Original subtitles

Dad, don't be silly. You're not going to stay at a hotel.

You're going to stay here with us.

Besides, this is a hotel.

You're my father.

I mean, automatically, that qualifies you for a 30 % reduction in the rate.

See you soon. Bye.

My dad's flying up from Florida and going to spend a week with us. Well,

wonderful. You'll finally get to show him the end. And that's not all. He's

never been to this part of the country before. I mean, and what could be more

beautiful than Vermont in the winter?

Rio, St.

Moritz, Barbados, Acapulco. If you're interested in a little trip, Stephanie,

why don't we fly upstairs and clean room two?

Then maybe a quick jaunt to room three, then perhaps a junket on it. I see where

you're going with this, Joanna, and I think you're very cruel.

Your father never had a daughter, did he?

No, I would have noticed.

That's a shame, because fathers truly live to lavish gifts on their daughters.

Say, I have an idea. Stephanie, aren't you keeping your tour guide waiting?

Try to bring a little sunshine into an old man's life.

Let's do Dick.

Let's do Steffi. Let's not.

What are you here for? Great news. It took a little hustle. It took a little

muscle. But I managed to snare Ned Millmore for an encore appearance on

week's show.

Isn't he the guy that collects rocks that resemble famous people's heads?

The one and only. Iris in on a snap of his latest.

Well, there's certainly rocks.

Don't you recognize them? It's the Jackson 5.

All in feldspar.

Of course, you really have to squint to make out Tito.

Forget it, Michael.

Weren't you trying to get that pitcher who used to be with the Yankees?

You know, the one that threw the greaseball.

Mulberry. Duke Mulberry? Oh, yeah, the Duke of Oil.

He's on the Yak -Yak circuit pushing his book.

Well, my dad is coming to town, and he used to be a big fan of the Dukes. Why

don't you use some of your hustle and muscle to get him? All right, but you

Ned Millmore he's been acting.

Don't be surprised if he throws his Emilio Estevez through your window.

Let's do Emilio.

Emilio, Emilio, don't be a... Me, my, mo, Emilio.

Emilio!

Oh, here we are, Dad. The Stratford. What do you think?

It's large.

Okay, son, which pocket?

You know, which pocket's the toy in?

This one? No.

That one?

I fooled you.

Oh, look, honey, a snow shaker.

Don't think I left you out. Which pocket?

That one.

Oh, Richie, you married a smart one.

A little souvenir from Sarasota. Oh, well, thank you, Bill.

Well, let me show you the rest of the inn.

I think I'd like to sit a minute first. I'm a little jet -lagged.

Dad, there's no time difference between Florida and Vermont.

That's right.

I'm not good at longitude and latitude like you, Richie.

Hey, Joanna.

Knock, knock.

Excuse me?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sarasota.

Sarasota who?

Sarasota in the fridge.

No one tells a knock -knock like that.

Thanks, but I am serious about the soda.

Oh, all right.

Oh, this must be your father.

Dad, this is our maid, Stephanie Vanderkellen.

Aren't you a pretty little thing?

Well, I could be even prettier if my wardrobe wasn't so limited.

So sorry to hear you never had a daughter.

Richie was like a son and daughter to us.

Well, who have we here?

This is Richie's dad.

Well, when's your dad coming, Dick?

This is my dad. I'm Richie. Oh, George Utley. Bill Loudon.

Nice head of hair.

Gee, thanks.

Dad was a barber.

Over 40 years.

Richie, who does he remind you of?

I don't know.

Now, you know who I'm thinking of from the old neighborhood.

The Perkins kid with the sandy hair.

Sandy Perkins?

That's it.

You might think it'd be tough working for a local celebrity, but it's not.

Dick's a good boss and a lovely man.

Well, I thought you might want to see some of the town. There's the woolen

the town square, and I think I can get a tour of the cheese factory.

Well, maybe later.

And I'd like to show you some of our better department stores.

Hola, hombres and umbrellas.

Michael.

Come and meet Mr. Loudon. Greetings, Dad -o -Dick.

Michael Harris.

Bill Loudon.

Say, I bet that blow dries well.

