Original subtitles

♪ I wonder if one day You'll say you care ♪

♪ Hey, Mike, let's do somethin' crazy ♪

♪ Angel of my dreams ♪

♪ I will always love you and hate you ♪

♪ It's not fair… ♪

There's no way.

I don't know. I don't think anything happens to us after we die.

-Excuse me? -Nah, she's right.

-Bugs eat us. -Mm.

I thought last week you said you was a spiritual babe now.

♪ I'm lookin' away ♪

♪ I'm lookin' away ♪

♪ I'm lookin' at stars fall down today ♪

-Oi, little one. -Oh.

-Hi. -Hi.

You said it was gonna be low-key, but this is, like, really low-key.

-I saw a loose pig. -Oh yeah?

-And a duck takin' a bath. -Jess, this is Auggie.

Well, hiya, Jessica. Heard a lot about you.

Shut the fuck up, man. That's Eoin.

-Hi. -Don't forget my lady woman, Pamela.

Sorry, Pamela.

God, you look like someone famous. Who is it?

I don't think anyone could look this beautiful.

Rachel Leigh Cook. Got it.

Who's that?

She's All That. '90s icon.

You know, she takes off her glasses. She's hot now, but she was always hot.

She was in those, um, Say No to Drug PSAs.

-You know? "This is your brain on heroin!" -Yeah, we don't know what that is.

The barmaid just gave me these because I'm a legend.

-Fucking hell. How many have you had? -Hey, do you want one?

-No, I'm all right. This is Denby. -So puritanical, man.

He's just trying to keep a healthy vibe, man.

Shit. We should go get our stuff together in a minute.

Our stuff is together, man. Look at this place. It's a pig farm.

We're playing to pigs.

-Hey, this is Jess. -Hi.

-Jess, this is Polly. -Hi.

-Nice to meet you. -Hi.

-Hiya. -Whoa. We kissed. I love it!

-Thanks for coming. -Hi. How are you? You look so good.

Polly's gonna hang with you while we're playing. All right?

Yeah. Oh my God. I'm really…

-Yeah, as cool as your jacket is. -Oh, merci.

Cool.

Ah.

Well, okay.

-Bye-bye. -Go, my child.

-Like the wind. -Yes.

What? Bonjour.

-Let me introduce you, Jessica. -Yeah.

-I'm Polly. -And I'm Polly. Hi.

Holy hell. Three beautiful Pollys.

Beautiful ladies in… in England.

If it's easier, people call her Polly A, me Polly WP, and her Polly NTD.

NTD, that's me.

It's not easier. It's harder to…

It's more to memorize. Um, I'll just say, "Polly, get over here!"

-And you three will come. Yeah? -That was loud.

So you guys know Felix for a long time? You've known him?

He's like a cousin, just hangin' around? You know him so well.

Do you remember? When Felix was 17.

And then he dressed like Sid Vicious?

And then he had that minor male eating disorder.

-Do you remember that? -I thought he'd just die.

Like, I wanted to breastfeed him to keep him alive.

-To nourish him. -But you didn't breastfeed him, did you?

No, I tried, but no milk.

You know how it is. If you have no eggs, it doesn't work.

Hello, Hackney. We are Sleaze!

This is for the piggies and the donkeys and all you other mad fuckers.

And this is "Push Tuck."

What do you want?

-Can I have a Negroni, please? -Negroni.

-Beer, immediately. Actually, a Peroni. -Yep.

Oh. I'm good with water. I'm not really drinking.

-I'm kinda sober. -Oh, cool.

Me neither. I only drink beer. It helps me to stay hot.

Um, so, one of you went to Portugal with Felix?

We all did. Wasn't that the trip?

-Where he fell off the cliff! -Yeah! Yes.

Polly ran to the bottom, and he was sitting up,

quoting Bukowski like nothing had happened.

That's so good.

And then I sunburned my corneas because I was staring at an eclipse.

And they left me in a dark room for like a week on my own.

-It's true. -You didn't hear about that?

Oh my God, I do remember this story.

Felix, ugh, I love when he tells me his stories.

I know so much about him. He shares a lot.

Beers, bitches!

Thank you.

-Water, boring. -Cheers!

Cheers, cheers, cheers!

Cheers.

Amazing day. We're having an amazing day.

What can we say? We're having an amazing day, right?

-Yeah, true. -So which one of you is closest to Felix?

In, like, a family, sort of "you're my sister",

"you're my homie, my main homie" sort of way?

Oh, "I can't imagine my life without you," but it's in a very sibling, sibling way.

I mean, it's all of us, isn't it?

Yeah. Nonhierarchical friendship, you know?

Which one feels like you're creatively in line with him,

and what he believes in,

and what is important in life and love for him?

Which one of you is the most, "You're my confidant."

"I will tell you everything."

"Late nights, early mornings. Let's go to a diner!"

