Original subtitles

It's time to get your laugh on.

I

can't

believe we had a flat time.

No, I can't believe you didn't know how to change it.

Well, it would help if you had a spit.

The shortcut doesn't scare you, right?

No.

At least there's a full moon out to light our way.

Sorry shorty.

Halloween and late night pizza with anchovies do not mix.

Hey, you know, tonight's a big night.

Oh, Miles, you make a great Herculean.

But you make an even better Xena.

Help me!

Somebody!

Anybody!

I'm too young to die.

Honey, pass this here, please.

and really did. Your stomach was growling.

Are you okay, son?

Uh -huh.

Honey, you're a little warm. I think you're getting sick.

The son of Zeus never gets sick.

But then again, he never asked me if Mo's cooking.

Drink and sleep!

Oh, shh, shh. Listen, guys, that's Kevin. Don't say anything. I'm scared.

Oh, yeah. Y 'all want to come take a look? Oh, yes.

Did you get a good deal? Whatever it was, I could have done better.

What are you wearing?

Oh, this is my Halloween costume.

You like it?

I'm Saturn.

Well, it's better than Uranus.

Hey, is Miles ready to go trick -or -treating? Oh, honey, I'm afraid little

Hercules had a fever. I sent him to bed.

Oh, baby, that's too bad.

I mean, I know how much he was looking forward to Halloween.

Well, did he take it like a man?

Well, he kicked and he screamed, so I guess that's a yes.

Did you get the Halloween candy?

I got something even better. Oh.

Saturn keychains and air fresheners. Yeah, yeah. See, aliens, Star Wars,

kids love anything sci -fi.

And you love anything that's free.

Hey, Miles.

Miles, what are you doing out of bed?

My temperature. It's gone down.

It's a miracle.

Well, so how's the patient?

Well, according to this, he's dead.

Oh, ice, huh?

Next time, let the evidence melt first.

This Halloween's jacked up.

Anybody seen the phone?

Mo, do I look sick?

Miles, do I look like Dr. Quinn?

Let me finish dialing first.

Did you pick up your Patti LaBelle costume?

Yeah. Girl, Patti wish she looked this good.

Oh, um, you're still going to see Tina Turner, right? And you know this.

Yeah, but does Ike Mitchell know this?

No, and he's not gonna know until after we win the contest.

Did Kim pick up her Diana Ross costume?

Did Niecy follow Kim home?

Now leave your message after this smooch, and I'll return the call.

If I feel like it.

Kim, you need to stop renting girl sex.

Okay.

It's just that I am not messing up my nail. Look, we just called to see if you

got your costume, okay?

See you tonight, girl. Peace.

Hello? Niece, you still here? Yeah.

Um, you know, I didn't want to say anything before, but...

Do they make a Diana Ross costume in Kim's eyes?

Lucy, you know you are wrong.

But you know what? If they do, let's pray it's spandex.

Girl, I gotta go get ready, okay? Okay, well, I'll see you at 7.

Bye. All right, bye.

Not tonight, Andel. Tonight we're... The Divas of Stone.

Oh, I'm scared of y 'all.

Who? We scared of you, too.

Anyway,

guess who I am?

Natoya Jackson?

No.

Michael?

No.

I'm Elvira, Mistress of Darkness.

Well, you know, that's nice. Try Andel, but we're going to win the costume

contest. Yep.

Is that you?

Man, you look good.

I know.

Hey, dog, your lipstick is smudged.

Good looking out.

Hey, Kim.

What happened to your costume?

Yeah, you were supposed to be Diana Ross.

Well, I 86ed that idea.

But we're supposed to be the Divas of Soul.

Just change that line, all right?

Okay, Michael, we're working with the theme here.

She could have at least told her girls before she messed up the program.

Well, if her girls were really her girls, then maybe y 'all would still

program.

Okay, now, are you Rodman or the Riddler?

Look, I promised my girl I wouldn't say anything, but somebody's got to set you

two straight.

Michael, we don't know what you're talking about.

Maybe that's because you talk too much.

Like this afternoon when Kim overheard you clowning her weight.

Huh? Talking about spandex.

Dang. Wait, wait, I thought we hung up.

Yeah, and Kim thought you were really her friend.

Now back to... Moesha.

This video is frightening, Miles.

No, no, no, baby, I was watching that.

Honey, I got an idea.

Let's tell scary stories.

Miles, it's either scary stories or bed.

Once upon a time, on a cold, dark, and stormy night, there was a little boy

who couldn't fall asleep. So he tossed, and he turned, and he turned.

And he told us... Are you sleeping in a salad bowl?

Suddenly, there was a hideous cry coming from his bedroom closet.

Frightened, the little boy, he pulled the blankets up over his head and he

screamed for his daddy.

