Original subtitles

Dear Wendy Jones. London was meant to be different.

I was supposed to be off having intercourse

with a handsome stranger in a chic members' club,

not setting fire to my life again.

Only this time, it's literal.

-It's literal fire! -And what happened to you?

Oh, I had an accident.

I'm not maimed, but I am a bit crispy.

Apparently, I can leave my CoO,

country of origin, something you probably don't get,

'cause you're dumb, but I cannot leave my own chaos.

Sarnie?

No, thank you. No, thank you, nurse, on the sarnie.

I don't need a sarnie. I need actual pain medication.

Like Dilaudid or ketamine or even Demerol at this point.

Just give me an epidural. I don't care.

Well, you're, um, due some paracetamol if you're in pain now.

If I'm in pain now? I've been in pain for 24 hours.

I know my face is stunning and untouched, but I have a horrible burn under my dress.

Do you care?

You have such a nice face, but you're a really bad nurse, sister.

I'm not kidding.

You're giving me pills I could get at a bodega.

I can't give you anything else.

Well, then we find ourselves at a standstill.

Oh. But if you come visit me at Angel's Aesthetica in Marylebone,

on a Monday or a Wednesday…

I do injections there.

I do, like, Botox, fillers…

I mean, my speciality is a lip flip.

And… we prescribe Valiums too.

I will take the sandwich. Thank you.

Enjoy your sarnie.

Oh my gosh.

-Come on. Let's get outta here. -God, how did you get in? Astrid!

She's not allowed in here. Dogsona non grata. Let's go.

What are you doing? I… I… I can't go.

I… I'm an injured person in an injured place.

-Where they take care of injured. -Let's go.

-And I have an IV in my arm. -Close your eyes. Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

-Okay. -Ow!

-Let's go. I got your shoes. -Okay. One second.

-Stop making so much fuckin' noise. -Okay.

-We don't need those. -Okay. Oh, I don't know.

-♪ Pressure to party… ♪ -I feel like I'm breaking out.

-Mind out. Mind out. -Okay.

-I'm just gonna follow you because, uh… -Congratulations!

-Whoa. Sorry, dude. -Sorry.

-Oh! Whoa! -Oh God.

I feel like… like… I feel like I'm gonna run into someone.

Sorry!

But I didn't sign anything. Are the police gonna come after me?

National Health Services, queen.

Do you know what that is?

We all got proper emo about it during COVID. It's quite a big deal here.

-Uh, are you driving me, or what? -Oh fuck.

You know, you don't have to be so aggressive to me about it.

-It's a simple mistake. -Cold?

Oh my God! Fuck.

Oh fuck. I'm sorry. Let me get this out of your way.

Oh.

-Wow. There's a lot of… stuff going on. -Sorry, dog. It's a bit ashy in here.

-Try not to breathe too much. -There's a lot of cans down there.

-Thirsty. -Yeah, sorry.

Don't worry about that noise. That's just… I think the battery's running out.

-But it's been fine… -Should we be driving this car?

-It's like… -Yeah. Been my car for ages.

'Kay. Guess we're not buckling up.

Wow. Smoking near a burn victim. That's really bold of you.

I mean, being a burn victim's pretty retro.

-Mm. -Okay.

Um, uh, you know… it's funny, 'cause, uh, you set yourself on fire,

and I once set this car on fire.

What? How?

It was just, like, a big night. It's not actually an interesting story.

Just for the record, I didn't light myself on fire.

-Fire lit me on fire, so… -Okay.

I'm so sorry that he's smoking.

You hate the smoke.

Fuckin' hell. All right. Fuck you.

-Fuck you. It's gone. -She hates it.

I can't believe that I trusted a guy I met at a bar with my princess.

We didn't meet at a bar. We met at a pub.

-Oi, we met in a pub? -Okay.

You want a scone, guv'nor?

Yeah, right. So that is…

Just so you know, is the most annoying genre of American humor.

Just saying what we've said back to us but in a weird EastEnders voice.

