Original subtitles

It'd be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

It'd be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

There you are.

Special delivery, sir, from Manchester.

Anything to pay?

Only a tencent.

Oh, smacking. How long have you got? A whole week. I've reported sick.

Ah, better get you to bed then.

I thought you promised Maureen.

I have.

I can't keep away, eh? I know the feeling.

Heard indoors made me promise to give up the GGs once. I spent all my time in

the betting shops.

Without having a flutter? Oh, leave off, Morris.

What was it Karl Marx said?

You can resist anything except temptation.

25. Pardon?

25.

You're supposed to be a maths teacher, aren't you?

What?

Good girl.

A friend of yours, Maureen?

One of my students.

You're not gambling by proxy, are you? I am not a gambler, Arthur. You know

that. I'm like any businessman who has done his homework. I never make a move

unless the odds are in my favour.

So why are you skinned?

With a wife like mine and two kids at Millfield, anybody would be skinned. The

word is that you've done a packet at Crockford's. That's why Maureen blew the

whistle on you. I told that. You've got to speculate to... To accumulate.

Why? With development money.

Merci, monsieur.

Got to take a break, Mr. Nicholson.

All right, Mr. Horner. I'll keep your seat warm for you.

Monsieur Fett, bonjour.

Another of your students, Morris?

Yes. What is this? An adult education course?

Teamwork, Arthur. It's the only way to beat the house.

What's your game, mate? Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I didn't see you. Look where you're going, mate.

Have you boosted up or something? Well, of course not. It's just that I'm a

little short -sighted, that's all. Come off it. You're completely legless. Look

at you.

What's all this about?

Ask this joker.

He took a swing at me.

Had a cup of too many, if you ask me.

But I assure you...

I haven't had a drink all evening.

Oh?

Why, you smell like a bloody distillery. Come on, Satch.

Something wrong, George?

He tried to smash up the washroom, Mr Parsons.

Do you want to press charges?

No. Just show him the way out.

Go on.

Shut up.

Not many.

How long? Oh, tell me fast.

Ten.

All members of your night class, Morris?

Yeah.

They don't look like punters.

That's the point.

Terry, what are you going to do?

Well, I've got a few ideas.

Hello, with your life.

Oh, come on. I thought this was a social occasion.

Well, what's going to happen when these muscles aren't muscle enough anymore?

I don't know.

Suppose I'll have to go back to flying Concords.

You never make any plans. You just drift around letting that Arthur con you out

of your hard -earned wages.

You should be saving for a rainy day.

I'll leave it out. It's raining hard enough already.

I'm investing a whole week of my life in you, you lunatic.

I want to know if it's worth investing any more.

You'd better check out the interest rate. Oh, Tim, shut up.

Three, four thousand, eight hundred.

There we are, sir. Thank you.

Thank you.

Luck had nothing to do with it, eh?

Nothing. And there's a lot more where this came from.

If we're allowed to finish what we started.

Well, it can't chuck you all out.

They don't have to.

If they novel just one of us, the whole coupon is null and void.

Hey, your pupils, are they using their own money?

So you can't lose.

What's your share of profits?

50%. 50 % of my own five grand on one night.

That's a result worth protecting, Maurice.

Oh, Maurice.

Would you like to buy me a drink?

Yeah.

Oi.

I'll tell you what.

I'll buy you both a drink.

Could be big money, Terry. I've clocked the potential.

Two of them won nearly five grand between them.

Yeah, but how much did the others lose?

Peanuts. That is the principle of Morris' system.

See, working as a team, the punter is always ahead of the game.

And what is more, Morris doesn't even use his own money.

All right, sad they were lucky.

Tomorrow they'd be unlucky.

Look, if Morris has a system and he says it works, that is good enough for me.

He is a pro.

Yeah, I know. I've seen him in action.

Remember? He's seen you in action too, which is why he wants to hire you.

Hire me?

Yeah, to look after his six punters.

You see, if one of them can't take the field, the game's off.

No,

I'm sorry, mate. My flag's down this week.

I'm on holiday.

Holiday?

Freelance like you? You can't have holidays.

You have to take the work as it comes. No, he bloody doesn't.

You ought to have more respect for Terry, Arthur. You need him more than he

needs you.

I do not need him.

