Original subtitles

I've only known Haley for five short weeks, but it feels like we've been

for at least six.

I guess it's because we have so much in common.

Sure, we both go to Bridgewood and we like Drew Hill, but it's deeper than

We've discovered we share a love for Dodger dogs during the seventh inning

stretch, counting the muscles in Bruce Lee's stomach and into the dragon, and

those hot L .A. days, kicking it poolside.

Get out.

You can do it.

Yeah, so can you.

What did you say, boy?

Anything else I can do?

The other bag.

Dee, baby, I got a funny feeling that we're going to make history at the auto

dealer's husband and wife golf classic.

How do you like my stroke? Oh, I love it.

Positive, son.

As a matter of fact, he used to clean golf shoes, too.

He used a stiff brush and warm water.

One spit shine, coming right up.

Honey,

I'm not so sure I'm up to this tournament. You might have a better

winning without me. Oh, no, no, no. Baby, don't worry about your game. Look,

nobody expects for the wives to play good. All you got to do is look good.

So the women are just going to... be there for show.

Oh, no, no, no, no, baby. The company's hired young models for that.

Hey, how you doing?

Where'd you all go?

Oh, well, first we started at the Third Street Promenade. Then we swung by the

West Side Pavilion.

B -C -B -G.

T -T -F -B. Take that stuff back.

Even the stuff we bought for you?

Oh, no, not the gifts.

Oh, thank you, Haley. I love this group.

Promotional use only.

Yeah, but they must be the opening act for this group, not for sale.

Okay, we're busted. Haley got the CDs for free.

No. Yeah, my dad runs Pacifica Records, so I get freebies all the time.

Oh, well, then you came to the right place, because Frank's middle name is

Freebie.

Well, I've got to go. I promised my mother I'd meet her at Wolfgang Puck.

his restaurant up on Sunset?

No, it is half a den, nondisclosed location.

That's where Guinea Pigs does new pizza.

Well, I'm going to go to the den because I'm a guinea pig for Andale's new

smoothie.

Moe, you want to ride?

And let people see me get out of a drop -top Benz?

Yeah, let's go.

Y 'all have a nice time now. Bye.

We'll be right

back.

Nisa, the name of the group is CPQ.

Yeah, that's Campbell.

Parker. And Q.

There's no Nisi.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you put another stunt like that, you'll be back at home dancing in front

of your mirror.

I don't appreciate you peeping in my window.

Hey,

Nisi girl, you were the bomb.

No. About us.

Girl, you know I'm kidding. Y 'all blew it up.

Now, get out. I got a business to run.

You know what? If you got the half as good tomorrow night, you're going to own

this place. Well, I don't think so. I've been here 10 years, and the only thing

I own is that blender.

You know what? I can't believe how good you guys sat on it. You sound so

professional and polished.

Close my eyes, I think you're a real groupie. Yeah, but keep them open long

enough to pass out these flowers, because we're going to need the house to

packed.

Hakeem, I'll go you one better. I'll bring Haley.

Well, one person to the start.

Especially when her father owns a record company.

Ooh, sounds like a crowd to me.

See, Mo, you're learning a lot at that new school. The fine art of the hookup.

I'll ask Hayley to come by, and if she likes what she sees, she'll tell her

y 'all will get a fat deal, and I'll get 30%. No, if you could make that happen,

I'd give you 50%. Um, speak for yourself, Baldy.

In a real, Moesha, if you could put us all like that, I don't know what I'd do.

Ooh, I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to buy myself an apartment and get everything in leather, even the

buttons.

Yeah, well, I'm going to take Mama and Big Mama to the sizzler. And this time

we're going to have both the steak and all -you -can -eat salad bar for the

first time.

Hold on, buffet boy. I can't guarantee anything except that I'll ask you to

come. Then why don't you get our hopes up? Shatter our dreams before I can get

some sleep.

Bless. She's on our side.

Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, Moe. You know, the visions of teriyaki beef just dancing

around in my head.

Alicia, we are grateful for anything you can do.

Let's be honest.

Whoa.

Yes!

Not bad for a showpiece. Huh, Frank? It was okay. For a girl.

Honey, your feet are too close together.

Concentrate, baby.

Coach Vines says that you've got to imagine the ball has legs, then you cut

off at the knees.

Or something like that.

Should I...

Choked up on your club.

Speaking of choking... Hey, are you guys chipping or chatting?

No.

Ow!

Sorry, son.

Whatever happened to yelling four?

Four?

This is just a wiffle ball, son.

Glad you guys aren't into archery.

Hey!

I thought y 'all were changing the oil in Mo's car, not drilling for it.

I think we look bad. You should see her driveway.

Miles, Daddy wants you to clean up the driveway.

Dang!

Aren't there child labor laws?

I'll tell you what. I'll come by and help you out later, okay?

All right. Thanks, Mom.

Please, somebody.

No, that wasn't right.

Yeah, girl, but it was fun.

You know what? Speaking of fun, my friends are performing at the den

You should come hang out. It's going to be live, girl. I'd love to. What time?

Around 8.

You remember how to get there?

Oh, yeah. I crewed that place looking for guys all the time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is she here yet? Do you see her?

Yeah, I think she's white, not transparent.

I'm worried you guys. She'll be here.

Don't worry.

The girl is going to show up right now.

Yes. I'm going to bring up our next act. He's a talented young comedian.

He opened the door for his mama.

Give it up for Popeye's Employee of the Month. Check it out.

