Original subtitles

How often does that happen? I've lost count.

Where's the Hoover?

Wherever you left it last.

Oh, I hate to vacuum the dryer.

Good evening.

Hi. Are you open? Yes, we are.

We'd like a room.

Wait, we?

I'm Cecil Breach, and this is my wife, Evelyn.

I'm, uh, I'm Dick Loudon, and this is my wife, Joanna.

Pleased to meet you.

How much are your doubles?

Our doubles are 45.

That'll be fine.

Would you like to sign here?

Oh, sure.

Looks like a lovely inn. We love old inns.

Honey, which room should we give Mr. and Mrs. Breach?

Uh, I was thinking of room six at the...

Far, far end of the hall.

Perfect.

Stephanie, you want to show the breeches to their room?

Me?

Yes.

Okay.

Enjoy your stay.

Oh, thank you. We will.

I agree.

Excuse me?

Oh, nothing.

Evelyn was just saying she likes your outfit.

Dick, that man's crazy. Do you think we're doing the right thing letting him

stay here?

Well, honey, he seemed harmless. Besides, if I closed my door to every

person who came in, you'd never see him.

Well, you might as well take back your gift because the marriage is over.

Great. It was a blender, wasn't it?

Kirk, what's the matter?

Cindy and I just had our first fight.

Oh, no. What happened?

I took her out to dinner tonight. A nice thing to do, right?

I mean, we're not dating anymore, so it's not like I had to do it.

Anyway, we get to the restaurant, and there's this parking space right in

Only there's this other guy trying to back into it.

So I sped up and beat him to it. You stole someone's parking space?

Maybe I'm not making myself clear. The space was right in front of the

restaurant. I don't care. It was wrong.

That's what Cindy said. Well, what did you say?

I said, if you want me to back out of this space, fine.

Then I put the car in reverse and backed all the way home.

You're crazy, you know that?

I'm crazy because I love my wife and I want her to have the best parking space?

I can't believe this night. It started out so great.

Now I've lost Cindy.

You haven't lost Cindy.

I don't know, Dick. We said some things to each other I don't think we can ever

take back.

Look, Kirk, why don't you just go home and tell Cindy you're sorry?

She's not there. She went to spend the night with her friend, Idiot Debbie.

Well, why don't you go to Idiot Debbie's and apologize?

This is between Cindy and me. I don't want other people involved in our

problems.

Besides, she took the car.

Look, why don't you just go home and get a good night's sleep, and I'm sure that

things will look better in the morning. Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

Well, anyway, no matter what, I hope this teaches me to control my temper.

Oh, hi, Kirk.

There's some people over at your cafe.

He's mad that he can't control his temper.

How was the lodge meeting, George? Great. You know how much I always enjoy

with the Beavers.

We know you do.

And tonight, for the first time in a couple of years, the Beaver Lodge voted

have a membership drive.

We're having a special meeting tomorrow night.

Good. How would you like to join?

Me? Yeah.

I've always wanted to bring someone in, but I never felt I had anyone to ask

until now.

You want me to be a beaver? I think you'll really enjoy it, Dick. They're a

great bunch of guys. You know, they've been a big part of my life.

Yeah, I know, George, but see, I'm not much of a joiner.

Oh, gee,

I thought you'd be kind of excited.

Oh, I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong. I'm flattered, but I just don't think it's,

you know, it's me.

I understand. I guess I'll go to bed now. Good night.

Good night. Good night, George.

How could you do that?

Do what?

Turn him down.

Honey, I hate things like that. I know, but that lodge is one of the biggest

things in George's life. You heard what he said.

He's never had a friend to bring before.

He's proud of you, Dick.

Honey, I've never told you this before, but there's a reason I don't like clubs.

I think the only reason they exist is to keep other people out. What are you

talking about?

I think they're elitist.

You think the Beavers are elitist?

Honey, when I was in college, there was this one fraternity I wanted to join,

and I really knocked myself out trying to get into it.

Except I didn't get in.

I found out the reason I didn't get in was because my dad didn't earn enough

money and I didn't have a nice enough car.

I'll never forget the teasing I took.

Oh, hey, there goes the fraternity reject.

It goes for kids, and kids can be cruel.

What kids? That was my father.

I swore to myself that I will never go through that humiliation again.

Honey, I understand what you're saying, but this isn't a snobbish fraternity.

This is a small -town lodge with guys like George.

Yeah, I know.

And it would sure make him feel good.

You don't think I'll have to wear...

Anything like a beaver hat to you?

I don't think so. I've never seen George wear one.

Okay. I'll go tell George I changed my mind. Oh, that's my little beaver.

Here's another great thing about the lodge.

Every member gets his own beer mug with his name on it and a picture of a beaver

on the other side.

