Original subtitles

Well, your bathroom now has a shower massage.

Oh, thank you, George.

Gee, that took quite a while. I hope it wasn't too difficult.

Well, it wasn't hard to install.

Kind of hard to walk away from the trial run.

Hi, everybody. I'm back from my bike ride.

Thanks again for coming to get me, Dick.

Okay, but next time you go on a bike ride, could you plan it as a round trip?

If I'd ridden back, I would have come home flush.

Well,

thank God I got you before you did anything foolish.

Hi, George. Hi, Holly.

What's the camera for?

Well, while it's on my mind, I really want to get a Christmas card picture.

In May?

Yeah, isn't that cutting it kind of close?

Well, every year I wait till the last minute and then it's too late.

That's always worked for me.

Okay.

I'll put a wreath and some stockings on the mantle and we'll all bundle up in

warm clothes.

We'll gather around a roaring fire. Yeah, and then we'll all fall over from

prostration.

And we'll have a beautiful personalized Christmas card.

Joanna, are you serious?

Werewolf out of season?

Yeah, come on, Joanna.

Well, sounds great to me.

I can practically smell the chestnuts roasting.

I never understood how people could eat those things.

Okay, honey. Okay, but I don't want to have anything to do with the

I don't want to have to change clothes.

And I don't want to smile if I don't feel like it.

Looks like we found our Santa.

Hi.

I'm Larry.

This is my brother, Daryl.

And this is my other brother, Daryl. Hi, guys.

You are all invited over to our place to help celebrate the most significant

event in our adulthood.

What are you talking about?

We're rich.

Where did you get all that money?

Won it in a nationwide jingle contest.

You wrote a jingle?

Well, not me.

Daryl hears the tune smith, and Daryl hears the word smith.

Well, what did you do, Larry?

I'm the one that said it should be reggae.

It's a team effort. I spark Daryl, Daryl sparks me.

Daryl sparks Daryl, Daryl sparks Daryl. Daryl sparks me.

I sparkled. Oh, okay.

Would you like to hear our award -winning composition?

Feel free to dance and go crazy.

One, two. One, two, three, four.

How much did you win

for that?

$30 ,000.

And they say life isn't fair.

Well, way to go, guys. What are you going to do with all that money?

We ain't... decided yet, but don't worry. We ain't gonna let it go to our

All this money ain't gonna change us. One eye owed it.

Come in.

Hi,

I'm Larry. This is my brother... I've had the pleasure, guys.

Maybe you could help us. We've been having a fiscal ruckus over our

far, the only thing we've been able to agree on is to buy these chapeau.

Well, I can see why that would be unanimous.

What are you arguing about?

Well, Daryl thinks we should bury the money, and Daryl thinks we should move

Kansas City.

He heard they got some crazy little women there.

Well, that, uh... Kansas City idea has merit.

But you probably should put it in a bank. You know, it'd be safe and it

get you about 10 % interest.

Your money would earn about $3 ,000 a year.

Hold on.

They're going to stash our money for us and pay us too?

Right.

That's just weird.

I don't know if we could trust our funds with somebody exercising that kind of

judgment.

Well, there are bonds, stocks, securities.

Free money with those two?

Yeah.

I'll tell you what you could do. You could spend a little of it to kind of

improve the quality of your lives.

We already got the hats.

All right, then.

Oh, my goodness. Look who's here.

Heard the news, fellas. Congrats, Times Three.

Well, thank you, Cube.

May I put a bug in your ear? Sure.

Michael Harris Productions. TV pilots are one of your top investment values.

If this takes off the way I think it will, you'll be earning 20, maybe 30 %

interest. Free money?

Bushels of it.

Come on, Daryl.

It's a sad day when TV people are no more reliable than a bank.

Is this a beauty or what?

George, what on earth? Merry Christmas.

I wasn't really planning on having a tree.

Oh, then surprise.

Gee, George, I don't know. Dick isn't too keen on this photograph as it is.

Joanna, it wouldn't be Christmas without a tree.

It's not Christmas.

You're beginning to look a lot like it.

Well, I... Oh, Joanna, come on. Don't be a scrooge. It's beautiful.

Stephanie, I thought you weren't interested in the Christmas picture.

A person can change. A person can get caught up in the spirit of things. A

person can notice a chance to get presents.

Okay, what's Christmas without a turkey? Oh, good.

Who's your friend?

He's in a great tree, Dick. Better than last year's, huh?

Yeah, there's always a better selection in the spring.

Well, honey, don't worry.

It's not going to be here long. We'll take the picture Friday and we'll clear

everything out.

Okay, but if I see livestock or shepherds in the end, we're going to

Hi, I'm Larry.

And this is my other brother, Daryl.

Where's your brother, Daryl? Last night we had a big altercation about the

money. This morning when we got up, Daryl was gone and so was his third of

winnings. We're thinking it's more than coincidence.

Oh, no.

Yep. In one fell swoop, we lost a brother and a lyricist.

thought you were Daryl.

Never realized how many people in this world aren't him.

Yeah, you'd be surprised by the statistics.

This is Constable Shifflett. Hey.

Yeah, I thought he might be able to help you find Daryl. I hope so.

It's lonely without him.

Now we know how the Supremes felt when Diana Ross left.

It's the little things that remind you of somebody.

I can't look at the grease spot on his pillow without thinking of Daryl.

Well, that's not one of the little things, but you take my meaning?

Did you check his usual hangouts? Yeah, he ain't here.

