Original subtitles

Hi.

I'd like a room that's painted a dark color, doesn't get a lot of sun, has no

trees rustling outside the window, and no drafts.

Well, I'm afraid we only have one room left.

Okay, I'll take it.

I don't mean to sound picky, but I've got insomnia.

I thought maybe if I went someplace quiet and restful.

That's the Stratford.

How'd you hear about it?

Word of mouth.

Oh, really?

What'd they say?

My friend said, go to Vermont, stay anyplace.

Yeah, that's our motto, the Stratford Inn, one of many in the area.

Enjoy your stay, Mr. Thurman.

Gee, there must be something you can do to get to sleep.

Believe me, I've tried every cure, every doctor, every suggestion.

Nothing works.

Have you ever tried warm milk?

Yeah, I tried it. What about a nice hot bath?

Tried it.

Phil Donahue showed a machine. Tried it.

I'll tell you what. While you're here, I'm going to see what I can do about

insomnia. And in the meantime, don't lose any sleep over it.

That joke?

Yeah. Heard it.

Hi.

I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl.

How's it going, guys?

We ain't exactly sore from grinning.

It's become apparent that our cafe is not the hotbed of activity we expected.

What do you mean?

So far, we've never been outnumbered by our customers.

Daryl, don't be doing that I told you so attitude.

From the beginning, he thought we should forget this restaurant business and hit

the pro bowling circuit.

He's been rubbing our noses in it ever since.

Larry, why are you sharing this with us?

Well, we can't help noticing that while our cafe's biting a big one, your end

seems to be flourishing.

Go figure.

We thought maybe you could take a look at our operation and tell us why we're

skidding off the road to success.

Well, sure, Larry. We'd be happy.

we're innkeepers, not restauranteurs. You know, that'd be like comparing

with something else entirely.

Larry, we'd be glad to take a look and see what we can do.

Much obliged.

See? I told you she was the nice one.

Why did you resist helping them? It sounded like you want their restaurant

fail. I don't want them to fail.

I also don't want to see a chain of those things.

Honey, I know what's going to happen. You're not going to be honest with them.

You're going to be polite, and they'll start taking advantage of you, just like

the time with that lonely old Mrs. Lowenstein. She asked for a simple

peach pie. Then before you knew it, she was over at our house all the time. Then

you gave her her own key.

Don't. And she robbed us.

Well, that's not going to happen this time.

Honestly, what I think is wrong with their cafe.

End of involvement.

Well, I'll believe that when you stop going to Mrs.

Lowenstein's parole hearings.

As you can see, it's just as we depicted, relatively lifeless.

Well, you know, guys, you can't expect the place to be crowded all the time,

especially at lunch hour.

A customer.

Looks like you've rung Lady Luck with you.

Hi.

Um, should I, uh, seat myself?

Park it where you please.

Watch closely. It's somewhere after this point that we generally lose them.

Uh, could I see a menu, please? No need for that.

You know... if it's as good as halfway down your throat.

Uh, pancakes and coffee would be nice. A stack and a joe.

I'm sorry.

This is a no -smoking section.

I can move you, but you'd have to reorder.

like your stack, sir.

I'm late now, too.

Why don't I just leave this here and I'll just go out there.

So, spot any flaws?

Well, Larry, it's very easy to stand on the sidelines and criticize.

Larry, it was revolting.

Joanna?

Carrying sugar in your hand is revolting, and carrying dishes inside

clothing is just nauseating.

Well, we always figured a little fine -tuning was in order.

Larry, may I be frank?

Unless you do something drastic, it's hopeless.

I really should go now.

Well, that's the last time I let her have 18 cups of coffee.

Oh,

George? Are there any pencils around here? I want to edit this chart. Here.

Last night I gave Mr. Thurman a special tea to help him sleep, and he didn't

come down to breakfast, so I don't want to wake him up, okay?

Okay.

No. Actually, that sleeping potion of yours gave me quite a little buzz.

Darn. Well, we won't give up.

We'll try everything short of hitting you over the head with a mallet.

Tried it.

Dick, are you sure I wasn't too hard on Larry and his brothers yesterday?

Honey, you were fine. They're just not cut out for that line of work. I have to

go along with Daryl.

We know. We know that.

Miss Joanna, we just want to thank you for being so savagely honest in your

review of our cafe.

Really? Yes, ma 'am. Now that we know what the problem is, we can spring into

action. Oh, that's the spirit.

Yep. We quit.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't fret about us.

We'll just go back to our cabin and live out the rest of our days in abject

shame.

Thank you for kicking us in our collective gut.

Well, remember us fondly. I was Larry.

This was my brother, Daryl.

This was my other brother, Daryl.

Wait. What?

Nothing. I'll help you.

I don't know. In our view, the dream is croaked.

Just give me a week. One little week to turn the place around.