By the way, did I ever tell you how the beavers got their name?

I don't think you did, George. Well, as the story goes, around the turn of the

century, a couple of the guys in town wanted to start a lodge, and one guy

why don't we call it the beavers, and the other guy said, great.

Now, over here we have the founding members.

All of them are in the Hall of Fame now.

Who votes on the Hall of Fame? The founding members.

And over here we have our trophy case.

And over here is where we have refreshments after the meeting. Look

Hi, guys.

I'd like to have you meet Dick Loudon. Dick, this is Tommy Hayes. Hi. Benny

Wiggins. Hi. And Cliff Pulsifer.

Hi.

We were just talking about beaver days.

That's something you'll love.

What are beaver days? Three days of nonstop fun. We have food, beer, games.

Hey, maybe Joanna would like to be a beaverette.

Well, she certainly has that coming to her.

Men, can we take our seats, please?

That's Bill Rivers, our club president.

We'll see you guys. We can meet the rest of the Beavers later.

All the meeting to order?

I'd like to welcome all of you here this evening to our special membership

night. It's nice to see a few new faces out there.

Now, before we begin, I'm going to ask Tommy here to read the minutes of last

night's meeting.

Tommy?

Last night's meeting was called to order at 7 .05 p .m. by President Rivers.

We decided to hold a special membership meeting tonight.

Then we all had beer.

The meeting adjourned at 1 a .m.

You must have left early.

I must have.

Thank you, Tommy.

And now for new business.

Now, tonight is the first night in almost two years that we beavers have

able to open our club to new members.

As you know, these vacancies have been created due to the untimely deaths of

Johnson brothers, who just recently lost their lives in the tragic and as yet

unexplained stampede at their dairy farm.

This meeting is dedicated to their memory.

Now, I know a couple of you have...

candidates for membership that you'd like to introduce. Who'd like to begin?

Go ahead, Cliff.

I'd like to introduce my brother -in -law, Harley Esten.

He and my wife's sister just moved up here.

They're living with us while Harley looks for work. Harley?

I'm Harley Esten, Cliff's brother -in -law.

My wife and I have just moved up here while I look for work.

And I'd like to be a beaver.

Well, thank you, Harley.

Thank you, Cliff.

Now, anybody have any trouble with Harley here becoming a member of the

Welcome, Harley.

Now, who else has someone they'd like to... George?

I've brought someone I think would make a super beaver.

He's my boss and my friend, and I'm proud to introduce him to all of you,

Loudon.

Well, as George said, I'm Dick Loudon, and as most of you know, my wife and I

own the Stratford Inn.

I'm also a writer.

I worked briefly in advertising before I started writing full -time.

And I, like Harley, would like to become a beaver.

All right. Anybody have a problem with Dick Loudon becoming a beaver?

any, can I?

Well, then I guess I'm calling to see how everybody is.

Did you go to the club dance last weekend?

Oh, I was there.

Really? How did she look?

I'm not surprised. She always ate like a lumberjack.

Oh, hold on a minute. Someone just came in.

Hi. Hi.

I was just talking to my mother.

Don't let me bother you.

Okay.

Mother, I'll have to call you back.

Excuse me.

Has either of you seen my wife?

I think we can honestly say we haven't.

Is Mrs. Breach missing?

Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about.

Evelyn's always disappearing.

I was just a little concerned because it's after dark.

Right.

she'll turn up sooner or later.

Well, as I said, it's nothing to be concerned about, but if you do see her,

you give me a yell?

Believe me, if we see her, we'll yell.

Oh, there you are. Where have you been?

You're kidding.

I looked in there and I didn't even see you.

I must be losing my mind.

If you two aren't busy, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second.

Sure, what about?

Well, I suppose you know that Kirk and I had a fight last night. Yeah.

There was a fight and you didn't tell me.

Well, the reason I came over is because you've both been married and I figured

you've got experience.

I mean, you've probably seen this kind of thing before.

What do you do when the person you love has things about him that you hate?

Well, for one thing, you... talk to them and you tell them you love them and you

try to help them to change.

And if they don't, Reno.

Hi.

Hi.

I saw you pull up. I knew you were over here.

Well, I was talking to Stephanie and Joanna.

Yeah? I'm not mad at you.

I didn't do anything.

Great. I brought you a present.

Oh, Kirk.

Thank you.

Forgive me?

Of course I forgive you.

I just wish you wouldn't get so angry about things.

I promise I won't do it again.

Don't make promises you can't keep.

I promise I won't do that either.

I'm sorry, too.

And I promise the next time we fight, I won't run away.

You know what's great about this?

We both made a mistake last night, but we got past it.

We're both becoming mature, responsible adults.

Does this mean we're snuggle bunnies again?

when people kiss in makeup.

