All language subtitles for Newhart s07e09 Shoe Business Is My Life

Whoa!

This lobby is laden with loudness.

Hi, Michael.

Michael, I knew I smelled a dozen long
-stemmed roses.

What did you call those things again?

Roses?

Why don't I give you flowers?

I wouldn't call a packet of burpee seeds
romantic.

Boy, there is no pleasing.

Anyway, this is my way of saying that
due to a pile of paperwork, I have to

press the pause button on our lunch
date.

Michael, you're a producer. Lunch is
what you do.

Try telling it to that tyrant, Nancy.
She's turning the station into a

sweatshop.

I thought the new station owner was a
man.

He is. She's the gopher.

You're afraid of the office health?

Too many crickets, Steph.

She's bossy and she's whiny. She
complains about every little thing.

Thank goodness I have you to come home
to.

Why don't you plop these posies in
Perrier while I jump on the glad wagon

Dick?

And at the end, fill the vase, change
water often.

Oh, Joanna, you're so lucky you never
get flowers.

I've been blessed to.

Dick, I don't know how to handle this
gopher from hell.

He's already trying to sabotage Vermont
today by quibbling over next week's

guest.

You mean...

J .D. Salinger?

Sure. I mean, that's who you'd be stuck
with if hipper heads hadn't prevailed.

Who did I get, Michael? The amazing
Earl.

Don't tell me. A fortune teller?

For sure, Joanna. Anyone can predict the
future. The amazing Earl predicts the

past with 90 % accuracy.

There's got to be a trick.

He was just a normal guy. Last year, a
brick fell on his head, and he predicted

the Beatles would break up.

Are you talking about the amazing Earl?

Yesterday at the town square, he
predicted we'd have a man on the moon by

Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl,
and this is my other brother Daryl. Can

O 'History?

We're collecting artifacts for our time
capsule.

Daryl here feels that George, as a
member of the town's oldest... and

extinct families should be the first to
contribute.

It's kind of hard to turn down an offer
like that, George.

How about my hammer? My dad gave it to
me, and his dad got it at Sears.

Sears?

Here, Larry.

See if those future folk can keep up
with the day in my life.

Wow. Power breakfast, brunch, late
lunch, high tea, cocktails, dinner.

Well, no need for a Snickers to tide you
over.

Harris, I'm still waiting for those
requisition forms.

Nancy, let up.

I realize this is your first job in
television, so let's review the chain of

command.

You're a gopher, which puts you right
about here.

And I'm a... Producer, which puts me
right about here.

And it would take you roughly a
bazillion promotions just to look me in

mouth.

In the time it took you to say all that,
you could have done those requisitions.

Well, Paul and Bud, on another coffee
break, boys?

What if we are?

I sure hope no one squeals to the new
station owner.

I'm telling you, Mike, if her up to me,
she'd have a size 12 boot mark on her

behind.

You know, Mike, we could get rid of her.

I mean, just between you, me, the walls,
and Bud, who runs this station?

Well, Natch, that would be yours, truly.

Well, with us behind you, we could send
that pushy pest packing and have her

pound in the pavement by the PM.

Perfectly put, Paul, but practical.

She's not PIB material, Mike.

I wouldn't be surprised if she sleeps
around.

The harlot!

Strike while the iron is hot.

Oh, Sue, would you be so kind as to ask
Mr. Gorski to step into Mr. Harris'

office? Thank you.

Now we all together on this, bud?

I hear she sleeps around.

Mike? Are you sure we shouldn't let this
notion do one more lap around our

noggins?

Pretty noble, considering how she ragged
on your last haircut.

She criticized my quaff?

What is it, Michael? Mr. Gorski, we have
a problem.

I'm afraid that gopher's getting a
little too big for her Nancy pants.

Well, go on.

Well, she's disruptive. She's bossy. And
as far as her taste in hairstyles,

Michael says she sleeps around.

Well,

I'm afraid all my instincts cry, nix
this nudnik.

Well, I certainly admire your courage
and conviction to take a stand like this

against my daughter, who is my single
purpose in living.

A beautiful girl.

Now,

you've spoken your heart, and I've
listened.

Now get the hell out of here.

Good job, Mikey.

We're here to give you a time capsule
update with a hearty thank you for the

generous donation of your penny loafers.

Penny loafers?

You gave them my lucky shoes?

Sonny, they were old and worn.

Great. Now what am I supposed to wear
with my lucky socks?

Well, I made a sacrifice, too. I gave
them my lavender scarf.

The one I gave you for your birthday?

Oops.

I'll go upstairs and ram a spike.
through my tongue.