You're not charmed by me?

That is a really needy question.

-I'm not needy! I'm not! -It's a needy question.

You're needy. I don't need anything. I'm a chill girl. I'm normal. Chill.

I'm independent, and I don't need any validation from you.

-I made you a tea. -Oh. Thanks.

I love night tea.

I would normally try to hide this look from you, you know?

But fuck it.

This is who I am. I wear a pioneer nightgown.

If I was a superhero, this would be my costume.

What would your name be, though? Or what would your superpower be?

I guess the name, Pioneer Woman. And the power, eroding boundaries.

Nice.

Oh fuck. It's already 5:00 a.m.

I have to get up in a couple hours for work.

You hungry, by the way?

-Do you want one of these? -What is that?

Jaffa Cake.

-You don't know what a Jaffa Cake is? -Uh-uh.

It's basically a mélange of chocolate and orange on the top.

And then on the bottom, it's like… Well…

Actually, there was a bit of an outcry about the name of them.

Because, basically, they tax biscuits, but they don't tax cakes.

So, basically, the Jaffa Cake people had to go to court

to, like, prove that they're cakes.

Because they do sort of seem like biscuits.

-Like, they come in a sleeve, so… -Cool trivia.

Yeah, just a bit of a Felix fact.

I actually really like trivia.

Makes me feel sort of calm, but also… kind of weirdly powerful.

Mm.

Why did you come back?

Uh…

Dunno.

I'm gonna take off my big dress…

Mm.

-You have a lot of layers on. -I'm sorry.

It looks like you're going snowboarding or something.

-No, it's like… -So, why are you wearing it?

-It was my dad's. -Oh.

Okay.

-Are you in pain? Are you okay? -Well, it's fine now.

Okay.

Thanks.

It doesn't hurt? Like I'm pushing on the burnt bits?

-Like… -No.

Is it better if I, like, come over, more on this side?

You just have to stop talking.

-I just wanna be distracted, okay? -Okay.

You're, like, acting like you're on a talk show.

-Wow. That's a lot of eye contact. -You don't like eye contact?

No, I mean, I don't hate it. It's just…

I don't know, maybe more of a third-date thing in this country.

How… how would an English girl do it?

This is how I steal your soul.

You have to look at me.

-I've never had sex before. -Oh, fuck you.

-This is my first time. -Fuck you.

Whoa.

You look really different to how you did yesterday.

How so?

I don't know. Like… manager of a bank or something?

-A bank manager?! -Yeah, but in a good way.

I have a job. I can't just wear whatever I want.

I can't, like, wear a tutu or something.

Well, neither can I.

You have to wear shoes in most places these days, don't you?

I mean, what am I supposed to wear? A big, big T-shirt like you?

Hey. I like this T-shirt. It's cozy.

And it sort of makes my head look smaller. Have you noticed?

It has a tiny-head effect.

Yeah, I love the tiny-head effect. It's just so hot. Like sex on a stick.

It's making me wet. I'm gonna slip out of my business suit.

Um, so, do you think you're gonna go, or…

Yeah, at some point.

Okay. Good to know. Make yourself comfortable.

Shall I see you again, or…?

I mean, I think it'd be kind of weird if you spent all day in my house

and then I didn't see you again.

One hour. Or like four hours, maybe.

Okay. I'll get out of your hair, then.

-What is your job, by the way? -I'm a stripper.

♪ I was on the plane with Dwayne You can call me Whitley ♪

♪ I go to Hillman Listen, I'm the baddest… ♪

Excuse me! I'm so fucking late.

Oh, good God. Okay.

♪ I was fuckin' with base I was pitchin' to Frankie… ♪

-Okay. -♪ Get 'em a hanky ♪

♪ Mommy, I'm cold, gimme my bl… ♪

So, we got this. It's ours!

When we say Pip & Partners Christmas advert,

what we're really talking about is a moment in the year.

One single moment when the culture comes together.

You see, this is not some posh, woke, uh, John Lewis bullshit.