Okay, what about a description?

Well, the clothes he was wearing are kind of like Daryl's here, loose

but complimentary.

He's got straight, skunk -black hair, penetrating eyes, sturdy build.

put it this way.

When they were passing out looks, he was the first in line.

That's why he's called The Face.

He is?

The Face. Check.

His favorite movie is It's a Wonderful Life.

Turn -ons include... Larry, I... I don't think the constable needs to hear

that. The more I know, the easier it'll be to find him. Go ahead.

include walking through mud and the letter Y.

Turnoffs are soaking dirty pans, anything with three legs and Bermuda

Well, sounds like if I find him, I'll like him.

This tree is so beautiful. When we're done, I want to get a picture.

That was the idea, George.

Oh, yeah, right.

What a scorcher.

Hi.

We're the... Duncans.

Season's greetings.

What's all this?

Don't worry, it's not Christmas. It's just an incredible simulation.

We're getting ready to take a Christmas card picture.

Yeah, there's nothing like Christmas in Vermont in the spring.

What a great idea.

I've always thought that we should have our own Christmas card.

Say, do you mind if we borrow your background?

Of course. And if it's not asking too much, could we maybe help you decorate

tree?

Sure. If you don't mind working up a sweat.

Thanks.

We'll unpack and we'll be right down.

Room 7.

Thanks.

See, Dick?

Even they're into the Christmas spirit.

Or crazy with the heat.

out in the car.

Michael, all we needed was wrapped empty boxes. You didn't have to bring actual

presents.

Yes, I did.

Joanna, you can tell in the picture if the boxes are empty.

Don't worry.

Stephanie's not the only one taking a little advantage.

Hi, I'm Larry.

We think this is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl.

Let's have a look. See? Don't that look like him right there?

You mean the guy dancing with the First Lady?

I don't think so.

Why not?

Just call it instinct.

Oh.

Sorry to be such a downer on Christmas card Eve.

You guys weren't over at the cafe, so I tracked you here.

I think I may have a lead on the face.

Two officers up in Stowe answered a disturbing the peace call last night.

the description, sounds like it might be our boy.

Here's the address.

Thanks a bunch.

Will you go with us?

What for?

We ain't got a car.

We could lend you our car.

I'll... I'll go with you.

Well, I better get back to HQ.

Merry Christmas to you.

Whoa.

The decline of Western civilization.

This is the kind of place you know you're not going to meet an Oswald.

Hey, new blood.

This is Daryl's place. He's falling in with some real offbeats.

Food's over there.

Bar's stocked. Go for it.

We're looking for my brother, Daryl.

Daryl?

Oh, you mean Faye?

drinks together and chug -a -lug it no matter what color it is or how it

You guys want to join us?

Excuse us. Would you fellas go now?

Why? Because if you don't, Daryl and I are going to mix you together no matter

what color you come out or how you smell.

Oh.

Come on, let's go spit off the roof and time it.

Blue suede shoes.

Daryl, you're all facing no brains.

I ought to step on them blue suede shoes.

Come on, come on, guys. Come on, break it up.

Daryl, I don't even know who you are.

Look at all this wanton waste.

A block of ice that ain't cooling a thing.

you'd find in a sissy's lunchbox.

Come here.

You know darn well champagne loses its fizz in one of those things.

Darryl, you got caviar in your ears?

I give up. Darryl, you talk to him.

I can't talk to him.

Larry, if you don't talk to him... Would you try? I'm mad enough to stalk

bunnies.

Daryl, the reason we're here is because your brother really wants you to come

back.

What the heck is that?

have a streak of decadence but me?

Now, Daryl, I know that all of this seems like fun now, but, I

mean, is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

I can't talk to them.

Daryl.

Daryl, get your stuff and come with us. And all they forgot.

I don't care if you throw away all your money. Just don't throw away your

family.

Daryl, Daryl.

Remember your favorite movie, It's a Wonderful Life?

Remember what it had to say?

Money don't make you wealthy.

Brothers do.

Or was that Bonanza?

Anyway, it's true.

Are you coming?

brought warm clothes.

No, you don't.

When do I get to open my presents?

Not till we take the picture and we can't do that till Dick gets back.

Couldn't we airbrush him in later?

Cupcake, would the mistletoe take your mind off the presents? No.

Shall we sing another song?

Jingle bells.

No, it's just... Well, my family's out of town.

It's kind of lonely this time of year.

Would you like some lemonade?

No eggnog?

Sorry. No, thanks.

Just won't be Christmas without eggnog.

We couldn't get him to come back.

Is Daryl all right?

Well, he's flying headlong to perdition on the road of hedonistic decadence.

Other than that, he's fine.

I'm sorry, guys.

Yeah, I guess we'll just have to go through the rest of our life a day late

a Daryl short.

But don't let us hose down your holiday spirit. Just go on. with you singing?

Is there anything special you'd like to hear?

Have you sang Auld Lang Syne?

Not since I got here.

I don't understand. Who are these people?

Allow me. Hi, I'm Larry.

This is my brother, Daryl. And this is my other brother, Daryl.

Time for the picture. Oh, okay.

Guys, do you want to join us?

Here, honey, put this on.

Honey, why don't you just set me on fire?

Okay, everybody get into place. I'm going to focus this here.

All right. Okay, everybody.

Yeah. Watch the birdie.

Well, Darryl, you blew $5 ,000 in three days. I hope it was worth it.