Original subtitles

Why are you being so stubborn? I'm not being stubborn. I'm just saying no.

Why won't anybody in this inn ever do a favor for me?

What are you guys talking? I want to borrow George's truck and he won't let

I won't let you because you're a terrible driver.

You don't know that. You've never even ridden with me.

Why do you need George's truck? I wrecked my car.

You're not getting my truck and that's fine.

Fine. Then our friendship is over.

Dick, give me your car.

I can't. Joanna's at a community theater meeting. I promised I'd pick her up.

Why do you need a car tonight anyway?

Because I have a date and I'd rather not pick her up on a bicycle.

Well, if nobody needs me to do anything, I'm going to drive into town and try

out my new sweater.

How do you try out a new sweater?

Well, you walk down the street and see if anybody asks you out.

Can I give you a lift?

Sure, thanks.

Mind if we use your car?

Oh, I better get going.

So Joanna's going to be in a play, huh? I guess. You know, I was in a play once.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was a Christmas pageant.

I played a shepherd.

Sounds like a good part.

Shepherd Bill.

Okay, good idea.

Okay, now, the next order of business is refreshments for the intermission.

Chester, can we count on Dora making her hot cider again this year? Oh, yes,

she's already laying in a supply of cinnamon sticks.

What about your brownies, Shirley?

They'll be here. If I don't eat them all first.

I'll take care of the programs.

Good, then we're all set there.

What about tickets?

Do you like to handle that this year, Joanna?

No. Well, I mean, I will, but that's not why I was raising my hand.

I had a question.

Oh, what's that?

Well, we've been sitting here for over an hour talking about publicity and

refreshments and all that, but I haven't heard anyone mention what play we're

going to do.

Oh, we're going to do the same play we always do.

Oh, what play is that?

My Fair Lady.

You do My Fair Lady every year? Since 1956.

I'm Henry Higgins.

I'm Colonel Pickering.

And we were hoping that this year you'd be Eliza. Me?

Eliza Doolittle?

But that's the lead.

Clara Mosby usually does Eliza, but she can't get around much anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered.

The trouble is, I don't really sing.

Don't worry about that. We don't do the songs.

You do My Fair Lady without the music?

Well, wait till you see it. It really zips along.

What we do is Pygmalion. It's just that they prefer to call it My Fair Lady

Without the Songs.

Uh -huh.

Uh, look, I... I don't mean to toy with tradition, but have you ever considered

doing another play?

Another play?

Do you think anybody'd come?

I'm sure they would.

It's just that everybody knows My Fair Lady Without the Songs. They're used to

it. Towards the end of the play, the whole audience usually says the lines

along with it.

I can't think of another play they'd enjoy as much.

Say, what if Dick wrote us a play?

What? Well, now, wait a minute. That could be a thought.

Sure.

Everybody in town knows Dick. Now, wait a minute. Can you imagine the excitement

if we were doing a play by our own Dick Loudon? Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Dick doesn't write plays. He writes books.

Oh, a play would be a lot easier to write than a book. It's lots less words.

That's true.

Well, I could ask him, but I really wouldn't count on anything.

That's the spirit.

Myrna, you better get busy changing the programs. It's going to be a play by

Dick Loudon this year. I didn't say that. I said I'd try.

Well, how's he going to turn you down, Joanna?

Well, I don't know.

Ask a dick.

What's that?

Dick, could I talk to you in private for a second?

Joanna, if this has anything to do with community theater, I don't want to get

involved. They want you to write a play.

That's involved.

I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't for the fact that I happen to know you

have a play.

Are you talking about the girl from Manhattan?

Yes. I wrote that 16 years ago. It's corny. I think it's wonderful.

Well, of course, you think it's wonderful. I wrote it for you. The main

character's name is Joanna.

That has nothing to do with it.

Besides, it's cute and funny.

And like you said, you did write it for me, so I don't see why I shouldn't be

able to give it to them.

Look at their faces.

It would mean so much to them.

They do love me.

Please, honey.

All right, I don't like it, but...

You can have it. On one condition. What's that?

That I don't have to rewrite it, I don't have to direct it, and I don't even

have to come to see it.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Okay, quiet, everybody.

Director's trying to speak.

wants to audition now.

I will.

All right, Myrna, what are you going to do for us?

I'm going to do the same thing I did in My Fair Lady without the songs.

There will now be a ten -minute intermission. Thank you.

Thank you. That's a very important part of any play.

Okay, who's next?

George,

you want to audition?

No, I wanted to ask if I could make the sets.

