Original subtitles

Wait till you see what I got at the hardware store.

What is it? Something that's going to be a big help to both of us around here.

A walkie -talkie? Yeah.

The age of electronics has come to the Stratford. From now on, if you ever need

me, all you have to do is pull out this antenna and push down on that little

switch right there and say, George, come in. Come in, George. Do you read me?

Over.

I'm not going to say that.

Well, then just say George and I'll know what you mean.

Anyway, it's going to be great. You'll never have to look for me again.

No, now I'll have to look for this.

Let's try it out.

You stay here.

I'll go into the dining room.

Okay, go ahead.

Uh, George, would you please come in here?

Roger, Dick, where are you?

The garage.

It's a walkie -talkie. Where'd you get it?

George bought it. He thought it'd make it easier for us to find him. Where is

he? I have no idea.

Jack?

Uh, yes, George.

You didn't mean it when you said you were in the garage.

No, no, George, I'm sorry. I'm still in the lobby.

Let me talk to him.

Hello, George. This is Joanna.

Hi, Joanna. Where are you?

I'm in the lobby.

Listen, could you find the stepladder in the garage and bring it in here?

You bet I can.

Over and out.

Roger.

I think this is wonderful.

Good.

Oh, excuse me.

Honey, this is Kirk's grandmother.

I know, honey. I remember, too.

Oh, it's good to see you again. Thank you. Come on in. Sit down.

How are you?

Well, I'm a little tired. This cross -country business runs me ragged. That's

right. You came all the way from Montana.

Yeah, we were expecting you at Kirk's wedding.

Well, I was expecting to be here. You know, I was right on schedule until I

to Akron.

And then...

I met this gentleman.

And, um... Well, you know how that goes.

Anyway, anyway. I'm here now.

How's the bride and groom?

Oh, they're fine.

Unfortunately, they left for their honeymoon this morning.

I missed them? Yeah, I'm sorry.

Well, it's my own fault for thinking with my glands again.

I hope they won't be mad at me.

I'm sure they'll understand. I mean, who hasn't lost their heart in Akron?

Tell me, is this girl that Kirk married, is she nice?

Oh, she is wonderful. I know you're going to like her. Oh, I know I will.

And if I don't, it won't matter because I live 2 ,000 miles away.

Listen, I was just about to fix lunch. Will you join us? Love to. Good. Would

you like anything special? Something special would be fine.

my grandson's wedding?

You did miss it.

Yeah, I couldn't help it. I was in Akron. I was telling Dick and Joanna all

about it, and I ran into this gentleman. Say no more.

He knows all about that.

Grandma, I wasn't sure I'd ever get to say this, but I'd like you to meet my

wife. This is Cindy. Cindy, this is my grandma.

Oh, it's wonderful to meet you. And you, too.

Why aren't you two on your way to Niagara Falls?

Niagara Falls?

Is he classy or what?

Our car broke down on the way out of town. It won't be fixed until tomorrow.

You mean you're going to have to spend the first night of your honeymoon here

home? Well, you know, now that Kirk's grandmother is here, maybe we should

postpone our honeymoon.

Oh, she's sweet, but she's nuts.

You can't spend your honeymoon at home. Take my car.

Grandma, we can't do that. It would leave you stranded.

So what? I'm having my male hell for about...

Three weeks, I can hang in with Dick and Joanna, if that's all right with you.

Of course it is. Only this time, I insist on paying for my room.

We won't hear of it. I love these people.

All right, Grandma, if you really mean this, we'll take you up on your offer.

Sure, but before you go, I got you a wedding present.

Oh, how sweet of you.

Well, I... I know that new couples need things to start out with. Oh,

bourbon.

I didn't know you're black. Thanks, Grandma. We'll think of you whenever we

a highball.

Well, anyhow, here are the keys to the car, so go and enjoy yourself. Oh, we'd

really appreciate this. Thank you. Goodbye.

Grandma. Goodbye, sweetheart. Goodbye, you two. Have a great time. Oh, thank

you. Bye. Oh, they're adorable.

Well, what do you say we go to the dining room and I'll make us that lunch

promised? Good. Oh, boy, I see those two. And I think about Kirk's

and me. What a honeymoon we had.

Where'd you go?

Back to his place.

Now she's doing it to me, too.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

What do you got there?

Just some packages. I was feeling kind of down, so I decided to go into town

buy a few things to lift my spirits.

