Original subtitles

I knew Daddy was a gold medalist in the tripping Olympics, but now with Dee as

his trainer, he's going for a personal best.

Example, after I caught Miles smoking a joint in his room, Daddy and Dee had a

long talk with him, and he promised he'd never do it again.

But no, that wasn't enough.

Dee talked Daddy into putting Miles into therapy.

Now, of course, I want Miles to get all the help he needs, but I would much

rather keep our business our business.

Gotta do what I gotta do.

Dee, how can you be so calm when somebody's in there prying into our

innermost feelings?

It's not that dramatic, Frank. Yeah, well, how do you know? You've never been

therapy. Yes, I have.

They made me go after I stabbed my first husband for getting on my last nerve.

I'm not scared of you, Dee.

I've got you now.

Oh, no, you don't.

No. No.

Miles wins again.

I'm the king of the world.

You only won because I wasn't about to ruin my manicure yanking out your spine.

So before my untimely defeat, you were saying your parents are starting to

you again?

Yeah, they stopped searching my room and took down the surveillance camera.

So if I looked in your backpack, I wouldn't find anything that...

To turn your eyes red and make you smell funny?

Just my gym socks.

Hey, I only smoked that stuff a couple of times.

You know, when I cut school and hang out. You were cutting school?

But I thought you really liked it.

Oh, I do.

But I wasn't doing my homework, and I didn't want to disappoint my teachers.

But since I got busted, Daddy and Dee make sure I get it done every night.

I bet that really cuts into your TV time, huh?

It sure does.

Now I have no clue how they killed Kenny last week.

I was thinking about bringing the rest of your family in for a couple of

sessions.

Okay.

But, you know, I've really let them down.

Maybe you should tell them.

And I'd really like to talk to Moesha.

Why? Well, because she's your big sister, and I assume she's a big part of

life.

Do you think she'd mind coming in?

I don't know.

But, you know, sometimes it's pretty tough trying to drag her out of that

Sounds like your sister and I have a lot in common.

Maybe I can beat her at hot dog on a stick.

Here, be sure to tell everybody about Emma tonight.

Oh, sure.

So, have you decided what you're going to do?

Oh, I was thinking about doing this little set de soleil routine.

say boo in French.

Anyway, I figured we'd hang like a high wire across the state, and then Kim and

I could, um... End up in the hospital?

Uh -uh. You know I don't have insurance.

Well, I've been working on my act all week.

I'm mastering the art of illusion.

Well, Kim, why are you gonna master illusion when you can't even get reality

right?

Listen, I'm the family. I know you're not going to therapy without me. How can

you? We're not in therapy.

Then why does Miles' therapist think I'm his imaginary friend?

Girl, you didn't tell us Miles was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Well, that's because Miles' therapy is none of your business.

Oh, come on, Mo. Don't be ashamed.

Shoot, I wish my family had enough money to hire a therapist to solve our

problems.

Hakeem, if your family had enough money, you wouldn't have any problems.

My mama says black folks don't need therapy.

is Jesus and Oprah.

All I know is I don't want anybody messing with my head.

I'm surprised at you. I thought you'd do anything for little man. I will.

But what's lying on the couch telling my deep, darkest feelings to some phrase

you want to be going to do for my brother?

Well, then what are you going to do?

Well, I'm going to go and do what every normal, well -adjusted teenager would

do. Tell the therapist everything is cool.

Or you could tell her the truth and dump your problems on someone else besides

us. Yeah, that's true.

Come on, Moesha. Walk with me.

Breathe in.

Let it out.

Pick up the pace. You're falling behind.

No, I'm getting off.

Afterwards, I know what you're doing, but it's not going to work.

You do?

Yes. You're trying to wear me out so I can break down and tell all my family

secrets. Oh, I see you've done some research on psychotherapeutical

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, well, some of my colleagues use techniques like that to get their

to open up.

But not me.

I'm trying to get a few pounds off before my high school reunion.

Day -to -day break.

Hey, nice sneakers, DKNY.

Chapter two, bond with the patients over common taste and interest.

No, I was going to tell you where you could get them wholesale, but since you

want to cut to the chase, let's go.

So... Tell me about your home life.

