All language subtitles for newhart_s03e13_dick_gets_larrys_goat

Grab that, will you?

Here's your eggs.

And here's your farina.

Excuse me, but I ordered oatmeal.

Okay. But I don't know what difference
it makes. They're both white, lumpy

Tiffany, the Davidsons are our guests.
What's gotten into you? It's this stupid

Vermont weather.

I'm sick of ice, I'm sick of cold, and
I'm sick of having a hat line on my

forehead.

Ah, then I guess Mrs. Davison was asking
for it.

How can anyone hate a winter as crisp
and beautiful as this one?

You love just about everything, don't
you, George?

Yeah, I guess so.

Then here.

Except white, lumpy slop.

How's the book coming?

Almost finished. Good.

Hola, Eskimos.

Anyone care to rub noses?

Last call.

That's all you get from this table.

Steph, don't tell me you're still met.

Well, what do you expect?

You canceled our vacation three times
this winter.

So until you get me someplace where you
can't walk on the lake, you can tape

your nose and stuff it.

What was that?

Just a couple of plane tickets to
Bermuda I happened to stumble across.

The land of sun and silly shorts.

Yes, Joanna.

I know before you booked all these rooms
you asked if I'd be on vacation and I

said I wouldn't, but now I will, okay?

We asked for a few days' notice. You
gave us 15 seconds.

That's ballpark.

Oh, no, Joanna, it's more than 15
seconds. I won't be leaving until... Day

tomorrow. And I'll only be gone... Seven
days.

But that means you won't be back until
all these people have left.

So it's okay?

I guess you do have the time coming,
Dick.

Well, some of our guests will have to
clean their own rooms, but I...

I guess the important thing is that our
maid have a tan.

Are they understanding or what?

Come on, I'll let you watch me pack.

She's amazing. I didn't even have to
ask.

Looks like we'll have to manage without
a maid for a while.

We have for two years now.

Oh, no, not again.

Dick, do something. You stay there. I'll
chase her your way.

Gloria Neal, she's perfectly harmless.

Hi, I'm Larry.

This is my brother, Daryl. And this is
my other brother, Daryl.

And that's our goat, Martin.

What? Yeah, we finally decided on a
moniker for her. Daryl here was partial

Lassie. That seemed more of a name for a
chicken.

room is no place for a goat.

You don't have to tell us, ma 'am.

How'd you get out of the den anyway?

Larry, this is the third time this week
she's wandered over. She's butted the

door open. She's scared our guests.
She's joined me in the shower.

Well, if she becomes a nuisance, just
let us know.

Yesterday, she ate my shoes.

Okay,

we'll replace them. Daryl?

I think it'd be better for all of us if
from now on you tied her up in the yard.

Yard, huh?

Well, okay.

But I'm going to have one honorary goat
on my hands if she can't watch Soul

Train.

going to be doing, living on the beach?

Oh, I never go down to the beach.

Why not?

They're thin.

Oh, of course.

Michael! Stephanie!

Oh, my God.

You're canceling our trip again.

I have to, Cupcake. A crisis has come up
at the station.

What did you bring me this time? A pearl
bracelet.

What's Stephanie?

And here's just a sample of what you'll
be missing.

Did she get dressed in the dark this
morning?

No, Michael is canceling their vacation
again.

What'd you get her?

A bracelet.

I can't figure it out. I spend and spend
and spend and she's still mad.

Women.

We're scum.

Sure is nice to get a little
understanding for a check.

Well, I'm, uh, sorry we had this chance
to chat.

Oh, no!

Oh, my Lord!

Whoa, psycho at a time.

The stupid goat ate my book.

I thought they only liked garbage.

No editorial comment intended.

It looks like she only ate the first
three chapters.

I know how you feel. I can't finish them
either.

Michael, why don't you and Martha save
me the trouble and throw each other out?

Got a page I can use for bait?

Come on, Martha.

Who are you calling?

I haven't decided. Either animal control
or a cannery.

You touch one thing on this desk and
you're driving close.