-Whoa. Did I sleep a long time? -All of us.

Like, it was so long, I can't remember the question.

So, he tells all of us everything.

Three musketeers, you know? But, like, four.

Okay, fine. Um, sure.

All right, here we go. So you and Felix used to fuck?

Oh wow. Please don't say that. Vulgaire.

No, it's, uh… I don't know.

I felt really safe with him for the ten years that we were lovers.

-Yikes. That's a long time. -Yeah, big time.

And yeah, I learned a lot about myself.

But now he's more like my child or, like, who knows? My fifth husband.

And there will be five. At least.

Hey, Felix.

Felix?

He's probably looking for something.

I saw Denby lick his phone, so they're probably racking up.

-Mm. -No, they're not.

He's sober, so they're not rackin' up, they're not rackin' down.

Felix is not sober. Is he? No, he's not.

But I'm really excited to see him play. He's such a good philanderer.

-Wait, what? -I mean orator. He's an amazing orator.

Like, his chat in between his songs is fucking great.

LOL, they mean such different things.

No, they don't.

Philanderer and orator? Are you joking?

-It's good. -You know who doesn't have good chat?

-Oh. Are you taking a picture? -Yeah.

I like to capture a discomfort moment.

Oh, get another one. I'll smile.

-No. -Okay.

-Hey, cutie. -Hey.

-Can't talk now. -Hey, you… are outta here.

-Just setting up. -Let's do it. Let's get the ket.

Do you want some of this?

No, no. I don't think that I should try cocaine.

I mean, my heart's racing as we speak, so…

It's ket. It's not coke.

…amine? Ketamine?

Oh no, no. God no.

I read in the Daily Mail

that it turns your gallbladder into marbles.

Yeah, if you snort it all day, every day for like a decade, maybe.

No, it's okay.

It's just, reality will leave you, and you're gonna have big ideas.

Again, I'm sober curious, so I'm not even drinking.

So get the stuff away from me. I won't be able to stop.

I'll have to get help. I do not want that. No.

Stuff went down in New York that I don't want to talk about.

Stop asking me.

-Home invasion! -You write that out in blood, bastard!

You know what? Okay. Let's do it.

I will have some. I will have some.

Well, every woman worth her salt will… will… is… should try it.

Try it once. I'll try everything once.

Doesn't mean I'll try it twice.

-Get it. -Let's do it.

I can't wait to do ketamine with my girls. That's a big bag.

♪ Push ♪

♪ Tuck ♪

-♪ Push ♪ -Whoa.

Oh my gosh.

-♪ Push ♪ -Um…

♪ Tuck ♪

♪ Push ♪

-♪ Tuck ♪ -Whoo!

♪ Push ♪

♪ Tuck ♪

-Um… -Oh, am I missing the fun stuff?

She just snorted a lorry full of ket.

-Do you want some? -Uh, is it too late to snort it out?

You know, I wonder if it's too late.

I feel like… you have beautiful hair. Your hair is so pretty.

Yeah. It's gonna be okay. Wow.

Camera.

♪ Push, tuck ♪

Bit of dirty ket. I'm not above it.

-Please don't have any jealousies with me. -No.

When you're young, you have sex with everyone you love.

I mean, that's how you know you love them.

And Felix was there when my mum disappeared from a boat in Marseille.

And he walked me through the dark very gently.

That's why he's just my friend.

I feel like there's, like, a delay. Like you're talking, but I'm like…

Do you hear me? Like, do you hear me if I go like…

Do you hear that? If I'm doing that,

you hear the sound like I'm doing an alarm sound?

You're sweet. Like, really.

Oh my God. There it is. My soul's leaving its body like an Uber.

I… I… I have so many questions.

I… I can't go. I have the questions.

Like, when a triplet dies, do the other two triplets become twins?

Like, or are they just like, "Yeah, I'm a triplet,

but don't ask about the other one."

Or, do I have a soul phone and then a regular phone?

Like, a regular phone to text my family

and then a soul phone is like when you really connect.

Am I the Meghan Markle of, like, fat white bitches?

Please, do not look at me like a monster.

I'm not looking at you like a monster.

I'm looking at you like a cat.

You look like a cat, and cats scare me!

I don't know what they're thinking.

They're so selfish. They're just like, "I need to sleep."

And Felix is probably up in the clouds searching for me,

or maybe he's gone down to the pits of hell

to see if the flames are licking me.

He probably thinks I'm dead! He probably thinks I'm dead!

No, everyone knows you're alive.

Breathe. Breathe with me.

No, like, normally. Like, no tongue.

-Are you trying to fuck me right now? -Huh? Never.

Don't say never. I'm really sexy.

You need to see me without all my sweaters.

No, I already see everything. I'm just saying,

I'm trying to bring you to calm, and when you breathe slowly,

you can self-soothe.

