All language subtitles for Newhart s06e23 The Gleeless Club

But, Steph, what if I really, really,
really, really want it?

Oh, Michael.

No.

What's going on? We're designing our
dream house.

We're trying to decide what we would put
in our house to end all houses. And

Steph won't let me have a pool room.

I don't want a pool room. I want a
cosmetics room.

Well, in that case, why don't you just
have both rooms?

Dick, whose house is this?

I refuse to have a pool room in my house
unless there's a pool in it.

There.

Michael, how can this be a dream house
if it has stuff in it I don't like? That

would make it a bad dream house.

Dick, guess what was posted down at
Peterson?

Sale prices on flu and cold remedies.

Oh, those are always posted, Dick, so we
can't accept that answer.

There was a notice that this town is
going to form a glee club.

Hot dog.

There hasn't been this much excitement
since, well, since the last time we had

glee club.

There was one before?

You bet. We were in two county fairs
before we disbanded in a rift over

to sway during Swing Low Sweet Chariot.

But nothing like that will happen this
time, because the new leader is Hazel

Fernie Howe. She was a den mother for
years. She'll run a tight ship.

I think you know anything about music,
George. Oh, yeah.

She was choir director at the biggest
Lutheran church in Tyville. And you know

how those Lutherans can sing.

She doesn't have perfect pitch, but she
can recognize it.

Dick, I think this sounds like a lot of
fun.

I do, too. You should try out.

And you'll try out too?

No.

I'd think about it if I were you, Dick.

There's nothing like gathering with your
fellow townsmen to sing songs of

inspiration.

Well, I'd better go practice my three
blind mice for the audition.

Come on, honey, let's join.

Honey, I don't want to join a glee club.

But you love to sing.

And we've been saying we want to do
something together outside the inn.

Joanna, I just...

I don't feel comfortable with my voice,
okay?

But you have a fine voice.

How do you know?

You sing on car trips all the time.

Honey, that's in a sedan.

All right, if you must know, I've had
some unpleasant experiences with these

clubs. I mean, they're not the bastions
of glee that their name would lead you

to believe.

What are you talking about?

When I was 11...

I joined our school glee club.

And in one session, without any
instructions, mind you, our teacher

into voice categories.

Alto, soprano, contralto.

And she put me in the category all by
myself.

The monotones.

Well, Dick, that was very cruel of that
teacher.

Well, unfortunately, I was bragging
about it until I looked it up.

Honey. Joanna, I don't want to relive
that.

You don't sing monotone.

And besides, this is just some
townspeople getting together to have

Come on.

Trust me.

Okay, but if I don't get in, or if I'm
humiliated in any way, I can kill you.

So, how do you think it went?

Oh, I think you did fine.

America the Beautiful was a nice choice.

I just wish I hadn't forgotten the
words.

You covered very nicely with the
humming.

Joanna, you were wonderful.

I didn't know you sing light opera.

When you were performing, I thought I
was on the HMS Pinafore.

Thanks, George.

I enjoyed your three blind mice, too.

Oh, sure. Everyone enjoys a classic.

Oh, hi, Dick. You know, next time you
might want to carry the words up with

Joanna, what a lovely audition.

Thank you, Chester.

George? Solid as always.

Thanks.

Dick.

Well, congratulate me. I was just
measured for my robe.

We were all measured.

Oh.

So I shouldn't take that as a sign that
I'm a shoo -in?

No.

Shoot, now I wish I hadn't already
called the wife and told her to uncork

bottle of sparkling cider.

We were saving it in case anything good
ever happened to it.

Mrs. Loudon, just thought I'd say a nice
tune.

Oh, yeah, Loudon.

Yeah.

It's for Purple Mountain's Majesty.

Above the...

Suppose you forgot the tune, too.

You were fine.

Okay, everyone.

I have the list of Glee Club members, if
anyone's interested.

Harley Esten, you're in.

Hot dog.

I can't wait to tell the wife to break
out the tooth glasses.

Officer Shiflett, you're in.

Thank you, ma 'am.

The gun goes inside the robe.

I can live with that.

Chester Wanamaker, you're in. Thank you.

George Utley, you're in. Oh, boy. I
promise I'll do my best.

Good boy.

Dick Loudon.

You're in.

What? Thank God.

Very melodic, Mr.

Loudon. Very melodic.

Mrs. Ferneyhough.

Oh, Mrs. Ferneyhough. You forgot to
check the list for me.

No, I didn't, dear.

I didn't have to.

You didn't make it.

You want some more punch?

