, I'm Sheik, he's Hogg. Oh,
stop.

Honey, we're not kidding.

Oh, sorry.

got a weekend planned. What do you want
to do first? Eat, drink, or swing from

the rafters? I'd like to take a nap.

Oh, that's a good idea.

You're serious?

Well, sure, sure. You know, I'm going to
get some rest, but be down here for

dinner because we're cooking up a real
gut buster. Oh, yeah, well, that reminds

me. Here is a list of my dietary
requirements.

I can't eat anything that's difficult to
digest.

I'll show you to your rooms.

Well, I hope there's a phone in mine.

I gotta call my wife.

Oh, tell me about the missus. She must
be some knockout to a corral, does she?

Oh, not now, Slats. I was supposed to
call her ten minutes ago.

I gotta hurry before the grace period
ends.

Are they a couple of crazy nut buckets
or what?

Here, let me help you with that.

What's in here, anyway?

It's a brand -new color TV with remote
control and stereo sound. Michael bought

it for me.

Oh.

Oh, he did. Well, uh, gee, it must be
your birthday or something.

No, he bought it for my favorite reason,
because I saw it and went... George,

will you hook it up to the antenna for
me?

Uh, sweet knees, let's not impose on
George now. He can hook it up tomorrow.

Isn't he considerate?

Where are you going, George?

Up to my room to watch my old fuzzy
black and white mono TV with no remote

control.

Kind of a cynical old guy, isn't he?

Well, Slats, that was a terrific meal.
Yeah, my special diet sure didn't cramp

Joanna's cooking.

Yeah, Joanna could always, uh...

Make up a mean platter of rice and
strained pears.

It's too bad it's not sitting too well.

I think I overdid it on the milk.

Yeah, I was gonna say something.

Remember the time that Phil rode the
swivel chair?

One of those there.

Anthropon, stomach relaxer.

You ever tried diazodine?

I use it for my back spasms. Sure, I
always carry some.

But you know what's really good? Guys,
why don't we just set out a buffet?

Come on, guys. What do you do for fun
these days?

You know, I've gotten into something a
little crazy.

Yeah? Model railroading.

You have these little buildings and
trees, even tiny people.

And if you're not careful... that train
can go flying off that track and doing a

whole mess of damage.

That's a... That's a big responsibility.

Well, uh, I tried a bunch of home
hobbies.

And then I felt I needed something more.

Something to get me out of the house and
into the world.

All right, Sheik.

So I joined a gardening club.

This was fun.

Well, the only thing that can top this
is to play some music.

But Phil's not here yet. Yeah, but he
will be. And if he walks through that

naked, he's going to want something to
dance to.

All right, let's give it a go.

Good. I can't wait to hear you guys
play. Dick was always telling me how

the band was.

Okay, let's try the start of something
big.

Okay, Cheek, make the tell this talk.

I'm back.

Oh, dear. Cheek.

First my stomach, now Cheek's back.

This crazy weekend of yours is going to
kill us.

I'll be okay.

Okay, that's it. I'm going to find out
what's keeping Phil. It's still early on

the coast. Maybe his office knows where
he is. I'll be okay. Somebody please

reach in my pocket and give me two blues
and one yellow.

Hello, I'm calling about Phil Bradley.
We're having a reunion in Vermont.

Could you tell him to hurry on down? We
need a massive injection of silly.

I see.

When?

Thank you.

Well, when's he going to get here?

Oh, it could be a while.

Phil died three weeks ago.

You still can't sleep?

No.

Well, honey, losing a friend is tough.

Yeah, but that's...

Even though Phil's dead, I mean, he's
still the liveliest member of the Jazz

Toms.

Dick, don't say that.

Joanna, people I remember as total wild
men have gotten bald, henpecked, and

think gardening is living on the edge.

Well, Dick, everybody gets older.

I'm better at this wide awake.

I want to face it, my glory days are
behind me.

I remember when I used to climb stairs
two at a time.

Now it's one by one.

Soon I'll need one of those little
chairs right up the banister.

Honey, you're forgetting the positive
things about getting older.

You have security, accomplishments.

With this...

Maybe I'd better go back to bed.

What's this all about, Sweat? Yeah,
getting up before eight screws up my

regularity.