Minders are two a penny.

Minders with brains.

All right, I grant you, Terry is a slight cut above the average. But he

Henry Cooper, is he? He isn't exactly snowed under with offers of deodorant

commercials. Look, Arthur, come on. Oi, oi, oi.

Excuse me.

Do you mind not talking about me as if I wasn't here?

No, I'm sorry, Arthur.

I'm not available.

Oh, suit yourself, son.

I'm just trying to slip you a quick 600.

How much?

Well, no point in talking about it if you're not interested.

Did you say 600 for just one week's work? Look, my agreement with Morrie is

of his 50%. He reckons I can clear five grand a night, so work it out for

yourself. No, maybe not. Look, six times 250 is 1 ,500. Split 60 -40. No need to

ask which way.

Women. Always do get in the way of a relationship.

You think about it, Terry, and give me a bill, eh? But don't leave it too long,

cos there's plenty of fellas who'd break a leg to earn that kind of money.

It's four o 'clock. Where the hell have you been?

There was a shocking accident down... The bone one. Maurice!

You promised.

No more poker, shimmy, blackjack, kaluki, roulette. In a word, no more

I did not gamble. On my mother's life, I did not have a single punt.

Oh, you went to the Beaumont not to gamble.

I was giving lessons.

Lessons? Teaching something in it, out of bed. For that, they need a teacher.

Sure, you've got to have a system, otherwise you're dead.

These punters, how did they hear of you?

I advertised.

I didn't tell you morning because I thought you might not go for it. You

go for it.

How much are you charging?

That depends.

On what?

How much they win.

Suppose they lose?

I guarantee results.

Like you've guaranteed results at Crockford's?

That was a dry run.

This is for real.

So you are still gambling?

Other people's money.

Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, I have to make a living, haven't I? Are you sure

haven't been out with some bird?

No.

This is kosher.

My word of honour.

It's going to get me out from under.

Well, just as long as there's no -one else I have to get out from under.

It's an offer you can't refuse, isn't it?

It's 600 quid. You must admit, it is a bit tempting.

More tempting than me.

Look, we'd still have all the days together.

Just as long as you don't fall asleep.

Now, when have I ever fallen asleep, eh?

Eh?

I've just thought of something.

Look,

there are three birds on Maurice's team, right?

Well, there are some places I can't follow them.

You're not trying to turn me into a minder.

It means we've been together, wouldn't it?

And you might earn yourself a few reddies, a hundred quid or something.

A hundred quid for a week with you?

Makes me sound like a whore.

Get out.

If you were on the game, you could charge a lot more than that.

Could I?

I've got to be honest with you, Terry.

It could get dodgy. I mean, they can't actually throw us out, or we could

complain to the gaming board.

Well, they've started getting a bit naughty.

No, but I don't get it. Look.

Roulette is a game of chance, right? And the house always has the edge.

So what have they got to be scared of? Well, they're scared of me. They know I

never go into anything unless I have the edge.

Yeah. Oh.

You mean it's a sure thing?

Bloody hell!

Look.

A team of six can cut down the chances of big losses to an absolute minimum.

Every night, one or two of them will hit a winning run that can turn a small

punt into a very big payout.

Safety in numbers.

I've spent a lot of time and effort on this, Mr. Martha. Now I want a result.

How long do you want?

A week.

I'm not greedy. I just want a fair return on my investment.

That manager, Parsons, he don't like losing.

And already he's seen enough to know he's on a hide -into -nothing.

Try another club. No, it's too late. The world will have gone round by now. They

refuse his membership besides.

Besides what?

Besides that bastard Parsons.

I owe him one.

First he bars me from his poker tables, now he's putting the frightness on me

punters. And they're getting a bit nervous, you mean?

Well, they'd feel better if they had some protection.

Right, you'll need some evening schmutter, Terence.

I might be able to help you there.

Oh, I've got that blue suit of mine, that's all right. You can't wear that

thing. No, you want a proper DJ, bow tie, you know.

Look, I've got a consignment of DJs here, just in from Czechoslovakia. Get

jacket off.

I'll rent you this one cheap.

You'll rent it to me.

Well, with an option to buy, of course. Here, I'll try that on for size.

Hold on.

Get the mirror, would you, Morris? Yes, sir.

