Original subtitles

She's got no common sense, no qualifications and no future.

That was an estate, wasn't it? It was.

Do you want to come in for a coffee before you head off? No, thanks.

I'd better be getting off home.

Your dad's just arrived with Greg. Threw that door up to my flat. You can hide

there till they've gone.

I think we need to see someone. A counsellor.

Look, Dan, I'm sorry, but I've had about as much of this as I can take.

What else are we ever going to get these two in a room together?

Shut up!

Hello? Dan, it's Trevor.

Oh, hi.

I happened to run into your mate Greg last night. He said you'd both agreed to

go ahead with my office. He did?

Yeah, so I was hoping you might pop by.

Lunchtime, we should look the place over, do some measuring, let me know a

quote. I didn't wake you, did I? No, of course not.

Lunchtime, no problem. See you then.

Was that Lisa? Is she all right? Has something happened?

No, it wasn't, so calm down. It's not like she's in strange ways.

She might end up there once she's murdered you.

Well,

I reckon we're about to find out.

Hmm?

You're back.

I'm here, dear.

What do you want, eh? A quiet night in without the little woman? If that hadn't

been Finn, you'd have had him out of there before the ink came in. You didn't

come home last night, as it happens.

I don't really care what Finn did. No, you don't. You made that perfectly

What the hell is this?

Barry?

They've all gone mad.

I know.

Take us with you.

Sorry, but we don't even know we're heading.

You can't leave us.

Get in.

I'm having my breakfast.

Then I'm going to get changed.

And then I am going to work.

OK. Just so you know, I had a long

chat with the desk sergeant yesterday and he pretty much... I didn't talk to

desk sergeant.

I know full well who you talked to, Dan.

And you'll be pleased to know that your little scheme worked.

We did find a common ground.

We did.

Common ground.

Would be that we both have conniving little knobheads as husbands.

Look, Lisa, I know you cross.

Oh.

You can't begin to imagine.

But surely you can see that now we've got that problem out of the way, we can

focus on... What?

I know.

Jesus Christ.

First, you pretend that nothing's changed.

And then you leave me all night in a prison cell.

What, stage three? A druidic ritual?

When are you just going to admit that we need help?

We need to talk to someone. We don't need help.

We don't.

What are you so afraid of?

Therapy.

I mean, you start heading down that road.

I still love you, Lisa.

Do you not... Don't you dare ask me that.

You know I do.

Then why?

Amita, it's me. Where are you?

At the bus stop.

Either the last one came earlier or didn't come at all.

Seriously?

Roger's not here either.

It's the last chance to get some training before tonight's race and I'm

doing it on my own.

I'm not on city council, am I? I can't help it if buses don't run on time. I

talking about Roger.

Look, you just go on home and I'll happily pace myself on this one.

OK. Oh, and Amita, I just wanted to say thanks.

For what?

Everything you've done.

I'll tell you what. After the race tonight, I'm going to take you out for a

celebratory drink.

Locale, of course.

Fergus? Uh -huh.

Nothing. Nothing. I'll see you tonight.

Yeah, I'll be there.

Oh, your mum's lovely.

Is she your model, too?

No.

She breathes new.

So, you and your mum, do you... Step -mum.

Listen, Cassie.

You do realise you can't stay here?

Oh, no, I don't mean you have to go now.

I just mean... Well, I mean, we're going to have to think about what it is you'd

like to do.

I don't know what to do.

Wanda was right.

There's nothing I can do.

I never even finished school.

So?

Oh, she probably did.

Probably went to some big, posh, fancy university and all.

Still end up getting fired. I also.

And I bet you never wanted to be a model when you were little anyway.

So I think, what did you want to be?

Cat Daly.

Right.

But Cat Daly's Cat Daly, though, isn't she?

Yeah.

So, um, what else?

I don't know, Denise. I don't think I'm really very good at anything.

Of course you are. You can do anything you want.

Look at me friend.

She was just another genetic office worker, and now she runs her own

fact, I'm going to get her to talk to you.

Yes.

Lisa will think of something.

She always does.

Very sorry, Mrs. Johnston.

Don't be.

I hope you both come up with a good story for your folk.

I don't want any of them knowing you stopped here.

Who is it?

It's me.

Bathroom. Quick.

You can slip out whilst I keep him talking in here.

I just wanted to... Forget it. I have. It's fine.

Just keep this shut, will you?

I've got the heating on.

Pauline. I told you, it's fine.

Let's just call it a 50 -50 blame and move on.

Deal.

