Original subtitles

I'm Alcma.

I was just an average kid until an accident changed my life.

And since then, nothing's been the same.

My best friend Ray thinks it's cool.

My sister Annie thinks I'm a science project.

I can't let anyone else know.

Not even my parents.

I know the chemical plant was to find me and turn me into some experiment.

But you know something?

I guess I'm not so average anymore.

The house does seem pretty empty these days.

Yeah, it does.

Boy, Alex will be leaving soon, and then what will we do? We could sell all our

earthly possessions, buy a Winnebago, and hit the road in search of America.

Forget the Winnebagos.

What about hogs?

Nice try, you guys. You know I'm going to be living here until I'm 30.

Really?

No, Mom, please. I'm not completely insane.

I get it.

You know, it's kind of strange. I mean, I miss Annie,

but it's sort of fun not having her around.

Okay. Is that wrong?

I don't think so. Would you hand me the pepper mill?

You know, I had the same problem when my older brother Curtis went off to London

to study. I'll never forget it. I finally had the room all to myself, and

wasn't being constantly reminded of being the younger, chubbier, stupider

brother.

That was a great time for me. I started to find myself then.

Know what you mean?

I don't think my life's ever been better.

That's great, Alex.

I am so glad they called to remind me you have a checkup with Dr. Felker on

Thursday.

What? No, no, no. I can have a checkup.

I hate doctors.

And I heard a lot of stuff about this Felker guy.

The kids at school call him the butcher of Paradise Valley.

Oh, Alex, be a big girl.

I hear Dr. Felker is wonderful, and you haven't had a physical in years.

Oh, I have class on Thursday. You're going to have to ride your bicycle over

there.

sorts of tests on me.

What if they can detect the GC -161?

Uh, take a little more off the back, please.

This is one of the few times I wish Annie was still here.

Me too.

I emailed her at school to tell her what's going on, but she hasn't gotten

to me yet. You can't go. It's just that simple.

Not bad.

Maybe that's Annie.

Terrible.

It's Robin.

Donald died.

That's too bad.

Who's Donald?

Who's Donald? Donald was the best hamster that ever lived.

I mean, I had him since I was ten.

He was more than just a little ball of fur.

He was a friend.

A companion for life.

But he was a hamster.

pet have to be a cat or a dog in order for people to care?

I mean, was Donald any less of a pet because he was part of the rodent family

and hardly ever left his cage?

Uh, maybe you should just get another hamster.

My mother already did that for me, but thank you.

Well then, uh, oh, uh, we better hustle if we don't want to be late, huh? What

does it matter anyway?

I don't even know if I want to go to school.

I mean, what's the point? We're all going to end up like Donald anyway.

I've seen this before.

The five stages of grief.

Huh? What Robin's going through right now is called the five stages of grief.

It's very common after death.

Okay, big shot. So what are the five stages of grief?

Um, hmm.

Anger, denial, fear.

Hmm, let's see. I think maybe hunger.

Sweating.

No, Ray.

Not sweating.

Jeez. All I can tell you guys is Robin's going to be going through some pretty

weird stuff in the next few months.

Well, I know he was sort of a silly pet, but Robin did love that little hamster.

And I think at times like this we should just stand by her, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was that hamster's name again?

Hmm.

Donald. Donald. Ah, that's right.

Donald Donald.

Huh.

Maybe singing is one of the five stages of grief.

Thank you. Thank you all. I love you all. I love...

Robin, you okay?

Yes, I am, Raymond.

Have I told you that I love you lately?

Uh, no.

I feel free.

In fact, I love you too, Lewis.

I love everybody.

Well, thanks for including me in that very select group.

Thank you all for being my friends. It's no problem.

Yeah, you'll be over Daniel real quick.

David, Donald, and in my haste this morning, I forgot to invite you guys to

funeral service.

It'll be a celebration of his life and you're all invited.

Oh.

It'll be open jukebox.

Dear Alex, don't worry about having a checkup.

I've been monitoring your vital signs for years now and you're in perfect

health. A routine physical shouldn't find anything unusual. Love, Annie.

Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

Hope you're having fun with the room.

Thanks, Annie.

I do miss you.

Love, Alex.

Who cares if you can run on the wheel?

Donald hated the wheel.

I want him back.

When did you hear from Annie?

About 10 last night.

I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

That's cool.