Don't you have a plane to catch?

I'm not going.

Huh? I decided it would be foolish to go
without Michael.

I'd be tan and he wouldn't.

We'd clash.

Lucky you caught that in time.

So I'm just going to stay here in this
frozen tundra, freeze and shrivel and

chapped to death.

Boy, is it great out there.

Four inches of fresh powder.

You should see it.

Billions of tiny snowflakes, and no two
of them alive.

They are now.

I'm sorry, George. She's a little upset.

Well, at least it was quick.

Joanna, would you give me a hand with
this? I'm trying to piece together the

undigested portions of my manuscript.

Couldn't you just explain to your
publisher why it's going to be late?

Believe it or not, they look at you
funny when you tell them the goat ate

Here, I think I've got a match.

Your pet should quickly adjust to his
new home.

If not, crush or chop it up into small,

bite -sized morsels.

I don't think so.

You're the expert.

Is that it?

Yeah. They ain't talking to you.

Why not?

Because it appears you're the one who
ratted on our goat to them animal

Well, I certainly did. She ate my book.

That still ain't no reason to have her
carted off.

They carted her off?

What do you think they was gonna do?

Give her a scholarship to Radcliffe?

Well, I just wanted them to make you tie
her up.

Well, they locked her up.

Luckily, Darryl... was able to win her
freedom.

You know how persuasive he can be.

Yeah, he can charm the birds right out
of the trees.

Well, why don't we let bygones be
bygones and go back to being good

again? I'm afraid them happy days is
gone forever.

Darryl?

What's going on?

Tradition demands that we throw down the
gauntlet.

that someone apparently forgot to bring.

Harry, what are you talking about?

Cover your tails and protect your young
'uns, because as of now, your clan and

ours is officially feuding.

Feuding?

Yes, ma 'am. By feuding, you mean you'll
be real mad at us?

Yeah.

And that we're feuding.

By feuding, you don't mean bang -bang,
notify next of kin, Hatfield

-McCoy feuding?

Couldn't say. Never met him.

Fellas, by feuding, what do you mean?

The rules of combat will be apparent
soon enough.

Well, no, they won't, because it takes
two sides to make a feud, and our side

isn't feuding.

Okay, but you're making it awful easy on
us.

Dick, what do you think they're going to
do?

Probably nothing. Probably just a scare
tactic.

That's working.

Maybe I'd better put out some peace
feelers.

Uh, guys?

I... I wonder how the McCoys got egg off
their door.

Excuse me.

We'd like to check in.

Really? Why?

We have a reservation.

We're on our honeymoon.

And you came to this frigid wasteland
that saps your skin of its natural oils

and makes you old before your time?

The brochure didn't say anything about
that.

It should.

I just hope you took plenty of wedding
photos.

It'll help you remember her the way she
was.

Mr. Davidson, don't check out. We came
here for some peace and quiet.

Not to listen to some deranged trio
banging on their garbage cans all night.

Actually, they were our garbage cans and
they weren't banging on them. They were

flattening them.

Thank you for clearing that out.

We wouldn't want to leave for the wrong
reason.

Come on in. Let's go.

This stuff is strong and soft.

We've got to get this stuff out of the
trees.

You do it.

I've got to stay here and protect the
young 'uns.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Can I
help you? No, no.

We just stopped in to get directions.

Where to?

Florida.

You go to the end of the driveway and
turn south.

Keep your head down. I'll make a run for
it.

Dick, this feud thing is getting on our
heads. We're losing guests.

We've got to do something.

Well, I don't know about you. I'm just
going to let them have their fun until

wears them down.

Patience is my battle plan.

Yes, that does it. No, no, please don't
go out there. They have eggs. It'll be a

fortune in dry cleaning.

Honey, don't worry. I'm just going to
reason with them. This thing has gone

enough.

Querida, is there something about my
personality that incites people to

violence?

Yes.

All I said was hi. All next thing I
knew, I had a glacier in my eye.