Don't need the tongue or anything. Just in…

Just take Felix. Just take him.

It'll be like taking a purse off an old lady.

-No. No, no. -Tell me about it.

Tell me about how it is when you guys make love.

Oh wow. No, no. It's like, our love was quite toxic.

We… neither of us liked to be told what to do,

so we triggered each other,

and now that we say bye to sex, I can feel his heart.

Which is so pure, and it always has been.

It's just like, he's my friend, and I'm glad to have him by my side.

But, yeah, and it's… I'm lucky that he want to be.

Because I was really not so easy to handle during those days.

I had a lot of anger,

and I expressed myself way much more with my body than my words.

With your tight pussy. He loves it.

No, it was more like punching him in the face, but…

-Okay. Mm-hmm. -Anyway, he… he's loyal in his way.

It's okay. We all have to accept the role we play in relationships, you know?

But what if you didn't play a role in the relationship?

You know, what if your behavior was literally perfect

because you're an angel, but the other person changed

and the other person got really mean like a monster.

I'm asking for my cousin… friend Shelby.

Cousin friend.

Uh, I would say to this Shelby that

even heroes make mistakes when it comes to love. Okay?

♪ You're right ♪

♪ You're right, Polly Heroes make mistakes ♪

♪ Heroes make mistakes… ♪

Oh my God. Have you seen her over there?

She is killing the vibe. We've got to get her out of here.

This is embarrassing.

Someone do a pulse check on the vibe because it is dead.

Okay, you know what? I think you should just…

I shouldn't have sang. Why did I do that? I don't know.

-Sometimes, you know, it's… -I thought…

You should go to your place, lie on your bed, walk through your memory,

talk to the small girl you were,

and have a nice sleep on a fluffy pillow. Okay?

You come over, we order a pizza, we watch a movie.

Yeah, I don't think so, but I will send you pictures.

Okay.

♪ Breathe in till you're alive ♪

♪ You're alone In the rhythm of somewhere ♪

♪ You're alone In the rhythm of somewhere ♪

♪ You're alone In the rhythm of somewhere ♪

♪ You're alone In the rhythm of somewhere ♪

♪ You're alone In the rhythm of somewhere ♪

Hey, you've reached the office of Relix Femen.

I don't really want a voice message. I find them sort of violent.

Anyway, peace, bye.

This mailbox is full and cannot accept new messages.

Come on. Just say something.

I know you can.

Oh. We're not done. We're not done.

Uh, your friends said they were going to the next bar.

Okay, well, where'd they say they were going?

They just said the next bar.

Okay, well, I was still working on my pizza.

Okay, well, no one asked me to protect your pizza.

You shouldn't clear food when someone's in the bathroom.

They're probably coming back to eat the food.

What do you… what do you want?

Just maybe give me another slice or something.

You can get another drink, and then you can get a pizza ticket.

That's how it works.

Okay, I don't want a drink. I want my pizza.

Okay. I don't know what to tell you.

-You really shouldn't mock customers. -You started it.

What if that's how my voice sounds all the time?

Hey. Hi.

Hi.

You know, I was, uh… I was this close to saying something to save your pizza,

and then I chickened out.

Hindsight's always 20/20.

You really should have said something. I screamed at that perfect person.

-I know. I'm sorry. -I'm not normally that fired up.

The pizza's really amazing. It's like the perfect pizza.

It's like pizza from Home Alone. Perfect crust, perfect amount of cheese.

Thank you. Thank you.

It's like, everybody's always like, "DeFaro's is the best," you know?

But no, this… this is like mamma mia.

-This is authentic pizza, right here. -Mamma mia.

-I own DeFaro's. -Oh, that's you?

You don't like that place? That's my place.

Oh. Hey, come with me.

-Hi. How are you? -Stop.

-Fine. -Um…

I couldn't help but notice

that you had some, uh, pizza tickets lying about,

and I was wondering if we could maybe grab a few?

-Sure. -My friend here, she had a family tragedy.

-Oh man. -My family's… died. Is dead.

Yeah, and… and the only thing that could cheer her up is…

-Well, yeah, take 'em. -Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, no worries.

I'm really sorry about your family.

-You're really crazy. -Why?

That was really crazy.

-You didn't know that guy. -But…

What if he is a serial killer and he's gonna kill us

because we stole the ticket?

-I mean, them's the brakes, right? -Mm-hmm.

Um…

-I'm Zev, by the way. -Zeb?

Zev, with a V.

-Zeb? Am I saying that right? With a B? -No, you're not.

-With a B? -You're a jerk.

♪ Hits like ecstasy ♪

♪ Comes up ♪

♪ And bangs the sense out of me ♪

♪ It's wrong but surely worse to leave ♪

♪ Oh, and she hits ♪

♪ Like ecstasy ♪

Wow, thank you. I liked the spin.