In other news, I've decided to go ahead with a bar makeover this weekend.

And since you probably don't feel like being confined to your room for 48

hours... Two -day luxury spa break.

All bought and paid for.

Double room?

Yeah, it's got a... Oh, God, no, no, no, no, it's just for you.

Look, I'm away on business all weekend.

It's you who'd be stuck here breathing in the paint fumes.

Thank you, Trevor.

I'll see you out.

I do like this place.

Looks like it was sneezed out by a clown.

Family friendly.

I didn't know where else to go.

Plus, it's nearly lunchtime.

Welcome to Lee's Play Bar.

Is it a special occasion?

No, no, yes.

It's me granddaughter's birthday.

Oh, birthday girls eat free.

Which one is this?

The parlour one.

I'll go fetch the special menu.

It was Talisa's birthday last week.

You're going to have to speak up, Barry.

I can't make you out at all.

Hey.

You all right?

Oh, don't ask.

Listen, Trevor wants us down the pub lunchtime to quote the place up for him.

All right.

International.

Shit. Two sacks, mate.

Hiya. You all right?

Come on in, Dan.

More than three million working families about to have their tax credits cut.

Bunch of criminals.

How's the plumbing business faring in all this?

Steady away.

Yeah.

Been thinking of looking into that line of work myself, actually.

Home boss, nine to five.

Reckon I'll be good at it.

I've always been good with a hammer.

Don't suppose you need a partner?

Oh, sorry.

Better get this.

It didn't ring.

It's on.

Silent.

Hello?

Oh, must have flicked it back on when dad got to plumbing.

Yeah, I can't wait to see you two.

Is he all right?

He went last night.

Should be home Saturday evening.

Right.

And I don't think he should be here.

I do.

Don't worry, I won't tell her I've been staying here.

But there are things we need to talk about.

Bradley. You should go.

Dan's waiting for you.

Scotch.

Fermented yeast extract, usually yellow.

Most pubs have it.

Is it your race this evening?

Yes, but this morning I had to marry two troglodytes, so I'm pretty certain

we're cousins.

So I want my scotch, please.

I don't suppose you bothered to find out how Fergus and Amita's date went? No, I

haven't.

But how was yours?

You know...

You are really starting to test my left nerve, aren't you?

Or am I being too evil?

Oi, buzzer!

Careful, love. Straight forward.

Now then.

Not interrupting anything, am I? He asked knowingly. You sly old dog, you.

Is she all right?

Yeah, yeah, fine.

Just on her way back from the emergency room.

Melon pip at breakfast.

Shot that thing out like a cannonball.

Then she had this pull in here so she could use the lab.

Irritable bowel syndrome.

I know. Backed myself a right winner there, didn't I?

Phil, seeing as I'm here, might as well join you.

Where's the gun, Ben?

Oh, best keep our Margaret out of that.

Get her waist deep in balls and there's no stopping her.

Do you know what I said, bud? I said, get a... You all right, love?

Welcome to... Oh, no, please.

We'll have what these two lovebirds are having.

Oh,

apple juice. Just can't beat it.

Oh!

Hello.

I'll wait to see you at the church. The woman cleaning the windows said you're

usually here.

What? No, no, that's just old Mrs Sargent. She mustn't pay any attention

she says.

She talks to her cactus.

I'm not checking up on you, Roger.

I just want to talk to you about something.

That car means someone's in.

Dad is?

How do you know?

Because I'm not.

And because I didn't come home last night.

What about yours?

No cars.

Nan's probably with Alicia, though. I don't know what shifts mum and dad are

working today. They could come back any time.

I do know they're all going to watch that Fun Run thing later, though. You'll

text me when they do?

Mm -hm.

Bye.

You going to tell me where you've been all night?

No.

Has he ever said anything to you about me?

Um, yeah.

That you're a brilliant trainer.

Nothing else.

I'm sorry.

Am I just being stupid?

No, I don't think you're stupid at all.

I thought maybe... Is it Isaac?

Um, Josh's mum.

Are there still feelings there?

I don't... It's really not my place today.

I understand.

I'm sorry I bothered you with all that.

Oh, no, you're not a bother, no.

Thanks, Roger.

I guess I'll see you at the start line this evening.

Amita, wait, wait, wait.

Look, I don't think I'm... I don't think I'm going to be running tonight.

What do you mean?

Well, the thing is, I haven't been wholly honest about the amount of

that I've been doing, am I?

You know, I don't want to let people down, so I think it's best if I just,

know, if I pull out now.

