Original subtitles

I've come to realize that parent is just another word for dictator.

I mean, think about it. They wield absolute power, have no regard for

principles, and delight in inflicting cruel and unusual punishment on their

powerless children.

However alone and powerless we may feel, we do have an ally in our primordial

struggle against parental despotism.

One whose power far outstrips that of a mere daddy.

You hang in there, baby girl. I'm on my way.

Oh, thank God for grandparents.

I just went there.

Oh, well, you missed the spot.

You make me sick.

Just wait until I get big.

Oh, we'll keep Hope alive.

Ma, stop that right now. But she was... It's nothing, boy. You heard me.

All right.

Here. Now memorize this.

Rules of conduct?

Mm -hmm. Daddy, you already drilled us on this. Wasn't that the pop quiz?

Uh, yeah. Multiple choice. And I don't rate on the curtain.

Thanks for the help, Hakeem.

Mm, fake feet.

I said thanks.

Hakeem.

Fake feet.

Something's going on here.

Hakeem. Wait, don't tell me, Mr. Mitch. I know, I know. We're having a barbecue.

Correction. The Mitchells are having a barbecue.

Gotcha, Mr. Mitch.

Hey, Mo.

Kim and Niecy can't come.

You either.

Daddy, come on. I wanted to invite some of my friends. No way, Mo. I don't want

Kim and Niecy near my father. You remember what happened last time.

Daddy, it's not that false. Grandpa broke out into a banana split.

He didn't just break out. He broke down.

Sorry, Mom.

No guess.

Pops is coming out here to spend time with his family and to take a tour of my

new dealership. Now, how come nobody told her, brother, that Gramps is

He's not your Gramps.

I knew it before you did, preemie.

Ooh, that ought to be them now. All right.

Look at the shirt. This isn't gabardine.

Hey, Pop.

Bro's looking good, son.

Boy, it sure is good to see you, Pop. See?

How's my favorite daughter -in -law?

I'm just fine, Roosevelt.

Shoot, even Ray Charles can see that.

Here you go, Dad.

Pop, you shouldn't be smoking. It's not healthy.

Son, if I wanted to be nagged, I'd have gone on that cruise with your mama.

if he wants to shorten his life and endanger the health of his

it's on him.

Oh, come on, Dee.

A little secondhand smoke never hurt nobody.

Thank you, Rosie.

So, you bring me anything?

Dang, Miles, you know we should let Grandpa settle in first.

How about me?

Now, you know Grandpa didn't come all the way here empty -handed.

For the baby girl?

Let me see.

The lovely B.

All right. Little man.

My handsome son.

Thanks, brother.

Oh, snap. Gifts.

It's like Kwanzaa up in here.

Boy, who all tried you and jacked up your head?

Well, the ladies like it.

No, no, brother. The ladies like texturizing.

But not on their furniture.

I heard that's a good book, but I'm waiting for the movie to come out.

Grandpa, you didn't have to give me any money. Oh, but I'm glad you did.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Roosevelt, thank you.

I love silver.

Yep, and it'll stay silver as long as you don't show it.

Let's see what you got, Dad.

All right, all right, all right.

Besides, that's a 30 -year -old bottle of scotch. No, no, no, Pop. I can't take

this. I can.

It won't take me 30 years to drink it.

Well, thanks for the gift, Brant. I'm about to go to the D &C, y 'all. Oh,

can I go, too? No, no, no, Pumpkin. Your grandpa just got here.

Oh, come on, Frank. Let her go. We got plenty of time to visit. Besides, Bernie

gonna take me and show me where O .J. used to live.

All right, Pop.

Thank you.

Bye. Bye, baby girl.

See ya. Okay, Mom.

It was about let's at least get you settled. You're going to be staying in

Moesha's room. Yeah, I'll go get your bags. Let me get them. I want to get

Hold on there, son. Hold on. My bags are over at Bernie's. I'm going to be

staying over there. I don't want to put anybody out.

When was this decided?

Big brother, I'm the one that decided.

It's just so crowded over here. Crowded over here?

Man, you live in a studio apartment.

Hey, studio with a view.

Just make sure you get Rosie back in time to go and take a look at Frank's

dealership. Okay. All right.

Oh, and when you get back, I am going to cook up the best Jamaican dinner you

ever ate. Oh, no, you jump so big.

I'll be back.

All right, Father.

You know, I paged him every

three times, and he still hasn't called me back.

I said no menu, Wendell.

And I don't want to hear, oh, baby, I forgot to wear my pager.

Wendell, I said no sprouts.

And I bet not here he was too busy, because he wasn't too busy to borrow my

at 6 o 'clock this morning.

6 o 'clock in the morning? When did you see him that early? At my... Boy, you

better stay out of grown folks' business.