Oh, my God.

You just reminded me.

I think I'm out of makeup.

Hi. What are you doing home so soon?

The meeting's over. Already?

Dick, guess what? Cindy and I are back together again.

Yahoo.

Dick, what happened?

Nothing, except they didn't want me. What? Who didn't want you? George's

You couldn't get in the beavers?

You know, I think this would be a good time. Nobody is turned down by the

beavers. No one wants to even be in the beavers. Good night, everybody.

They asked me to be in the beavers? I turned them down. I can't believe you're

not in the beavers.

Well, I can't believe it either. Honey, I don't want to talk about it.

Well, I parked the truck.

Did Dick tell you he didn't get in the beavers?

George, we're not going to talk about it. I can't help it. I think it's lousy,

Dick. I mean, letting Harley Esten in and turning you down.

Who's Harley Esten?

Somebody's out -of -work brother -in -law.

That's what I meant about clubs. They're elitist. Somebody always gets hurt, and

it's always me.

Dick, we're not elitist. We don't have any standards at all.

Well, then how come I'm not in? I don't know. We let Benny Wiggins in, and he's

done time.

be an explanation.

Ferdy Blodgett is a member and he doesn't even bathe.

George, one night they all got drunk and they even made Bill Rivers' collie a

member.

Dick, do you know why they rejected you?

I guess I'm not Bieber material. I guess they only like crooks and collies.

Who cares?

You care.

You're a thinking, feeling human being and people don't like you.

Of course I want to know why. What am I supposed to do, go down there and ask

them? Yes, you could go down there and demand an explanation.

You know, I have half a mind to do that. And I've got the other half. Let's go.

You want me to get their attention, Dick?

No, let's just wait till they notice.

You think we've given them enough time?

Guys?

Beavers?

There's no more beer!

I was only kidding.

What's going on?

Look, I know I'm not supposed to be here, but I...

I came back because I think you owe me an explanation.

Me too, and we're not leaving till you give us one.

What kind of an explanation do you want?

Why I'm not in the lodge.

Because everybody voted against you.

I know that, but why?

Well, Dick, if we told you that, we'd be breaking a bylaw that stood for over 75

years.

But since I've had a few beers, what the heck?

The reason you're not in the club is we didn't think you'd fit in.

What do you mean? Dick, the Beaver Lodge was established as a fraternal

organization for the enjoyment and enrichment of the ordinary slob on the

street. What? Why?

Dick's one of those.

No, no, he's not, George. No offense, Dick.

Oh, none taken.

Dick, you're a rich guy.

No, I'm not.

Compared to us, you are.

I mean, you own the Stratford Inn, you're a writer, sounds like you might

have gone to college.

Just doesn't seem that you're the plain, ordinary kind of a guy that the Beavers

are all about.

Wait a minute. You mean I was rejected because I'm too good for you?

Well, wait a minute. I've known Dick Loudon since he came to town, and he's

too good for anybody.

Thanks, George. In fact, he's one of the commonest guys I know.

George, you don't have to do this. Yes, I do. My friend Dick Loudon is as

ordinary as dirt.

Why, he wouldn't know uptown if you drove him there.

If the Beavers really stand for the ordinary slob on the street, then I'd

to have somebody tell me what's wrong with this one.

Well, gee, maybe we misjudged you, Dick.

Look, I didn't come over here to have you feel sorry for me.

Maybe not.

But we do.

Right, right, right.

Now, as president, I'm going to call a special mercy vote for Dick Loudon.

Now, everybody that wants him in the club, raise your hand.

Hey!

Congratulations, Dick.

Somebody get him a mug of beer.

Get him one of the Dead Johnson Brothers mugs.

George, you ready to begin the initiation?

You bet.

What, what?

What initiation? Don't move, Dick.

You're not going to make me wear a hat, are you? No.

George, what are you doing?

As a new member, Dick, you're required to wear that tail.

For how long?

For one full year.

You mean I... I have to wear this tail to every meeting for a year?

No, you have to wear that tail every place you go for a year.

You'd be surprised how fast that year flies by.

Well, welcome, beaver brother.

Got any job openings that you're in?

I didn't lose it.

I haven't seen it the whole time we've been here, Evelyn.

Why don't you take the blame for once? Just once is all I'm asking.

It's not my fault.

Is that Mr.

Breach? Yeah.

What's he doing?

Arguing with Evelyn. What about?

What difference does it make?

Sure, sure, sure.

Good morning, Mr. Breach. Morning.

You, uh...

Are you checking out? Yes, we are.

Excuse me.

Aren't you going to pay your bill?

Evelyn will take care of it.

Evelyn takes care of everything.

Are you going to let him get away without paying?

Of course not. I don't care if he is crazy. I'm going after him.