I see.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah, so am I.

Right.

Get out. You're barred. What?

I'm sorry the girl you fancy doesn't fancy you, but we're not still in the

playground, Roger.

You know fine well that Ferguson's still holding a torch for our Denise.

That's exactly what I'm saying. You had a chance there to actually bring two

people together.

And as if that little piece of selfishness wasn't bad enough, now

even going to do your bloody wrong. A wrong that I've been getting half this

to sponsor you for.

A wrong for charity, for children.

I don't know what's happened to you lately.

People round here used to look up to you.

What people?

Me.

Oh, clear off. Go on.

I can't even bear to look at you.

Lisa. God, you look knackered.

Well, it's always nice to hear.

Well, if I do, it's probably because I've just spent the night in prison.

Oh? What for?

Denise, the correct part of that statement is usually, you've what?

Sorry? You've what?

I want to be in work by 1, so if you're after a cuppa, we'll have to make it

quick. Oh, no, I'm all right, car.

Lisa.

I quit the agency.

Have you?

Well, thank God.

I really, really didn't like where that was heading.

And also, I talked one of the other models into quitting with me.

Good for you.

Yeah.

Only now, I don't know what to do with her.

Why do you have to do anything with her?

Because she's 17, and she's sleeping on my sofa, and she doesn't know what to do

with her life.

Oh.

Who are you talking to, Elisa?

Me. I told her all about you, how you were the biggest success story ever to

come out of Mount Pleasant.

Oh, well, now, come on.

I wouldn't say the biggest.

Maybe in the top 20%. Of course, there was that one time that the WI

asked me to do a talk on female unity in business.

Until they replaced me with that... cabbage -kneed cow from the car rental

place.

So you'll do it, then?

Bring her down to the office later.

Thanks, Lisa.

You're the best.

Oh, what were you in prison for?

Grand larceny.

Oh.

All right.

Still fighting, are they?

You're two and all.

It's an age, you see.

Get to the 40s, it's like a second puberty.

Brain goes to jelly. I mean, our parental duty should have been over

but suddenly we're stuck worrying about him again.

Same with our Kerry. I mean, she lives up Durham. Never get to see her, but I

still have... Bakewell.

I thought she lived in Durham.

No, she moved 18 months ago.

Right, well, whenever.

How long's this been going on? There's nothing going on, Terry.

Hey. Has he shown you his tattoo yet?

I haven't got a tattoo.

It's not a tattoo, Terry, it's a birthmark.

You could tell all the girls that, though. Looks like a little ship,

Yeah.

He used to pretend he was in the Navy. It was the only way he could get them.

I've still got it, haven't I? I could always embarrass you in front of the

women. Yes, you could.

Not Bakewell.

What's that other place that sounds like a cake?

Oh, it's a big day today, isn't it?

What are you doing? Looking for a shortcut?

A race is like business, Lisa.

There are no shortcuts.

Are you and Dan still coming?

Oh, yeah.

I've had a special T -shirt made for the occasion.

Team Fergus.

Have you?

No, of course not. Oh,

Denise is popping by later with one of her model friends.

I think she's at a bit of a crossroads in her life, the poor girl.

Denise wants me to have a chat with her, offer some advice.

Why you?

What's that supposed to mean?

Need I remind you that I was personally selected by the WI to give a talk until

that cabbage -kneed cow from the car rental place came and stole my thunder.

Exactly.

I prepared a load of card notes and everything.

Oh, I've still got them somewhere. I must have them out.

I still don't see why any of this is relevant to modelling.

Well, she obviously wants to try something different.

She quit the agency the same time as Denise.

Sorry? What?

Denise has quit the agency.

Well, what's she planning on doing in there? I mean, what's she going to do

money? Why, Denise?

She'll land on her feet. She'll be done.

Ella's going out with Finn. Yes, she's going out with Finn. There's all sodding

purple going on between their house and ours.

Where have you been?

I've been at home, haven't I? Dealing with my own war.

So things feel worse, mate. Things are worse.

This morning she was talking about counselling again.

At 3 .30.

So? I don't understand why you're so against it. Because we're not American!

Because it's like admitting something's wrong. It's like saying out loud, my

marriage needs saving.

Does it?

At least you've got one to save.

Craig, do you remember when our lives were so much simpler?

No. When was that?

Ryan?

It's Fergus.

I am very well, thank you. And how are you?

Yes, yes, I have read it. Quite a few times.

And to be honest, it all sounds a bit too good to be true.