What about pennies?

No doubt you've got a concession of evening gowns from Romania.

Funny you should say that. I know where I can lay my hands on a lovely little

creation. One of next year's Paris collections.

Next year?

Yeah. A fella knows a fella.

Been working there for months making copies.

Look at that. Look at that, Terry. That could have been made for you.

Ace.

Seems a bit tight.

Yeah? No, it's the way you're standing. It's found up straight.

That's it. That's it. Lovely.

There you are.

Nice shirt to go with that. What do you want? Flat or frilly?

Flat. Flat, yeah.

Pair of pumps?

Nice tie?

Bow tie. Bow tie, yeah. Yeah, nice bow tie.

Lovely. Right.

Hang on.

I'll go and get one.

You all right?

Very. Thank you, Kevin. Oh, thank you.

I'll see you myself.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Who are all these people?

Um,

housewife, accountant, building contractor.

Catering manageress, retired major.

Appellé Noir? Math teacher.

They're all gamblers, eh? No, no, none of them have ever played before.

I didn't want spinners.

They're liable to go off the rails and do their own thing.

You expect them all to win?

No, of course not. But with my system, the ones who win, win far more than the

others lose.

You'll see.

Monsieur, faites bonjour.

Bonjour.

How are you doing? Je vais bien.

I don't understand it.

Please please tell me we've hardly had a win all evening.

I should stick to the major if I were you.

He's cleaning up.

It don't make no difference.

Whoever I stick with, they all seem to be at a losing streak.

Yes, Arthur, that's what they keep telling me.

It's near Froy, Champagne Pass, Ruyen and Numero.

Coffee, madame.

Sorry, madame.

Oh, no, no, I'm relaxed. Calm down.

That's it, it's happened, right?

You okay, love?

I'm all right.

I'll be back in a moment.

Go on, the car's took leave.

I don't know why, madame.

Sorry, love.

She's coming back.

She'll only be a minute.

Well,

you took that very calmly.

Well, the way things are going, I could afford a new one.

I've been watching the major.

He's over 3 ,000 ahead.

Well, it's just as Marius predicted.

You think he's a genius, don't you?

Fancy, indeed.

Oh, it's not that obvious, is it?

I'm very mocked.

Call themselves gentlemen?

I've been standing for hours and not one of them has let me have a seat.

Well, I mean, I'm not really into women's lift. But you'd think some of

blokes would learn some manners.

How's the injury, Mr. Warner?

A bit painful, Mr. Michael.

Just feel the damp weather we've been having.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur.

monsieur. Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur.

Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame,

monsieur. Madame, monsieur. Madame, monsieur.

Madame, monsieur.

Madame, Excuse me, sir.

Not your territory, this, eh, Major?

I beg your pardon? Take my advice. Quick while you're ahead.

Why are you so healthy?

Were you threatening me?

Just trying to save you some grief.

Look what happened to America when she tried to fight on someone else's ground.

I shall report you to the manager. What's your name?

Waste of time. Pulling rank won't do you no good in here.

Then I'll complain to the gaming board.

Oh, I shouldn't do that, Major.

Got your address from the membership book.

Been making some inquiries.

Your old lady.

Drives a Ford Cortina, right?

Registration number... SHB876R.

Fell in the garage, told me the brakes were a bit dodgy.

Wouldn't surprise him if she had a nasty accident one of these days.

And if she does, we'll know who it's down to, won't we?

Who are you?

I am the Major's batman.

I do all his dirty jobs.

Yeah, well, I was just saying...

You should take the money and run.

Thank you, Major, if you don't mind.

I need a little chat.

You are well out of order, Sunbeam.

Now, you tell your boss if any of my girls and boys are hurt, I will come

looking for him.

No, you won't.

You're only a Todd, aren't you?

So you're just going to have to swallow it.

You reckon? Yeah.

There's six of them, right? Not counting Michaelson.

You can't mind them all.

Just you watch me.

We've got a problem.

Why?

I think they're going to try from it. Probably away from here.

Well, how do you mean?

I've got all the names in the addresses from the membership book, haven't I?

How'd you suss that out?

I just caught the geezer trying to put the screws on the major.

Now, luckily, they picked the wrong bloke, right? But it's not going to take

much to scare some of the others off, is it?

