All language subtitles for Newhart s07e18 Message from Michael

Honey, do I look all right?

Well, I married you, didn't I?

No, no, I mean the suit.

If you spent the last 35 years in a
Soviet labor camp, would you feel

comfortable being interviewed by a guy
dressed like this?

I don't think I'd wear a tie that red.

Good, good point.

Maybe I'll wear the blue one with the
little ducks.

Yeah.

Live, in color.

And put it from the bonkers bin for a
second stab at sanity. It's Michael Not

-So -Not -So Harris.

When were you released from Ridge
Valley?

Couple of days ago.

Or maybe a week. I've been so busy
relishing life on the outside, I've lost

track of time.

Michael, you were only inside for two
weeks.

Astounding, isn't it? I mean, when you
see how much I've changed.

It's almost scary.

You see, I learned that even though I
lost my jobs, my confidence, my girl,

for a short period of time, my ability
to distinguish between my mother and

Esther Roll, I still have me, myself,
and I. Nothing else matters.

What about making a living?

Dixter's things take care of themselves.
The point is, it's spring. The crocuses

are blooming. The bees are buzzing. Come
on, you two. Walk with me. Talk with

me. It's funny. Let's share.

Michael. Hi, Dad.

I heard you were out.

How are you?

Never better in my whole life.

Then why are you staring?

Is it some kind of brain thing?

Or is it these pants with this sweater?

Neither. I just never realized how
beautiful you were.

You didn't.

Well, I'm talking about inner beauty,
the kind you find in a wise old woman's

wrinkles or in a baby bird sucking up a
worm.

Oh, poor Michael.

They did experiments on you.

It's so nice to see what's left of you.

I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl, and
this is my other brother Daryl.

Hi, fellas. What can we do for you? We
just dropped by to wish Dick luck on his

live via satellite interview with
prisoner of conscience Andrei Zalmanov.

No, thanks. Thanks, guys.

We've often wondered how Daryl would
hold up under torture, which is why we

practiced hanging him from the rafters
by his thumbs while making him watch

Daryl's interpretive dance to
Stravinsky's Rite of Spring.

Hey, uh, Larry and Daryl Ditto, I was
about to take a walk and nose the

Care to make it a foursome?

We'll pass.

We don't stick our noses up anything
that won't sniff back at us.

Come on, Daryl.

What do you mean there's no picture?

I thought it's a catastrophe.

At least we're not the one on camera
dying in front of thousands of viewers.

Oh, hi, Dick. Have a nice show.

Is there a problem?

The feed's not working.

It's either the satellite or the dish.

You're kidding.

Yeah, it's a big, fat joke, Dick.

That's why I got sweat stains the size
of pies under my armpits.

Uh -oh.

I wonder if my homing pigeons chewed
through the transmitter wires again.

What? You keep pigeons on the roof?

Yeah. I tried keeping them in the men's
room, but they kept flying into the

mirror.

Don't you stand there, round up some
cat.

I don't know if that's such a good idea.

It might scare my birds.

That's the idea, bud.

Right. I'll take care of it, Paulie.
I'll take care of it.

Does this mean we won't get the salmon
off feed from Vienna on the monitor?

Guess not.

Look, Dick, a birdie.

Let Michael throw it in the men's room.

I'm going on the air in two minutes in
front of thousands of people, and all I

have to show them is a duck tie.

See, birdie?

Duckies.

Michael, didn't they just let you out of
an insane asylum?

Well, actually, it was a sanitarium.

But it was a humiliating experience,
right?

Well, not really, except for when it was
my turn to play hide -the -capsule.

Well, Dick, everything's going to be
fine.

Wake up, Michael.

For what?

For the show.

Gee, I don't know. It was embarrassing
enough doing it in front of a nurse.

No, no, not that.

You were incarcerated just like
Zalmanoff.

Sanitarium, gulag, what's the diff?

Look, forget it. I'm not going to
interview Mike. Repeat one of my shows.

Dick, we'd have to tape him to repeat
him.

You don't tape my shows?

In five, four... Dick, we won't let you
down.

Give me this thing.

There's a story here, Dick. Dig for it.

And now, it's Vermont Today, starring
Dick Loudon.

I, uh...

I know you were all expecting Andrei
Zalmanov in his first interview after 35

years in a Soviet prison, but due to

technical problems that are really too
intricate to discuss... Dick,

I'll put the little fellas in your
dressing room.

Instead, we have another guest, and
his...

His first interview after 14 grueling
days and nights in

a sanitarium. Former WPIV producer,
Michael Harris.