Hi, Gumdrop.

I wouldn't come near me, Michael, unless
you want to get spray and wax.

Save that venom for the sky cap, Steph.
We're going after all.

We are?

That's right. Pack up your old kit bag.
We're Bermuda bound.

What about your chrysons at the station?

I've been doing some soul searching,
Steph.

And I've decided that nothing is more
important to me than you are. So I

right into that station manager's office
and told her I'm going.

Into the hospital for seven days.

Oh! Come on, you can help me with my
bag.

Fortunately, I was so busy ripping up
pictures of you, I didn't have time to

unpack.

Oh, Dick, what happened?

Reason didn't work out, so I tried
something else.

What?

The hose.

I got a really good look at him.

You can actually see them turning blue.

Dick, this is absolutely childish. I
can't believe you stooped to their

This is light years ahead of their
level.

I took them out in one blast.

George, I want you to go into town and
buy up every egg you can find. Right,

Dick. George, stop. Dick, you're just
going to make things worse.

Honey, did I mention they dug up your
azaleas?

And get some rotten tomatoes.

George, can you give us a hand getting
this out to the car? There's no point.

Larry and his brothers have blocked the
driveway with a huge wall of snow.

No one can get out.

What? Look for yourself.

Here, hold this.

Oh, my God.

Look at that pile of white hell.

Steph, what are we going to do if we
can't get out of here?

Don't say...

a lot of influence, I... I just toast
him.

I took him out with one shot.

Dick, I am prepared to cry and carry on
about this.

And you can count me in on the carrying
on part.

Honey, maybe you should go over there.
The sooner this thing ends, the better.

Besides, you got them last.

If you stop now, you win.

Oh, that's true.

I'll get Daryl on my side. You know how
persuasive he can be.

trying to coax more ammo out of the
chickens.

We better leave.

Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl
and this is my other brother Daryl. One

false move and we'll egg you to kingdom
come.

That don't apply to you, Miss Stephanie.

And may I say you're looking
particularly vivacious, even in wartime.

Thank you, Larry. That's very observant.
Dick wants to talk to you.

It seems to me the last time we've seen
you, you was doing your... talking with

a hose.

You sent out a pretty clear message with
the toilet paper.

Man, man.

Peace first, war stories later.

Dick? Well, I think it's time to stop
the feud.

My inn's a mess. The guests are leaving
and I had to put my garbage cans out

with the trash.

Well, we're feeling the scars of battle
ourselves.

That hosing was a masterstroke.

ain't had the sniffles like this since
that bath last summer.

Then it's agreed.

We've all suffered enough.

Especially me.

So, why don't we call off the silly feud
and you can unblock our driveway?

There's nothing we'd rather do. We like
you folks.

But tradition won't allow us to just
call it off.

Well, what does tradition allow?

Complete and unconditional surrender on
his part.

Oh, okay, you've got it.

Did you hear that?

We own ourselves a million.

What are you talking about? Didn't I
explain that?

According to tradition, the spoils go to
the victor.

Your end is a spoil.

Are you crazy? You may as well ask me
for my money, my car, and my wife.

Maybe you'd better sit down for this
next part.

No.

No deal, no surrender, no way.

Okay, egg him.

Okay, hold it.

You two drop those eggs.

You two, sit down.

No!

Larry, I want you and your brothers to
clear that driveway now.

Not till he gives me the in.

Dick, give him the end.

Larry, you're not getting the end.

What else can he do to make it up to
you?

Nothing. What do you mean, nothing?

I seem to remember a bylaw to the
tradition that states he has to formally

apologize to and kiss the offended
party.

Do it, Dick.

I'll apologize, but I'm not going to
kiss him.

Not me.

Her.

Fine.

What do you mean, fine?

If you don't do it, we ain't shuffling.

Dick. One kiss.

You get your in. I get Bermuda.

She's a girl.

I'm sorry I turned you on.

Okay, now kiss her.

Is that on the forehead all right?

Maybe you better sit down for this next
part.

Meow.