And I can't split myself six ways, can I?

No.

We're going to have to keep them all together, all the time. Yeah, I think

you're right.

Where? Hotel or something? No, no, no, no, no, that's money.

Hey, how about your drum?

My drum? Yeah.

Oh, sleep it out.

I've only got one bed, remember, and I like to choose who I share it with.

You got the floor, haven't you?

I can lay my hands on some very high -class sleeping bags.

A mate of mine bought a job lot from the last Everest expedition. I'm sorry,

mate. Penny will never wear it.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I will split the tape with you, 50 -50. No, I cannot say fairer than that, can

I?

Well...

She took the week off just to spend it with me.

Oh, she will be spending it with you.

She was so well off the population of bleeding London.

Look, look.

Look on it as a sort of test.

If she stays the course, then she really cares.

And if she don't, give it that.

Another three nights you'll get before us, eh?

That's all we need, and we'll murder them. Don't you worry, they'll be quite

safe.

Terry.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Ah, no sweat, Morris.

By the end of the week, they'll be buying you a complete new motor.

Hold on, hold on, no.

Hang loose a bit, Pete Cole.

Yeah, um... Look after him, will you? You and I. Tell him I'll, uh... I'll go

cap.

You'll keep cool, then.

Morris,

you're a lovely car.

My Mimi's just outside. Can I drop you?

Milk,

but no sugar.

Coffee, please.

Strong and black.

Have you any cocoa or hot chocolate?

I'll see.

Two teas, two coffees and a cocoa.

Cocoa? Or hot chocolate.

Make it three teas, then.

Could you do it, please?

Here you are, six sleeping bags, still in their original cellophane.

I thought you said these were used in an Everest expedition.

Yeah, well, I mean, they had to go to the cleaners when they come back from

MLS. I see.

And this is the original dry cleaner cellophane, is it? That's it, my son.

Everything all right? Everyone quite comfortable?

Comfortable? I was more comfortable out in Kenya fighting the Mau Mau.

I'll be fair, Major. You had all your amenities out there. Nappy stuff for cut

-price booze. All the local talent you could manage.

You can't expect Mr McCann to compete with that, can you?

Terry?

How long are these people staying?

Well, it's a bit hard to... Come on, out with it. How long do we have to put up

with this invasion?

Well, Arthur thinks maybe a week.

The whole week?

You invest.

I'll make it up to you.

I don't fancy playing love to you in the middle of Picard and his herpes.

Come on, every other week's. I wouldn't bet on it.

Oh, if that's anybody else wanting to make a reservation, tell them you've got

plenty of room.

There's a couple of inches you haven't let behind the record player yet.

Hello?

Oh, hello.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

All her clothes are still here.

And her jewellery. I mean, can you imagine Maureen taking off in the middle

the night without a sparkler? And you reckon it's Parsons?

It's got to be.

I'd get her back as long as I promised never to darken his doors again.

That's a joke for the old Bill, isn't it?

No, no, look, well, old uptale. I mean, I'd rather keep it in the family.

See what you can do, eh?

Me?

Well, if the old Bill gets a bit busy, there'll be no more pay nights at the

tables. The publicity could finish us.

Oh, yeah.

And what's the wife compared with a wheel and a little white boy?

Had it all.

Arthur.

Come here.

Can you hang about here for a while?

Why, what's the problem?

Morris, the old woman.

He thinks they're holding her to put the black on him.

What can you do?

I don't know, slap a few riffs, I suppose.

Look, I did a deal with Morris for you to mind this lot for him.

If you're going to go tearing around looking for more, you're not going to

to renegotiate.

That's right, Arthur, yeah.

And if I have to fish her out of the river, that's got to be worth another

hasn't it?

Terry, where are you going?

Oh, someone at the door.

Hello, love, come in.

Come in.

Just in time for a nightcap.

Oh, my dear.

Sorry, mate, we're closed.

Is Parsons here?

He's counting the take.

He won't see no one.

Where do you think you're going?

To talk to Parsons. What about?

Ah, that's between him and me.

Wrong. It's between you and me.

Here you go, sir.

Hold it.

Oh, you've got a nerve coming back here.

We could really smack you around a bit.

Know what I mean?

