All language subtitles for Newhart s08e14 Good Neighbor Sam

Hi, honey. Making any progress on your
new book?

No, but I did come up with a great
title.

Decoys. A duck's date with death.

You definitely cornered the children's
market.

All I have to do by tomorrow is come up
with an intro, 18 chapters of

bibliography, and someone to write the
damn thing.

Well, I'm officially off maternity
leave.

Where's my welcome bath party?

Uh, we decided to put that money toward
your retirement party.

And we almost have enough, say, for a
solid gold feather duster.

Oh, how sweet.

And tacky.

Well, as long as I'm here, I might as
well do something.

Where should I start?

I could use a refill.

Joanna, as long as you're up.

Well, Stephanie, motherhood certainly
hasn't changed you.

Now that you're back to work, how do you
plan to fill up your days?

I'll just sit here on the sofa and look
pretty.

Now, that's George's job.

Oh. Well, then I'll sit here and greet
all your silly guests.

Let's just hope no one checks in.

Uh, do you have reservations for Sam
Leary?

Welcome to the Stratford. Enjoy your
stay.

Hi,

I'm Dick Loudon. You'll have to forgive
our greeter. She's new and...

Totally apathetic.

Oh, well, I wouldn't blame her. I always
bring out the worst in people.

Anyway,

that's what Margaret said in her goodbye
letter.

You want to hear it?

No, that's not... Anyway, it might make
you understand me a little bit better.

It says, Dear Sam, you bring out the
worst in people.

That's why I'm leaving you.

I'm also taking the kids, the mobile
home.

And your brother, Mel.

You, uh... Your wife had an affair with
your brother?

Oh, he was taking a nap in the mobile
home.

Well, you know, uh... You know what they
say, time heals all wounds.

Yeah, well, that's what Mel and the kids
told me five years ago from a payphone

in Tucson.

That's room two at the top of the
stairs. And take care. Thanks, Mel. Oh!

Oh, wow, look at that. Oh, covered
bridge. Nice.

How much?

It's yours. It's on the house.

Yeah, I bet you'd get one of these to
every sad sack that comes through here.

No, you're the inaugural sad sack.

So, what do you guys do for fun around
here?

Well, sometimes at night, you know,
we'll bring out the old checkerboard

Play one game, maybe two.

And Dick's been known to get wild and
pop some popcorn.

Hey, I like popcorn and checkers. Maybe,
you know, I'm good for a game or two,

huh? Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm busy writing
a book on decoys.

As a matter of fact, I better get
quacking.

I'll just stumble up to my lonely room
and pull down the shades and weep.

Well, maybe, you know, maybe one game.

Oh, wow, that's good. I mean, really
good. You know, I used to play against a

computer until Mark drove away with it.

Did I tell you that she took my brother?
Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, at least he has
something to play with when he wakes up.

The computer, I mean.

Not Margaret.

That's a good one.

I haven't laughed in five years.

Welcome to the Stratford. Enjoy your
stay.

Gee, thanks, Stephanie.

Oh, it's you.

You live here. You couldn't possibly
enjoy it.

Something is horribly wrong with this
room.

Dick, did somebody buy the postcard of
the covered bridge?

I gave it away, George.

Was this person a member of your family
or a close personal friend?

No. Was this person somebody who pulled
you out of a burning building as a

child?

No. Was this person Mamie Van Doren?

No, no, but that's three down, George.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn

all the cards.

I gave it to a guest.

You never gave me a postcard. Come to
think of it, you never give me anything.

Take a postcard, George. I'd rather have
the tape dispenser.

Okay, it's yours. It's a birthday
present.

Well, thanks for spoiling the surprise.

Come to think of it, Dick, you haven't
given me anything for quite a while.

I just gave you a six -week maternity
leave and a carriage house to live in.

I mean office supplies.

Here, here's some rubber bands.

Ew, the thin ones.

Sam, you do know it's your move, don't
you?

You asked me that same thing 20 minutes
ago.

Yeah, except this time I'm saying it
with a certain sarcastic edge in my

Okay, if you want to play speed
checkers.

Okay, let's play another one, okay?