You know, while Daryl was digging, he
stumbled across quite a find, which

reminds me, would you care to join us
tonight in a rousing game of Get the

Carcass? It's more fun with teams.

You don't have to tell me.

Miss Stephanie, may I say that your
artifact was the most popular, at least

Daryl? Oh, Larry, of course you may.

What did you donate?

An authentic, one -of -a -kind Stephanie
Vanderkillen lip print on tissue paper.

Come on, Daryl. Let's go grease up for
Guess the Carcass.

Crank out the congrats.

Nancy and I are no longer nose -to -nose
on the same grindstone.

I'm surprised. I thought she'd last.

Actually, Dick, she did.

The axe fell right about here.

Crawl back, Michael.

Crawl like you've never crawled before.

No can do, Steph. I bad -yacked the
boss's youngling.

Nancy is Gorski's daughter?

Curse those executive loins of his.

Michael, you're upsetting the delicate
balance between a high -income job and a

showpiece girlfriend.

Cupcake, I was at that dead -end job too
long.

Stagnation may be all right for someone
like Dick, but... I need more upwardly

in my mobile.

I feel a worry wrinkle coming on.

Unknit that brow, Steph. This is just
the jump start I need. In fact, tonight

celebrate my availability.

How about it, Dick? Open invite.

Oh, I'm afraid I've got to grease up for
a guest at the carcass.

Well, Mr.

X, anyone who can type 20 words a minute
will always have a

job in this town.

Now, report to reader in job placement
for your assignment.

See you there.

Michael Harris?

In the skin.

I'm Dottie Stansbury. Now, what sort of
job are you looking for?

Well, I'm not picky.

What do you have in the Mucho Mula range
with perks plenty?

No, I mean, what field are you in? What
skills do you have?

I look incredible in earth tongue.

I can choose with the best, and I'm the
king of the cow town. Oh, you must be in

television.

Bingus. Rita!

Yes, Daddy?

Mr. Harris is in television.

Do we have anything for him? Something
preferably in the Mucha Mula range with

perks aplenty.

What a lucky day.

WPIV needs a producer.

Oh, fiddlesticks, I just remembered. I
sent that nice Mr. X over there. Oh, I'm

sorry.

opening for a waiter.

Sorry, not my table.

They need a checker at Mankey's Grocery.
Excuse me, I don't see any blue in this

collar.

Did you say you wanted something in the
Mucho Mula range?

Welcome to my neighborhood.

Where all your meals would be paid for,
even those you eat at home?

Company car?

Of course. And a house.

Jinkies.

And you'd have no responsibilities
whatsoever.

Sounds too good to be true.

And why do you think that is?

Because a lot of jobs don't come with
houses?

No, Mr. Harris, because I was making it
up. There is no job. No job?

This employment agency only services the
real world. Now, as far as I can see,

you have no skills and you have only
ridiculous expectations.

I'm afraid in this town that makes you
virtually unemployable.

Hi, everybody.

Something wrong, George?

Ah, my hammer.

It's six feet under, gone forever.

George, you have other hammers.

Yeah, they're not the same as old blue.

Michael? Whoa, Dick.

Page out of Ripley's.

What are you doing here?

Joanna buried my penny loafers.

What are you doing here? Why the third
degree, Dick?

I just thought it was kind of odd, you
know, seeing you at a discount shoe

store. Last time I checked, browsing for
Buster Browns was still legal.

All right, Harris.

Break is over.

Back to work.

Michael, you work here?

Promise you'll never tell another human
being you saw me here? Sure.

Blood, blood buddy promise?

Do you work here? No, he does.

A little louder, Dick.

There's someone across the street who
didn't hear you.

Good afternoon, madam.

May I show you something from our
collection of fine vinyl?

Steph's going to think I'm a failure.

Michael, there's nothing wrong with
working in a shoe store.

What are you, the manager?

My official title is Junior Apprentice
Shoe Stocker.

You the new apprentice?

No, that would be him.

So you're the guy that got my old job.

Look, mister, if you need anyone to show
you the ropes, call on me. The name's

Timmy.

Oh, it's okay, mister.

I cried, too, my first day.

Sit down, Dick. Pretend you're buying
shoes.

I am buying shoes.

Perfect.

Four days ago, I was Michael Harris.

TV Wonder Kid.

Now, look at me.

I'm touching people's feet.

Wow, narrow dogs, Dick.

Maybe, uh, maybe you'll learn something
about yourself.

Really, Dick, can't we crank the dimmer
switch on that bright side?

I want to be Michael Harris again.

