Original subtitles

Well, it finally happened.

Niecy's got a normal boyfriend.

Steven doesn't mumble, have bad breath, or have any extra toes or anything like

that. He's smart, too.

He graduated early, and now he's headed straight to college.

It's hard to believe I introduced them only a month ago, because now they're

truly, madly, easily in love.

And not a moment too soon.

We were starting to think the problem was Niecy.

Stevie starts USC in a few weeks. He's going to have classes on Mondays,

Wednesdays, and Fridays. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He should be studying.

Girl, he will be.

Niecy 101.

Let me stop before y 'all get sick of hearing me talk about anything else. We

were sick three weeks ago.

Here you go.

What's this?

Stephen's cake.

But I thought that was your graduation gift to Stevie.

No, boo, that was your graduation gift to Stevie.

Mine?

Mine was a candle.

Yo, Shorty, what happened last night? I thought you was gonna meet me at the top

of Suicide Hill.

I was until my daddy met me at the bottom of Punishment Porch.

Shorty, you gotta get creative.

Next time, try the back window.

Hi, Stevie.

Hey, beautiful.

How's my USC man?

Uh, Niecy, I'm not exactly an FC man.

Dang, you ain't got to get all technical.

But you will be in, what, three weeks?

Uh, more like three years, at least.

What happened? My scholarship money didn't come through.

Oh.

I'm sorry, baby.

Maybe you can go to a cheaper school.

But, baby, I'm a Trojan man.

So I've made a decision.

I'm going to let the Army pay for college.

Why would they do that?

Because it's part of the package when you join.

They do that?

Yeah, in exchange for a few years of my life, they're going to pay for my

education. It's a great deal.

Oh, snap. Can I get the number to your recruiter? You better call the Marines,

too. Why?

Because it's going to take more than the Army to get you into college.

used about this?

Yeah, I signed up yesterday.

I leave in a week.

Excuse me.

Oh, God, why me?

Hey,

everybody. How was your day?

Well, they asked me when it's over. I still have paperwork.

Oh, did you pick up the theater tickets?

What tickets?

Honey, remember you were going to pick up the theater tickets for our

anniversary next week? You were going to do that on your lunch break? I'm sorry,

Dee. Baby, I haven't had lunch or a break since I bought the dealership. Oh.

Well, let me give you a break now.

I'm Sergeant Medina. Is Hakeem Campbell here?

Isn't he always?

Hi, I'm Moesha. Come on in.

Thanks.

That's a really cute outfit. I love the military look. Join the army? You can

have one, too. I mean, it looks cute on you. Hakeem!

Hi, Hakeem. I got your note saying you'd be here. I'm Sergeant Medina.

You're Sergeant Medina?

Where do I sign up?

Let me tell you a little bit about the Army first.

Uh, what's going on, Hakeem? Oh, Sergeant Medina, I want to introduce you

family.

I thought you lived next door.

That's just his mailing address. This happens to be his eating address.

This is Mr.

and Mrs. Mitch. How do you do? Hi. And you've already met Moesha. And the young

lad is... I'm Private Miles.

Can you make me all I can be?

I think you're a little bit under the height requirement.

Why don't you see me in about ten years and two feet?

Yes, sir, ma 'am.

Hakeem, you're thinking about joining the Army?

Yeah. I mean, Stephen just signed up. So, hey, if he did it, why can't I give

a shot?

Well, speaking of the possibility of getting shot, why do you want to join

Army?

Well, let's review my situation.

I can't afford to go to college unless Mr. Mitchell pays for it.

You see, oddly enough, cowboys don't seem to get a basketball scholarship.

And unless Oprah dumps Statman, who else is going to guarantee me a roof over my

head and three meals a day?

That's why you should consider today's Army. For example, with college tuition

assistance, we'll pay for up to 75 % of your college education.

Yeah, and if there's a war, they'll pay for 100 % of your funeral cost.

Ken, what's wrong?

Oh, Mo, I'm all sad inside.

See, Niecy, she just snagged herself a boyfriend, and now he's going to have to

cut her loose.

Uh -uh.