Thank you. Thank you, Dick. I'm grateful
to be here.

Well, who wouldn't be after that
nightmare?

Actually, it wasn't a nightmare,
although I did grow to be quite the sofa

But after losing your job, your money,
your self -respect, it must have been

impossible to go on.

Oh, why dwell on the past?

I let things get to me.

But I'm back on my rocker now. And why?

Because I live in the moment.

Well, I'm tickled to hear that.

What did you say?

I was looking at my foot. Dick, have you
ever really looked at your foot?

Not, you know, avidly.

Well, then join me, Dick. Come on, dig
those dogs.

Why don't we go to the phones in case
any of you still out there

have something to say to Michael Harris?

Hello, you're on the air with Michael
Harris.

Michael, you're such a sensitive soul.

I just know it was a woman who drove you
over the edge.

Was it that Stephanie Vanderkellen?

The whole town thinks she's a cold fish.

Darling, bad things happen, but why hold
on to them?

Why not let it go? Forget about it.

You see what I'm saying? Try smiling.

I'll do that.

And by the way, your feet are lovely.

Thank you.

Now, isn't that better than listening to
some rooski complain for half an hour?

You're on the air with Michael Harris.

Michael, those were wonderful words to
live by.

But what words were those?

You know.

Let it go.

Forget about it. Try smiling.

All right, well, I'm just glad they
worked for you.

By the way, do you like my feet?

Oh, yeah, I love them. God bless.

Hi, you're on the air with me.

Before you say anything about the show,
don't. Fine.

Anyway, I can't talk and laugh at the
same time.

I guess you misunderstood my verbal
threat.

Hi, Dick. Gee, I really like today's
guest.

Shut up, George.

I never realized Michael was so deep.
But I guess that's because he's suffered

so.

Don't verbal threats mean anything
anymore?

Hi, George, JoJo. Hi, Michael. Dick, you
took off before all the excitement.

Even after the show was over, the phones
kept ringing.

Everybody wanted my advice.

Strange. I never realized I could have
such an effect on people.

Maybe they liked your feet.

Michael, could I ask you a question?

Shoot, G -Man.

I know you said to forget about it, let
it go, and try smiling, but I have this

problem. I tried to forget about it, but
I just can't.

Can I let it go first? That might make
the forgetting easier.

Gee, I don't see why not.

Is it better to smile while I'm letting
it go or after?

Well, whatever you find works for you.

What a philosophy. If you taught this to
the world, there'd be peace.

He's lost his mind.

Good detective work, Mayor.

The male Caucasian in question is on the
premises.

All I said was Michael was probably a
dicks.

Hello, officer and a gentleman.

You know, we often watch Dick's show,
but this week we liked it.

Michael, your message.

Not to mention the particular manner in
which said message was conveyed.

You mean there's a manner in my message?

I'm not one given to flamboyant
gesturing, but if I may reconstruct, let

go.

Officer, it was more to the heavens,
like so.

Let it go.

The point is, I've been through rolfing
and transcendental meditation.

And I've been through Dianetics.

And this is the first thing that may
actually help.

They need people like you in the
department to talk jumpers off ledges.

Especially now with that three -story
building going up.

It's going to be a magnet for losers.

Gee, thanks for those thumbs up.

No, Michael, thank you.

Can you believe what's happening?

I think I finally found my true calling.

Your true calling?

Inspiring mankind.

Well, it's certainly not an overcrowded
profession.

Bye, everybody.

George, aren't you going to fix the hot
water heater?

Oh, it's such a nice day. I decided to
forget about it.

Chowabunga! I'm inspiring everybody.

This is the stupidest town that ever
lived.

Are you Stephanie Vanderkellen?

Why, yes.

Then you're the unfeeling shrew who
broke that poor Michael's heart.

For your information, he dumped me.

And...

I dumped the oatmeal.

What about her fingers?

Oh, forget about it.

But I just threw hot oatmeal in your
lap.

Let it go, dear.

Try smiling.

Let it go.

Try smiling.

If George would do what I pay him to do,
I wouldn't have to take cold showers.

He works for me.

He's supposed to fix the hot, hot water
heater.

Morning, Dick.

Joanna.

George, you know, we're still waiting
for you to fix the heater.

Let it go, Joanna.

We don't want to let it go. We want it
fixed today, George. Forget about it.

smiling.

I can't. My lips haven't thawed out yet.

I think I'll drink my coffee on the
porch.

There's a baby caterpillar inching up a
twig, and I want to be there.