Physical is a piece of cake. Some poking around, then they take your

temperature. It's nothing.

Could you do me a favor anyway?

My mom has a class and I have to ride over to Felker's on my bike.

Will you come with me? I'm mistaken when it comes to doctors.

Sure. Anything to get out of going to Robin's hamster service.

It's not fair!

Why did they take him away from me?

Attagirl, let it off. Let it all out there.

Thanks, Lewis. Thanks for being here for me.

You know, I don't understand why Alex and Ray postponed the funeral until

today.

Well, I won't abandon you. Because we're friends forever.

Really? Really.

Peanut?

Think they'll have to give me a shot?

Maybe. Anything's possible. It's physical.

I thought you said it was nothing.

Look, don't worry so much. You'll be fine. Annie says.

Mac. Well, welcome to Dr.

Felker's office.

Oh, sorry.

Follow me.

Right, right this way.

Dr. Gilroy.

It's been 30 years since your last physical, Alex.

Oh. I'm only 15.

It's been three years.

Oh.

Three years is too long anyway.

It's not good. It's not good at all.

Now I'm in such good health, I didn't really think I needed an exam.

It's just a routine physical, isn't it?

Here we go.

Room number five.

My temperature and my pulse and stuff, right?

Well, you never know with Dr. Felker.

Look, I really don't think I can go through with this. I really don't.

Why don't you just hop up there on that table and Dr.

Felker will answer all your questions.

to the cutting room floor.

You say it's been three years since her last physical?

Yeah. And she asked if you were just going to take her temperature.

No, not after three years.

I think we'll do blood tests, multiple shots, rotoscopes, the whole thing.

No. No, no, no. This is going to be an unpleasant afternoon for Alex Mack.

This is really bad.

Look. Calm down for a second. Just tell me.

There were kids hooked up to machines, weird blood tests, a chainsaw.

A chainsaw. Are you sure this wasn't your imagination?

I mean, I can even get a little weirded out, too, when I go to the doctor's

office. I start seeing stuff.

All I know is that I'm not going back in there for my physical. If I do, they'll

definitely find out about me.

But you don't. Your parents are going to know you're hiding something.

I know.

What did the nurse say when she came back out looking for me?

Well, they just called their next kid. I guess they're used to kids running out

on them.

What should I do?

I think I got a solution, but it's going to cost you.

How much money you got from working at the donut place?

About 26 bucks.

Going to need it.

No way.

Look, you see the dollar face the doc?

Saw.

I have so much going on inside of me right now.

My deepest, darkest secrets.

My fears and dreams.

I guess I just really need someone to open up to.

I'm here.

You know, I've never admitted this to anyone, but sometimes, late at night

I'm lying in bed, I'm overwhelmed about what the meaning of life is.

And I come up with all of these questions that I know I'll never be able

answer. Lewis!

Telephone!

Sorry, Robin. I gotta grab this.

But just don't think so much, and everything will be fine.

So what'd you tell him? I didn't tell him much except we're in a hurry.

All he wanted to know was how much was in it for him.

I got him down to 20 bucks.

Where is he?

He'll be here.

Alex Mack?

Alex Mack, are you back?

Come

on,

let's get out of here.

Nurse Bean?

She in the closet again?

You okay, Wanda?

Oh, fine.

I was just doing some inventory.

Of course. Dr. Michaels might need some help in the blade and saw room.

Oh. Now, is Alex Mack here?

There he is.

Yes, I'm Alex Mack. Just a moment, please.

There seems to be some mistake here. It says your first name is Alexandra?

Ah, Alexander.

Also says it's been three years since you've been here, so you saw Dr.

Butler.

Yeah, yeah. He was pretty cool.

She?

That's what I said.

Yeah. So, uh... Well, since it's been three years since you've been here, I

think we should do a complete workup.

Any illnesses in your family that you know about?

Yes, sir. The Driscoll curse.

The Driscoll curse?

Extreme gastritis, especially on Tuesday nights.

Why Tuesdays? Because that's when my mom makes her three -bean, four -alarm

chili. I mean, it's pretty good, but hello.

Well, come in.

Nurse, could you prepare a barium shooter, a depth probe,

a kidney twister, and a testicular spike for young Alan? Yeah.

Yeah, that'll do.

Driscoll curve. It's funny because your name is Mac.

Oh, well, my mom's name used to be Driscoll.