And this salary you've quoted, that's top end, surely?

You're not actually suggesting that that's the starting?

I see.

You back, then?

Here I am.

Before you ask, I stayed round a mate.

I don't care where you were last night, Finn. I wasn't here.

No? Where were you?

Ask your dad.

There is something I care about, though.

I care about the phone call I got this morning from your boss.

Yeah. I quit.

So what?

Are you planning on paying your board, Finn?

Selling weed?

Well? Isn't that what Ella's been accusing you of anyway?

Might as well actually do it now.

Prove them right.

Make us all look like a bunch of idiots, hypocrites and liars.

So, just to be clear, all that this is really about, again, is how you come

across. This time to an ex -con.

Real classy, Mum.

How did I get where I am today?

Well, to answer that... I need to go back in time to the

1980s.

Thatcher's Britain.

A six -year -old girl looked out of her bedroom window across an estate

and... Well, I suppose that's it.

It's not very relevant, is it?

Cassie, can I call you Cassie? Yeah, Cass... That's it, with a C. Only my

name's Catherine, with a K. Kazzy's just a nickname.

Oh, but you can call me that.

I like your outfit.

Thank you.

Well, Kazzy, Denise has obviously told me a bit about your situation, but if I

could give you one major piece of advice... What she really needs is a

What?

Fursa is the best recruitment agency in the city.

Fursa can't get you a job. Nobody can.

I thought we were here to give Cassie some advice.

Yes, advice on the best job to get.

Right, then.

Hi. Oh, sorry to interrupt.

Oh, hiya, Fergus.

This is Fergus, who I was telling you about. This is Cassie.

With a C.

Nice to meet you, Cassie with a C.

Hiya.

Has she done the bit you had about looking out across to your fate of

dreams?

Did you want something?

I'm just nipping out for five. Could you keep an eye on reception?

Fine. Oh, have you not got a receptionist?

Not yet, no, but we're working on it.

Well, Kathy could be your receptionist.

Sorry?

Could you give us a minute, please, Kathy?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Denise?

Can't just go round offering people jobs on our behalf.

Well, she'd be a good receptionist. It doesn't matter.

We're looking for someone with training.

I thought that's what recruitment firms are all about.

Giving people chances.

Surely it's not just for people with training and qualifications.

Any of you can find them a job.

She is quite bubbly.

Yes, is that all right?

One month trial period.

Yay! Oh, also, I did find her a half -decent bed set this morning, but it's

deposit, so she'll need her first month's wage in advance.

Fine. Great.

Oh, thank you so much. I'll go and tell her.

Oh, Denise!

Why didn't you tell me you quit the agency?

Oh, I only did it yesterday.

But... What are you actually planning on doing now?

I don't know. I'll be all right, don't worry.

OK, look.

Until you've sorted something out, I'll... I'll increase what goes into the

maintenance account.

You can't afford it.

Actually, I... Dinny, will you just let me do this, please?

Can we talk about it later?

Sure.

Fergus, did I just imagine that?

Or did Denis just talk us into giving an unqualified high school dropout a

position in our company, plus one month's wages in advance?

Yes.

Yes, she did.

Scared off another one, have you?

She's just gone to love.

Of course, you know why, don't you? The women's bogs are where they keep the

machine.

It's all right.

It's all right. They don't know what I'm talking about. Nobody ever does.

Bloody Columbo, did you say something?

Trust me, Baz, she'll be picking out a colour as we speak.

All right, love, we were just talking about you.

Barry? It's time we were off. Why? What's the rush?

As if I didn't know.

I'll tell you what the rush is.

My house is only empty till 6 p .m.

You've kept us here twice as long as we'd planned.

So, if you don't mind, I need to get Barry here home.

Take him upstairs and ride him like a wild stallion.

You need to what?

Come on, Tyson.

I got them glow ones.

Oh, dear.

Ackles. She lives in Ackles.

Paper steamer?

Paper stripper?

Green butter?

Yeah, fair enough.

What, you don't want to... The man said fair enough.

And you can start tomorrow and finish Sunday.

Yeah, yeah, sure. No problem, yeah.

Thanks.

Yeah,

that's me.

No, quite the opposite.

Just put the last two pieces in place.

You shout took off this morning when things got heated, didn't you?

Where did you go?

A fun pub.

A fun pub?

You?

What was that like?

Fun.

There you are.

Go and get changed.

Oh, well, at least you're talking to me.

Life's too bloody short.

Now go and get changed.

We're going to watch that race thing. Do we have to?