But his daddy never showed up. Now, was this our king?

May I finish the story, please?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Okay, okay.

So, the screaming, it got louder and louder, and the little boy, frightened,

reached for his trusty flashlight.

But the light, it just flickered for a moment, then died.

He should have used those bunny batteries.

So there he was, cloaked

in darkness.

When suddenly, the closet door.

It flung open and out jumped a huge, hairy monster with

sharp fangs and bloody claws.

And it slipped across the room and jumped on to the poor, depressed little

boy. Was it a zombie?

to sleep with the little boy. The end.

Oh, I get it.

Powder puff.

Trick or treat. Oh, well, let's see.

Oh, here we got air fresheners for you.

Oh, key chains for you. And here's some stuff for you.

Happy Halloween.

You see, Dee?

It's love, Saturn.

I guess love hurts.

Dee, can I go trick -or -treating?

Sorry, Miles.

But I want some candy. Honey, you are too sick to go outside.

Besides, I've got another scary story.

Oh, Dee, hasn't the boy suffered enough?

Why don't you go out and trick -or -treat for him? Ease his pain. No, no,

It's just too cold out there.

Please.

Don't forget your hat.

I

mean,

there's got to be some way we can make it up to Kim.

Right.

I mean...

Look at her.

Over there.

Dancing with her boyfriend.

Pretending to be the life of the party.

Right. Right.

She's pathetic.

Let's go be pathetic with her.

Do the dance step that we talked about.

Excuse me. I'm dancing with my man.

Why don't you dance with your man?

Oops.

You crazy, Kim. Yeah.

long faces. You look like those twins from Sister Sister.

And Del, if you overheard your friends joking about your weight, what would you

do?

I don't know, because my friends would never do anything like that.

But if they did, I'd have to question our friendship.

See?

We need to stop asking her for advice.

Niecy, we need to apologize to Kim.

Oh,

Miles, I'm sorry this Halloween didn't turn out the way you wanted.

It's not so bad.

I'm beating you 49 zip.

My dad's out there hustling candy for me.

Maybe we should do this every year.

All right.

Here we go.

Honey, what happened?

Forget that. Where's my candy?

Probably melting in someone's mouth.

What?

Well, everything was going great. I had a bag full of candy, son.

Then all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, these roughnecks pull up next

One says, Yo, planet head, give up the candy.

Did you get the license plates?

No, they were on roller skates.

No, but I did recognize the ringleader.

Yeah, I think she's in your class, Miles.

Hey, what was I thinking?

I got this today at the faculty meeting.

Happy Halloween, Miles.

You know, French -made costumes are a very original idea.

I just love everything French.

French fries, French toast, French mustard.

My son, he's from Compton.

I just love everything Compton.

Baby, your nose is shining again.

I'm always having problems with my T -zone.

Hey, Kim.

Girl, you wearing that She -Devil costume.

Yeah, yeah. It looks like you're losing weight.

Uh -huh.

Now, why is that a compliment?

I was just saying that your costume makes you look slimmer.

says being a size 6, 4, or a 0 makes you attractive.

Uh... Cosmo?

Kim, Michael told us that you heard what we said, and it was wrong, and we're

really, really sorry.

Yeah, we didn't mean to talk about your weight.

You don't get it, do you?

It's not about my weight.

I'm secure with myself. I just don't appreciate my so -called friends talking

about me.

Kim, we are your friends.

Yeah, through thick and thin.

I mean, I know what you meant, and I know what you did, and I would never

about my friends behind their backs.

Wait, hold up.

Now, uh, just the other day...

You were talking about how bougie Mo is since she started at Bridgewood. Excuse

me. I meant bougie in a good way.

And to think I stood up for you when Mo was clowning your spaghetti legs.

Spaghetti legs?

Well, you know, see, I'd rather have these legs than your heartbreak hotel

sheet.

Are you saying I can't keep a man?

fail, man.

Please, you're gonna be graduating with miles.

Well, I guess we're all busted for talking behind each other's backs.

So now what do we do?

Be more careful.

I'm just kidding.

Aw, you guys, we need to stop gossiping.

I'm sorry, Meesee and Kim.

So am I.

All right,

listen up, everybody.

I want to thank all the people for supporting our first annual Halloween

Tonight's first place winner will receive two free tickets to the Magic

Theater and a free haircut and all -weave consultation at my pop's

Please. Here you are, Mr. Q.

Thank you, Mr. H.

Tonight's winner for the best costume is the She -Devil, Kim Parker.

Come on, baby. Go get your prize.

I already got my prize, my little bad boy.

And I got mine, too. You little She -Devil.

They say that we learn from our mistakes.

Well, I learned that sin isn't necessarily better, and friendship never

about each other.

But if you absolutely have to, don't ever do it on a three -way call.