Then we'll have a grand reopening.

What do you think?

I'm for it.

Daryl?

Daryl?

Two to one, we'll do it.

Great.

Oh, boy.

First impressions are important.

So when a customer enters, we don't say, park it.

We say, may I show you to your seat?

May I show you to your seat?

Well, okay.

But we may be in danger of looking a little fae.

Another thing.

Serving the food.

As a general rule, most customers don't like to see their food airborne.

That's the fun part.

Fun or not, the proper way is to use this.

Flask water?

Let me make a note.

Tomorrow we'll spend the entire day talking about germs.

All right.

Now let's see what we've learned so far.

Uh -oh, pop quiz.

Okay, I'm a customer and I want to have lunch.

What do you say?

Park it anywhere.

Oh, you had something furthest.

How'd that go again?

May I offer you some water?

There's a hair in my glass.

Oh, dear.

There you go. Hair free.

Revolting again?

Yes, Larry.

Once a hair or any other foreign substance has gotten into the food, it

not be served.

and do it all over again.

Without food.

Fine. Larry?

Good evening, sir.

Would you like to plunk it down over here?

Let's take it from the top.

A customer just walked in. We're closed.

Larry?

Good evening.

May I show you to your parking spot?

Oh, darn it!

This is hopeless.

Okay, let's just get some sleep.

We gotta be rested for the big disaster.

We're sorry, Miss Joanna. I just can't seem to remember. May I show you to your

seats?

What did you say?

May I show you to your seats?

Again.

May I show you to your seats?

May I show you to your seats?

May I show you to your seats?

May I show you to your seats?

She just left for the opening.

Oh.

You wouldn't happen to know where my green tie is, would you?

You don't have it on, do you?

Thanks, George.

Oh, Mr. Thurman. I thought of a couple more things you could try.

Thanks, George, but no thanks.

I got a long night ahead of me.

I think I'm going to just curl up with a good book and memorize it.

Oh, George.

Is this... Is this tie straight?

What am I talking about? I'm only going to Larry, Daryl, and Daryl's.

Well, I hope the opening goes well.

Yeah, I hope so, too. I can't help wondering if this isn't something they

have tried on monkeys first.

Is Mr.

Thurman asleep?

What finally did it?

He was reading a book.

Anything can be a lamp face.

By Dick Love.

Well, he probably just finished a big meal.

Yeah, and he's... He's sitting in front of a warm fire.

I'll bet that tea I gave him finally kicked in. Right.

Let's go with that one.

What do you think?

Oh, nice job.

Oh,

I like that.

It's just, uh... Just like the picture in our, uh...

Wait a minute.

Honey, it's just for tonight.

Good, because it's being here. It kind of defeats the purpose of a hidden wall

safe.

You like it?

No.

Something's wrong.

There.

Thank God I was here for you.

Fashion plate.

Miss Stephanie, may I say, as dutied up as we are, we're refried toads compared

to you.

Oh, Larry, of course you may.

Larry, you guys better get the food started. It's almost time.

Hi -ho, hi -ho.

Whoa, share the fantasy.

Michael, what's your favorite thing in the room besides me?

I'll give you a hint. It's big, it's green, it's leafy.

The tree.

You noticed?

How could I miss it? It makes the room.

I know.

Joanna had it over there.

You're kidding.

What gives, Joanna?

All right, this is it.

Larry?

Oh, Chick, I'm so nervous. Hold my hand.

I am holding your hand.

Juana, look at this place.

You're a miracle worker. Oh, thank you, and welcome to the all -new Minuteman

Cafe.

Larry, here goes.

Good evening.

May I show you to your seats?

Honey, could I hold that hand again?

My brothers and me cleaned out your septic tank.

Well, enjoy your meal.

Excuse me.

This fork seems to be dirty.

Oh, dear.

I know. I'll get you another one.

Did you see that?

Another fork.

Yeah, it's one of those Kodak moments.

Dry toast.

Clean dry toast.

Excuse me, but I haven't ordered yet. I'll be there. Pony Express.

Waiter, could we have some water, please?

May I show you to your seats?

Excuse me, are our burgers ready yet?

it anywhere.

Maybe we can't run the restaurant your way.

Carol?

What are you doing?

We're sorry, Miss Joanna.

But we gotta be weak.

Guys!

Guys, wait! You're destroying all my work!

Folks! Folks, it's just a temporary disturbance.

Please, return to your seats and continue eating.

Joanna, one word.

Arson.

Now we're clashing like mad.

Yeah, you shouldn't change ambiance in midstream.

Well,

you want me to hold your hand or not or what?

I guess I shouldn't have tried to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

But are you off your bird?

We may have lost them fair -weather chowhounds, but look at all these

There are four.

First time we've ever been outnumbered.

You're happy?

Ecstatic.

Even Daryl's done it.

I taught them.

Meow.