This is populist and pure.

That's why we're so excited to have Rita Ora.

Mm! My Albanian duchess.

The thing I love about Rita as Santa

is we're subverting expectation while playing into it totally.

-Mm. -She is exactly what Santa is not...

Yeah. We still have to make it nice. And feminist.

Um, uh, Josie, uh, you can handle that, can't you?

-You know about that stuff. -Sure. Yeah. I'll relish that opportunity.

Yeah. I want you to get Stella McCartney on the calendar for this week.

She's expressed an interest in collaborating on the, uh… Santa bikini.

Santa bikini? I am screaming!

Um…

-Oh, uh, and of course. Welcome to… -Jessica.

Jessica, our new line producer, all the way from New York.

Yeah, I mean, it's such an honor.

-I feel I'm gonna be a part... -All very well.

-Scatter. -I've prepared a little something.

Uh, I trust that, uh, you're settling in.

Of course, if you need anything at all, just ask.

Well, not me, but, yeah, someone.

-I'm Josie. It's nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. Nice hat.

It is so good to see you.

We worked together in the New York office.

Um, you were the creative director on the Converse Avril Lavigne campaign.

Yeah, you know, um, I've been here almost a year.

And, honestly, it's so hard for me to remember my old life.

Sorry. It's not about you.

It's about me. It's about America. You get it.

Kim's expat social media has massively taken off.

It's crazy. You've gotta follow @fontvoyage.

I'm Boss, by the way. I started out as Kim's assistant.

He is still, in fact, my assistant.

It's been really hard not to just get swept up into ideating lately.

Especially since I published my experimental PDF novel,

to much acclaim.

Seriously, sales have gone fuckin' insane.

I was able to buy a Balenciaga fanny pack with the proceeds.

Which he lost at a rave in Dalston.

I didn't lose it.

I gifted it to that Kosovan throuple, and it was Vauxhall.

Anyway…

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Did you see that?

He's obsessed with me. It's crazy.

He's, like, "married to a woman,"

but he's got BCE, seriously Big Closeted Energy.

Meanwhile, Kim wants to lick out his assistant.

I'm calling HR.

I'm calling HR right back on you, honey. How queer are you?

Oh, um, no, not really gay.

I mean, I love gay people and everything that's…

Maybe one day I will be, but…

I'm actually seeing someone here, um, in London.

This really, like, cool guy.

He's this indie musician, um, that I met at a pub.

-Really big, tall guy. Yeah, he's tall. -Wow. An indie musician at pubs.

Throw a tuppence, and you hit one of those.

♪ She don't like her eggs all runny ♪

♪ She thinks crossin' her legs is funny ♪

♪ She looks down her nose at money ♪

♪ She gets it... ♪

I just encourage everyone to make a list

of everything they wanna experience before we're living in a fucking dystopia.

Hug a polar bear, kiss a butterfly…

As much as I'd like to help Belinda locate the butterfly's mouth,

we are here for a purpose.

To discuss an emissions protest that can actually make an impact, okay?

Uh, excuse me. One mo.

Felix! Felix!

Mm-hmm? What's up?

Felix, my lust for Belinda is sickening.

Her… her body is like a tanned dolphin, arcing out of water.

I… I feel really dirty about it, but…

She's like 20 years old.

In fact, she… Like, she's literally 20 years old.

-As if you don't shag 20-year-olds. -I'm a decade younger than you.

Once you're more than ten years older, got some news for you, we are all Daddy.

Why are you doin' this again? They eat your food.

They fuck up your furniture. Someone's taken the door off my room…

I do it because I want to build a better world

for the children I'm not ready to have yet and may never want.

Listen, do I want to get laid

after the years of frigid hell my ex-wife put me through

before ultimately leaving to then go and live on a barge?

-Yes. -You gonna ask me how I am?

How are you, Felix?

If I tell you what's on my mind, are you gonna be nice about it or a dick?

Oh. Well, that depends on what you tell me.

I think I met someone.

