All language subtitles for Newhart s07e14 The Nice Man Cometh

I don't know, Harry. I can't make up my
mind. Everything looks so good.

Oh, miss.

What?

What do you suggest?

Well, I'd use less hairspray and that
lip gloss has to go.

Mornings, melads and molasses. Hi,
Michael.

Steph. Why do you keep coming back here?

You made it perfectly clear to me that
it's over. Just because our amour is no

more doesn't mean you have custody of
the compadre.

Meaning?

Michael is saying that he's our friend,
too.

Isn't that what you're saying?

I think so.

Then why are you always saying nasty
things about Dick behind the back?

Why are you here, Michael?

I thought maybe you could feed me.

You gonna finish that strip of bacon?
Yes.

Stephanie, why don't you make Michael
some breakfast? I'd rather roast in

She's taking this break up pretty well,
don't you think?

So how's the job hunting going?

I've papered this town with resume
mucho.

Any nibbles?

I did get one offer, but I don't think I
can do that in front of a camera.

Oh, Mr.

Gorski, what a pleasant surprise. Honey,
this is the new station owner, Mr. Jack

Gorski. Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.

Hi, Mr. Gorski. Remember me?

Of course.

I fired you after you called my daughter
a tramp.

Good memory.

Oh, I gotta run. I got this thing
concerning a very promising thing.

Well, we'll keep our things crossed.

Dick, I'll come right to the point.

I'm starting a new late -night talk show
next week.

And I'd like you to... That's very kind
of you, but Vermont today takes up so

much of my time, I don't know if I could
handle hosting two shows.

I'm not asking you to.

I'm not thrilled with you hosting one
show.

I've signed Don Prince to host Vermont
tonight.

Who's that?

Well, remember the irascible
delicatessen owner on It's Always

No. He was the whole show.

Then he did a horrible reunion special,
A Very Moishe Christmas.

And they made him leave California.

I found him doing radio in Jersey.

Morning, everybody.

Hi, George. Mr. Gorski, this is our
handyman, George Utley. George, morning.

George, do you remember Don Prince?

From It's Always Moishe?

What a show.

Now I'll have that darn theme song
running through my head all day long.

Who's the guy who cuts pastrami? It's
always Moishe.

Who's the guy who lives with mommy? It's
always Moishe.

Anyway, I'd like you to be the first
guest on Don's show.

Me? I wanted a surefire celebrity to
grab some audience.

Really? But you're all I could come up
with.

Don't let it go to your head.

Well, I'm sure I can spare a night to
help the guy out.

Thanks.

If you turn me down, I was going to ask
her.

Who's the guy who sells the fish?

It's always moisture.

Who's the guy who smells like fishes?
Everybody.

It's always more to show.

Thank you,

Mr. Prince.

Fifteen seconds to air.

I put your favorite coffee mug on the
desk in the same spot as usual, Dick.

What same spot? This show has never been
on before, bud.

Then whose mug did I give you?

In three, two...

from Studio 2. It's Vermont Tonight.

Starring the Prince of Late Night, Don
Prince.

Can you spare it?

Vermont. I had to get booked in Vermont.

I'll make you people feel at home.

Would you like some syrup on your
pancakes?

Death the night will kicked in.

Maybe you could calm down long enough to
say hello to the Vermont Tonight Band.

Ted, are you bowing or did you eat some
bad mayonnaise?

What a band, huh? What a band.

I make better music when I sit on
balloons.

Put syrup on your pancakes.

I spoke to the mortuary, and they say
you died last Tuesday.

And they want you to return the shoes.

My first guest tonight is a local talk
show host, Dick Loudon.

Would you walk a little faster? The
show's only 90 minutes.

Nice to meet you, Don.

What happened? They run out of paper in
the men's room?

Don, on behalf of WPIV, I'd like to
welcome you to Vermont.

Gee, I get chills.

Look who they sent me, the janitor, to
welcome me to Vermont.

No, I'm not the janitor. I'm Dick
Loudon. I host Vermont Today.

Well, who the hell watches that show?

Some old, lonely lumberjacks and maybe
one guy that works the ski lift.

No. That's a nice suit, Dick.

You wear that and in eight years it'll
come back in style.

Actually, Vermont Today was the first
show to interview Congressman Joseph

Scandori after he... It's an old suit,
isn't it?

After he was indicted for laundering
cash.

You hate the part with the buck, don't
you?

I spend bucks.

On what, muscatel?

I don't... I don't drink.