Wendell, that was the go. Well, bye.

Hi, Q.

What's up, Ma? Hey, skip that. Where you going with that plate, man?

McDonald's.

a barbecue, and we're not invited.

Fuzzy Zella?

Thanks a lot, Hakeem. No, my dad is throwing a barbecue for my grandfather.

Oh, Papa Rosie's here?

Did he bring something for us?

Wait, wait, wait. Back up, Mo.

Now, I understand why Hakeem isn't invited, but what's up with me and Kim?

Well, Daddy blamed you guys for that time Grandpa threw his back out.

is get Mr. Mitch to change his mind about inviting us to the barbecue.

Well, see, that's easy, Mo. All you got to do is work for him. Oh,

so y 'all think just because I'm his baby girl, the apple of his eye, and

because he lets me do anything, I'm... You're right, girl. I'll see y 'all

tomorrow at four.

At the barbecue.

Right.

And he tried to milk that bull.

Yeah, well, I'd rather hear about the time that Bernie pulled his pants down

the supermarket.

Well, at least I don't buy my pants.

Miles,

go to bed.

But I want some pie.

Go on upstairs, take your bath, and I will bring you some dessert.

Grandpa, I almost forgot.

Kim and Niecy won't be at the barbecue, but they told me to tell you hi.

Won't be coming to the barbecue, my dance instructors.

They better be there. It won't be a party without them.

Look, Pop, I told Moesha this was supposed to be a family affair.

Oh, Frankie, lighten up. You're just like your mama. Yeah, yeah. What kind of

something? Be spontaneous.

Them dogs are just like family anyway. Come on, let them come.

All right, Moesha, you can invite your friends. Thank you.

Barbecue's on. Thank you, Daddy.

Mm -hmm.

Well, Rosie, what do you think about Frank's dealership? Oh, I liked it. But

seems to me that if you're going to name it Brother Saturn, your brother ought

to be working there.

Well, Pops, Bernie already has a job.

Frank, selling cosmetics is not a job.

Oh, Pops, you changed your tune on winning that pink Cadillac.

Can I interest you in some exfoliants?

No. How about some pecan pie?

I know that you have to start him out on the sales floor, but I figure his

future is in management.

Now, I think he'd like that office over in the corner next to yours and a cute

little receptionist. You know, I like that.

I got an up -the -heel -in -the

-air dog.

And then she said, I smell rat.

I said, I smell boudoir.

What's the matter, Frank?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, so those sad eyes and that long face is just a figment of my imagination.

No, no, no, Dee. It's, you know, just some stuff at the dealership, but no

biggie.

Frank.

Honey, talk to me.

Dee.

I mean, this time I just knew it was going to be different.

I mean, I've worked hard. I got my own business.

That doesn't matter with him.

This has never appreciated anything I've done.

Honey, your father might not say it, but he's proud of you. I mean, he was

certainly impressed by your dealership. Dee, the only impression he had was that

Bernie wasn't on the payroll.

How are you going to call your brother Saturn if you haven't hired your brother

yet?

I mean, not a single word of congratulations, Frankie, or a pat on

No, just, can't you find something for Bernie?

Well, maybe you ought to tell him how you feel. I mean, it's your father. Talk

to him.

Oh, Dee, he'll just say I was whining.

Well, I know somebody who appreciates every little thing you do.

Yeah, I know, but Mama's on vacation. I don't want to talk to her.

worry. Jovan Aramis Willett.

When he goes by J .W.

Forget about the car. I just want my boo back, because I love me some him.

Okay. But if you hear anything, would you please let me know?

Thanks.

Oh, and Dale, um, how come you never told me you had a younger sister? What?

Well, Slim is fine.

I don't have a...

Then who was that driving J .W. around in your car? What?

Oh, no, he didn't.

Officer, cancel that missing persons report.

I'd like to report a stolen car and a potential homicide.

Yeah, my girl, you were right.

Q did get fined once you quit him. Yeah, I guess that's how it always works,

huh? Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, I got fined when I quit Hakeem.

Only he never went with you.

But I still got fined.

You know what?

My daddy said I could invite some friends, and you know Q is my friend.

So I think I'm going to invite Q to the barbecue.

Aw, that's cute. You're going to invite Q to the Q.

No, no, no. She's trying to throw another shrimp on the barbie.

Hey,

Aki. Thank you.

What's wrong with your neck?

snake. We're snaking on down, Mom.

Well, will you get out of here so I can talk to Q?

And excuse me.

Hey, what's up?

Look, everybody's coming over to my house for a barbecue, and I was

you're free, maybe you can stop by later on.

Three reasons.

Your father, his attitude, and his gun permit.

That's crazy. You know he traded in that gun for some Laker tickets.