I guess I didn't know how high I'd let
my hopes get. I was just assuming I'd

in.

You must be relieved.

But what do you mean?

I mean you never really wanted to be in
the club, and since we were just doing

this to have something we could do
together, now there's no reason for you

part of it.

Johanna, I don't think it's fair to quit
this soon.

You're going to stay in a glee club that
rejected me?

Well, honey,

you know, it's for the town.

They said they could use a melodic
singer.

Well, fine.

But, you know, look at the bright side.
I don't have to kill you.

Well, if the house is four stories,
there has to be an elevator.

I agree, Steph. I just don't think it
should be made of glass.

Why on earth not?

Well, I just don't think the inside of
an elevator is a place where I can

be counted on to look my best.

From first to penthouse, I'd like the
option to slouch and not be seen.

I don't think I know you.

I think you're being unreasonable,
expecting me to quit the Glee Club

you didn't get in.

I mean, would you have quit if I didn't
get in? If you hadn't gotten in, it

would have been because you forgot the
words and hummed off key.

I didn't get in because Mrs. Ferneyhow
hates me.

You said I was fine.

I lied.

Joanna, I think you're jumping to
conclusions as to why you didn't get in.

I mean, Mrs. Ferneyhow has taught
Lutherans.

I mean, somebody with that kind of
experience wouldn't do a thing like that

whim. I think you should talk to her.

Well, yeah, maybe you're right.

I mean, why would Mrs. Ferney Howe hate
me? I've never done anything to her.

Exactly.

Although I did pass her in the grocery
store when I had a lot on my mind and

forgot to speak.

She would want revenge for that.

And her son's birthday was in the paper
last week, and I didn't even send a

card. She doesn't hate you.

I mean, talk to her and find out why she
seems to hate you.

Okay, okay, I will.

After your rehearsal Thursday.

Good. And what if I don't get any
satisfaction?

Honey, I firmly believe if Hazel
Ferneyhough, a former den mother, is an

and rational woman, but if we find that
she wouldn't let you join for some petty

reason, I will resign.

Promise? Promise.

I didn't really sing off -key, did I?

Wait up.

Down by the riverside.

Oh, very nice.

Now, let's look at this next piece of
music.

Dick, you did such a nice job last time.
Would you like to hand these out, too?

was just about to raise my hand.

Sure, just try to take a job away from
the teacher's pet.

Dick, I want you to know, I've been
listening to you, and you have a

-flat.

Really? Very full body.

Very full body.

Quiet!

Looks like someone... I am not the
teacher's pet.

Now, let's all stand up correctly.

Harley, straighten that back.

Officer Shifflett, chest out.

Dick, perfect.

Everyone look at Dick.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were
finished.

Oh, my, nine o 'clock already.

Well, that's all for tonight.

Nice, finial consonants, everyone.

Uh, Mrs.

Ferneyhough?

Can I speak to you for a second? Why, of
course.

Uh, I was thinking the other night, and
I realized that I owe you an apology.

I passed you in the store and was so
preoccupied that I didn't speak.

Oh, honey, don't worry about it. These
things happen all the time.

So you weren't bothered by that?

Heavens no.

Oh.

I never sent your son a birthday card.

Well, I did think that was a little
rude.

You did?

Yes, but then when I thought about it a
minute, I realized he probably never

sent you one either.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Oh, Mrs. Fernie, how... I'm curious as
to why I didn't get into the glee club.

Look at my singing. Oh, my, no.

You have a lovely voice.

Then what was it?

Your height.

I beg your pardon?

Your height.

We didn't have a match for you. You see,
this whole choir was selected so that

when lined up correctly, they form a
perfect pyramid.

And you feel this is very important?

Oh, my, yes.

The way food looks.

on a plate is 75 % of how it tastes.

My theory is the way a choir looks is 75
% of how it sounds.

So you see, if I were to let you in,
we'd sound

lopsided.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some
organ stops to adjust.

Johnny, did you straighten everything
out?

Oh, yeah.

I didn't get in because of my height.

Apparently, I'd mess up the pyramid.

How's that for a silly reason?

Well, to tell the truth, I mean, you
know, we do look pretty sharp, you know,

all lined up together.

You're not going to quit, are you?

Joanna, I just don't think you're
thinking it through.

And you truly don't think size is a
petty reason for keeping me out?

I really don't. If I did, I wouldn't be
staying.

Congratulations on your solo, Dick.
Yeah, way to go.

Hi, Joe.

Reading again?

I like to read.