Anyone else want to make the set?

It's yours.

Okay, next.

Stephanie, I didn't know you were going to audition.

Oh, well, I'm not really.

I just realized that I've probably seen a lot more real theater than most people

here. I mean, I've seen My Fair Lady with the songs.

I've seen... West Side Story. I've seen Camelot.

That I saw in Switzerland, by the way, with subtitles.

So I've really seen theater all over the world.

Anyway, I'm here if you need me.

Thank you. I feel better already.

Okay, who's next?

Well, Jim, I guess it's you and me.

We have an audition since 1956.

We thought we'd do the same thing we did then.

Fine. It's a duet.

Are you ready?

One, two... You like potato.

And I like tomato.

You like potato.

And I like tomato.

Potato. Tomato.

Potato.

Tomato. Let's call the whole thing off.

We didn't get that right.

It was... It was fine.

Anyone else? Would anybody mind if I go?

What are you going to do for us? Well, I thought I'd do the first scene in The

Girl from Manhattan where Joanne and her mother arrive in New York and see their

apartment for the first time.

You have someone to read with? Yeah. Shirley Dixon's going to read Joanne's

mother. But I'm not auditioning.

Fine. You ready?

Anytime you are. Okay.

Oh, Mother, look.

Isn't this the most darling apartment you've ever seen?

Yes, dear, it is.

Oh, and look out the window.

You can see all of New York.

I can't tell you what it does for me to see you this happy.

Are you as happy as I am?

Yes, dear.

I'm happier because I know you're so happy.

Then this is truly a happy day.

I'm going to have to fix some of that.

and I'd just like to thank you all for coming. I thought you were all very

I just wish the play were as good as you were.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, I think I've seen enough to base my decisions on.

For those of you who get into the play but don't get the leads, I want to

you there's no such thing as a small part, just small actors.

Okay, with that in mind, the cast is...

Woman number one, Myrna Peck. Congratulations, Myrna.

Good choice.

Mr. Ackley, the Broadway producer, Chester Wanamaker.

The mayor of New York, Jim Dixon. Oh, the mayor, huh?

In the part of Joanna, Stephanie VanderCullen.

Joanne, all out.

So why don't we take a short ten -minute break and have some refreshments, and

then we'll come back and read the play.

Honey, could I see you in the study for a second?

Sure.

You first.

Joanna's a 22 -year -old girl.

But you wrote this play for me. It's my life story.

No, it isn't.

Joanna and the play stars on Broadway and meets Samara in New York. You never

did those things.

Look, Dick, you may not realize it, but in the back of my mind, I always had

this fantasy that someday we'd do this play in some little theater and I would

play Joanna.

You did?

I mean, I'm the only one who tried out for the part and I still didn't get it.

I know, but Stephanie was the only girl in her 20s out in that room.

Honey, I would do anything to give you this part.

But unfortunately, you're just too darn old.

I mean for the part, not in real life.

Fine, Dick.

You're the director.

What are you talking about? I don't want to discuss it anymore.

We'll just go out there and put on our happily married faces.

And no one will ever know that you broke my heart.

I love the theater.

Hi, Mom.

Everything all right?

Everything's fine.

We're all ready, Dick.

Why doesn't everyone have a seat?

I'll read the tape for everyone.

Okay, the girl from Manhattan, act one, scene one, the time is 1966.

The setting is a small apartment in New York City.

As the curtain goes up... Actually, Dick, our curtain doesn't go up, it

sideways.

Okay, as the curtain opens sideways... A beautiful girl,

Joanna McKenzie, enters, followed by her surprisingly young mother.

doesn't, that's something else I'm going to have to fix.

Should we start?

Go ahead.

Oh, Mother, look. Isn't this the most darling apartment you've ever seen?

Yes, dear, it is.

Oh, and look out the window. You can see all of New York.

I can't tell you what it does for me to see you this happy.

Are you as happy as I am? Yes, dear.

I'm happier because I know you're so happy.

One page. I think we're due for a break.

Joanna, could I see you in the study?

Which Joanna are you referring to?

The Joanna who begged me to do this play.

Excuse us.

Is there something wrong?

Joanna's mother is supposed to be the sweetest, kindest, most sympathetic

character in the play. So?

You're playing her like Vampyra.

Now look, I made a perfectly logical casting decision.

I want you to go out there, stop acting like a child, and do it right. And what

if I don't? Then you will never work in this town again.

tomorrow night.

And I've only got one more thing to do on the set. I just thought I'd check

you first.

What's that?