Then hand the pieces to the old Bill.

No, you wouldn't do that. Why not?

You wouldn't fancy the scandal.

What scandal?

Terry McCann, hired muscle, late of H .M. prison, comes barging into the club

and tries to nick the take.

In the ensuing struggle, members of the staff try to restrain him, and he breaks

his arm.

Nothing scandalous about that, is there?

Oh, but it wouldn't only be my arm that got broken, would it? I mean, there'd be

a lot of other damage.

Oh, that's all right.

We're fully insured.

Even for kidnapping.

What? You snatched Michaelson's wife.

That's why you can't call the old Bill.

Come and sit down, Mr. McCann.

One minute you're going to break my arm, the next minute it's come and fit down.

Now, what is your game?

How would you like to work for me?

Why?

Why? Because I pay damn good wages, that's why.

What is the going rate for kidnapping these days?

Suit yourself.

Tell Michelson he can have his wife back if he takes the punter somewhere else.

She's OK, is she?

All completely unharmed.

And if your governor doesn't need told, she'll stay that way.

That's the deal, then?

That's the deal.

Right. Right!

Now you tell your monkey to back off or I'll break your neck! Do as he says!

Come on, where is she?

I don't know, honest!

Are we going to have to do this the hard way?

I didn't even know she was missing until you told me.

Look, McCain, we might go a bit over the top occasionally, but kidnapping,

that's not our game.

Take my word.

Take his word? Why should we take his word?

Because if it was him who snatched Maureen, he wouldn't have changed his

would he? He'd want to keep the pressure on, right?

So why wouldn't he tell us he was holding her?

Maybe because she was holding him and he was a bit short of breath at the time.

All he had to do was give me a false address and he was off the hook.

No, I believe he's telling the truth.

All right.

So where is he?

I'm sorry, Arthur, but that's your problem, isn't it? I've got to be

back. Hang on a minute, Terry. I've got to find her and you've got to help me.

Well, why not report her missing?

Well, she's not missing, is she?

Yet. Well, I mean, not for certain.

I reckon you and me, we could... We could ask around a bit first, couldn't

Hold on, hold on. What about that flat full of punters you've given me?

Well, Arthur can look after them.

Oh, look, that bird of yours, do you think... What's her name?

Penny. Yeah, Penny.

I mean, do you think she'd come round here and sit by her phone?

As it happens, I think she'd do anything to get out of there at the moment.

But you've got to ask her.

Well, not exactly flavour of the month at the moment.

Yeah?

Morris?

Hey, look, what's happening?

Where's Terry?

Well, send him home, will you?

I've got to get out of here.

Even her indoors is better than this.

What?

Yeah, all right, but it'll cost you.

No, no, she's here on the floor beside me.

Yeah, all right.

Tell her.

Oh, wait.

What's the name?

Thingy. Hey.

Wake up.

Wake up, darling.

No, no, no, it's not Terry. It's Arthur. Get off. Get off.

Oh, please, God, make it a nightmare.

That is not very nice.

No one looks their best at this hour in the morning. This is madness.

I'm going.

Where are you going?

Up north, where there isn't such a housing problem.

Up north?

How do you feel about ending?

Look, there are thousands of women swirling round Brent Cross every

Who's going to remember Maureen?

Anybody she bought anything from. She's the last of the great hagglers.

Yeah, but there's nothing special about her, is there? I mean, be fair, she

don't exactly stand out in a crowd.

Do you mean she hasn't got big tits like the scrubbers you knock about with?

Don't go over the top, Maurice.

Personality, Terry, that is what makes a woman stand out, because you wouldn't

know anything about that, would you? The only time you notice them is when

they're horizontal.

Listen...

I don't suppose you'd ever see her in this movie, would you?

I mean, any chance that you might think about it?

She'd buy me, wouldn't she?

No. But you're not allowed to buy me.

I don't know.

What?

She'd buy you.

Um, would it be possible for us to have a drink when you finish work?

No.

Oh, yeah.

I remember her.

She was in here yesterday around, um, tea time.

Told the manager if the scones were stale.

Gave her a right rollicky.

Was anyone with her?

Yeah, another lady.

What's she look like?

Big, lousy, bit parked, if you know what I mean.

Dripping with furs and jewels.