You didn't stop being Michael Harris
just because you lost your job.

Wake up, Dick. I push pumps.

Michael, you may have slipped a few
rungs on that ladder of success, but

still on that ladder.

The important thing is to give it all
you've got and take some pride in what

do. I don't know, Dick. Timmy left some
pretty big shoes to fill.

Timmy may be good, but you could be
better. I mean, try selling shoes the

Michael Harris way.

Right.

The Michael Harris?

Here,

Dick.

Why don't you slip these on for size?

Michael, they're a little tight. Please,
please, Dick. I need to sail back.

Maybe after a little breaking in,
they'll be all right.

Well, you'll be sure to want to buy some
of these shoe stretchers. Michael, I

really... Please, please, Dick.

Thank you. I love this man so much.

He'll be with you in a minute.

Oh, thank you, George.

You're very good in an emergency.

I never built an eye shadow rack before.

Did I ever tell you about the time old
Blue and I... Yes, George.

Hi. Ready to gaze in wonder at the
remnants of simpler times?

Larry, it's only been a week.

Time capsule is supposed to be buried
for a hundred years.

We had to open it early.

Daryl put in a library book.

Larry, isn't this silly? Things can
hardly change in a week.

Sure they can.

For starters, Michael isn't a TV
producer anymore.

And our friend, that nice Mr.

X, is.

In comparison...

Time has been much kinder to your lip
print, Miss Stephanie.

Raspberries in the snow. I can't believe
I ever wore that shame.

Maybe not in these modern times, but a
more archaic Miss Stephanie did.

And here we have some kind of primitive
pounding device.

Oh, boy!

Must feel good to see old blue again,
huh, George?

Really, Dick, now that I have it back,
it sounds kind of dumb to call a hammer

old blue.

Good. Ancient footwear.

Evidently worn by some early and narrow
-footed townsperson.

Thank God. With these new shoes, I was
starting to walk like Jerry Lewis.

And my scarf?

I'm afraid I packed it too close to
Daryl's donation.

A Domino's pizza.

Here, you keep it.

In case you meet a nice girl or
something.

Uh -oh. It appears that someone has
violated the sanctity of the time

for a quick snack.

Well, Daryl, just for that, there'll be
no going to the fluff and fold for those

dry rides.

What's wrong, Stephanie?

Oh, I was just remembering the good old
days when Michael had a job.

I miss bragging about him.

You know, he's still... still Michael.

Whether he's a producer or... something
lower.

Hello, Steph.

Michael, why are you talking so plain?

What's wrong?

Well, I'm a wee bit wary about telling
you this, Steph.

Oh, you can tell me anything.

You know, that, no, whatever it is. Can
it really be that bad?

I'm so lucky to have someone in my life
so understanding. Get to the point. All

right.

Tell her, Dick.

Uh, what?

It was your idea.

What was your idea?

To tell Stephanie that Michael is
working in a...

Yeah, in a shoe store.

Michael!

I guess this is goodbye, Steph.

Goodbye, Michael!

Wait.

Wait a minute. This is crazy.

You can't break up with someone just
because they're working in a discount

store. Disco!

slapping a condemn sign on my heart,
I'll be going.

I'll miss you, Michael. I'll miss you
too, Seth. Wait, wait.

That's it?

I mean, you give up so easily?

Oh, come on, Dick. I could never respect
someone who dates a stock boy.

But, I mean, you've been going together
for five years. You can't give up that

easily. What difference does it make how
long we've been linked? I'm a shoe man.

Wait, don't go.

said something that makes sense.

Law of averages.

And it had something to do with us?

Yes.

Bear with me for a minute.

Doesn't this all remind you of that
sappy Christmas movie you like so much?

Silent Night, Deadly Night?

No, that other one where all those
horrible things happen to that poor

It's A Wonderful Life.

and lovely woman stood right by his
side.

And in the end, all these people came
over and gave him big piles of cash.

Yeah, I love that ending.

Stephanie, are you saying you'd be
willing to consider being a brave and

cupcake by my side?

I think I could play that.

You could be my Jimmy Stewart and I'll
be your Michelle Pfeiffer.

That Donna Reed?

Not my version.

Then we still have a chance?

Lean on me, Michael.

Somehow I'll find the strength to get us
through these very troubled and

hopefully temporary times.

Jeepers, creepers, cuppers, it is a
wonderful life.

What is it they say whenever two
dumbbells ring, an angel gets his

wings?

Hi, this is George Jefferson.

Wheezy, get ready, honey. Don't you
wheezy honey me. We're coming up next on

Nick at Night.

Meow.