Original subtitles

Until now, January 30th has done very little to distinguish itself, even

my father insists that my birth made it the greatest day of his life.

See, in the eyes of father time, it's a problem, child.

If miles were a day, he would be January 30th. But see, tomorrow, however, that

will change forever.

See, no more sin in the face from the April fools and the Halloweens of the

world, because tomorrow, I, Moesha Mitchell, will be 16 years old and

able to date boys.

Completely changed since you and I came up. Yeah, bro. They're not young

anymore. No, sir. They're bigger. Yeah.

Faster. Dumber.

Everything we liked in a young girl was covered up.

Be right back, bro. All right.

Oh, I'm sorry, my brother.

Got to pat you down.

What? You ain't no cop.

Nope.

Batman.

Stopping you from embarrassing your daughter? No, I just have to tell her

something. What?

You know.

No, I don't know.

What? You know.

Bo, I was wondering.

What?

You know? No, I don't know.

I know.

Miles, go to bed.

You can't make me. But I can pull them ears off trying.

Jay, you look good out there. Why, thank you. Too bad your partner didn't. Still

doing the robot.

Boy,

you just can't let go. Oh, come on, man.

You can't let go. Bernie, why don't you talk some sense into your brother? He

promised Mo that she could date, and now he's waffling. No, I'm not waffling. I

don't want her to date, period.

You ain't right, big brother.

Oh, come on now, Bernie. You just said so yourself, didn't you?

These kids nowadays are bigger, faster, dumber.

Yeah, but I meant that in a positive way.

All I'm saying to you is, let Mo be a kid. She's going to be fine, big bro.

Yeah, right.

I'm telling you.

I'm telling

him

now.

Honey,

what are you going to do?

You going to lock her up?

Certain parts of her, yeah.

Frank, if Mo is going to do something, she's going to do it. You've got to

that you raised her right, and when it gets down to it, she will do the right

thing when it comes to crunch time. Oh, no, no. See, now, Mo, no, I don't allow

no crunching.

So I guess you've had a discussion with her about the dangers of an active sex

life. Yeah. I told her if she come home with a baby, she got to deal with me.

That's about as dangerous as it's going to get, too.

That is not a discussion.

I know.

It's a threat.

It's Pop's idea of birth control.

Kidney cussing. No, not cussing.

Yeah, bro, Pop's wasn't no Bill Cosby, huh?

Man, he thought Cosby was a punk.

Hey, yo, D -Dad, could you tell Miles to go to bed?

He's ruining my party.

Uh -oh.

for the right something, something.

Nobody asked you, huh?

You slipped the script, ma.

You must be crazy to think I'm asking a boy for a date. How you think I got my

first date?

Choco?

Party her, her, her.

Uh -oh. Sex with chocolate at the go.

Why is Ohaji here?

Ooh, can you believe he's got the nerve to come up here to your party after what

he did to you? What did he do?

Ooh, he...

Happy birthday, Moesha. It was until you showed up. Who invited you?

Kim.

Well, he drove past my mama's car on the freeway. What else was I supposed to

say?

Look, I'm afraid you're going to have to roll up on out of here or hide you.

Look, I know you're upset about what happened between us, but if you think

it, since you couldn't officially date, you weren't officially my girl, so it

wasn't like I officially did you wrong, you know what I mean?

And you must be officially out of your mind if you think I'm going to forget

what you did just because you come up in here with a weak rap, a cheap gift, and

a fake African name.

So it's like that, huh? It's the way you made it, bruh.

Poop.

That's right.

Because if you mess with my girl again, you're going to have to deal with the

killer gay.

You want to dance?

Sure.

Much home alone, one, two, and three.

Hakeem, why won't a boy ask me out?

Well, for one thing, your dad's threatened every brother at the party.

For real? Yes.

Plus, you're intelligent.

You've got direction.

You've got your situation together.

Excuse me, that's a problem?

Well, yeah.

Look, Mo, you're a high -maintenance sister.

A brother gotta step to you with the full package.

Looks.

brains, and an ATM card.

So what you're saying is that they're scared of me, Hakeem?

Yeah.

Don't worry, Mo. Brothers are scared of me, too.

Terrified.

Look, Mo, forget all that madness.