I bought some really cute blouses.

Would you like to see them? Sure.

They had an unbelievable selection of colors. I bought most of them.

By the way, who are you?

Blanche Devane.

Any relation to Kurt? His grandmother.

Oh, I'm Stephanie Vanderkellen.

Are you a guest here?

I wish.

I'm the maid.

What do you think?

Very nice.

It cost me two months' salary, but what could I do?

I have to wear silk.

Why is that?

Anything else makes me dizzy.

Well, Stephanie, you know, you impress me as the kind of girl who wouldn't be a

maid. You impress me as the kind of girl who would have a maid.

That is so great of you to say.

I actually do come from a very wealthy family, but they cut me off.

So what are you doing up here?

Well, for the first time in my life, I'm trying to be independent and self

-sufficient. But basically, I'm praying I'll fall in love with a rich man and

never have to work another day as long as I can.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, I found out one thing. If you want to go after something, you

have to ask for it. No good sitting around...

Expecting the world to come up and read your thoughts. The world is reading the

newspaper.

Now, you have to go over to a man, talk to him, and take the newspaper out of

his hand, hit him over the head if you have to, and say, look at me.

I'm a woman.

Buy me a drink.

This is my brother, Daryl.

And this is my other brother, Daryl.

They're looking after the cafe while Kirk and Cindy are on their honeymoon.

Oh, I'm Blanche, Kirk's grandmother.

How's it going over there?

Well, everything was going fine until we got a customer, and that's when we hit

a snag.

We came to see if Mr. Loudon could help us out.

Hold on. I'll see if he's in a study.

What are you, boy? do when you're not looking after the cafe?

Oh, we haul rubbish, drain swamps, cart away dead livestock.

Anything where we can get paid and have fun at the same time.

He'll be out in a minute.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go upstairs and put this stuff away.

Miss Daphne, may I say you're looking lovely today?

Yes, you may.

These gentlemen have a problem.

I know.

What's the trouble?

Kirk didn't leave no money in the cash register to make change.

How much money do you need?

Three quarters.

That's all you need?

Well, there's a man over there whose bill came to $4 .25.

He gave us $5, and the way Darryl figures it, we owe him 75 cents.

That's three quarters.

know what they're doing?

Not really.

What would you think if I went over there for a while and gave him a hand?

I think it might help.

You got three quarters?

Uh, look, boys.

What would you say to me coming over there and giving you a hand for a while?

We'd say yes.

Oh, get that dick, will you?

Hello, Stratford Inn.

Kirk?

What are you... What do you mean, shut up? This is your one phone call.

What... You're kidding.

Well, we're... You're kidding.

Don't worry.

We'll get there as soon as we can.

Stephanie Joy, I've got to come down here.

George to keep an eye on the EM. Joanna, you and I are going to go up and help

Kirk and Cindy.

Oh, no. Not more car trouble.

In a way, they were arrested for driving a stolen car.

What?

But that doesn't make sense. They were driving Blanche's car.

I know. You better go get her and head up there. Okay. What should I do? I've

got a basket full of wet clothes in the basement. Will you put them in the dry?

Of course. This is an emergency.

a favor?

Uh, have you ever played blackjack?

No.

Well, we may have found a way.

Let's play a few hands and you'll learn as we go along.

Oh, how are you? Just in time. We're going to play a little blackjack.

Blanche, we have to talk to you. We just got a call from Kirk. He and Cindy are

in jail.

Jail?

The car they were driving was reported stolen.

Now, Blanche, do you have any idea why they would think your car is stolen?

Well, maybe it isn't just exactly my car.

Whose is it?

Remember the gentleman in Akron?

You stole his car?

Of course not.

Stealing is you go in a parking lot, choose a car at random, smash the window

and hot wire it. No. All I did was take the keys out of his pocket while he was

asleep.

I even left a note. But the law is funny.

This is where, if you are the owner of the car, you have all the

advantages.

Look, can we talk about this on the way? Listen, it's all my fault. Just give me

the keys to your car and I'll handle it. No.

I mean as I think all of us should go. I wish you wouldn't do this.

I'm beginning to feel as though my visit was suddenly becoming an imposition.

Don't be silly.

We love having you.

Right. Now let's get your grandson and his bride out of jail.

I guess we can still play cards.

How about a game of war?

Driving my grandmother's car?

What about you?