You mean Miles' home life?

Either one.

Well, the Mitchells are your typical American middle -class family.

Lots of love, lots of laughs, lots of hugs.

Lots of drama.

Miles told me at one point you and your father weren't getting along.

Let's explore that.

Well, those are just growing pains. I mean, now that I've convinced my daddy

that I'm practically an adult, we get along just fine.

What about your stepmother?

Dee's great with Miles.

I mean, she's so warm and understanding.

Well, if everything is so happy and wonderful, why do you think your brother

smoking marijuana?

Well, personally, I blame the media.

So who's his pusher man?

Dan Rather?

I mean, Dr. Woods, of course peer pressure had a lot to do with it, I'm

He only did it once.

Twice. All right, maybe three or four times.

Anyway, he said he'll never do it again.

So Miles has no problems either?

Well, none that I can see.

And I really don't know why he's still coming here.

Well, me either. The way you've analyzed all the issues and addressed all your

problems, I should be referring clients to you.

We work well together.

No, thanks, Dr. Woods. I heard that therapists have a high suicide rate.

Are we done?

Almost. Just one more question before you go.

Sure.

Why'd you move out?

Dr. Woods, I thought I came here specifically to talk about miles.

Why are you trying to get into my business?

Oh, I'd love to explain, but your 50 minutes are up and your dad's HMO

pay for overtime.

So if we're out of time, why'd you ask me about moving out?

Chapter three.

Mess with the client's head.

And I think the whole family should be here for that one.

Yeah, the whole family might have won.

Hey, Miles.

Hey, Mom.

Where you going?

Out. Yeah, but when Daddy and Dee get back, you have to go to therapy with us.

Sorry, Miles. Y 'all go ahead. I have a prior commitment at the den.

Yeah, but Dr. Woods wants to see the whole family.

Forget Dr.

Woods. You know what you need more than therapy is some quality time with your

big sis.

So I'm going to tell you what.

We gonna spend all day Sunday and do whatever you want to do, all right?

Hey, girl.

Hello,

Miles. How are you doing?

Kim, why are you shouting? The boy is not deaf, okay?

He's just a little touched.

Oh, come on, man. He is not touched.

He just likes to get high.

No, he doesn't.

Leave him alone.

Everything's going to be fine because I'm not going to let nothing happen to

baby brother. Right, Miles?

Right. We out.

it's okay boo you discovered a new note you flat

I heard Kente Claus is making a big comeback.

How's everybody doing? I'm Chick N.

And in case y 'all didn't know, that's my last name. Uh -huh. My first name is,

uh, Popeye.

And y 'all might know my mama. She's quite religious.

Her name is, uh, Churches.

order a drink. The bartender says, we don't serve ropes in here.

So the rope goes outside, ties itself into a boat, goes back in, and tries to

order again.

The bartender says, aren't you that same rope that was just in here?

The rope says, no.

The judges hated all y 'all.

So, the prize will go to the act who stayed on stage longest.

Chicken.

We demand a recount.

Yup, because I know it took me at least five minutes to sashay up here with that

teacup. Step aside, Kaniki. Step aside.

That's Kinesi. Whatever, you colossal.

have a good time at the den tonight?

It was all right, but judging kind of wore me out. Good night. Well, I'm glad

you enjoyed yourself, baby.

But I'm disappointed that you missed our session with Dr. Woods.

Oh, me too.

But you know, sometimes conflicts are unavoidable. Good night. I understand.

You do?

Oh, of course.

That's why I rescheduled for tomorrow.

And this time, the whole family will be there.

You got it?

Got it. Good night. Oh, Uncle, this is for you.

It's a bill for tonight's session.

See, Dr. Woods has a 24 -hour cancellation policy. And since you made

it, well, I figured you should pay for it.

Good night.

Okay, this is what I want you to do. You're going to play each other. That

you can see yourselves as others do.

Oh, so we'll be role -playing. Right.

Now you're acting out a typical dinner at the Mitchells. Miles, why don't you

start? Oh, but we can't.

Haki's not here to snatch the food off my fork.

I think she needs me, sweetheart.

Okay, um... Wow, Dee.

I love this Jamaican feast. It's delicious.