You two are all dressed up. Are you
going to the Glee Club preview concert

tonight? Of course.

I mean, it is an event.

It's a pathetic excuse for an event, but
it does qualify.

Steph and I try to attend anything in
this town that you need tickets for.

Unless it involves winning a ham.

You know, this is the first time in over
a week you two haven't been planning

your dream house.

That's because we settled it. Really? Mm
-hmm.

We've decided to build... Two separate
houses on the same hundred acre ground.

Divided only by a holly maze.

Boxwood maze.

But Sugar Lips, holly is much more
colorful.

But boxwood is the traditional maze
foliage.

Okay, boxwood.

Right. See you, Joanna.

Oh, don't pout. We can always put holly
around the fountain.

What fountain?

I think it's real nice of you to attend
the preview concert tonight.

I'm going for George.

My applause will be very collective.

Look, honey, if somebody besmirched your
name or lied about you, I mean, I would

refuse to associate with that person,
but, I mean, not getting into a glee

is hardly a call to defend your honor or
give up my solo.

So we're where we always were, poles
apart.

You know, I'd feel a lot better if you
would wish me luck tonight.

Dick, break a leg.

Thanks. In fact, break both of them.

George, would you practice my solo with
me? Sure, Dick.

Down by the old mill stream. Mill
stream.

I first met you. Met you.

You're gonna knock their socks off,
Dick.

I'm pretty excited. You know, I've never
had a solo before.

Technically, it's an echo, Dick.

Boy, there's nothing like a robe to make
you feel like a choir member, huh?

Nervous about your echo, Dick?

Maybe a little. Well, I've sung dozens
in my time. And I've got a little tip,

you're interested.

Sure. Never drink milk.

Gather round, everyone.

Now, this is a preview concert designed
so we can get used to singing in front

of the public.

Now, let's take our places.

And remember, no talking, no gum
chewing, and no...

singing tonight.

You mean my solo is out?

I mean you're out.

Your match, Mrs. Eves, broke her hip.

She's down for the season. Sorry.

But I can go on without her. And mess up
my pyramid?

The audience is getting restless.

Can't you find anyone to take her place?

The only person who would qualify would
be Joanna on a box.

And I can get you in. Are you sure?

Sure. I've been a good and faithful
husband for 17 years. I mean, she does

me something.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Law?

Joanna, how would you like to be in the
Glee Club?

What are you talking about?

Well, there's an opening, so, you know,
I...

I thought of you.

Come with me. Your robe awaits.

Not so fast.

I heard about Mrs. Eve Kipp.

Oh. This is her granddaughter, Susie.

Hi.

Nice to meet you. She's doing fine.

Good.

Come on, Joanna. This solves all our
problems. You get the thing. I get the

thing. Not all our problems, Dick.

You broke a promise to me.

What promise?

You promised to stand by her and resign
the choir, and you didn't.

No, no, no. I made a conditional
promise.

I promised that if I thought that Mrs.
Franny Howe's reasons were silly, that

I'd resign. But at the time, I didn't
think that... What am I telling you?

I'm Suzy's husband, Huck. You didn't
think that being the wrong height was

silly? Have you talked to these people?

I needed to vent a little.

Well, now I realize that...

Mrs. Fernie House, height regulations,
we're pretty petty.

Now that they affect you.

People grow and learn.

Oh, okay, Joanna, I was wrong. Let's
forgive and forget. Let's move

forward.

Let's... No.

Dick, we can't wait much longer.

Joanne, I can't let you pass up this
opportunity. Now you can be as wrong as

was, or you can rise above it.

I'll be as wrong as you were.

Joanne, I... Come on, Loudon.

Leave her alone if she doesn't want to
sing.

Look, could you stay out of this? I
doubt if she told you everything.

Yes, I did.

Did you tell him about... About the
solo?

Oh, I heard it was more of an echo.

Dick, my mind is made up.

Oh, okay.

I'll just take off my robe.

Right in front of the seat.

Probably somewhere in the back.

I won't bother anybody with my
sniffling.

Boy, you are a cold woman, Joanna.

But I guess I've been pretty
insensitive, too. I'm really

sorry that I was so selfish.

I'm garbage.

What did he say? I'm garbage.

Oh, all right, I'll sing.

You're pathetic to be into it.

You mean it? Yes.

Wait a minute. We're not the same size.
How can I be your match?

Well, there's a little matter of a box.

But, honey, please don't back down now.

All right.

I'll sing on a box.

You're the best.

But, Dick, that solo of yours?

Yeah. Now it's a duet.

Meow.