Assault with a battery.

What?

I hit a guy with a diehard.

This is insane. I've never been in jail in my life.

Well, neither have I. Do you think this is any easier for me? Standing here

looking at my husband in a cell with that gorilla?

Are you trying to get me killed?

This is a great...

Honey, don't worry. It'll get all straightened out as soon as your

gets here. I hope so.

Well, you know it will. This has to be a mistake.

Look, Cindy, there's something about my grandmother I didn't tell you.

Something I'm not exactly proud of.

Well, what's that?

She's been in and out of prison all her life.

Your grandmother?

Yeah. For what?

Stealing cars.

Kirk, if you knew this, how could you let us take...

I never even thought about it. All I was thinking about was you and me getting

to Niagara Falls.

I mean, Kirk, maybe this is more serious than I thought.

Look, maybe I ought to call the hotel and let them know we're going to be

I don't want to lose our deposit.

How can you be thinking about a deposit when I'm standing here facing grand

theft auto?

But it's $50.

So what if it's $50?

All right, make the call.

so long?

Dick wouldn't let me drive.

Are you guys okay?

I'm feeling a little crowded.

Help me, please.

Don't panic. We're gonna get you out of here. Excuse me, are you Blanche Devane?

Who wants to know?

He does, Blanche. We picked up your grandson this afternoon driving a stolen

car, and he claims that he got it from you.

Is that true?

Who wants to know?

The car is registered to a Willard Bailey in Akron, Ohio.

Look, this whole thing is a misunderstanding.

Who are you?

Who wants to know?

Lance, I'm not going to tell you again.

Look, I'm Dick Loudon. This is my wife, Joanna.

We're neighbors of the suspect.

We were at the location when the alleged vehicle was being exchanged between the

accuser and the accuser's grandmother, who...

who acquired the said vehicle from the aforementioned Mr. Bailey, under

circumstances which, well, for the sake of discretion, are possibly better left

undisclosed.

Huh?

I appreciate what you're trying to say, but I think you're getting everybody all

confused. You see, what he's trying to tell you was, Willard and I were in

For one night.

Then it was over, and I borrowed his wheel.

Is that a confession?

It's better than a confession. It's the truth.

Constable, under the circumstances, I think we can let that young man go.

Wee!

Wee! Well, thank you for understanding.

Yeah, I never thought it'd be that simple.

And, Constable, would you please book Mrs. Devane?

What?

What are you talking? She's under arrest.

I thought we had everything worked out.

Mr. Loudon, she's being charged with grand theft auto and transporting a

car across state lines.

I have to turn her over to federal authorities.

But you can't arrest my grandma. Oh, come on.

Don't get dramatic.

I've been through all this before.

But I haven't. What's going to happen to you?

I can't let this happen. Officer, I lied to you before.

What? I didn't borrow the car from my grandmother. I borrowed it from this

She's my grandmother. Be a man. Take the rap.

I'm not going to take the rap. Okay, then I stole the car.

Kirk, what are you doing? You can't confess to a crime you didn't commit.

Somebody's got to confess to something. I can't send my grandmother to prison.

Cuffs on me, Chief. I'm ready to go.

I don't think the handcuffs will be necessary, Mrs. Devane. Wait a minute.

there anything we can do? I'm afraid not, Mr. Loudon.

Can we at least have a minute to say goodbye?

Sure. Oh, dear.

Oh, boy.

Give us a break there, sweetie.

Don't be upset, darling. I'm happy.

How can you be happy?

Because, dummy, you're married and I don't have to worry about you anymore.

the first time, I can go to jail without having a heavy heart.

Cindy,

I'm so happy you married him, dear. He needed it. Oh, boy.

Dick, Joanna, thanks for all the freebies. Oh, Blanche. Is there anything

do to help you?

Is there anything you need?

Well... The only thing I can think of would be money, and I'll keep you in

All right, come on, let's go.

Who's driving?

I am. You're cute, thanks.

Bye, Grandma.

Oh, sweetheart.

I can't believe she's gone.

Kirk, we'll do everything we can to get her out. You're darn right we will. I'm

going to hire the best lawyer money can buy, and I don't care if I have to sell

the cafe and go into debt.

I don't care if you and I both have to go into debt.

I'm going to get her out of this.

Excuse me, where's your grandmother's purse?

Her purse? Doesn't she have it? She said she left it here.