Well, it says you're supposed to see New York out the window.

What does New York look like?

Well, George, it's one of the largest cities in the world. You know, it has

rivers and bridges and hundreds of tall buildings, millions of lights.

Maybe I'll just put a curtain on the window.

No more fooling around. I've got a major date tonight. I've got to have your

car. I'm sorry, Joanna. I need the car to go to rehearsal.

You're not using my truck.

Name your price. There's nothing you have that I want. Don't give me that.

love my hamburgers.

What will it be? Free meals? How many? Okay, I want all my meals for a month.

That's stupid. I'll give you one cheeseburger.

Okay, I want all my meals for a week.

I'll give you one cheeseburger and french fries.

Okay, I'll take one cheeseburger, french fries, and dessert. I'll give you one

cheeseburger, french fries, and your own booth.

And dessert. No dessert. One play on the jukebox. Deal.

Keys.

I won.

Okay, I'm ready.

All right, let me get my stuff and we can go. I'll be in the car.

Aren't you going to wait for me?

Director.

Joanna, why don't you close the door and let's talk?

Why?

Because I don't want to go to our last rehearsal where the two of us mad at

other. I'll let you know how it went.

Joanna, please come down here.

Look, let's be honest.

The last two weeks haven't been great.

I've been doing the best I can.

I know you have. I made a mistake. I should never have cast you as Joanna's

mother. Well, at least we agree on something.

I mean, you were right to begin with.

The problem is you're just too young.

I am?

Well, don't you think that's the problem?

Well, sure, but I thought you said I was too old to be Joanna.

Well, you are, but you're also too young to be her mother.

Well, what am I, your aunt?

What if you were her sister?

Her sister?

Yeah. Wait a minute.

Would you only be doing this to make me happy?

Isn't it going to look a little funny going to the last rehearsal and telling

everyone that now I'm Joanna's sister?

No, just tell everyone that this kind of thing happens all the time in the

theater. Does it? In practically every play ever done.

I think I read one time that up until opening night it was the queen and I.

Well, I have to admit I like the idea.

But wouldn't that throw the whole play off?

No, instead of Stephanie saying mother, she'll just say sister.

Well, I am so much happier.

Well, then that's frosting on the cake.

So

tell

me, how did the audition go?

What's going on?

Pretty good.

Oh, sis, you really think I'll get it?

Well, Joanna, not many girls land the lead in a Broadway show their

first month in New York.

But whether or not you get it, I just want you to know that your father and

sister will always be proud of you.

This is Joanna McKenzie and her sister, Sis McKenzie.

Well, I've certainly been hearing a lot about you.

You've raised a fine sister.

Thank you, Mayor.

Could I get anyone a sandwich or a cold drink?

A sandwich sounds good to me.

Well, then, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go into the kitchen and make some.

Mr. Mayor, Mr.

Ackley, won't you have a seat? Oh!

You're supposed to be making sandwiches in the kitchen.

I've got a minute before I go back on.

Dick, this is awful.

Yeah. I never should have let you make me Joanna's sister. I've ruined

everything. No, no, you haven't. How can you say that? They're all laughing at

me. At least they're laughing at something.

I've made us both look like fools.

And you were so sweet to try to change everything. Can you ever forgive me?

Honey, I love you. Of course I forgive you. Oh, Dick.

Shh.

Look, the play's almost over. Just go back up there and do the best you can to

get through it. But Dick, I can't go back up there and let people think you

wrote something that sounds this stupid.

Joanna, there you are.

You're supposed to be on stage. You missed your cue.

Oh, great. I'll be right there. Honey, don't worry. I'm going to get us both

of this.

What are you going to do?

Joanna!

How's it going, Dick?

Haven't you been watching?

No, I stepped out for a drink of water and to pick up some things at the

Where did you say your sister was?

Well, I thought she was in the kitchen.

But she doesn't seem to be there right now.

Maybe she went for...

Wonderful, dear.

And now I've got something to tell you.

You do?

Yes. I hope you'll be as happy as I am when I tell you that I'm not really your

sister.

I'm your mother.

My mother?

Yes. I just pretended to be your sister so we would be close and now... and I

know we always will be, there's no need to hide my true identity anymore.

Well, sis?

Mom?

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything.

Let's just go out to dinner.

Okay.

limousine. And isn't this a wonderful day?

If I'd known we were going out to dinner, I wouldn't have eaten that

Is that it?

I think so.

Well, that's the dumbest play I've ever seen.

You ever see the program?

Sandwiches? Yeah.