Yes, we do. It's called making an effort.

Like you're always telling me to do.

50 pence I sponsored that vicar.

And for 50 pence, I want to be there to see him wet.

Is that seriously all you're sponsoring for?

50p per mile?

Per mile?

A prize stallion? Yeah.

She doesn't have a tourist face.

Funniest thing I've seen in years.

I've got to give it her. She's got a wicked sense of humour.

You are sure she was joking?

I think so.

I'm so sorry I'm late. Are we ready?

Yes, love. Ready?

Ready for what?

The race.

But, Lisa, I was hoping we could talk.

Well, they'll have to wait, won't they?

We promised we'd be there.

Well, don't come if you don't want to, Dan.

I'll drive, Dad. Come on. OK, OK.

Lisa!

You wait here.

She's not going to wait me, is she?

Is she going to wait me?

I think I'll come with you.

Guilt -tripped dickhead of Doc Green some more. Good idea, get in the front,

Dan. What?

In retrospect, helping those two become friends might not have been the best

move after all.

You think?

Where's your... Don't know.

Your mum's back tomorrow night.

Mum's back?

Bradley wants to be here.

Thinks they've got things to talk about.

What things?

You.

Mum's on my side. She'll just tell him to piss off, which is exactly what you

should have done.

Me?

Ella, he's your dad. All I've tried to do is...

Now where are you going? Out.

Well, if you're so clever, why don't you give me some sort of sign?

And

they

turned and went up by the way of Bashan, and Og, the king... Do you

think you could try a little harder?

Each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of

Oh, yes.

Very on the nose.

Hello.

Darling.

No, I know you did. I saw the missed call.

Just had an early night with Alden near it.

Off home. See you tomorrow.

OK. What?

No, I'm still here. Sorry.

Yeah.

I miss you too.

Stupid sod.

What do you mean he's not coming?

I don't believe it. Well, you're going to have to because it's true.

Hiya! You alright?

I'm not left, I'm right. Is it starting?

No, love.

So, erm, about this drink after... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm still up for it.

Assuming I can walk.

Burger!

Who's that?

Oh, that's Denise.

That's Denise?

She's a...

She's very pretty.

Sarah didn't want one.

It's

me,

coming through, coming through, sir. What are you doing over here? You're

supposed to be over there.

Yes, I'm well aware of that, thank you. Would you hold this, please?

Come on.

Oh, Roger, I thought you said you were... I told you. I knew you wouldn't

down. We're the team, right, Rog?

Yes, apparently.

Apparently we are, yes.

Here we go.

How long does he look like that?

Look like it, yeah.

I thought you wanted your mum home.

I do.

I just don't want to be there when she arrives.

Not if he's there.

I don't want to hear any of it. I just want it to be over.

So don't.

Spend the weekend with me and we'll vanish for a couple of days.

Vanish where, Finn?

We're both broke. There's nowhere we can go.

Don't know about that.

How about someplace you already know?

From play?

That's going to be empty the entire weekend.

So are these blokes?

Couple of cowboy morons. Think they're taking advantage of me.

Couldn't be more perfect.

Oh, they'll have clocked off by six.

And what about the old woman?

Her name is Pauline.

And Pauline won't be back till Sunday.

Tomorrow night the whole place will be empty. So this time, I won't have to pay

you extra.

Same.

Do you want me

to

drop the pace a bit?

No.

And see if you get my second wind.

I'll catch you up.

If you're sure.

Lisa, it's hard for me.

I mean, I'm the kind of person who doesn't even like asking for directions

I'm lost.

I know.

Padstow, 2009.

Must have driven past that burnt -out tractor seven times.

Eight.

Oh, that's right.

You kept counting, didn't you?

Well... We're lost now.

I don't know where we took that wrong turn, but, um... You're right.

I need to ask for directions.

Do you mean it?

I'll call someone tomorrow.

We'll be right back.

Can get myself some peace of mind.

You know it's getting hot tonight.

If I'm to fall, would you be there to applaud?

Or would you hide behind the mall?

Could be fire.

And that's where you belong.

I'm thinking of leaving.

Mum Pleasant.

What about to meet her?

You want counselling. I'll give you counselling.

Let me go.

I'm somewhere in the middle of that half -hour drive I'm going to have to

mention. Oh, by the way, your ex -husband and I want to work. Fergus came

to mine today with a proposal.

Pauline, you weren't supposed to be here.

Dog and Dart Public, House Mount Pleasant, all units.

Did you just say Dog and Dart?

Pauline!