-That was nice. -Wait.

The spin.

That's a chin.

♪ Here comes a Greek tragedy ♪

Shh.

I'm sorry.

Let me see if my roommates are here.

You have roommates? I don't want to wake them up.

Sarah?

Jessica? Parker?

Is anyone home?

Wait, that was really funny. I thought that you had roommates.

Oh no, I do have roommates.

Their names are D.J., Stephanie…

-Oh, okay. Okay. -Kimmy Gibbler, Uncle Jesse.

Boo!

Oh my God. Sorry.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy 29th birthday, dear Jessica ♪

♪ I love you ♪

You do?

Yeah.

A lot.

Like, so fuckin' much.

I love you so much.

I never dreamed of being loved by someone like you.

-I feel like you're better than my dreams. -Aww.

-Thank you. -This might have melted.

-I'm gonna have it for lunch. -I scared a lady before you, actually.

-Really? -Yeah, and then we made out.

-No! -She was shocked, but…

I think happy, maybe?

And remember, my man, no cheating, all right?

I know it seems easy now, but it'll get you in the end. I promise.

Trust me. Unless you're rich, then you can cheat all you want.

-Fair. -Not before that.

Let him cheat. He can cheat. Some of the most intelligent people cheat.

This looks like Francis II.

It does. Look at that.

Why are you mortaring so much?

-Or pestaling? -I'm not. I'm pestaling.

I don't know. 'Cause… You said to make it really…

I know, but what are you even… That's too much.

-It's pepper and other pepper. -Too much.

Zev, honey, could I trouble you to take off my sock?

Your sock? Uh, yes, please. It would be an honor.

-Would you like a massage too? -Oh, I'd love a massage.

Don't rip her socks off like that. It's so sexual.

Oh, stop it. It's adorable.

Look at him! He reminds me so much of my deceased husband, Henry.

He was a terribly cruel man, but he, like, had that gap in his teeth.

I could never get over it.

It's called a diastema. I looked it up recently.

He never told me that.

Careful, Zev. This is how the Salmon women get you.

First, it's the sock, and then it's a disorienting compliment.

And the next thing you know,

you're picking your son up from Capoeira, and you haven't had sex in six months.

Thank you.

Let's not pretend you've ever picked up your kid from anywhere, anytime, anyhow.

-Thank you, Mommy. -Hey, have you been tested for low T?

Have you ever been tested to see if you're a sociopath?

Grandma is not a sociopath.

When she hit that guy with the car, she felt really bad.

Yeah, she also felt alive.

And we are very good friends now.

It's all good. We're calm.

-You're friends? -Yeah. You're too close. It's weird.

They don't want to be thinking about all this depressing stuff, do they?

You know, nobody wants to hear about this stuff here.

These people are young, in love. They're having a good time.

They don't want to hear about people who got hit by cars

and lawsuits and all this junk.

It's like, come on.

And they also don't want to hear about

the fact that a relationship can be passionate and connected and intense,

and the minute you bring a child into it,

the connection is gone, and it's crushed like a hothouse rose.

-No. I want to talk about children. -It's crazy, what you said.

I think Jess would make an amazing mother.

-Really? -Yeah.

Yeah, I have this vision of you surrounded by,

I dunno, six, seven, eight kids.

-Six, seven, or eight kids? -Nine?

-Are they my kids? -I would hope so, yeah.

-Oh my God. That's really nice. -Thank you.

-I want to have kids with you. -Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

-Right now? -Okay, okay.

Honestly, you could stand to be… do some of the things…

He rubbed Grandma's feet.

He sat and played cards with our son.

-Things that you actually... -I talk to our kid.

-I talk to him. -Well, you know what? Here's the thing.

It takes a little effort to become a part of the family.

I have been a part of this family for a long time.

What are you talking about?

You know, there's also… It's good to have a little conflict.

I'm not saying that it's a terrible thing because that's how you get closer.

Then that means that you and I are really close, sweetheart.

Aww.

Wait, babe.

Don't, that's my best pillow.

No. No, I'm sorry. No, we can't let it in.

There's too much pink. Jess, there's so much pink.

It's like, I… I feel like a… a… a pink bouncer.

And I have to decide which pink is on the list.

Yeah, but pink's so fabulous. I mean, think of Miss Piggy.

She's like a sexy puppet. She has huge boobies.

Yeah, okay, well, Miss Piggy may be sexy, but that… that pillow is not.

Listen, baby, we'll… we'll get new cushions. Okay?

Better cushions. Our cushions.

It'll be like a… a metaphor for our life together. Yeah?

Okay, let's see what else we can throw out.

I love you right down to your bones.

I love you too.

I swear to God, you barely need to know how to type to write for Pitchfork.

They don't want my reviews, yet they're gonna let some girl

whose name is literally Holiday Blasphemy critique nu-metal music.

