Original subtitles

Dick, is that the Loretta Dupree, the actress?

Well, she is coming to do a show at the Maple Grove Theater.

Don't play with me, Dick. Is it her or not?

Sounds like it. She's coming today?

George, what's the big deal? We've had performers stay here before.

Dick, Wink Martindale is one thing.

Loretta Dupree makes him look like small potatoes.

Really? Who is she?

She was only the star of Kinsey Corners. She played Madison Whitworth, the cruel

vixen who victimized every man in Dinsmore County.

Sounds like we could ask for our money up front.

This is going right in my scrapbook.

George, that isn't her autograph. I wrote it.

Oh?

Well, maybe I'll keep it to remember you by.

Dick, when someone cancels, all you have to do is cross it out.

Honey, George took Loretta Dupree's name as a memento. Loretta Dupree is coming

here, that hussy?

Honey, I'm sure that's the part she plays on that series.

Well, I hear they based the character on her and they had to tone it down for

television.

Hi, Dick.

Here's the bio on this week's guest.

I should have an easy time directing this show.

600 -pound man isn't going anywhere.

Thanks, J .J., but you didn't have to come all the way from the station with

this. Just seemed like the neighborly thing to do.

Neighbor.

You live in the next county? Not anymore.

Neighbor.

J .J., are you trying to tell me something?

Get that old cup of sugar ready.

We're neighbors.

Great. I just bought that old place on the corner.

Oh, the Rockingham House. That's one of the oldest structures in town.

Oh, I'm glad it's going to get the care it deserves.

Damn right.

I'm going to doze it.

What? Well, you don't expect me to live in it. That place must be a hundred

years old. Try 250.

Wow. That roof's going to fall on a lot of memories.

Luckily. There's a guest house I can stay in while I put up this baby.

You're going to live in a mushroom?

It's a satellite house, Dick. J .J., this is a colonial community.

This is the type of houses where George Washington would have slept, not George

Jetson.

Fine, Dick.

Thanks for parking the welcome wagon on my heart.

You might want to be a little careful walking by my house.

Sometimes those wrecking balls swing wide.

Hello. I'm Loretta Dupree. I have a reservation.

Oh, yes.

Yes, we're expecting.

Sign here, Miss Fixon.

Room seven.

Allow me, Miss Dupree.

Right this way.

Well, I put the kibosh on our new neighbor's renovation plans.

I told the Landmark Commission they've issued an injunction to stop them from

replacing a historical house with Space Station JJ.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Oh, please, you don't have to get up.

Yes, yes, I do.

Please, sit, sit. I just wanted to invite all of you to be my guests for

opening tonight.

Well, thank you. We'd be delighted.

It's the least I can do after all the attention you've been giving me. And I

especially love the fresh -cut flowers in my room every morning.

Fresh -cut flowers?

It's all part of the service.

Thank you, but all I have time for is a cup of coffee. I'll get it. Oh, no, I

can.

Here's your coffee, cuppy.

You don't have to do everything for me. You must have been in my room ten times

in the last three days fixing things.

Well, they were all necessary repairs.

George, you fixed my soap.

Has it given you any more trouble?

Well, I just wish I had someone as conscientious as you at the theater.

What for?

Well, the fog machine isn't working.

I could take a look at it.

Great.

Well, while you're at it, I... Oh, no, I shouldn't ask. Then you'd have to be

there every night.

Every night? Oh, boy. I mean, I have to check my schedule.

Oh, okay.

Well, I better get to the theater.

Oh, by the way, Joanna, I need a pair of earrings for the play.

Is there a good jewelry store in town?

I could buy you some.

I have to go to town anyway to pick up mole pellets.

George, I think I probably have some earrings I can lend Mr. Pree.

Thank you.

Could I ask you something?

Sure, George.

Do you think it's possible Loretta likes me?

I mean, either I'm crazy or she's sending me signals. What do you think?

The only other choice is crazy.

Dick, I can't work anymore. The drain is full of gunk and there's a hole in my

rubber glove.

Stephanie, we have other rubber gloves.

I could make a hole in them, too.

Stephanie.

So, George, what kind of signals is Loretta sending?

Well, she insisted I call her Loretta. Well, that's your name. That doesn't

anything. It does, too.

What else, George?

Well, when I poured the coffee for her just now, she put her hand on mine.

There was just an accident. You were both reaching for the pot at the same

Did it go like this?

No, no, I can... Yeah, something like that may be a little

smoother.

This woman is good.

What do you make of all that?

She obviously wants you. Only a fool could misread those signals.

Stephanie, see if you can pick up this signal.

Cleaned the drain.

Cool.

So, what about it, Dick?

Do you think Loretta likes me? Well, I... You know, I can't deny that it's...

Starting to look that... Within the realm of possibility

that... Maybe she might.

Oh, don't hand me that.

What would a woman like that see in a guy like me?

You ask a pal for a little honest advice and he blows sunshine up your overalls.

Hi, Loretta. Hi, George.

Oh, is the fog machine fixed?

Get ready to feel British.

I would have shown it to you sooner, but I lost it in the fog.

Oh, it's kind of romantic, isn't it?

Yeah.

Half hour to curtain, Mr. Dupree.

Break a leg.

Whoa, I heard show business was dog eat dog.

No, George, in the theater it's bad luck to wish somebody good luck, so instead

you wish something bad to happen to them.

Oh.

Well, put an eye out.

Thank you.

George, would you do me a favor?

There's a scene in the third act I can't quite memorize. Would you go over it

with me?

Geez, I don't know.