-Well… uh, you… -And?

Uh, well, you always think you've met someone.

I think it might be different this time.

-Since… the last one. -Just stop being a dick about it.

-I'm not. -Sort the smell out as well.

There's a fucking smell now.

Hey! Whatcha doin'?

Oh. Um, just comparing prices on two sound stages, of course.

Mm, fun!

I'm making a playlist for my friend. She just got dumped by Cruz Beckham,

which is the lowest thing that's happened to anyone.

-Do you wanna hear? -Oh. You probably don't want my take.

I mean, my ex always said I had horrible taste in music.

♪ It's not your fault I ruin everything ♪

♪ And it's not your fault I can't be what you need! ♪

♪ Baby, angels like you Can't fly down here with me ♪

-Okay. -♪ I'm everything they said ♪

♪ I would be… ♪

What?

It's nothing. I just…

It's not real music. It's manufactured bullshit.

Come on. You're too smart to fall for that.

I'm not falling for anything. She's on a different level!

I mean, she is commentary on the manufactured pop star.

She's been commenting on it since her Disney days.

What? No, she hasn't.

Don't make me feel stupid for loving things.

Aww, sad.

But what about this new guy you're seeing? Do we like him? Can we trust him?

Is he for real, or is he, like, a trauma-bonder? Gaslighter?

Narcissist? Tinder Swindler?

Oh, uh, he's… nice.

He's just that kind of guy. He's really kind.

-How long have you known him? -Like two days.

-Like two days. -She's known him two days.

A lot of life can happen in two days. Then it's two weeks.

Then it's two years… You live a life full of love.

And then one day, he says he wants a baby.

And you say, "I'm not sure."

Then he meets a barista in Silver Lake, and she gets pregnant, and…

I mean, this kind of thing can happen, even to someone who looks like me.

-Um, sorry. Apologies. Excuse me. -Oh. Oh. No, no, no.

No, no, carry on. Uh… Uh… I encourage feelings.

Good. 'Cause I have a few. I had to break up with my ex a while ago.

He did not have the emotional intelligence necessary to deal with

dating someone whose love language is being a bitch in a fun way.

Listen, what we're saying is don't get too comfortable too quickly, right?

Stay vigilant.

Seriously. Me and Kim are going out later. It's International Outfit of the Day Day…

It's my favorite holiday. Come with!

There'll be fun people that I met on "looking for friends" on Raya.

Mm-hmm. An artisanal e-cigarette designer, the guy who supplies cobalt to Cartier,

this ripped footballer we know who's, like, obsessed,

sexually obsessed, with intellectual women.

So don't set your life on fire for a ran do you met on the street.

Fuck a different ran do.

-Thanks, guys. That makes me feel amazing. -Yeah.

I wanna stop the chaos, Wendy.

And when I trust my own instincts, chaos always follows.

I mean, these people must know better than me.

Everyone knows better than me.

-It's coming your way. Watch out. -Right, yeah.

The Great Wall of Peckham.

-Git! -Sorry.

Yeah, you haven't felt like this before.

Not since the folk singer or the, uh, corset designer.

Or the Ukrainian refugee influencer. They all feel so different.

And then, inevitably, it's too real, and you're scared to end it.

You stay for six months and get a second girlfriend. Every time.

-Hey. Never a second girlfriend. -Yeah, but what about Linnea or Nadia?

Have you broken up with them?

Linnea, uh, left the pub in a huff

'cause she wanted to go to a restaurant with proper cloth napkins.

-Fair enough. -Nadia is on holiday with her gran.

-Right. -But she hasn't texted me more than, like…

-I don't know, once or twice a day. -Naughty boy. No pub for you.

You know what you have to do if you really think this is so different.

-All right. Fine. -Fine.

I'll do that.

Whoa. Hi. Sorry to drop by. Uh, I just wanted to say...

Oh. So you've come here for your punishment.

Pardon?

-Linnea… -I know your game, mister.

Act like you don't give a shit.

Try and pull me closer.