Just keep sending them, babe. They're gonna want them.

Your writing's so complex and funny…

Whatever. You skim it, Jess. Even you skim it.

I read everything that you send me.

Yeah, and you say the same thing every time.

"Amazing" with all caps and three hearts.

Babe, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?

No, I'm not mad. I just…

Listen, if we're gonna live together,

you can't always ask for constant reassurance.

Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood, you know? It's human.

Well, in my house, we weren't allowed to be meaner

to anyone else than we were to ourselves.

What the fuck does that even mean?

I don't know. It's something my mom used to say.

Well, maybe you should look into this stuff.

You know, maybe see a therapist.

'Cause it's actually really selfish of you

not to let go of this anxious attachment style.

The thing about the current aesthetic

is it's a regurgitation of a regurgitation.

The '90s were the '50s on speed.

2010s, '90s on ecstasy.

Every time we move past a recession,

we lean into this false American exceptionalism,

and it's… it's just exhausting.

Did you see that piece that just came out

where the writer used Lacanian theory of jouissance

to deconstruct our current obsession with vaccines?

Where'd you go to college to learn Lacanian?

Did I not say I went to Har… Never mind.

-Harvard? -Wait, no. She went to Harvard.

Harvard girl here.

I went to lowly Cornell.

Okay, one of those, is it?

Um, have you ever seen, uh… it reminds me, uh, Vanderpump Rules?

No, Jess. No one here has seen Vanderpump Rules.

I swear, you dress as a fuck-you to people sometimes, Jess.

It's like you want to make them feel like idiots for looking at you.

You don't want them to know you're beautiful,

or even me to know that you're beautiful.

I think you think you can't compete with someone like, uh, Gigi Hadid,

so you have to go in the total opposite direction.

How do you know who Gigi Hadid is?

Please, I know who Gigi Hadid is, okay?

I know culture. It… it seeps in.

Maybe I'm thinking of Bella Hadid. I don't know.

The point is, the Hadid beautiful is only one kind of beautiful.

Well, I like the dress. I think it's comfortable, so…

Yeah. But you don't want people to know that you're your own kind of beautiful.

I just like the dress.

I…

I… I don't believe it, Sally.

After all this time, you're not human?

I didn't want to tell you, Jason, but my name isn't Sally.

It's 3017B.

And I'm a machine who loves you.

Did he just wrap our Brita in foil?

What? He stole our Brita.

How long has this been true?

As long as I've been sentient.

Get your shit together, Isabelle.

…you worked in before it shut down.

They said no flash photography.

What are they gonna do, kick us out? They're seventh graders.

-What do you think? -Well, it's...

Oh God, shut the fuck up. I'm watching art.

Oh. Oh my. I haven't seen a play this good since Death of a Salesman.

Hey, guys. Maybe a whisper?

-Now you're being loud. -All of you are being loud.

Your voice carries. Your voice literally carries so loud.

You think you can talk in the middle of a play.

Whisper, Mom!

-That lead guy was good. -Yeah.

-William H. Macy vibes. -Mm.

You know, strong character actor who makes interesting choices.

-He was really incredible. -Yeah.

The girl, Isabelle, oh my God, what an ingenue.

The glow that disguises her inner pain.

What?

-It made me really happy. -Good.

But also kinda sad, I guess.

Why?

I don't know. I mean, they're in middle school,

and yet they're having more invigorating creative experiences than us.

We have so much to say, and we're just at home ordering Thai food

and rotting on the couch in our sweatpants.

"We"? I write every night.

While you're watching The Real Housewomen of North Carolina or whatever,

I'm workin' on my book.

Yeah, but you never show it to anyone.

Yeah, 'cause I don't write for other people.

And that's the thing.

You seem to think that you can only be creative in front of people.

It's like just for show. You know?

It's the same way you want us to be, like, this power couple.

Just so shiny.

Well, not everyone has to be shiny. You know?

It's actually offensive to all the real artists in this world

for us to think that we could just snap our fingers and be like them.

You're good at what you do, Jess.

You make it possible for other artists to make a living.

Embrace your role.

And… let me embrace mine.

Oh my God, we have to go look!

-Babe, please. Please. -No. No. It's… it's too dangerous.

We must, though. We must!

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

It's okay. That's okay.

Hi, cutie, cutie.

-Okay. We're not getting this one. -Yeah.

You're a muppet. You're a full muppet.

-Uh, is this really what you want? -Yeah, please.

Please, look.

He's so cute.

You're a baby. Aww!

-Well… -He's calling for me.

How could I say no to those eyes?

You look like a Precious Moments doll.

-Can we see this one? -Yeah.

Treats should be reserved for the moment your dog does something praiseworthy.

But everything you do is praiseworthy.

You are a magic girl.

I always want to give you treats because you're the best girl in the world.

I don't want you to sleep in the crate.