Steven and I are going to be just fine. He's going to be fine, all right, with

all those fine women hanging around the base.

Yeah, yeah, because as soon as he gets to camp, he's going to get Niecy to

She can always go back to one of your old friends.

There's a long Louie or a hot bag curvy.

Girl, now you don't come back around and join that circus.

You know what?

See, y 'all don't understand.

Steven and I, we have a mature love. We don't lie to our daddies.

Climb out a window. Who's she talking about? Climb behind bushes.

Hey.

So why you got to get out first?

Hey,

check out G .I. Joe.

Bang me.

He was a general.

That was beautiful.

Stephen, what's all this?

I thought you said you weren't leaving for another week.

Not that you don't look good.

It was a change of plans. The army inducted me in a special ceremony last

No.

I need you to be my wife.

Oh,

that

is so romantic.

Just like Officer and the Gentleman. Oh, what's that top do?

Goodness, that is exactly how I want it to happen to me.

Minus Steven, the army part, and the den.

I mean, aren't you happy for him, Adele?

Who's gonna be happy for me? Shoot, this is a teenager. When is it Adele's turn?

Your turn came and went.

Woo, like that came out your mouth and I went upside your head?

Oh, cute.

Wasn't that romantic?

For them.

Okay, that takes care of all the refreshments. Now, what about

Girl, we should get ourselves a policeman.

What does that have to do with entertainment?

Well, after he strips down to that holster, OU will be entertained.

Ooh, you guys are getting a stripper.

I'm telling you.

How you gonna tell after I rip your lips off, huh?

I don't know.

Bye, Dee. Wait a minute, wait a minute. We've got to talk about our anniversary.

Frank, on our anniversary day, I have a late meeting, so I was wondering if

maybe we could skip the dinner and go straight to the theater. Mm -mm, unless

you want to hear my stomach growling through best you is my woman.

Look, why don't we just skip the theater and do dinner?

No, the late meeting is a dinner meeting.

Hey, the cast of Good Times is doing dinner theater out in Rancho Cucamonga.

Then I'll be the one growling.

They'll work it out. Yeah, all right.

Ladies, I've got to do some work in there. So, have you finished your

yet? Homework? That's what homework is for.

I see you're planning an engagement party.

Engagement? Well, I will kill that camouflage swing. Daddy, daddy, daddy,

It's not me. Remember, I don't see Q anymore.

It's Niecy's party. Please.

Niecy? Who'd want to marry her?

But who does want to marry her?

Y 'all are wrong.

Do you know him? Stephen Williams. They just got engaged today.

See, Stephen rented this officer's uniform and pretended he was shipping

today. My goodness, it was so romantic, he swept the girl right off her feet. It

was just like that cow in Twister.

Yeah, well, as long as Mo is not that cow, I'm happy.

I can't believe they're getting married. I mean, they're both way too young.

Well, not everybody can wait as long as you didn't admit you.

If you would have seen it, you would understand. It was like a fairy tale.

talking Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella.

Four weddings and a funeral.

I'm sure it was all very sweet, but there's much more to marriage than

Yeah, that's right. It's not all hugs and kisses. No, it's a lot of hard work,

sacrifice, compromise.

Hey, I can do all that by myself, but when I get married, I want romance, I

flowers, I want poetry, I want weekends in Paris, I want breakfast at Tiffany's.

Girl, you want a white man.

No, Mo, you don't want any man for at least 15 or 20 years. Now, do I make

myself clear, Pumpkin? Daddy, you don't have to worry. I'm not thinking about

getting married anytime soon.

Good. I'm not waiting 15 years, either.

I'll wait 20.

Kiss me.

Diane, do you ever knock?

Yeah, when the door's locked.

Were you able to reach my husband? He wasn't there, so I left him a message.

I also called about your parking space, and I tried to order that thingy you

wanted with the black liquid that comes dripping out.

The coffee machine?

Whatever.

Anyway, I was told it's not in your budget.

It is in my budget. Look, tell Principal Guthrie that I want it, and I want it

here by Monday.

I can't talk to my daddy that way.