Except for a slight cowlick. I try to control it with various gels, but I'm at

my wit's end. Maybe I can help. Could you?

What a wise and wonderful man.

Dick, were you adopted?

Are you here for a reason, Michael? All right. Well, after a little string

pulling, I managed to lock in Duke Mulberry.

Oh, Dad, did you hear that? Duke Mulberry's gonna be on my show.

Oh, yeah, I think I do remember him. You know who I really like? That pitcher.

The tall, skinny guy with the white hair.

What, Whitey Ford?

Bill, did Dick tell you that we're having dinner tonight at the Drum and

He just happened to mention the restaurant about eight times on his show

us the booth by the cannon at 7 .30.

Whoa, major coup, Dicksters. That table's usually reserved for heavy metal

groups and those DAR babes.

Not bad, huh, Dad? Well, you kids go along and have a good time. I just got

comfortable.

Who are you guys?

Gosh, no one ever asked us before.

This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl. Well, nice to

meet you. I'm Bill Loudon. We surmised as much.

Forgive us for not calling on you sooner, but we've spent the past two

gathering nuts for the winter.

Darryl's cheeks are still smarting.

We don't have winters like this in Florida.

You ought to move down there, boys. Save some wear and tear on your cheeks.

Florida?

Isn't that the home of the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater?

Sure is. Hmm.

Mighty tempting, huh, Daryl?

I said, huh, Daryl?

Okay, out with it.

Yep, an acorn.

You've been hoarding, Daryl. You've violated the code of the woods.

Just for that, no creme brulee for a week.

Go where?

Fishing. Percy, if you don't mind, I'd like to sit off that big breakfast.

Yeah, half a week is gone already, and we haven't done anything.

At least the cheese factory.

Great, great. After I've had my nap.

Yeah, you'll want a nap after sitting off that big breakfast.

I thought you were going fishing with your dad.

Well, only if they'd bring the lake into the lobby.

I mean,

the whole time he's been here, we haven't done one single father -son

Well, what do you want him to do? Teach you to ride a bike?

Well, we could review it.

Joanna, when I was growing up, I wasn't really what you'd call a fun kid.

I was kind of...

Low -key.

Not you, Dick.

Oh, yeah.

My dad was always asking me to go out and play football with him or go hiking,

but, I mean, it just didn't interest me.

I'd rather stay in my room and then take things apart and see what makes them

tick.

For instance, did you ever wonder how a three -way light bulb works?

It has three separate filaments, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Anyway, after turning my dad down for so many times, he stopped asking me.

So when he wanted to do a father -son thing, he called my best friend Rusty.

Don't tell me.

He had red hair.

No, he kept stepping on nails.

Joanna, I'm going to go out there and have fun with my dad, even if it kills

him.

Dad, wake up.

Hi, Richie.

Come on, we're going to go out and throw the old horse hide around.

Well, there's snow on the ground. That won't stop us.

You married quite an athlete.

Come on, let's kick some butt.

What's going on?

Dick and his dad are throwing the old horse hide around.

Why?

I think it has something to do with male bonding.

Eww.

Isn't that where men snap towels at each other's behinds and pretend they're

superior to us?

Yes.

Dad,

I'm so sorry. What happened?

I was just swinging into the drive when I saw Dick bounce a wicked knuckleball

off his dad's head.

Are you sure you're all right, Dad? I don't know why they call them softballs.

Come on, I'll take you up to your room. No, I'll be all right.

I'm a toughie.

Just let me sit a while.

Bill,

what do you think of this lab?

It's nice, but I liked the first one you showed me better.

hundred number.

A person can shop without even having to leave the sofa.

What a world.

First, we put a man on the moon.

You, uh, you ready?

Uh, ready for what?

To, uh, to go to my show.

I'm not sure I'm up to it after yesterday's excitement.

Dad, we're talking Duke Mulberry.

I mean, you won't want to miss that. I wouldn't dream of missing it.

The usual place for the TV, Bill? Oh, you read me like a book, George.

Who wants homemade coffee cake?

You married quite a little hostess, Richie.

You mean you're all going to watch Vermont Today from here?

Oh, sure. It's more like a TV show this way.