I want you to sleep in the bed.

What are we going to do for dinner?

I mean, we could do, I don't know, tacos.

But I don't want to do the walking tacos again, okay?

It's hard to make those at home. It just feels gross.

I'd say pasta, but we only have variety.

-Hey! -I'm sorry. Sorry.

God! What the fuck is wrong with you?

Uh, I'm sorry. Um, I think the dogs were saying hi.

You really can't be walking around in a peaceful neighborhood

with such a violent dog.

I think that, uh, she is fine.

There's nothing… She's done nothing wrong.

-I mean, she's a little overwhelmed. -Yeah.

Maybe you're making it worse.

Well, when I get overwhelmed, I take a Xanax, okay?

-I don't assault a neighbor. -Okay, pill popper.

-Okay. -Did you call me a pill popper?

Sometimes a dog will smell another dog's ass and not like the smell.

-It's science. -Well, I can smell your ass.

And it stinks, cunt!

Come on.

-Oh my God. -Oh my God.

What the fuck, Jess? That was fuckin' awful.

I know. She just called me a cunt. That was so scary.

You promised you'd train her.

Can you imagine the kind of shit we'd be in if she bit somebody?

-But she didn't bite anyone. -You're like a child.

You want the thing so bad but aren't willing to put in the work.

Can you imagine if we had a baby right now?

We don't have a baby right now.

Okay. I can't do this right now. I feel very fuckin' anxious.

Baby, come on. I'll get a trainer. I'm sorry, okay?

We'll get a bunch of trainers. We'll go to classes. I…

-She makes me so happy. -But don't you want me to be happy?

She called me "cunt."

Whatever. I don't know the politics when it's two girls.

I mean, my mom calls her friends cunts all the time.

Ugh!

Get rid of the dog!

-Where the hell is he? -We don't know, guv.

Well, find him! Turn him round. Send him back. Stake out the bedsit.

Get a car sent round to Furnham Road.

Get Maureen Havers on the phone. Tell her Hughes is running.

Hughes is on his way to hospital?

Aplin's on his way to hospital. Christ knows where Hughes is.

But he could hardly walk.

Yeah, and I wanna hear about that too.

Richard. Richard, get over to Anne Sutherland's place.

Now! Fast!

You're just socially gifted and taking pity on me.

I grew up in Des Moines,

which is a city, technically, but is absolutely not at all.

Des Moines, meet Watertown, Massachusetts.

Oh, shit.

Um, anyway, I was just so obsessed with watching his videos.

It was like this map to the future. Like, New York City.

I'd never seen somebody so unabashedly weird and passionate.

And nerdy.

-What? No, there's no such thing as nerds. -Uh…

-No, there's not. -I beg to differ. Yeah.

What? No, that's, like, an insult that idiots came up with

to make fun of people who care about things.

Damn. Never would've pegged you for a Nardwuar girl.

Well, maybe you shouldn't try pegging people so soon after meeting them.

♪ I got a body, I got a story ♪

♪ You got Your tongue-twisted fantasy wrong ♪

♪ Is she sleepin' when you call me? ♪

♪ In a second, I'm comin' for you ♪

♪ Stay ♪

Ooh, wow. What's with the glasses?

When did you get, like, a Supreme hoodie?

Fuck, Jess. I've got a meeting with my editor right now,

and you want to make me feel like a total douche?

No, I just want to know when you got a full new outfit,

courtesy of Vice Magazine 2010.

People are allowed to change. That's what good relationships do.

You know? They allow your partner the grace to grow.

I didn't complain when you stopped shaving your bush.

Hey, I didn't stop. I'm just taking a break.

Okay.

Also, I mean, I want you to change. I just…

I'm having, like, a really hard time. And you feel really distant.

You're always having a really hard time.

Yeah, I mean, ever since we gave the dog…

Dog, the dog.

Yeah, it's… It's like, if it's not the dog,

it's a fight with Leah.

And if it's not Leah, it's your sister.

-If it's not your sister, it's work. -No, please.

Some catastrophe that makes you disassociate.

So you buy stuff on eBay?

Yeah, like, I got a problem. It's, like, sort of an addiction.

I need you to teach me a lesson.

-I still don't know how to do it. -Hi.

-Oh, hey. Uh, Jess… -Hey.

Wendy. Wendy, this is, uh, my girlfriend, Jess.

Oh my God. Hi. So nice to meet you.

I think we met at, um, José's party. You were wearing, like, a scarf dress.

Oh my God. Yes. Nice to see you. Sorry.

Nice to see you too. I love your outfit.

I like that you could see your bra through your shirt. Fun.

It's crazy, actually. Wendy just moved right over there on Amity Street.

What?

That is crazy. That's surprising.

-New to the neighborhood. -Welcome.

Yeah. I was just buying crickets for my lizard, and I saw this man, so…

-She has a bearded dragon. -Yeah.