Why don't you just go to the movies with me?

That's sweet, but no thanks.

Oh, come on, man.

Yeah, come on. We can have a threesome, later I'll drop her off, and we can have

a twosome.

We can all go to movies. I'll even drive, Mo.

Anybody got a paper? I think that new Eddie Murphy movie is still playing at

Dollar Theater.

Forget it, Ohaji. I'm not going anywhere with you, especially on a date.

What?

You hear yourself?

A date? Who say anything about a date?

On a date, you wouldn't have to buy your own popcorn, kick in your own gas

money, or hold your own hand. All I want from lovely is a ride.

No obligation.

I wasn't looking for any.

Good, so we understand each other.

Y 'all be ready by seven?

Makes me sick.

He thinks he's so cute.

Yeah, but baby's definitely cute.

Huh, Hakeem?

What? Oh, yeah, he nice.

He got a nice build.

I mean, I don't know. I don't look at dudes, man.

Yes, Hakeem, I'm not going to look at you. I told you I don't look at dudes.

I don't. I don't like dudes.

Checkmate.

Well, who taught you that move?

D.

It's a fool's mate, mate.

D.

Can you pass him her bracelet, please? Sure, honey.

Well, it looks like somebody's going out on a date.

Nah, a bunch of us just going to the movies. No dates.

So why are you dressed like that?

Dressed like what?

Like you're going on a date.

Miles, go do your homework.

She's the one with the freak -like knee dress.

I don't see why all of a sudden something is wrong with my dress.

All of a sudden?

Baby, that dress was wrong when they picked the cotton.

Then I guess it was wrong when you and Dee gave it to me for my birthday,

Would you talk some sense into this girl?

Because I can't talk to her anymore.

Don't pay him any mind. He's just nervous. Your 16th birthday hit him kind

hard. What is he nervous about?

Oh, you know the usual.

You having sex, getting pregnant, and dying of some disease.

He doesn't have to worry, because Hakeem said I'm too together for that to

happen. Oh, and what does a two -together woman do to prevent such

happening? Dee, you gotta trust me. I know how to protect myself. You do?

How? Well, for one thing, I got these.

Condoms. Mo, are you having sex?

What?

You know, are you doing the wild thing?

Getting down, slapping shoes?

Slapping shoes?

It's knocking boots, Dee.

Are you?

No, I'm not.

Well, then what do you need these for?

Somebody gave them to me for my birthday.

Well, who would give you condoms for...

Kim. Maybe.

Well, you know, there is a better way to protect yourself.

I know. Don't do anything at all.

That's my right. I gotta go.

I gotta go.

Have a good time.

Not too good a time.

Hey, Ohaji.

Hey, what's up? Where have you been, boy? I've been trying to reach you all

I've been around.

Well, not around me.

Listen, the gang's all over here. Why don't you come and join us instead of

sitting over here by yourself?

Excuse me, Taylor. Ohaji isn't by himself.

He's with me.

Oh, Moesha. Do you know I did not see you sitting over here?

I was blinded by the glare from Kim's swampy lip gloss.

Don't you start it, bougie. Don't you start it.

Anyway, you're still welcome to join us if you like.

Well, no, I'm cool. I'm going to just sit here and hang with Mo.

All right.

Well, you know where to find me when you're through slumming.

She better be happy my fries are coming.

What's up?

We together now?

Please, don't ever try to play a player. Why? Because you might get...

Happy birthday.

Look, I didn't open it the first time you gave it to me, and I'm not going to

open it now. How open it?

Boom! That's a pretty fly fly swatter you got there.

That's right.

That's the dream catcher right there.

The what?

It says it right here. Look.

The dream catcher was used by the Woodland Indians to catch all dreams,

bad.

The bad dreams are held to the first morning light, then burned off.

The good dreams filter down to the feathers where they are held to return

another night to be dreamed anew.

That's beautiful.

I'm going to buy you one of those so you can dream about me.

They better get me that nightmare model.

Frank, what are you doing in here with Moesha's diary?

Proofreading.

I had to do it, baby.

This child was sneaking around with a boy before she was 16.

It seems as though sneaking runs in the family.

Frank, you know that isn't right.