Sadie. You know it is? Yeah.

She's an old bat that Moe plays bridge with.

She caught her husband in bed with the au pair, took him for the national debt.

Now she carries on a one -woman crusade on behalf of the downtrodden wives of

Endham.

Downtrodden? Look, no offence, Maureen, but Maureen's about as downtrodden as

Margaret Thatcher.

Well, we've got to find out, haven't we?

What? It's as if he's been put in a bootlid.

We'd like a word with Mrs Gilbert, please.

Maurice Michaelson.

I'll see if she's in.

Cheeky girl.

Place, mate, you sure you want me along?

You're supposed to be a minder, aren't you?

This is where you start earning your wages.

This way.

Sir.

Sadie. Long time no see. How you been? You're looking wonderful. Cut the crap,

Maury. The reason we don't meet is we can't stand the sight of each other.

Who's little boy blue?

If, if, uh, Terry McCann.

He's helping me look for Maury.

Taking off again, is she?

About time, too.

I was wondering if you knew where she was.

Me? Why should I?

Well, for a start, you spent yesterday afternoon with her down at Break Cross.

We have been having a nosy, haven't we?

Did she say anything about going away?

What do you care?

Sadie, be nice.

I'm her husband.

It's a bit late now, isn't it?

If you wanted a keeper, you should have started acting like I've been years ago.

How was that supposed to mean?

You're a schmuck, Morrie.

You always have been and you always will be. I've told Maureen. What can I say?

If there's anything I can ever do for you, don't ask me. It's what you've ever

done for her.

You're a lazy, good -for -nothing scrounger who can't even be bothered to

job. I've got a job. Just because I don't work regular hours doesn't mean I

haven't got a job.

Gambling's not a job.

It's just an excuse for a night out with the boys. And the girls. Oi, hold on.

Now, what are you on about?

Oh, it talks.

I beg your pardon?

This geezer has just lost his mistress, right? He don't need all these verbals.

Now, do you know where she is or don't you?

As it so happens, I don't. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. That I can

believe.

Look, if she's decided she's had enough, good luck to her. The best thing she

can do is get a divorce.

Well, then take him to the cleaners like you did your old man.

I think you'd better leave.

I think you're right.

Come on, son.

She obviously don't fancy fellas.

You could break that.

Thank you. Mr. Daly. Oh, thank you, my dear.

Thank you.

You thought what you're going to do with all this dough you're making?

I mean, two or three fowl each. I mean, it's not a fortune, but it could turn

into a nice little nest egg if it was handled properly.

You have something in mind, Mr. Daly?

Me? No, no, no, no, no.

Oh.

I know a fella who bought 200 acres down on the Algarve.

He's selling it off at two grand a plot. Now, if you was to invest in a bit of

that, sit on it for some time, you'd see it triple in value.

Or you could do a deal with one of them property developers down there, get him

to build you a nice little villa in exchange for a partner to rent or even

sale. Either way, you can't lose.

Unless the land turned out to be worthless.

Eh? I had a client who invested 10 ,000 in just such a scheme in the south of

France. Well, the area was just as the vendor described, except he forgot to

mention the nuclear power station in the middle of it.

That is just bent, isn't it?

Honestly, some of these villains, they've got no principles at all.

I do not know how they get away with it.

Woman, what's she sound like? If you'd sent that sort of message through the

mail, you'd have to wrap it in a plain cover.

Well, she didn't seem to be in any trouble.

Trouble? If she could have reached through the phone, I'd be the one in

It's got to be Mum.

Yeah, but why does she walk out like that?

Do you have a row for me?

Nothing important.

She accused me of being out with a bird, but I told her it was strictly

business.

Do you believe it?

Yeah.

I mean, she wasn't too pleased when she heard what her business was, but...

Well, instead I've got to make a living.

So the last time you saw her was when she left for Brent Cross, right? Yeah.

Where she met Sadie, who probably told her you were no good for her.

She's heard all that crap before. That's no reason for her to suddenly go on a

missing list.

Twelve.

She came back.

She came back after I left for the club.

Hold on.

Look, if you're thinking of leaving someone, you don't go shopping, bring

gear back and then leg it, do you? Why not?

Pass.

Hold on, hold on. What?

I've just remembered where I've seen that lady before.