Just because Phil is gone doesn't mean
it's all over for the jazz tomes.

You're not going to make us play again.

No, but we have to do something.

What?

Anything.

Wouldn't you like to do something that
made you feel like... like you did in

old days, something wild and insane?

Well, would our insurance cover it?

You're missing the point.

Listen, if you don't do it for me, do it
for Phil, in honor of

what he meant to us.

Well, what kind of thing do you want to
do?

Anything. I mean, you guys decide, as
long as it's wild and exciting.

I was thinking of something with a
little more of an element of risk.

Let's eat Mexican.

I don't think you've got the right
spirit yet. Think danger, risk, water

Keeping in mind we're in Vermont in
winter.

Slipping! Wait, but he had tobogganing.
Really?

Yeah, it's perfect. It's exhilarating,
it's exciting, and there's a place just

few miles from here.

You know, I feel nuttier already. Me
too.

The jazz tones are back in action.

I'll bring plenty of antacids in case we
stop for food. Yeah.

We want to take a run.

You guys look kind of old for this sort
of thing.

Hey, we're the jazz tones.

Jazz tones?

Meet the Widowmaker.

Will you put those away?

Okay, you start right here on Whiplash
Way.

Then you hit parallel. point, shoot into
the slingshot, and then slip under

guillotine bridge.

It'd help if you ducked there.

That sounds good.

For a start.

You are the jazz tone.

Okay, what's your pleasure?

Lightning, rocket, or pokey?

Lightning.

Flats. Pokey sounds kind of cute.

It got its name when someone took a
branch in the eye.

Lightning it is.

Slats, this is dangerous.

They wouldn't let you do this if it were
dangerous.

You'll have to sign this waiver.

We fully release the management from all
liability for any death or injury,

including but not limited to the loss of
limbs.

And or head.

Yeah, we had to add that last one.

Our heads!

All right, so there's an element of
risk.

But that's the whole point.

To do something daring. Something that
lets us know we're alive.

And dying's gonna do that?

My wife married me for my looks.

She'll kill me if what's left winds up
on a tree.

Listen, guys, if you chicken out now,
you'll have to admit to yourselves that

you're old and old is less.

We can admit that.

Old is less.

Okay. Can we go now?

Guys.

For Phil.

bump into you here, I would have brought
the money I owe you.

Oh, that's okay.

It'll keep.

Thanks.

Boy, if you ever open a bank, you can
count on a lot of loan business from

guy.

My car is gone.

You're kidding. What did it look like?
You know my car, George. It's a red mint

condition Turbo Z.

Did it have a distinctive...

Where did you get that?

Same place I got this.

My custom -spoked hubcap with curb
cutters.

You took the pine tree and hubcaps off
my car?

Among other things.

Oh, no.

One of those things from the engine.

George, I want those back, and I want
them now.

Well, they are yours, Michael.

For $500.

expect me to pay $500 for a deodorant, a
hubcap, and a smudgy black thing?

Well, maybe not.

But what if I threw in one of these?

Forget it. I don't need any of those
things.

Now, where's the rest of my car?

In the garage.

Of course, if you drive without a door,
you could freeze to death.

But then you'd warm up as soon as the
engine explodes.

you a check. Fine.

We'll go to the bank and cash it.

You better take my car.

Well, let me tell you something, George.
This is the last time I ever borrow

money from you.

I know.

You did a dangerous thing like that
without telling me first?

Damn right.

That's what you get when you marry a
jazz tone.

What a ride!

That was the greatest 20 feet of my
life.

You only went 20 feet?

Careening wildly.

We were thrown off the course at the
first curve and we crashed.

head, headlong into this snowbank.

Yeah, it was like running right into a
big comforter.

Yeah, only we didn't know that until we
careened wildly into it.

Yeah, it was, uh, it was scary.

Yeah, but exciting.

Oh, look at this.

I was supposed to call my wife 27
minutes ago.

Could someone help me to the couch? I
don't think I can walk it. Oh, my God.

While you guys have been celebrating,
this man is obviously hurt. Oh, no, no,

no. This had nothing to do with the
toboggan.

Afterwards, we did something that took
even more guts.

We ate Mexican.