Chantilly. She's my baby.

Hope you don't get arrested for having an exotic animal.

-Actually, it's legal. -Okay.

But… yeah, it was a rescue.

It's so crazy. The lizards are so creepy. Their scales are always wet, you know?

Why are they always wet? I don't walk around all slick and slimy.

I mean, they're scales, so… It's, like, kind of the nature of scales.

But, yeah, they're not for everyone.

Anyway, um, yeah, I just saw this guy looking like a lost little six-year-old.

-What? -Yeah.

I wanted to find the manager to page your mom on the intercom.

-Excuse me… -Are you his mom?

'Cause… looks like you found him.

You've got to do something about this.

These shorts are, like, they're giving basketball PE, middle school.

They're cool. What are you talking about?

I mean, it's fine. You've gotta do something about it.

Oh…

-Okay. -All right. Well…

It was nice to meet you.

Hey, baby. Thank you.

Oh. Well, this is mine.

I didn't know you wanted one.

I think there's a little bit left in the French press.

Oh.

I'm not a mind reader, you know.

Okay.

-Hey. -For me?

Yeah, it's, um… it's an oat milk latte.

You've been on your feet all day, so I thought…

It's like, um… It's like, who does stuff for the people that do stuff?

-Thank you, Casey. -Yeah.

-That's really nice. Thank you. -Yeah, no problem. Yeah.

Uh, hey, man. I was raised by women. Um…

My… my mom and… and sister are really important to me.

They're both nurses.

They do it. They do it all, you know, and…

You okay?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

It's just really, really nice to have a guy like you

do something like this for a girl like me.

Yeah. Yeah.

-Sound like I'm in a movie. -Yeah, right.

-Yeah. Me too. And we're in New York too. -Yeah, here we go.

Uh, so fitting, 'cause we're, um…

Do you want to go get a drink or something?

-One sec. One sec. -Yeah.

I'm a young person in New York City!

I'm in… I'm in this… I'm in New York City too!

Oh my God.

Oh my God. That was so cool.

-You're so fun. You're really fun. -Do you? I like you a lot.

Do you know… Do you have a rubber?

-Wait, what? -Like, a condom?

A rubber? Like it's 1950? Why are you saying "rubber"?

Are we in Grease 2 now? Just pull out.

-No, that's a myth. -No, it's not a myth.

-I don't wanna… -How many pull-out babies have you met?

-I'm a pull-out baby. -What?

Yeah, my dad put it in my mom for like… like three seconds,

and then, uh…

-Okay, don't tell people that. -Now I'm here.

Uh…

-Okay, don't tell people that. -I think I love you.

Okay. Let's just… We're kidding. You're kidding.

-I'm kidding. Yeah, I'm kidding. -Thanks for the latte.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. I got… I got lattes all day.

That's… Maybe…

Okay, we'll just talk later. For…

-Just, shh. -Okay, okay.

'Cause you have to know, it's gonna change your life, like…

like, really change it.

And you're… you're not gonna sleep through the night ever again.

And… and… and you can't do drugs.

And you can't go on weekends with people you barely know.

And… and you're really gonna have to lean on Zev.

Like, really trust him.

You're gonna have to be on the same page, the same sentence,

on the same word, on the same letter, even.

And you know, it's not just fun times at the park and bubble baths.

It's actually… It's… it's a lot of work.

It's… It's kids constantly asking you what they're gonna eat next

and telling you how bored they are.

And you know, you're just… there's just feces literally everywhere.

Shit.

You just scared me.

Sitting there like a fucking ghost.

We're just gonna hang out in the dark, then? Super.

I think that, um… I think that we should talk.

Because I… I don't think that

it's working out the way that we want it to.

I knew it.

What?

I knew I'd be spending Hanukkah alone.

Well, do you still love me? At all?

I don't know.

Okay, well, um…

I'm pregnant, so I guess I'll go get an abortion or something,

if you don't.

Yeah, that's probably the right idea.

God.

You make me feel fucking crazy.

Like, I'm just, like, drowning in an ocean,

waving my arms around for help,

and you're just standing there, smiling at me.

Like, you don't even know what's going on.

You don't even see how lonely you've made me feel.

You're one of those guys who thinks that he wants a strong woman,

who loves all the bright, big things about her,

but you fucking don't.

I used to feel so special about me.

And I really don't.

You just want to beat me into submission.

Maybe not with your fists, but with your words and your lack of love.

It just feels like a bunch of little paper cuts.

But imagine your whole body covered in paper cuts.

You know, you're really, really good at turning everything into a sob story.

This whole time we've been together, and you're just saying this now?

If this is how you felt, then why didn't you just end it?

Huh? Why couldn't you just be brave and end it

and have the decency to give me to someone who fucking wanted me?

But instead, you waited around. For what?