Look at that, Dick. You're starting to
blush, huh? You're starting to blush.

He's better. He's thinking about me
being naked.

What's about it, Dick? You got jock
itch?

How much... How much time do we have
left?

Eighty -four minutes.

Oh, my God.

Dick, you're sweating like a pig. What
do you got, malaria?

What's in that mug? Let me think.

Water.

What are those olives doing in there?

There are no olives.

What the hell are they?

Who's the guy who's sweet and caring?

It's always Marcia.

Who's the guy who reeks from herring?
It's always Marcia.

Morning, George. Morning, Joanna. Listen
to this review.

Last night, during the premiere of
Vermont Tonight, I witnessed a miracle.

My Uncle Ed, who has been unable to walk
for 35 years, leapt out of bed, rushed

across the room, and changed the
channel.

All in all, Vermont tonight is like a
wheel of aged cheese.

It stinks.

Not bad, huh?

Oh, I'll have waffles, too, Stephanie.

Sorry, the kitchen closed two minutes
ago.

Then reopen it. I just got up.

Dick was on TV last night, and I didn't
get to bed till after one.

I thought the older you get, the less
sleep you need.

No, the older you get, the more waffles
you need.

Now get them.

I think somebody in this room needs a
nap.

Okay, but I'm going to finish my waffles
first.

Oh, Dick, I talked to the mortuary. You
died last Tuesday.

And they want the shoes back.

Okay, now that you both have had your
fun, you want to knock it off?

Okay. Were you really thinking about Don
Prince naked?

Yes, George.

I could tell.

Here's your waffle.

They're wet.

Well, I had to wash the coffee grounds
off.

I'll have eggs. So will I. Oh, get off
this power trip, Joanna.

Oh, hi, Joanna.

Good morning, Dick, my boy.

Quite a show last night, huh?

How'd you sleep?

Like this.

Right? I slept like a baby, too.

The station switchboard lit up like a
Christmas tree.

Three calls.

I think we've got a solid hit.

Yeah, well, I'll try to catch the show
again sometime.

Uh, Dick, when I came aboard, I had you
sign that overall contract with me.

So? Well, so I can use you in any show I
want.

And I want you on Vermont Tonight, five
nights a week.

Here's your production schedule.

What a lucky break.

You get to be Don Prince's permanent
stooge.

Look, Joanna, smoke just shot out of his
pants.

The Sunshine Seniors doing their dance
tribute to Metamucil.

Come on, Dick, snap out. Wake up, wake
up. Snap out of it, huh? Wake up. Huh?

What is it with you, huh? Don't you like
girls?

What? Well, how about if we hire the
Vienna Boys Choir? Then maybe we can

Dick sit up straight.

Sorry, Don. I've been having trouble
sleeping these last couple weeks.

Yeah? Well, if those bags under your
eyes get any lower, you're going to

to look like your wife.

And by the way, I don't know what all
those merchant marines see in her

Oh, no.

That's right, Dick. It's that time
again.

Everybody's favorite part of the show.

Time to pay!

That's why we do it.

Now, Paul, unleash him.

Pick on Dick!

Pick on Dick!

Pick on Dick! Right here.

Hi, Don. I'm Annette Gordon, and I love
your show.

Thank you, darling. What do you want to
say to Dick? I have a question for him.

Dick, is that your face, or is that a
road map with pants on?

Good, darling. What do we have for her,
Paul?

A pick -on -Dick T -shirt and dinner for
two at the Drum and Musket on Route

14.

Pick -on -Dick!

Pick -on -Dick! Oh, right here, right
here.

Let's book the Vienna Boys Choir and
watch Dick sit up straight.

But were your parents brother and
sister?

Now you're a good sport.

Paul, give him a T -shirt.

There you go.

We have time for one more.

Pick on Dick!

Pick on Dick!

Pick on Dick! Pick on Dick!

Hi. My name's Bill.

I've got one. A priest, a rabbi, and
Dick.

Go into a bar.

Dick's got a parrot on his shoulder.
Wait, wait a minute.

I know that voice.

George, is that you?

Hi, Dick.

He's my handyman.

Handyman? I bet he is.

Yes, we're right off Route 22.

Well, I don't know how many are in your
fleet.

Hold on, and I'll check.

We don't rent rooms by the hour, do we?

Are those more merchant marines?

And his voice is shaky. Either he's
really nervous or...

Well, I guess you want me to go shopping
after a traumatic phone call like that.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

That was easy.

I'll go change.

Is the coast clear?