Where? In the club last night.

Lady? Yeah.

Well, she's no gambler. She's always selling more in. It's a mugs game.

How about this?

Maureen meets Sadie at Brent Cross, right?

Maureen goes on about she thinks you're up to naughties.

Sadie wants to play detective.

So she goes down the club, sees you leave with the Welsh bit, phones up

and tells her she's right.

This Sadie?

Big, brassy woman, mid -forties?

One hundred.

She came into the ladies when Jackie and I were talking.

She must have overheard what we were talking about.

Well, what were you talking about?

Morris. And how she fancied him.

Oh, my God.

That dude hasn't explained why all her staff is still here.

I mean, where can a woman go without a change of clothes?

New discolony?

Hmm.

I'm sorry.

Clothes.

The Grange.

The what? The Grange. It's a health farm near Arklay. Morning goes there when

she's depressed.

Ah, there you go, then. No.

There you go, my friend. You're going to have to bring her back. Go.

Listen, you can explain to her that there is absolutely nothing, nothing

me and that bird. I mean, maybe she'll listen to you. Yes, you tell her.

Manage that, can you, Terry?

Just describe the relationship between you and me. She'll get the picture.

Come on, Penny.

Listen, there's no need for you to try and mood it.

Well, I feel like a trickle, hardly.

No, I might even treat you to a sauna.

Sweet of you, Terry.

But all I need is a bed.

A single bed.

See what you've done, Maurice?

Started a bleeding epidemic.

Oh, no, no, no, that comes later.

After you've heated it up, then you let it cool down.

And then when it really starts to congeal, can you use pistachios instead

strawberries? I'm mad about pistachios. Oh, yes, yes, I suppose you could do.

You'd have to chop them up very fine, of course. Then you could spike the

vanilla with a little kiosk. Oh, shut up!

I beg your pardon?

I came here for some peaceful quiet, not to listen to a couple of pot -bellies

rumbling. Excuse me, ladies, I've just had a word with Mrs. Microton.

That's it, son. You take her home to Dad.

This is no place for skeletons.

Um, can we go somewhere?

You're wasting your time, Terry.

Morris wants you to come back.

He's ever so upset.

So upset he sent the office boy. Yeah, go to the club. Look after his punters.

That Welsh part, you mean. She's the one he's looking after.

He's not chasing that bird, honestly.

Sadie got it all wrong.

You talked to Sadie?

Yeah, right next to her, eh?

I suppose the voice that answered the phone at my own home was the recording.

No, that was Penny.

Penny? That's my bird.

She was just answering the phone while we went to Brent Cross.

To look for me?

Yeah.

You got a motor, Terry?

Yeah. Only to hang about, then?

Well, what shall I tell Maurice?

Tell him I'll be back tomorrow.

Oh, terrific.

Monsieur, rien n 'a va plus.

You shouldn't have sent Terry out of town, Morris. You really shouldn't have.

Who's going to look after this lot if there's any bother?

There won't be any bother.

If they start anything, then Terry will come looking for them.

That'll be a lot of use to us with our legs in plaster, won't it?

Arthur, relax.

You're insured against minor injuries, aren't you?

You have got no priorities, Morris. That is your trouble.

There's plenty of time to go looking for your wife when all this is over.

No point in leaving your investment unprotected.

It is not unprotected.

We've got you, haven't we?

Anything wrong? Not many.

I've seen kids do it better than that. I don't know what you're talking about.

No. Get your coat off.

Don't be funny.

Mr. Parsons?

Yes, Mr. Michael.

A friend here.

He's got two 1 ,000 chips up his sleeve. He took them from the top of this

lady's pile. I want him searched. Now, look here. Just a moment, sir.

You realize, Mr. Michaelson, that's a very serious accusation.

And if it proved to be unfounded, this gentleman could sue you for flounder. I

will. I didn't ask for legal advice. I asked to have him searched.

Very well. Shall we do it in the office?

Please continue, ladies and gentlemen.

Come on, I'm trying to get a witness. You're sure about this? I mean, wouldn't

it be better just to forget it?

Forget it?

Two grand?

Arthur, you're not well.

I won't be if I go in there.

Come on.

George, help the gentleman off with his coat, would you?