Is there anything else, Diane?

The guy in this picture.

He's here to see you.

Wow. Are there thoughts of that?

Pretty good, since that's my husband.

So when I ask you to call, and I will.

Mr. Mitchell.

Vice Principal Mitchell will see you now.

Thank you, Diane.

Well, this is a nice surprise.

I was just trying to reach you. Yeah, well, uh, Dee, I... got to drive all the

way out to San Bernardino to exchange a car for a customer.

And you know how that traffic is. There's just no way I'm going to make it

in time for dinner, so... I'm sorry, baby.

It's okay, honey.

I needed to cancel, too.

I've got much more work than I thought I had.

Hey, tell you what. We'll pencil each other in for next month.

Next year is looking promising.

Happy anniversary, Dee.

Happy anniversary, Frank.

Deidre, can you watch the phones? I've gotta run an errand.

Stephen, congratulations.

There you go.

Thank you.

Nancy, things have been so crazy since you got engaged. I haven't had a chance

to talk to you.

And now, ever since I got engaged, everybody over the age of 30 has been

to talk me out of marrying Stephen.

I love him, I know what I'm doing, and we're going to get married.

I was just going to ask you if Stephen had an older brother.

Oh. And I am not over 30.

Hey, I'm sick and tired of defending myself every five minutes. Girl, don't

worry. Before you know it, you will have your diploma, a new set of luggage to

travel the world, and a husband of curious women.

That's right. I'm going to Rome, y 'all. When can we come visit?

Well, you know, we're going to be traveling all over, so we ain't going to

be at home.

You know, that's cool, because we're not trying to see you. We're trying to see

Rome.

Shorty, I told you, just one cue.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Let's sit down.

What's wrong?

Niecy, if you can't show any respect for me, at least show some for yourself.

I was just dancing.

No, no, that wasn't just dancing.

That's not how a military wife behaves.

Oh, you know, I didn't get that memo.

I'm going to be way on duty a lot. I don't want to hear about you going out

acting crazy.

I want you home.

I don't want to be traveling the world with you.

Not unless you're joining the army, too. Then where am I going to be?

In Rome, Georgia.

Remember?

Georgia?

On my map, Rome is in Italy.

Italy? Baby, what are you talking about?

Steven, I don't want to be stuck in some small town all alone. Don't worry,

baby. As soon as the babies start coming, you won't be alone.

about having babies. Oh, come on now. Don't you want kids? Well, yeah, but I

also want to go to college.

Oh, and you will?

After my enlistment is up, I earn a bachelor's degree and I get a good job,

we can talk about sending you to college.

By that time, I'll be going to school with our kids.

Good, then you can study together.

I'm not laughing, Steven.

As a matter of fact, this doesn't sound like fun anymore.

Marriage is serious business, baby. I mean, married people don't have fun.

Excuse me? Look, baby.

It's going to work out.

I love you.

Steven, I love you too.

I'm just not ready to get married.

Do you know what

you're doing?

Yeah.

Lisa, are you all right?

Wedding's off. What happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, at least I know you and Walter aren't fooling around.

What are you doing here?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm here to celebrate our anniversary, baby.

How tight.

Dress like that.

Oh, no, no, no.

Dress like this.

A year ago today, I became the luckiest man in the world.

Happy anniversary, baby.

Happy anniversary, Frank.

Here's to the love of my life for the rest of my life.

Now back to you.

No, your father whisked me off on

evening of whining, dining, and dancing.

I hate to say it, y 'all, but that sounds romantic.

You know, Pumpkin, you were right. Every marriage needs to keep the romance

alive.

So how'd the engagement party go?

I guess you guys were right, too.

Niecy and Steven were not ready to get married. They broke up.

Really? Well, it's good they found that out now.

Yeah, I know.

Well, happy anniversary.

Way to go.

Thank you, babe. Bye. See?

Maybe I want to thank you for a great evening.

You know what?

It was a wonderful anniversary.

Was?

Huh. We've got 15 more minutes.

I hope when I say I do, I have a marriage like Daddy and Dee.

Moesha. You're watching.