Sam, you've lost four in a row. You're
lousy at this. But I let you win.

I mean, that's the least I could do for
you. You gave me that wonderful

postcard.

Great. There's nothing I enjoy more than
a good thrown game of checkers.

Is my new friend getting mad at me?

No, but my book is waiting for me, and I
really should get quacking.

That wasn't funny the first time, Dick.

Why would anyone want to play with a sad
sack anyway?

You know, it's funny, but you don't hear
the expression sad sack for like 25

years, and then you hear it twice in the
same day.

Sort of like your quacking joke.

Thank you, Stephanie.

Oh, Joanna, would you like to play some
trackers?

I don't play with women. They cheat,
every one of them.

Sure, I'd love to play a game.

Well, you can't. You'll cheat, every
damn one of you.

Welcome to the Stratford. Enjoy your
stay.

What could be greater? My girlie's a
greener.

Michael! I was so caught up in my work,
I didn't notice you.

You're still on the clock? My cuppers
run at the overtime.

Oh, Michael, I'm exhausted. I just want
to go home, put my feet up on the sofa,

and read some magazines.

Joanna's been running me ragged.

My God.

Is there no charity under that big furry
sweater?

Why do I bother to come into the lobby?

Well, this family man's famished. What
say you, me, and the babe blow this bird

for a burger?

Okay, let's get... Snacking.

Oh, George, I'd like you to meet Sam
Leary. This is George Utley, our

So you're the guy Dick gave the covered
bridge postcard to.

He gave me a tape dispenser.

I'd rather have my postcard.

Me too.

Okay, the winner goes first.

I've got a good five or six hours of
work ahead of me tonight.

All right, I'll just sit here and, you
know, keep myself entertained.

You're checking out tomorrow, right?

Afraid so.

Okay, play it again, Sam.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay.

Say, if I weren't your employee, I'd
fire you. It's almost nine.

I was up half the night playing checkers
with Sam.

You know, you meet up with a guy like
that, it's hard to blame Margaret.

Well, and the kids, for that matter.

I hear you.

I don't know what the hell you're
talking about, but I hear you.

Welcome to the Stratford. Enjoy your
stay.

It's me, Stephanie.

Oh. In that case, never mind.

Dick, guess what?

I just sold the house next door and made
a huge commission.

Oh, that's great, huh?

Welcome to the Stratford. Enjoy your
stay.

I'm not a guest anymore, Stephanie. I
bought the house next door.

Hi, neighbor.

Chapter 12.

Painting a decoy takes time and
patience, so you better get quacking.

I can't start off every chapter with the
same joke.

Dick, you miserable turncoat.

Michael, I'm busy.

Let's not beat around the bush. The word
on the street, the buzz on the

boulevard, the talk on the turnpike is
that Sam's your new best friend.

Well, the street, the boulevard, and the
turnpike are lying, Michael.

You mean I'm still your primo amigo?

I don't have a primo amigo.

Of course you do. C 'est moi. C 'est
moi. C 'est I.

Do you remember the time I had no place
to stay? You let me sleep here for free?

I never thought you'd pay.

The only best friend would know that.

We rushed over as soon as we heard the
word on the street.

It's just too awful.

Appreciate the sympathy, seniors.

Losing Dicklett as my best friend has
been a big blow to this little Joe. Your

best friend?

Dick's my best friend.

Your best friend? He's my best friend.
Everybody in town knows that you're each

other's best friend.

Just because we've seen each other every
day of our lives since kindergarten?

Well, it's just a friendship of
convenience.

This is the blackest day of my life.

Don't tell me. My best friend, Mr.
Resnick.

I trusted you and you threw me over for
some fresh -faced sad sack.

At least that's the word on the street.

Mr. Resnick, I am not your best friend.
As a matter of fact, I don't even know

your first name.

It's Art. Art.

Say it like you mean it.

Feels good, huh?

Bottom line, Dick, what's Sammy got that
we got not?

Other than that stunning postcard.

Look, for the hundredth time, Sam is not
my best friend. Now get out of here. I

got work to do.

Hi, guys.

Hi, buddy. It's picnic time.

