All language subtitles for Newhart s07e02 Apples, Apples, Apples

This is my brother, Daryl, and this is
my other brother, Daryl.

Hi, fellas. What can we do for you?

That depends.

How do you two feel about the swamp?

We love it as much as the next guy.

Then brace yourselves.

Some big city developers want to fill it
in.

Well, I'm sorry, Larry. I know how much
you three enjoy that swamp.

Especially during mosquito season.

That swamp holds memories for us.

Daryl got his first kiss there.

Remember that bullfrog, Daryl?

Well, there'll be other swamps, other
frogs.

We have a plan to save this swamp. With
enough cash, we could purchase it

ourselves. And we all know that the best
way to raise cash is through a walk -a

-thon.

Well, that's the way the major
corporations do it.

Now, a walk -a -thon needs two things.
People willing to walk and people

to pledge a dollar a mile.

We're willing to walk.

Well, then you're halfway there.

Guys, we'd be happy to sponsor you.

Frank, we'll start walking now.

The swamp will survive.

When your grandkids want to play slip
and slide in some algae, you won't have

take them to a theme park.

only a dollar a mile.

Well, I guess it's worth it just to see
the smiles on those algae -covered kids.

Well, it's that time of year again.

The new phone books are out?

That too? Wow.

When it rains, it pours.

What are you talking about, George? What
do you think? The Ye Olde Apple Days

Festival.

Seems like only yesterday when great
-great -grandpa Utley... hosted the

one back in 1816.

I heard that Ye Olde Apple Days is being
discontinued. Who told you that?

I'm not sure. I just remember hearing
talk about ending it because some people

found it excruciatingly dull.

Ye Olde Apple Days?

Maybe I'm thinking of the Ice Capades.

Well, we're back from the mall, all.

And we come bearing a bounty of riches.

Uh, the bounty for us. I don't know if
Michael made that clear.

Hey, are you two going to the town
meeting tonight? I'll be talking about

olde apple days.

Oh, I'd love to, George, but I think
Steph and I are going to stay in tonight

and take a finger trick through the new
Neiman's catalog.

Uh, Michael?

I want to go. Don't you remember the
last town meeting?

Yeah, we sat in the back and made fun of
what everybody was wearing.

Wouldn't miss it, George.

Great!

And, George, would you please wear those
bright green pants?

You know, the ones that show off your
ankles?

Sure.

And, Dick, you can just wear what you
have on.

in favor of Annette Gordon being in
charge of refreshments for future town

meetings, raise your hand.

All opposed?

You're in. The citizens have spoken.

Boy, that certainly wasn't the slugfest
I expected.

George, I believe you have the next
order of business.

told you're giggling until everyone has
spoken.

Well, as everybody knows, the Utley
family has been in charge of organizing

olde apple days.

Quiet down.

George, didn't we put a stop to that
thing?

No.

Make a note. Let's put a stop to that
thing.

I thought everyone liked ye olde apple
days.

Maybe you should give George some
support.

I think he's doing fine.

The chair recognizes Dick Loudon.

Thank you.

I know this event isn't as exciting as
it used to be.

There is a certain...

sameness to it year after year after
year.

And it has lost some of its appeal since
the advent of radio.

Wow, Dick, why don't you just knife
George in the back?

Look, ye olde Apple Days is a town
tradition, and I don't think that we

give up on it. If it isn't working, We
should fix it. All it needs are some new

ideas. Do you have any new ideas, Dick?

No.

So, basically, you'd just like to hear
the sound of your own voice.

Maybe Michael has some ideas.

He's not too busy giggling.

What do you people want?

Well, we all thought that since you're
hip, you could help George with some new

ideas for Ye Olde Apple Days.

You all think I'm hip?

The hippest.

Well, I guess I could spitball some
ideas.

Great. All in favor of Michael
spitballing, raise your hand.

Wow, it's a landslide.

What do you think about this idea for
the Apple Fest?

Female applesauce wrestling.

It's a little tasteless, but delicious.

Of course it's delish. It sprung from
the George man's gray filth. Hey,

I just got another idea. Why don't we
have kids paint pictures of apples and

give a prize for the best one?