For what? For…

For you to love me like you did when it started.

I don't know. Maybe you do feel alone because of me.

Or maybe it's…

Because at the root of it all,

you really are just a fucking cunt.

♪ When someone tells me They're from Massachusetts ♪

♪ Now I always ask what part ♪

♪ I wonder If you kept the pilgrim ashtray ♪

♪ And if it's still propped up On your bar cart… ♪

Oh, it's okay. It's okay.

Here we go.

Now, I need you to count backwards from ten for me.

-All right, Jessica? -Mm-hmm.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven…

Six…

♪ You said goodbye ♪

♪ You're gonna stick ♪

-Hey. -Hey.

Hey, it's okay. Jessica, lie back.

You did just fine.

Everything went perfectly well.

No, wait. Wait. I need to go get my dog, though.

-I need to go get Cutesie. -I know. I know.

-I'm so… -Please.

I don't know where she is. She doesn't even know her way.

Okay. just let it all out, honey.

She doesn't know where I am.

Mom, why are we moving her in an ice-cream truck?

Honey, it's not an ice-cream truck.

It's a taco truck, and Raul gave it to us for free.

I love this part.

♪ It used to be so easy Livin' here with you ♪

♪ You were light and breezy And I knew just what to do ♪

♪ Now you look so unhappy And I feel like a fool ♪

♪ But it's too late baby, now It's too late. ♪

♪ Though we really did try to make it ♪

♪ Something inside has died ♪

♪ And I can't hide, I just can't fake it ♪

♪ Oh, no, no ♪

♪ Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding Ding, ding, ding, ding ding, ding… ♪

Stop. Stop.

You always want me to stop singing, honey,

but this is the way I'm making the moment more tolerable,

and we will make a memory out of this.

Yeah, a memory of you crashing a taco truck. Mom, stop.

Under ten pounds? We do have one.

No applications yet. Her owner was 90.

Slipped in the bath and died.

Took over a week to find her.

She's a little traumatized.

That's okay. So am I.

Oh my God. She's so beautiful.

She's perfect.

Hi, Mama. Oh.

You are naked. You need jeans.

You need a pair of jeans and a shirt.

♪ I don't want no one else ♪

♪ I'd like you for myself ♪

♪ You don't' know, but… ♪

You can't just use me for my key. This is the last time.

Hey, um, just let me know

if you don't want him here because I will handle it, 'kay?

"Handle it." What's that mean?

You don't even want to know, mate.

Hey, what's happened?

Were you watching The O.C. again?

Just have some Wagamama.

It'll put you right.

-Cool, thanks, man. -All right. Okay, shout if you need me.

Sorry.

Hi.

Why did you leave?

Because you were all coked out, and you started to ignore me,

and I thought two could play that game, so then I took a bunch of ketamine

from Polly Three,

and then it was too much at once,

and then Polly One started looking like a fucking cat.

Okay.

You thought I was on coke?

Uh, yeah.

Why did you run away?

'Cause I was stressed out about the gig.

And I had diarrhea.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, I didn't think about that.

Don't… don't think about it.

It's… not a good image.

I'm so happy that you had diarrhea.

I thought you didn't want to be around me or something

'cause your friends are so cool.

They're not cool.

That's why you're crying? 'Cause you thought I'd taken cocaine?

-Ignoring you? -No.

I found the whole thing kind of embarrassing, to be honest with you.

Hmm. Me?

No, the gig. It was, like, all fucking shit.

You're such a good singer.

Yeah, but I feel like I'm in a wedding band or something.

A wedding between a pig and a goat, and their parents don't approve,

but despite their cultural differences, they're in love?

What?

Look at you.

What?

You're so, like, alive.

It's all goin' on.

Thanks.

I… I don't want to say anything to you that I've said to other people before.

Um, but… like, I've been thinking about it a lot,

and I feel like it's actually getting scarier not saying it,

and I just want you to know that… I… I really love you.

And, um, I wish there was, like, a new way to say it.

Like, I wish there was other words, but I do.

Yeah, I don't know how to say it back. Sorry.

Um…

I just have, like, a…

Yeah, like, I have difficulty with that word.

-So… -Yeah.

But, like, I have, obviously, like, a lot of feelings.

And, like, if I…

If I knew how to say it, I would say it.

Sure.

Yeah, it's okay.

It's hard.

I just… I probably am, like, feeling weird

from the drugs.

-Do you want, like, a tea or something? -Yeah, thanks.

That's nice.

Ketamine is, like, quite dehydrating, so…

-You okay, yeah? -Mm-hmm. I'm okay.

Thanks for…

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said anything.

All right.

One tea, comin' up.

Not too hot, yeah?

♪ I can be your dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman ♪

♪ I can be your dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman, dream woman ♪

♪ I can be your dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman ♪

♪ Dream woman ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Dream woman, dream woman ♪