It says here it used to be Hoffman.

I meant her middle name used to be Driscoll.

Relax, I'll be back in a minute.

Reliable, trusting, furry.

There were many ways to describe Donald, but mostly I remember him as a friend.

Unlike Louis Driscoll, who actually found a way to weasel out of the

You did?

Yes, she ran out on us.

Well, she was very nervous this morning.

But she came back.

They always come back. Okay.

Here you go. Thank you.

Alex?

Honey? It's Mommy. Can I come in?

Okay.

Do you have a thermometer in your mouth or something?

All right, well, I'll let you have your privacy.

Is everything okay?

Mm -hmm.

Okay, you know, the nurse just told me that you ran out, but that you came

I'm very proud of you, sweetheart.

Not so bad, right?

Mm -mm.

Should I wait outside for you?

Mm -mm.

Mm -mm. Mm -mm.

Okay, then I'll go home, all right? I'm very proud of you.

Bye.

That was a very sweet ceremony, Robin.

You really think so?

Hey, Ollie, come here a sec.

Check out this little guy.

Look at that cute little thing he does with his ears.

Oh, he's so cute.

Can he run in a little wheel?

Donald found the wheel beneath him.

Look at him.

What's his name?

Come here, guy.

Robin, what did you say his name was?

Stephen.

His name was Stephen.

You can get dressed, Alex. We're all done.

What about my kidney twister and my barium shooter?

You believe that?

Oh, no, no, no.

We know how kids get scared in doctor's office sometimes, so we like to kid them

a little bit.

You believe that?

About the kidney twister.

You think that's real funny?

Well, how about this? I'm not really Alex Mack, and you totally fell for it.

Just kidding.

Well,

Alex, you seem to be in pretty good health.

Except... Have you ever heard of Reinhardt?

Uh, no.

Well, that's nothing to worry about, really.

But have you noticed that flaking on your arms?

Uh, of course I have. It itches and it's kind of gross.

Well, it's fully treatable.

Um, yes, we can use an eastern herbal treatment.

You need to take a bath once a night. Two parts water, one part soy sauce, one

part ginger.

Flaking should be gone in about a week or two.

I'll call your mom.

Let her know what needs to be done.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you very much. You're welcome, Alex.

It's my job.

Look. Looks like he's smiling at you, Ray.

He's pretty eyes, too.

Hey, you think it's working?

Okay, guys.

It's been a long day for everyone.

Aw.

Can't we play with him a little more?

No, not today.

But Stephen and I appreciate you sharing the day with us.

I think now we just need some alone time. Okay, I understand.

Well...

And we'll see you both tomorrow.

Okay.

Later.

Hi.

Good little hamster.

Hey, guys, wait up.

Uh -oh.

He's going to want to know why he took my physical for me. Yeah, he is.

What are we going to tell him? I don't know. You're gone.

Oh.

Just got back from the doctor's.

Well, um, you're probably wondering why we asked you to do this for me.

Actually, I think I already know.

You do?

Yeah, and I want to thank you guys for it.

I make no secret of what a coward I am, especially when it comes to doctors.

You knew that I'd be totally scared to go to the doctor as myself, but going as

Alex wouldn't scare me nearly as much.

And I don't know why, but it didn't.

Hey, and the 20 bucks didn't hurt either, huh? Well, I realized that was

lure.

So you guys noticed the horrible flaking on the backs of my arms, huh?

Uh, yeah, the flaking. I can barely eat next to you anymore.

Yeah, I almost chomper every time I see you.

Well, you don't have to worry about me anymore.

It'll all be gone in two weeks.

And even though you guys had to trick me, I realized that you guys really care

about me.

And that means a lot to me.

Well, glad you don't mind.

Um, so I guess I'll be getting my 20 bucks back then, huh?

You gotta be kidding me, Mac.

Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow. I gotta go home and start my treatment

Thanks again.

Bye.

Not very bright, is he?

Sometimes. Not about there.

Thanks for popping me out, Ray.

Anytime.

Smells like your family's having Chinese food tonight.

Good. I love Chinese.

Oh, Alex, I'm glad you're home. Your ginger bath is almost ready, but I had,

like, this problem with the soy sauce. I couldn't get it to dissolve, so I had

to rub butter all around the inside of the tub. I think it's going to be okay.

What's she talking about?

How should I know?

See you in the morning.

Bye.

Thank you.