Oh, a baby one.

That's it. This has gone too far.

Because of Michael's idiot philosophy,
nothing is getting done around here.

Hello, friends and flock.

Can I put this up in the lobby? There's
still a few tickets left.

Michael Harris in his only Vermont
appearance. What does this mean? You

Vermont.

Well, it's a summoning to my seminar.
I'm going to inspire the masses with my

message.

What message? They're just simple,
asinine buzzwords.

Well, Dick, maybe you haven't noticed my
passel of apostles, but you can't deny

I have a certain effect on people. I
want both of you to come tonight. I

can enlighten you.

Forget about it. You see, you're already
a third of the way there.

I can't tell you how Michael's
philosophy has changed my life.

Same here.

Right now, I'm supposed to be manning
the 911 line, but I decided to forget

about it.

And yesterday, the fire department
threatened to strike, so I just let them

I'm surprised you wanted to come
tonight, Stephanie, knowing how the town

about you.

Well, I just wanted to show these people
that I'm not a heartless shrew, that

I'm a warm, caring, compassionate human
being.

There she is. There's that snotty viper,
Stephanie Vanderkellen.

Oh, drop dead.

George, sit.

Well, Baskin and Joanne, if we could
somehow harness the stupidity in this

we could change the world.

I can't believe all these people are
paying $10 a head to see Michael.

We paid $50.

I had to go to a scalper.

You what?

in the present.

Great.

Perhaps we should nail him.

He almost spoke.

Oh, please.

Darryl, stop there. It's not polite to
stare at someone's aura.

Let it go.

Forget about it.

Yes!

Try smiling.

We are!

This is moronic.

Let it go, forget about it. Try smiling.
Yes!

Yes, my child.

I have a question that weighs heavily on
me, Michael.

Speak to me.

Last month... I was elected president of
the local pastry club.

And with that position came a lot of
responsibility and the inevitable weight

gain.

But I decided to forget about it.

Wonderful!

And did you let it go?

Yes, but I put on 12 pounds and now all
my clothing chafed.

Did you try smiling?

Well, that's easy for you.

You're probably one of those visionaries
that can eat anything and not put on a

pound.

Next.

Yes, my son.

My anniversary was last night.

Thank you.

32 years.

Well,

usually I do forget about it.

But this time I knew it was okay to
forget about it.

Yet my wife threw me out of the house.

So now I'm sleeping in the terselle.

And it's hard to try smiling with the
stick chip jabbing you in the kidneys.

What should I do?

I don't think Michael has the answer.

No kidding.

Review the problem. You said you let it
go. That's right. And you forgot about

it. Uh -huh. And you actually did try
smiling.

Till my cheeks ached.

How about that?

Next.

Michael, help me.

Isn't there any more to your philosophy?

Well, let me see.

No, that's about it.

Typical.

Some smooth -talking dandy sells you the
meaning of life.

And it turns out he's just taking you
for a ride in a hoax mobile.

That down once again, Daryl. First we
read that Roseanne ain't handling

very well, and now this.

Wait, I... I thought this was what you
wanted to hear. Yesterday you were

gobbling this stuff up.

Yesterday we were stupid.

Yesterday?

It worked for me. I don't know why it
doesn't work for you.

Some seminar.

There weren't even any refreshments.

Tell me more about this pastry club.

We meet all day Tuesday, usually at a
local bakery.

Wait.

If this town had a bunko squad, they'd
be sticking to you like sweaty thighs to

a vinyl car seat.

I've never felt so used.

Stone him.

Steph, don't walk out.

I have to, Michael.

George is my ride.

I've been deflocked.

Do you want to talk to him?

No.

But it is sort of what I do.

And this is sort of when I leave.

Michael, are you all right?

Dick, what happened?

Well, you know, all you...

Inspiration leaders are bound to bomb
every once in a while.

I'm sure even Tommy Lasorda has his off
days.

Yeah, but it happens so quickly. I mean,
other great thinkers inspire mankind

for generations. I inspired people for a
day and a half.

Well, some thinkers are different than
you.

They're multidimensional.

So you're saying I'm a simple man with
few layers?

One.

Meaning there's really very little to
me.

Right, but I mean, you can always read
and learn and, you know, become more

layered. Yeah, but then I'd run the risk
of becoming complex and dull like you.

That's one of the pitfalls of depth.

Bummer. Michael, you aren't going to
fall apart again, are you? No, I'm just

going to let it go, you know.

Forget about it.

You know, you could always try smiling.

Meow.