Now, this explains the sudden send -off.

Tell me, how can you mend a broken
heart?

Not even the Bee Gees figured that one
out.

Do you like pastrami?

A best friend would know if I liked
pastrami.

Well, I bet my best friend liked
pimento. Look, Sam, I am not your best

I don't have a best friend. And even if
I did, he'd never be so, so... Tall?

Overbearing.

You think I'm overbearing?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay, right, right. I can take a hint.
Good.

You think I'm overbearing? I am
overbearing.

I mean, I shared my deepest, darkest
secrets with you.

I didn't want to know about Margaret's
early days as a contortionist.

Well, I thought you wanted to know how I
ruptured my groin.

I think this postcard belongs to you.
I'm just glad I didn't have it laminated

on my lunchbox.

Chapter 12.

How to laminate postcards on your duck
decoy.

Joanna, we have to talk.

This greeter job isn't fulfilling me.

My talents are being wasted.

Finished all the magazines, huh?

Yeah.

Joanna, would you toast this pimento
loaf sandwich for me?

I'll do it.

Oh, you're giving up on your greeting
job?

It wasn't fulfilling me. It was a waste
of my talents.

Finished all the magazines, huh?

Yeah.

Out, woman.

You've got business to discuss with your
husband.

Manly business.

Okay, that's it. I am never coming into
this lobby again.

Now what?

Word on the street is you dumped your
best friend, Sam, because he's

overbearing.

Where is this street you always talk
about?

Actually, it's your front porch. You can
hear everything out there.

Since when did you start liking toasted
pimento loaf sandwiches?

We had you pegged a pastrami man.

Well, you're wrong. Now go. Not so fast.

You still haven't filled that recently
vacated best friend slot.

Line up, men.

Okay, Dick, take your pick.

This is idiotic.

Dick's right.

A line won't work.

Let's form a circle.

Then Dick can close his eyes, spin
around, and point.

Spin around and point? I could wind up
with that armchair, or worse yet, Mr.

Rusnik.

Friendship has to be developed and
nurtured, and it has to be mutual.

I mean, you can't pick your best friend
out of a hat.

Why not?

Because we don't have a hat.

Would a cap do?

Well, it's a little avant -garde for
this town.

Oh, what the hell, Chester? It's the
90s.

Dick, can I have my picnic basket back?

It's been in the family for years.

Oh, thank you.

Gee, Sam doesn't seem overbearing at
all.

In fact, he seems rather pleasant.

And well -groomed, too. Check out the
shine on those floor shots.

He'd make the ultimate dream friend.

Well, thank you very much.

Thank you. I've got to go. I'm having
some builders come over to give me a...

Estimate on a moat.

Since you were Dick's last best friend,
you should pick out his next best

friend. Don't I have any choice in this?
No.

Look, I'll pick, but why would you want
him for a best friend? I mean, there's

no pleasing this guy.

Come to think of it, Dick is a rather
crotchety old thing.

Not much in the personality department.

So true.

And all he does is whine.

He's not much fun to be around.

Except when he tells that quacking joke.

But it's hardly enough to build a
friendship on.

Too bad we can't be our own best
friends.

George, George, you've got it. We'll
just bob for names and be each other's

cherished chums.

Hey, can I play my last chum was a real
dud?

Okay. Sam's in.

That makes it an even six.

I wonder what I could get for this
place.

Jim.

Well, I guess I'm my own best friend.

Chester.

Not a bad choice.

Hey, I got me, babe.

I got Mr.

Rusnik.

Bummer.

It's anybody's guess, George.

George.

Oh, that's me.

Well,

I think it's safe to say that you all
deserve yourselves.

Well, I think I'll take my best friend
out to dinner.

Oh, can me and my best friend tag along?

Sure. Hey, how about the two of us? Me
and me could use a bite. Yeah, we're

starved. Us too. I hope we can get a
table for 12.

Oh, Dick, the guys on the street would
like to know if you'd like to tag along.

You know, I mean, find an extra chair.

No, 13 at a table is bad luck.

Right. Can I have my postcard back? No.
See you.

Meow.