Do you, though? 'Cause I've been trying to say that my circumstances have changed.

That I'm sort of tryin' to... That's really tight, mate. Okay.

I'm trying to change with them.

Things don't feel like they've changed.

You've got a big, erect penis.

Yep.

You're obsessed with me, and that makes you angry.

You're like, "Wow. She's everything I thought I never deserved."

So you run, and you act poorly just to spit in the face of a blessing.

-Well… -What the fuck?

-Did you just spit on my chin? -Resist me! Resist me!

Linnea, I think I might have met someone else.

Yeah. That's perfect.

-No, as in, like, Linnea... -No, no, no. That's…

Yeah. It's getting better.

-Thank you for your support. -It's all good.

World needs more kindness and, you know,

whether you did it on purpose, I don't care.

You still deserve empathy, so that's why I'm here.

-All right? -Wait, I didn't do it on purpose!

How come as soon as an intense woman meets a flame, people yell, "Witch"?

-I'm actually just, um, heading out, so… -Yeah?

-Mm-hmm. -Bit of, uh, romance?

-Mm. -What's… what's her name?

Um, his name is "football player."

-He's a football player. Um… -Mm.

But it's never gonna work out. I have the muscle tone of a newborn, so…

Aw, listen. Don't… be nervous. Do not be nervous. Listen to me.

WAGs have curves, and you've got a BBA.

-Big, beautiful arse. -Okay.

So, just relax, and actually, I can teach you some English slang.

-Okay. I gotta head out. -You can use it.

Use it on your date. Really, really impress him. Um…

"Blozza"? Do you know that one?

One of them.

-Yeah, that's helpful. Thank you. -"Get your leg over." It's having sex.

"Cottaging." Never heard of that?

So that's what George Michael went to jail for.

But this was before he drove his car into a Snappy Snaps in Hampstead.

Okay, do you have all the things that you came with?

-Do you know what "cunt" means? -Let's get goin'.

-Let's get outta here. -Okay.

It's really fancy.

-She needs a lip. Doesn't she? -She needs a lip.

-Like, now. Right now. -I don't have any lipstick.

You look like a cartoon secretary. What's going on?

-Thank you. -Open.

Is that padded? No. That's weirder.

-Take off your tights. -Take off the tights.

Can I approach the… Consent to approach?

-And top… -I'm gonna take it from the knee.

♪ Whoa ♪

-♪ Whoa ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Aiyyo, Tim man This "The Jump Off" right here, man ♪

♪ I been gone for a minute Now I'm back with "The Jump Off" ♪

♪ Goons in the club In case somethin' jumps off ♪

♪ And back up Before the hive let the pumps off ♪

♪ In the graveyard Is where you get dumped off ♪

-Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. -Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

What's going?

Pawel, this is Jessica.

Hi.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you too.

-I'm Pawel. -Okay.

Yeah… I play for Leyton Orient.

But my passion project

is the… is the line of denim I'm working on for boohooMAN.

-But shh, all right? -I won't tell.

So, what are you about?

Well, first of all, congratulations on your accomplishments.

A line of denim? What?!

Hey, I know you're nervous to be around someone so structurally attractive,

but he can sense sarcasm.

-That does translate. So, cool it, okay? -Mm. Kidding. That's awesome. Yeah.

Football, what the hell?

Is that hard? I don't know much about that. Is it hard?

Yeah, it's hard.

I kick the ball, and I can pay for my ex's Benz every month.

Even though she's living with my, um, what's the word?

Um, cousin?

-Damn, that's ice cold. -Yeah.

Totally.

My ex doesn't drive. He has spatial awareness issues.

But, um, it doesn't matter. Who cares? I'm not thinkin' about him.

-I'm thinkin' about you! -Who cares?

I wanted to get to know you over this amazing dinner, and...

All right, then.

-So, nah… Nah… Don't… Nah… -Whoa. Stop! Hey!

-You're funny, you know that? -Really? What did I say that was funny?