Gee, Dick, you're cutting it close.

Yeah, I guess I should get to the studio.

Yeah, get a move on. How can we watch if you're standing here in the room?

In four, three, two... And now, it's Vermont Today,

starring Dick Loudon.

Hi there. Our guest today is baseball great Duke Mulberry, who's just written

best -selling book about his life in the majors.

Hey, Duke.

It's a thrill to have you on our show.

Thank you, Dick.

Hey, Duke.

How did they ever come up with the title, Hey, Duke?

Well, one time during my year sitting in the dugout, the coach said, Hey, Duke,

the phone.

I never forgot it.

That's fascinating.

Let's, um...

Let's go back to 1954.

The White Sox bottom of the ninth, Yankees up by three, two outs, bases

and you pitched the grease ball that was smashed right out of the park.

What were you thinking at that moment, Duke?

Beats me.

That's 34 years ago.

but the owner of the team rushed out of the dugout and chased you around the

field with a bat.

I'm still drawing a blank, Dick.

You know who'd remember that?

My boy, Little Duke.

He's right over there. Hey, can we bring him up here?

Uh, sure.

Hey, son! Man!

Nice.

Nice to have you on the show, Duke Jr.

Little Duke, Dick.

You know, Dick, Little Duke and I aren't just father and son.

You know, we're buddies, too. We do everything together.

Hey, I never took you on any dates.

Hey, watch it, or I can still take you on. Oh, I don't know that. I'm getting

pretty big.

Oh, yeah?

Oh! Thank you!

Thank you!

You know, I'll teach the boy, huh, Dick?

Well, getting back to your book. That's a great idea.

Now, there's the cutest story in here about Little Duke. Now, what page, son?

The one where you and I are taking a bath together?

Oh, don't show me that. I tell you, this guy, he is always giving me the

business.

You two aren't really that close.

Hey, I love this little palooka, huh?

Well, you know, I'm sure there must have been times when...

You had your differences.

Me and Ben?

Well, now, hold on, son.

There was that one little tussle, remember?

About who loved who more?

Oh, yeah.

You took baths together?

We'll have more of them on today after these words.

Is this a put -on?

I mean, no father and son in history had that much fun together.

Dick, not every son's idea of fun is burning a softball into his dad's scone.

Don't you... Don't you find that affection grating?

Dick, this is one of America's most beloved families.

What are you going to do for an encore?

Pummel the Van Patten?

Back in five, four, three... Dick, please.

Hey Dukes, let's cut the crap.

stick his head in the freezer and snap off the end.

Okay, there's your lollipop.

Oh, there's one for you, too.

Much obliged.

Bestow, Darryl.

Oh, one more thing.

If you want to give it more fullness, you may want to rub a little mousse

through it.

It won't hurt, Darryl. The baby ones don't have antlers.

I have something for you.

We're not going to have to play catch again, are we?

No.

Hey, Duke Mulberry's autograph.

He signed it twice?

Duke wouldn't sign it unless Little Duke signed it, too.

Thanks.

That was quite a show.

Did you really think it was necessary to make Little Duke cry?

I guess I got a little crazy.

Well, I don't blame them for walking off like that, but it was pretty impressive

to see a man Duke's age carry a full -grown man on his shoulders.

Well, you know, some fathers have fun with their sons.

Well, we had fun. We played a little catch.

I enjoyed every second of it till I blacked out and fell in the driver's

Oh, don't give me that face. I've had a great time.

When? You never got off the sofa?

That's just it. I didn't have to go out and see the town. The town came to see

me. I got to meet a lot of your friends. I told a joke or two, gave a haircut.

I even got to charge her a blouse over the phone.

Well, I just thought, you know, you'd have more fun if you stood.

I stood for 40 years. It's nice to sit.

Besides, your mother runs me ragged in Sarasota.

Yeah, but I... I mean, I had all kinds of things planned.

Richie, you don't have to go running around a cheese factory to have a good

time.

You don't know how comfortable this sofa can be. Come here.

Sit down next to me.

It is kind of comfy. Oh, yeah.

And you're sure you're having a good time?

Oh, it's even better now.

Ow. Ow.

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