Your father doesn't want me anywhere near you, Moesha.

Q, honestly, I don't think it would be a problem. I mean, he said I can invite

some friends, and we're friends, right?

Yeah, we're friends, but I pass.

Thanks anyway.

Your son, you ready to bounce?

Oh, yeah, to bounce.

Yeah, because the snake done played out.

Go, Mom!

Go, Mom!

Go, Mom!

Go, Mom!

Go, Mom!

Go, Mom!

I'm trying to start the party without me. We're trying to end it without a

gurney.

Everybody got a few jokes. Just watch me bust a move. Yeah, just don't bust a

gut.

Stick with the electric slide.

Oh, please. Let's old folks dance. Hold up. Hold up. Now, I do the electric

slide. Now, I know you're not trying to say that I'm old. I'm saying let's

boogie. I'm not saying that.

Go, Grandpa.

Go, Grandpa.

Go, Grandpa.

Go, Grandpa. Miles, where's the spray bottle? You're supposed to be helping

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Uncle Bernie, Dad needs a spray bottle.

I need starch.

I guess we all got to make do.

I hate wrinkles, son. I hate them.

You know the only thing about wearing a seatbelt?

It makes a man look like he slept in his car.

Boy, I'd be glad you still ride in a car seat.

You 40 pounds yet?

50. Thank you very much.

What is taking you so long?

The boy's hard head. I've been told to drink that bottle.

Oh,

I like my shirt like I like my women.

Wrinkle -free.

Now that you come through here like a light bulb, brighten up my whole

I'm still glistening from that bike ride over here. No, that's perspiration.

Now, I got some taco pot to soak that right up.

Hey, Roosevelt.

Hey, little sugar.

Roosevelt, you look good. What's your secret?

Me and the wife take separate vacations.

We'll catch up later. Right now, I got to rescue this barbecue sauce.

All right.

Baby, you have to taste the sauce better than that.

No, but she will. Just give me a moment.

I love my baby sauce.

Oh, isn't that cute? You're a good woman, Dee, standing beside your man and

watery sauce.

Mmm,

pops, you know you put no foot in this time, boy.

Yep, those burgers were the bomb. Mmm, that chicken was squawking.

Not hungry, Mom.

Oh, cool.

I can take this plate home for Big Mom.

Y 'all threw down this ship.

I think it's way better than last year's.

Because my pops took this time.

Bells out again, huh, Big Brother?

Yeah.

Well, at least my bell didn't involve a money gram.

Come on, Frank. I told you, stop picking on your little brother.

Oh, Pop, the man is 38 years old. And besides, he started it.

Now, you heard me, boy.

Dee, is there...

Why don't you try the bottom shelf?

Give me one, too. Yeah, Frank, how's things going down at the dealership? Oh,

just... Well, Frank's gonna hire Bernie. Gonna be brother Saturn for real.

Uncle Bernie's gonna work with you, Dad?

Oh, you keeping it in the family, Frank? Well, not exactly. I'm still waiting on

a serious offer. Frank and I must talk benefits.

I still don't see any root beer. Oh, just drink something else and shut the

door.

What did I do?

Nothing, Moon, nothing.

I'm sorry, baby.

Look, Pop, we need to talk.

What's going on, Frank?

Look, Pop, why is it that nothing I do is ever good enough? While on the other

hand, Bernie, well, Bernie can do no wrong.

I never said that. We didn't have to, Pop.

But I've always known that he was number one in your eyes and I was always

number three.

It's not funny, Pop.

I'm just trying to lighten up the moment.

Yeah, and as usual, at my expense.

Why can't you just appreciate anything that I do?

Oh, come on, Frank. I told you I like the dealership. Yeah, but you'd like it

better if Bernie was working there.

You're too sensitive, boy. No, no, no, Pop. You're just not fair.

Life is not fair, so what's your point? The point is, you have two sons, Pop.

So I should treat you and your brother the same, is that it? In a nutshell.

Well, I can't do that, Frank.

Oh, just forget it.

Frank,

look at yourself.

Financially independent, loving family.

Clearly focused, both feet planted firmly on the ground.

And then there's Bernie.

Do you know how many situations your mama and I have had to bail him out of

the years?

Hell, if I have to make any more of Bernie's child support pills, they're

to make me take a blood test.

And don't you ever, not even for a moment, think I love you any less.

Even if you are a mom of the boy.

Thanks, Pop.

So are we cool?

Cool as the other side of the pillow.

That's my boy.

Now I understand why parents are dick beaters. I mean, it's all about payback.

Grandpa drove daddy crazy. Now daddy's driving me crazy.

But see, I vowed to break the cycle. I'm not going to drive my kids crazy.

Huh, who am I kidding? After the year I've had, somebody's got to pay.