Yeah, you… you make funny faces. Yeah.

-Hey! Who am I? -Yeah, perfect. Yeah. Something like that.

-I love your intonations. -Oh, really?

Yeah, I like how you're sayin' that.

-Thank you. -What did she say?

She said she likes me.

Can't wait to have anal sex with you.

Really? Cool!

I'm kidding. Kidding.

It'd be crazy if we had anal sex on the first night that we met.

You can't say that anal's crazy.

-I've never done it. -It doesn't matter!

Not that I would never, but I just…

-So it's a gross thing? -I don't think it's gross.

I just think I should, you know, take a class or something first.

What is happening now?

-Oh, you think that's funny? -What the…?

-You think that's funny? -It's not that kind of laughing.

It's not funny!

It's not fucking funny, you pathetic baby-man!

Okay.

Linnea?

-You don't like me. -Huh?

You don't respect me.

So, why… why have you been hanging around?

Hey.

I'm not dumb, okay?

I know you don't really like me.

-No one likes me. -That's not true.

I bet your mum likes you. Like, she probably loves you.

I fucking hate this plume.

You're a nice guy, okay? But next time you date someone

and you realize that they're not for you,

don't pretend and slowly back out the door,

'cause they can feel you going.

Um…

Can you please untie my sh… uh, feet?

The feet bits.

Sorry.

Come here.

Come here.

Linnea?

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry.

That was, like, all of…

It was all really, like, super hot and sexy.

I just…

-Really? -Yeah.

Like, so mad impressive.

Like, you were so… like, just in it, and…

I really tried.

Hi, Jason. You're right, my parents aren't proud.

But that's because, like 16% of the American population,

they are addicts.

But my grandma's super proud because I just bought her a house.

Oh, also, say hi to your dad.

Because we've been fucking and I'm your step mommy now.

Mm. Here's the thing, Wendy.

I used to be afraid that the crisis was coming for me.

And now I'm realizing, what if I am the crisis?

And, you know, if I just toned it down, or if I just speak when spoken to,

or just behave in general, maybe I could keep it at bay.

Jessica?

Uh…

Someone…

Hi.

One second.

One second.

Hey. Hi!

-What's up? -Were you, uh, talking to yourself?

You were like an M. Night Shyamalan there. Are you good?

Um, yeah. No, it's… it's not what it looks like.

I… I just make these little videos on my phone.

It's technically social media videos,

but my account is private, so it's just for me.

Just a way to express myself. You know, let it loose.

Just a way for me to let loose.

Dear Wendy Jones.

Today would have been seven… my seventh anniversary.

I imagined myself encircled in roses in a luxury hotel in the Caribbean,

but instead, I'm like the goth boy in American Beauty,

filming all the garbage I so deeply relate to.

Uh, it's well-edited.

Thank you. That actually means a lot to me.

Who is Wendy?

Fiction? Nonfiction?

She's your sister and she died, or something, um…

No, no, no. My sister's alive.

She's just, like, really severely depressed.

Wendy is my ex's fiancée.

Your ex-fiancé?

No, no. My, um, ex's fiancée.

Uh, the woman that he left me for.

And the worst part is that I can't even hate her

because she pulled herself out of foster care by the bootstraps.

And, um, she has a really unique, awesome style.

She's a really beautiful wom… She's a beautiful woman.

-It's as simple as that. -Mm, you can hate her.

-You don't need to zoom. -No, you can definitely hate her.

And… and you talk to her? And you like that?

It feels nice talking to the woman that your ex is dicking down?

I'm genuinely asking because for me, the maths,

they don't… math.

Yeah, I mean, in my head, she's talkin' back.

She's sayin' things back sometimes.

Yeah, al… always. All the time, she's always like…

You know, you seem intense, and…

Thank you.

…and really worked up, but this shows me you're doing

an excellent job of keeping it on lock in public.

Um, I'm just trying to do what I can to survive.

Huh. I know the feeling. Uh, I'll see you out there, yeah?