What a genius.

I could kiss you.

You're a man.

Well, that painting idea is brilliant,
which doesn't mean we couldn't put a

twist on it. Whoa, revelation.

Instead of little kids painting, we get
adults.

How come?

Well, little kids, paintbrushes,
nostrils.

Oh, you're right. No ceremony is worth
injuring children.

And instead of canvases, we paint the
apples directly onto the applesauce

wrestlers. What do you think?

That's a twisted idea, all right.

It's just another nugget of a notion
from the gold mine of the George

What do you think about an apple sack
race?

Eureka, the mother load. I love it. I
wouldn't change a thing.

All right, first off, we 86 the sack.

Hello, Stratford Inn.

Hi, this is Larry. Next to me is my
brother Daryl and my other brother

What can I do for you guys?

We thought you'd like an update on our
walk -a -thon.

We're in Cheshire, Connecticut.

You mean you've been walking for four
days?

Not technically.

To break the monotony, we hopped on one
foot through the Berkshires.

Daryl, don't eat that.

In a dollar a mile, I must owe you...
Where exactly is Cheshire?

Uh -oh, gotta go.

Daryl, how many times do I have to tell
you? Face away from the road when you do

that.

Where's my atlas?

Gee, I don't know, Michael. A laser
light show sounds a little high -tech.

Georgie, Porgy, Puddin' and Pie, it was
your idea.

I thought my idea was an apple sack
race.

That's what this is.

Now, come on, let's down some decaf and
flesh out your idea about skinny dipping

for apples.

That was bobbing.

Hello? Daryl, if that's you, could you
put Larry on, please?

Hi. Hi, Larry. Where are you now?

In a place called the South Bronx,
though the absence of magnolia trees

think it's not the Deep South.

You've gone another hundred miles.

When are you guys coming home? We miss
you.

Actually, we almost turned back this
morning.

Daryl had this blister on his foot.

Fortunately, it turned out to be an
extra toe we'd never noticed before.

Daryl, don't buy that Rolex.

It's a knockoff. I gotta go. I'm losing
control over these boys.

They've got to be stopped.

What are you doing out so late?

Just walking.

Do I owe you money for that?

I don't think so.

Good.

George, are you all right?

Not really.

You remember how Michael called me a
gold mine of ideas?

Yeah. Well, he took the ideas and gave
me the shaft.

The George monster's been fired.

George, the new phone book's here.

You want me to look up your name for
you? That usually cheers you up.

Sure. It's probably under you for unhip.

Just because Michael says you aren't hip
doesn't mean anything.

Well, you're just as hip as... Dick.

Whoa, a half -priced slipper sale.

Thanks, Joanna.

Hello, fellow citizens of Appleopolis.

Michael, if you don't tell them right
away, I'll burst.

Right.

Prepare your accolades. The Apple Fest
is now a Michael Harris production in

association with Stephanie Vanderkill
and Enterprises.

Michael made me his co -producer.

Exactly what does a co -producer do?

I welcome people.

I lie and tell them how nice they look.

I smile demurely when they tell me how
nice I look.

Great -great -grandpa Utley never smiled
demurely.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go sit in
front of my makeup mirror and practice

sincerity.

I'll miss you all.

Good start, Steph.

And while you're up there, pick out a
dress that won't clash with the ballroom

at the Ramada.

You're holding ye olde apple days at the
Ramada Inn?

No, we're holding apples, apples, apples
there. New name, new concept, new zip.

What kind of zip is that?

Well, just your usual singing, dancing,
multimedia, spectacular kind of zip.

Great -great -grandpa Utley would be
shocked.

Well, I gotta run. I'm meeting Dee Dee,
the choreographer, for a well drink.

Wait a minute.

Where is it written there can't be two
Ye Olde Apple Days festivals?

I don't know, but I'm sure I thought
somewhere, George.

I'm going to hold my own festival right
here in the inn where it should be.

Ye olde apple days, live!

Does it have to live here?

It figures. Michael advertised his show
on TV.

I relied on word of mouth. I wish you
two had friends.