You cooked everything just the way I like it.

Thank you, Miles.

And may I say how strong and handsome you look today?

Have you been pumping?

Now, let's get real. This is not Masterpiece Theater.

Moesha, how's your dinner?

Oh, oh.

It's banging.

It's dope.

It's all that.

Yeah, Key, I wish that you would cook like this more often.

I'm glad you like it. But I'm so busy at school these days, I barely have time

to eat, let alone cook dinner for my family.

and play video games.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

Pumpkin, you'd better eat up because I've calculated that this meal costs $4

per serving.

No, Daddy. I don't want to eat anymore because I might gain weight and not be

able to fit into those skimpy outfits that I buy at the mall.

No. I've got to stay trim so that all the boys can admire my tattoo and ask

my phone number.

What are you trying to say, Daddy? What I'm trying to say, young lady, is that

you walk in... Now, you two stop your arguing.

If you would just listen to me, you guys wouldn't have any problems.

Dee is right.

lot of insight to offer, but you two are just too stubborn to listen.

Miles, go to your room.

Frank, honey, I didn't know that's the way you really felt.

You know, maybe I just ought to keep my advice to myself from now on. No, no,

no, baby, you don't have to do that.

No, I'm interested in what you have to say.

Sometimes.

Sometimes? No, he means all the time, Dee.

You the one who talked him into dragging us all?

We are here to support Miles.

Well, I'm all for that, but couldn't we just go to Chuck E. Cheese and call it a

day?

I'm just being open.

That's it.

That's it.

Purge. Purge. You guys have issues.

Keep this up and I'll be able to put a deck on my beach house.

Just joking. I already have a deck.

Now, parents, you play each other and kids, you do the same.

I want to see what happens after dinner.

Oh.

Frank.

Let's go into the family room and cuddle.

I'll be right there, Dee.

As soon as I finish paying all the bills, doing all of the Saturn paperwork

the next quarter... End up worrying about everything that Moesha's doing.

Oh, no, no, wait a minute. That's not fair, Dee. You know I cut back on the

working. Come on now, come on now.

Stay in your roles.

Miles and Moesha, jump in.

Hey, what's up, pencil legs?

Can you do my homework so I can go out and play?

Get away from me, peanut head.

Can't you see I'm on the phone?

You know, I have to speak to my friends all night talking about what we did all

day.

Cool, I'll just ask Dad.

Good idea, buckethead.

But if you didn't notice, he's busy worrying about me right now.

You're right, Mo.

So I'll just hide in your closet, read your diary, and basically annoy you

you get off the phone.

I don't have time for you right now. My friends are coming over, and you know

they're way more important to me than you'll ever be.

Miles, that hurt.

Miles, you apologized to your... I think we should let them talk.

Miles, I would never, ever say anything like that to you.

You don't have to.

That's how you act.

Like when?

Like when you kick me out of your room as soon as your friends come over.

Or when you skip my therapy just to hang out at the den.

You even moved out and left me at home all by myself.

Miles, I never meant to desert you, okay?

No, no, wait a minute. You weren't by yourself, Miles. Dee and I have always

been there for you.

When? Dee was always at school.

You were always at work.

When you guys were home, all you cared about was Moe.

Oh, sweetheart, why didn't you ever tell us that that's the way you felt?

How could I?

Everybody was always sending me to my room.

Miles, we did that because we wanted to protect you.

We thought we were doing the right thing. Yeah. Honey, they're just certain

things we thought that you didn't need to be worried about.

Just forget it. No, no, no, Miles. We're not going to forget this.

Now, we want to hear what you have to say.

Miles, they're listening.

You guys treat me like I'm not even part of the family.

Miles, how can you say that?

You know how much we love you.

I begged you to stay, and you still left.

Miles, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry, Miles. Maybe I was just thinking about myself.

Well, don't stop now. This is just getting good.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

I mean, I never thought you guys wanted to know what was going on with me.

You guys never seemed like it here.

It turns out Dr. Woods was pretty good for

us. I mean, without her, we never would have known what Miles was feeling.

And I never would have realized I had a few issues myself.

I guess every family has some.

I'm just so glad we're dealing with ours before they pull us apart.