Now, Mr. Michelson, you say this gentleman has chips up his sleeve.

Which one?

The right one.

Roll up your sleeves, sir, please.

You bastard.

If you set up, you parmed him. That's enough.

Take Mr. Michael from outside.

I suggest the back door.

Take him for a drive and convince him.

It would be in his best interest not to come back.

Go.

You won't get away with this, Parson. You will not get away with this.

Harper, come with me. What? I'm going to get a stamp in.

Yeah, well, I told you not to stick your neck out.

Sorry about that, Mr. Parsons.

He's not himself tonight.

Bit of wife trouble.

Not your fault, Mr. Daly.

Friend of yours, is he?

Friend? No, no, no, nothing like that. No, no, no. Hard to learn him.

Bye -bye.

Cheers. Have a look in his pocket, will you?

There should be two grand in chips.

Right.

No.

Bloody amateurs.

Trying to con a pro.

Arthur. Oh, Terence. Nice of you to show up.

I've taken off for foreign parts and leaving your reverend guy to mend or

for himself.

Foreign parts? I went to Artling. Yeah, well, as long as you're not expecting

any wages for tonight, that's all.

Oh, I thought we were on a percentage.

Yeah, yeah, we are.

But a percentage will have to be adjusted, won't it? I mean, naturally.

Oh, yeah, naturally.

Hey, hey, have you seen Morris?

Yeah, outside.

He was getting a good hiding. Oh, my God. No, don't worry. He's all right.

gone home. He went to shoot the cash up and then back to his gaffer to share

out. Oh, thank God for that. I told the punters. Here.

Better have that.

Good boy.

That's why we get on so well together, you and me.

We can trust each other.

Ten and a half from the other two nights.

That makes... 27 grand.

13 and a half is mine, and 13 and a half split six ways is 2 ,250 each for you.

Mr. McCann, if you would do the honors.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Good night. Thank you.

And I'm sure you'll all agree with me when I say that we've had the time of

lives. Oh, that's lovely. That is lovely. Good night. Thank you. Good

Good night. Good night.

Good night. Thank you very much. You know, I still don't see why we can't go

Well, Major, as the Duke of Wellington said, when they've done their brains,

a boot in.

Maybe we'll get together again sometime.

Yes, yes, maybe. Do you gentlemen need financial guidance? Just give me a bell.

Any hour of the day or night.

Here we are, my dear. It's half a day. Good night.

Here we are, my dear.

Goodbye, Maury.

Pity we couldn't finish what we started.

For you, it's a pity. For me, it's muscle. Good night.

10 % for 30 and a half grand.

30 and 50, right?

Right. What's 50 % of that?

Hold hard, young Terence.

Oh, here we go.

What's that mean, then?

Well, it's always hold hard, young Terence, when it's time for my wages,

it? Listen, I did a grand at the tables. That's down to you.

What are you talking about?

That's legitimate expenses.

I had to do a bit of punting while I was supervising the operation.

Supervising? Watching them rake in their chips? Oh, that's bleeding hard work,

isn't it? And another thing, you didn't turn up tonight.

I turned up in time to save you two grand. I'm not saying you was wasting

time. But what you was doing was a favour to Morris.

And I reckon you should foot the bill.

Fair enough.

If and when she comes back, it's worth a tonne. There you are. There's another

one. 200 quid for two days' work. You can't grumble, son, can you?

Stick with me. I'll make you a millionaire.

I don't think I could afford it, Arthur.

Eh?

If I ever got my hands on a million...

I'd still end up owing you two.

Terry, I almost forgot.

That bird of yours.

Oh,

have a listen.

Dear Terry, I've decided to take myself off the sick leave. My doctor's been so

busy, he's been unable to give me his undivided attention.

So I'm off to the north, where they take better care of their patients.

Penny.

Well, what can I tell you?

Win some, you lose some.

Cheers, pal.

Cheers.

What's up?

You want to start?

Do you want to slide over and let me have a go?

It's funny. I haven't got the knack, I suppose.

Maybe I should follow in my motor just in case it falls or something.

Maybe you should.

All right, then.

lose some, you win some.

I've changed the situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.

I'm gonna help you. Love you like you want me to.

I'll do anything for you.

I'll be so good for you. I can be so good for you.