George, Dick is livid about last night.

How could you make fun of him like that?
I guess I didn't think. I just wanted

one of those neat T -shirts so bad.

Well, you can't hide in that basement
forever.

I'll make it up to him. I'll take him to
a complimentary dinner for two at the

Drummond Musket.

Feel him out for me, Joanna.

I'll be sitting behind the hot water
heater.

Now, now, Dix Frown.

Well, hi, Michael.

We haven't seen much of you around here
lately.

Yeah, I've been doing some temp work at
a traveling carnival.

They're camped out in the Sears parking
lot. I clean up after Biff, the monkey

boy.

Well, that'll look good on a resume.

Where's George?

You just missed him.

I'm going to find him and hurt him.

What do you want?

Whoa, somebody got up on the far side of
the futon.

I just came by to blanket you with a
bunch of belated bravissimos.

For what?

Your sudden surge of celebrity.

Degrading you mercilessly on the air
five nights a week was an obvious

programming brainstorm.

I could kick myself for not kicking you
sooner.

Maybe you have some integrity.

No, I don't think so.

Michael, we're hoping this show is just
a flash in the pan.

Are you kidding? It's a bonanza, little
Joe.

Honey, why don't you just quit?

I can't quit. I have a contract.

Do what I did. Call Gorski's daughter a
tramp.

Live from Studio 2, it's Vermont
Tonight.

Starring the Prince of Late Night.

The man you love to have humiliate me.

The man who said my idea of a good time
is sitting on the porch watching my face

break out.

Don Krems.

Great answer, Dick, huh? Next time, try
not to spit all over the mic.

Say hello to Dick Loudon.

Oh, look at that. Dickie did a little
trick. That was cute, Dickie. Here.

Good boy. Good dog. Roll over. Roll
over. Stay.

Stay. What a good dog. What a good dog.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've known my
first guest for over 20 years.

He's the king of commercials.

He's done so many, it's hard to look at
his face and not run to the toilet.

Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Tuttle.

Hello, Frank, how are you? Please.

This is a real star. Get the hell out of
that chair. Get the hell out of that

chair.

Frank Tuttle on my show.

What's a big fat star like you doing in
Vermont?

Well, I'll tell you. I'm shooting a
movie down the street. Who cares? You

annoy me, Frank.

Every time I turn on TV, I find your
face staring at me. I want you out of my

living room. You hear me, Frank? Out of
my living room.

Say hello to Dick.

Hello, Dick. Hello. Hello, Frank.

Oh, very good, boys. Now get undressed
and wrestle each other.

How do you stand? working with this guy
every night.

They make me.

Isn't that cute?

Dickie made a joke.

I guess he passed that stone.

Look at it. It's getting red. Is that a
blood clot?

Oh, I'm sorry. Dickie's gonna cry.

Is it time for Dickie to change his
huggies?

You're ball and fat.

What?

You're fat and bald.

What'd you say that for?

I... Dick, I've been in this business
most of my life.

There were times when I was flush and
times when I needed a handout.

I've worked hard for every little thing
I've achieved.

And for you to just put me down like
that... I don't understand it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I... I can't do
this anymore.

I really can't.

I'm sorry.

All I... What did I say?

You sadistic, motherless creep.

Can

I

come in?

Listen, about what happened out there.

Are you all right?

Say something.

Fat and bald?

I mean, Dick, you could have come up
with some better material than that.

Like, is that your gut or are you
smuggling a bag of fertilizer?

Yeah, that is better. What's going on?

Dick, you gave me a great gift out
there.

You emotionally destroyed me.

I'm a basket case.

If that don't get me out of the Gorski
contract, nothing will.

Hold on. You were waiting for me to blow
up a juice so you could get out of your

contract? It took you long enough to
crack.

I thought two weeks ago you'd go for my
throat, but you're so damn nice.

Why didn't I pick up on this? Because
you're an idiot. How do I know?

Look, Dick, keep this under wraps, huh?

But there's some new interest over at
CBS about bringing back It's Always

Marcia.

And the old deli man could use a real
good stooge.

Oh, it's very tempting, but I think I'll
stay here and spend the rest of my life

as a town joke.

Whatever you say, Dick.

I'm sorry I destroyed your life, but
hey!

That's my act.

Oh, there's, you know, no harm done.

Well, uh... You take care of yourself,
you hear me, guy?

Listen, um, if you don't mind, I'm, you
know, I'm not a very physical person.

Oh.

I understand, guy.

Owen, one more thing.

Yeah.