Kim? I literally don't know which way is up anymore.

Sorry, I'm such a fucking mess.

Um… you're not a mess.

You're… you're a work in progress.

It's simple. You just listen to yourself, yeah?

Thank you, Kim. I would hug you, but you're almost out the door.

-I'll just hug you in my mind. -Hugging back!

Oh. Here you are.

What did I miss?

Mm. You were gone for a long time.

You were pooping?

No, I wasn't pooping. Um, I was doing… uh, it doesn't matter.

-"Doesn't matter." -Are you…

Okay.

-Mocking me. -Because you're a messy one, aren't you?

-Me? -Yeah.

I look at you, at your lips.

Sorry. I mean… I just, um… I hate that word.

Like, a diss that's risen in popularity in the last five years.

And, you know, everyone being like, "I'm a mess. This shit's messy."

Women online being like, "I'm a mess. I choose chaos."

But would a man ever be told that he's a mess? No.

Like you, Pawel.

I mean, a quick bathroom Google showed me

that you have a wife and two-year-old twins.

And yet, here you are, hoping to fuck one of us.

Is it me? We don't know… yet.

Actually, my twins are three years old.

Okay, that's fuckin' messy.

And yet, you get a freebie, right?

Because why? Because you never lit yourself on fire?

Something that I also haven't done, obviously.

So yeah, I guess by the world's standards, I'm messy.

But actually, I'm a work in progress.

Because I know who I am, and I know what I want.

And I'm listening to myself.

Right, Kim?

I didn't mean for you to start immediately, but go off.

She goes hard in the paint.

You know what? The guy that I've been seeing for the last 46 hours?

-Whoa. -He doesn't care. He doesn't care!

And if that makes him a love-bombing gas lighter,

then okay, I guess.

Then I guess I… I'm dating a love bomber.

I mean, I guess…

Yeah, I guess I choose chaos.

Or actually, you know what? Chaos chose me.

Because I'm fucking irresistible!

She's amazing.

Actually, yeah. She's amazing.

-Don't think she likes wearing that. -How do you know that?

Just a vibe. Think she's a naturist.

Mm.

Watch it. What's a naturist? Like David Attenborough?

No, a naturist is someone who gets naked for sport.

-Hi, by the way. Sorry. That was weird. -Hi.

Um, I think you mean a nudist.

Like my dad's friend Skip,

who used to get naked, jump in the pool, and freak us all out.

Uh, no. That sounds to me like Skip was just a full-on pervert. Yeah.

Well, women need to be careful of perverts.

And Tinder Swindlers. And love bombers.

Oh yeah. What is that?

Someone explained love bombing to me the other day, but I didn't really get it.

Isn't it just like being really nice to someone?

Oh my God.

I do not… I can't do this with you.

I can't… do the emotional labor of explaining this.

Are you a love bomber? Are you gonna buy me a piano?

Uh, no. I did make you a mix, though.

Is that allowed?

Do you wanna listen to it?

I don't, like, know anything about music.

I like girly bullshit, so don't expect me

to, like, tell you how… what I think about it, okay?

-All you have to do is listen to it. -Okay.

I'm gonna give you the controls.

-Is that comfortable? -Mm-hmm.

And if you don't like a song, just skip it. All right?

All righty.

["Are You with Me Now?"

♪ Oh, the sinking spell ♪

♪ Caught at tiny heels ♪

♪ Pinned a notice to posts ♪

♪ And then crawled in my mouth ♪

♪ There is a feeling I love ♪

♪ Buried in my brow ♪

♪ I have no reason to run ♪

♪ I see no reason! ♪

♪ Are you with me now? ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Are you with me now? ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ It's not impossible ♪

♪ It's not unfathomable ♪

♪ It's not unusual ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ To feel a shadow unkind ♪

♪ There is a feeling I love ♪

♪ Buried in my brow ♪

♪ I have no reason to run ♪

♪ I see no reason ♪

♪ Are you with me now? ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Are you with me now? ♪

♪ Ah ♪