The only time I ever acted was when I played a molar in a hygiene pageant.

Good, you've had experience.

Now, this is going to be the shipboard scene.

Let's use this as the railing.

Take it from right there.

I'm afraid our Atlantic crossing is almost over.

Tomorrow, I'll be back with Edward in Surrey.

And I'll be at my club in the Strand trying to mend a broken heart with

and soda.

I shan't forget you, Basil.

Nor are you.

Isn't there more, George?

It says they kiss.

Are we still rehearsing?

Yes. Oh.

For this.

with George and Loretta?

How do we know what we saw? It was dark. It was foggy.

Well, what I saw looked pretty good to me.

Let's say we rent one of those fog machines for tomorrow night.

Oh, we could do the airport scene from Casablanca.

Here's looking at you, cupcake.

Honey, we have to do something about George. He shouldn't get involved with a

woman like that. She uses men.

You're right. She'll take him for every power tool he's got.

Now, you know what I mean.

She'll have a few laughs, get some free work done at the theater, and George

will mistake that for love.

When she moves on, he'll have a broken heart, and she'll have a fog machine

works.

We have to do something.

What do we do?

You talk to him.

Okay, we'll do it.

I'll have that wind machine fixed first thing tomorrow.

Oh, thanks, George.

The play is so much better when the furniture isn't blown into the audience.

Oh, hello.

We really enjoyed your performance tonight.

Thank you.

Well, good night.

Good night.

For now.

Dick, Joanna.

George, I have to talk to you about you and Loretta. And I have to

leave.

Dick, is this going to be one of those father -son talks?

George, your personal life is your own. I wouldn't dream of telling you what to

do.

Just dump Loretta.

I don't understand.

George, you know her reputation with men.

I mean, are you absolutely sure she isn't just using you for free help at

theater? Now, just hold on there, Dick.

Loretta is a wonderful, giving person.

She was kind enough to let me fix her fog machine.

But there's more to our relationship than that.

I'm going to fix her wind machine.

But why shouldn't she be interested in me?

Okay, so maybe I'm not rich. Maybe I'm not handsome. Maybe I'm not

sophisticated. Oh, gee, she is using me.

Come in.

Hi.

Sorry I took so long.

This is your room.

It's just as I imagined.

Well, you were wrong. This is usually over here.

May I sit down?

Sure. There's a real comfortable chair back in the lobby.

I thought you wanted me here.

Well, I did, but tonight isn't going to work out. I...

I need to fix my stove.

What's wrong with it? Well, it... It gets real hot.

Isn't it supposed to? Who died and made you handyman?

Anyway, I have lots of other things to do. I have to wash my feet.

George, what's wrong?

Nothing. Feet get dirty. That's life. If you can't live with it, maybe we

shouldn't see each other.

Why are you doing this?

I thought I felt something special happening between us.

No. I was just using you to get close to the fog machine.

I see.

If that's the way you feel.

Well, Mr.

Pierce, just about to put out the fire.

But, you know, if you feel that strongly about it... I'm

sorry. It's just that... Oh, I thought he was so different.

He seemed so genuine, so vulnerable.

You really like George?

He's wonderful.

You don't know how many jerks a woman like me has to put up with before she

meets a man like that.

You really like George?

Are you kidding? I've been sending out signals all over the place.

Yeah, I picked up on that.

I just can't understand why he suddenly turned so cold.

Well, you know, maybe... Maybe he feels that, you know, you've been using him.

You've just been pretending to like him to get him to do things at the theater.

You know, I'm... I'm only guessing.

Where would he get an idea like that?

Well, maybe he, you know, he has some stupid friends.

You know, who...

Heard those stories about all the men you've chewed up like a giant

garbage disposal of love.

Oh, that damn Murray.

Who? Murray, my press agent.

He created that evil vixen image. He thought it would be good for my career.

So, all of this is...

Damn Murray's fault.

Oh, that stuff never bothered George.

Those friends you were talking about, they must have poisoned his mind.

But who would do something that low, that insensitive, that stupid?

That would be me.

You? Well, I didn't want to see George get hurt, so I gave him some

misinformation and ripped his heart out.

I mean, that's not to underestimate, you know, Murray's role in all of this.

But I think George really likes you, and it wouldn't take much to undo the

damage that, you know, Murr and I have done.

Yes, you were trying to do the right thing.

I'm sorry I said you were low and insensitive.

You'll understand if I don't take back stupid.

Hi, Dick.

I know it's late, but I saw the light on.

You know, it's about to go off.

As long as we're going to be neighbors, you should know this about me.

I'm liable to stop by any hour, day or night to talk about my problems.

We're going to christen this relationship with a beaut.

Look, J .J. Some big mouth blabbed to the Landmark Commission about my

house and they slapped me with an injunction against dozing the old one.

I'm going to have to live in that 200 -year -old pile of matchsticks.

Who did it?

Dick.

Who would do a low, insensitive, stupid thing like that?

That would be Murray.

George, it's me.

Can we talk?

Go ahead.

Can I come in?

George.

I don't want you to run the fog machine anymore.

You don't? As a matter of fact, I don't care if you do anything at the theater

for me.

Really? I only want one thing from you.

What?

Would you help me run the lines in that scene again?

Gee, I don't have the script.

That's okay.

I remember how it ends.

Another letter from Loretta?

What does she have to say?

She's playing in Richmond, Virginia.

I guess I better skip that part. It's kind of personal.

Then she says,

No.

I should skip that part, too.

I'm going to skip that.

She's in Richmond, Virginia