Well, it's still early. I wouldn't mind
waiting a few more hours.

Well, that wouldn't be fair to the
people who did show up.

Besides, we can have just as much fun
with three as we can with 300.

Yeah, it's just that with 300, it
doesn't seem so stupid.

Well, I guess it's time for my opening
speech.

Quiet down, please.

Welcome to the 172nd Ye Olde Apple Days
Festival.

I see a few unfamiliar faces out there.

George, why don't we just skip the
speech and go right on to the

Good idea.

Would a pie -eating contest with three
people seem stupid?

Pie -eating contests can be held with
any number of people without looking

stupid. Really? Okay, then it'll be just
you and Joanna. I'll be the judge.

Contestants, take your seats.

Grab your forks.

Welcome and bienvenue.

Welcome.

What?

Stephanie, I'm usually not one to
complain, but these ticket prices, $22

person?

Well, obviously you've never been to a
Broadway show.

No, but we did see the movie version of
The Music Man starring Robert Preston.

And Buddy Hackett.

Boy, that guy's a national treasure.

Jim, that was Stubby K.

You're crazy. It was Buddy Hackett. I'm
crazy. You're the crazy one. It was

Stubby K. Oh, you think everybody's
Stubby K.

Welcome and bienvenue. Welcome.

What?

Oh, here.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting a
Michael Harris...

in association with Stephanie Van Der
Kellen Enterprises.

Everyone is great by God.

an apple?

Dick, you're supposed to guess what
kind.

Um, uh, Macintosh.

Sorry.

Damn.

It's your turn, Joanna.

Good luck.

after you've eaten four Pippin' Pies.

This is your fifth ribbon.

Oh, thanks, George.

Boy, I'm running out of room.

Hey, it's apple -bobbing time. I'll get
the tub.

Dick, he's getting the tub.

We have got to put an end to this.

Sure, now that you're ahead five
ribbons.

Let's just tell George it's impossible
to have a festival with three people.

Okay. I think I could have bobbed the
pants off of you.

Uh, George, could we speak to you?

I know what you're going to say.

Ye olde apple days is a ye olde bomb.

Well, I wouldn't say ye olde.

Tub, Jim, they're only up to apple
bobbing.

What are you doing here?

We walked out of Michael's show. It was
awful.

We didn't get to do anything.

No spin the apple, no apple limbo.

All we did was sit and watch.

Yeah, the worst part was Michael
strutting around like some apple pimp.

Mr., what is that on your cheek?

Dear, those laser beams must have
vaporized my eye.

It looked like applesauce.

So it is.

I told you not to lean in so close
during the wrestling match.

George, we're sorry we abandoned you.

Oh, that's okay. One of the seven tenets
of ye olde apple days is forgiveness.

You're a good man, George.

Oh, Steph.

You were right. They thought our show
was over.

Okay, folks, let me explain the concept
of intermission.

Michael, they left because they didn't
like your show.

Didn't like my show?

How did they feel about my Demir
smiling?

They didn't say.

People usually don't say anything when
they're pleased.

How could they prefer this? My show had
glitz, glamour, production values.

Michael, this isn't Las Vegas.

It never will be as long as people dunk
their heads in tubs of water.

Well, you're welcome to join the
celebration.

Well, thanks, George.

I guess you know your audience a little
better than I do.

You must feel bad about everybody
walking out on your show.

I'd feel worse if we had a refund
policy.

Have you ever bobbed for apples?

No, but in college I did have my head
dunked, but it wasn't in a tub.

And they weren't apples.

Could I have a cupcake?

All right, as long as you don't get your
hair wet. I'll be careful.

Hello? Hi, this is Larry. Next to me is
my... Where are you now?

Graceland, home of the king of rock and
roll.

Graceland, I...

That's in Memphis.

I know. Our walk -a -thon is completed.

Your pledge has provided us with
adequate funds to purchase the swamp.

And with enough left over to buy a 9x12
Colonel Tom Parker area rug.

That's... That's 1 ,400 miles.

Gotta go. Darryl just won an impromptu
look -alike contest.

And we gotta help him divvy up the
babes.

That's $1 ,400.