Dee, I've been raising these kids for 16 years. I know what I'm doing. And I

have been teaching 16 -year -olds for 16 years. I know a thing or two, too, you

know. I'm sorry, baby. I'm just concerned about Mo.

No, you just don't trust her. Yeah, and from what I just read, I got good

reason, too. Yeah, see for yourself.

Huh? Look, she's been walking in the park, holding hands, feeling

butterflies.

Congratulations.

You've got a normal teenager.

Frank. Honey, just talk to her.

Moesha and I had a very straightforward, honest conversation.

That girl has her head on right. She's very mature.

Oh, please, Dee. She's a child.

She may be inexperienced, but she is not a child. She is gorgeous, has a body to

die for, and carries condoms in her purse.

Condoms?

Dee, you gave her condoms?

No.

Somebody else gave them to her for her birthday.

Well, now, who would...

Kim.

Maybe.

Well, did you take them?

No. I don't have a problem with it. Well, I do.

Well, too bad you never talked to her about it.

Frank, if I were you, I would put that back where I found it, exactly how I

found it.

What are we doing here?

Yeah, man.

Well, what are we doing here?

I just figured, you know, we could just kick back, listen to some music, catch

some dreams.

You dreaming, all right. Take me home.

Yeah, man. Just drop me off at the bus stop.

What's wrong with y 'all? We just got here.

Well, you can stay, because I'm going.

Yeah, I'm with Molly.

Yes, you are. This is my chance to brown sugar, and you all block it.

I'll let me check. He doesn't want to be what you think. Well, did he tell you

something? No. Then how do you know?

He just left. Ran down the road.

Hakeem! Baby!

Hakeem!

Hakeem!

Take me home, please.

Alicia, why are you fighting? You know you like me.

I'm not fighting anything yet.

So let's light that up.

Now that we can finally be together out in the open, you're not done.

Not with you.

I wrote a poem for you.

I'm not trying to hear your tired poem, Ohaji. Save it for your goofy tale.

Oh, I can't do that.

I wrote it just for you.

Matter of fact, I called it just for you.

Moesha, I'm sorry for any pain I may have caused you.

I've been dogging myself ever since I hurt you.

I was stupid.

And, yeah, I was wrong.

I would do anything, anything to make it right.

It doesn't rhyme.

We do.

No, you're doing it again.

Doing what?

Making me like you.

What's wrong with that?

Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Ohaji, but you're a dog.

Yes, but a loyal one.

It doesn't matter. You're bad for me.

You end up breaking my heart.

Oops, you already did that.

Wait, wait, wait. I thought we agreed that that didn't officially count.

Take me home.

Just like that?

Just like that.

Moesha, I'm telling you. Take me home, Ohaji.

Say no more.

Hi, Daddy. What you doing out here?

Waiting for you.

Why? I'm not late. No, I know, I know.

It's just the time we talk, Pumpkin, that's all.

About what?

How about your date tonight?

It wasn't a date.

Well, you saw a movie, right? How was it?

Weak. I can't believe Eddie Murphy used to be a big star.

Trust me, your kids are going to be saying the same thing about Martin

So, uh...

How's everything going between you and your boyfriend?

He's not my boyfriend.

He? Does he have a name?

Look, Pumpkin, I just want you to know that you can talk to me or not talk to

about anything.

Because I trust you.

And I believe in you.

And I'm here for you. No matter what.

Daddy?

What?

Why are boys such dogs?

Now, that's a good question.

You know, boys sometimes can be real idiots.

So can men.

So can fathers.

Tonight, I had a real conversation with my daddy about everything, even Ohaji.

And he didn't act weird or anything.

Except he offered to tie an Ohaji up if I wanted him to.

I told him I would get back to him on that.

I gave him my birthday condoms to keep until I needed them.

He wanted to know when I thought that might be.

And I said, when I get married.

Then he said, so you won't need them.

You know what?

He's right.

Lizzie McGuire celebrates life as a teenager, where anything and everything

go wrong. But with the help of her family and friends, everything will be

right. Yeah, right.

It's where school, cool, and exciting adventures are just around the corner.

out of three isn't so bad. Get inside her head. Lizzie McGuire.

Weekday afternoons on Superstation WGN.