My name is Chicken.

Yeah, I was hatched around Easter time.

Problem is, Mama had all her kids around Easter time.

Case in point, my little sister Bunny, she's really into hip hop.

And my little brother E .E., Easter egg, we could never find him. We always had

to hunt him down.

Get it?

Speaking of eggs, this brother's rotten. Y 'all let him in.

Do this.

A three -legged dog lifts into a bar.

The bartender says, can I help you?

The dog says, yeah.

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

The man who shot my paw.

You guys are going on now.

Hey, shorty, what happened to your girl?

Look, I know Haley, too. She's going to be here.

What's the matter with you?

I just got it. He wasn't talking about his daddy. He was talking about his

Go, chick.

Come on, Angie. I'll do it way

cooler than this. Show me the loop. Show me the loop. Show him the door. Show

him the door.

Oh, I meant chick, chick, chick, chick, chick, chick.

Well,

this is tough love, boo. Get out.

Give it up for Chick N in his stairwell. All right, we got a new group.

But first, it's my man, Hakeem.

Hakeem, tell the people what's up.

What's up?

L .A., what's up?

Hey, gotta give big ups to Big Mama.

Because if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have no mama.

And if it weren't for my mama, the group would be called PQ.

Because I'm super careful. You know, like the soup is good.

You know what I'm saying?

It's good.

And this is Kevin.

Kevin, you got anything you want to say?

an initial yet but uh

Around we go. Around we go. Around we go. Yo, the name is Q from Queens.

money any means. Getting cream. So me and Hakeem could dream. With the lights

high beam. Mad face rims.

Forehead camouflaged in Pim. Berlin.

I'm trying to save up to get the bin. The thick coop. I'm laid back.

Come on.

Around we go.

Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Around we

go.

So when you see it, keep it real. You know the deal. Things to fulfill.

But you've chosen record deal.

This is my man, Hakeem.

World out.

Yo, Kim, sing it, baby.

Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Put your hands up.

Around we go. Around we go.

Hey, yo, I want you to check out my dance, Sunita.

Yo, Lisa, break it down.

Around we go, around we go.

Come on, put your hands up. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. Put your

up. Around we go, around we go.

Oh, yeah, baby.

It's sexy.

CPQ.

The hockey team, let's get out of here.

You guys ripped it up. Ripped it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think?

Incredible. I mean, seriously, people are going to be buying your CDs one day.

Oh, right for Hollywood. What am I going to wear to the Grammy?

A poster of Halle Berry.

Please, you can't even keep them in.

So, Haley, when do we get to meet your father?

My father?

Why? Slow down, Nisi.

You got to meet the A &R person first.

What's A &R?

Duh. Accounts receivable.

So, by the way, when do I get my first cash advance?

chill. You know, Haley says she liked you guys, and give her a chance to talk

her father first.

I've really got to go. Thanks for inviting me.

Wait, Haley, you just got here.

Yeah, well, you know, time flies when you're being used.

Used? What are you talking about?

Look, Mo, I thought you invited me here as your friend, not as a hookup to my

father. Wait, hold on. It's not even like that. Let me explain.

Save it.

Actions speak louder than words.

Haley, this is Moesha.

Gotcha. You've reached my answering machine.

Add the tone, leave a message, and I'll get right back.

Bye.

Listen, Haley, this is Moesha. I thought I'd try you again, but just give me a

call when you get a chance, okay?

Bye.

Come on, can you give me a hand?

Everybody got jokes.

We made history, all right.

Worst score at a tournament.

Actually, Dad, it was the worst score in the history of the tournament.

It wouldn't have been that bad had your father been able to come in at par at

least once.

Excuse me, but I don't recall you being Nancy Lopez out there yourself.

Ah, Frank, you have already ruined the day. You are not about to ruin my sofa.

It is my sofa, too, and I will sit on it whenever I want to.

You're just lucky I don't want to.

Just like you didn't want to open up your stance.

Coach Vine says. Oh, Coach Vine says. Coach Vine says.

If Coach Vine says to jump off a cliff, will you do it?

Yes, if I knew I was going to land on you. Oh, you're going to land on me?

Come on, Phil.

I hate when you guys fight.

Golf is just destroying our family.

Oh, Miles, honey, we're sorry.

We didn't realize that it was upsetting you this much.

Frank, honey, maybe we shouldn't play golf anymore.

Yeah, don't worry, son.

Dee and I will never play another tournament again.

Promise? We promise.

That was too easy.

Now, you know I was just saying all that to Dee, right?

Get you some rest, son, because you're going to caddy 18 holes tomorrow.

And pick up my bag, boy.

Haley, you got a minute?

Not really.

Haley, please don't be mad at me.

I'm not mad.

Well, then turn that frown upside down, young lady.

Haley, let me explain.

There's nothing to explain.

You were just trying to help your friends.

You saw an opportunity, and you tried to take advantage of it.

I wasn't trying to take advantage of you.

I consider you a friend, too.

Please. You were just trying to get to my father, who, by the way, I haven't

spent as much as 15 minutes alone with in the past two years.

But you said he sent you the CDs.

Yeah. He sends me things and buys me things.

But he hasn't been there for me in years.

Haley, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Look, Mo.

It was the first time you asked me to hang out with you and your friends.

And I thought that was really cool.

Until I realized what you really wanted.

So, here's my father's number. Haley, stop.

Look, I figured that they're my friends.

And you're my friend.

You know, friends help each other out.

But what I should have done was ask you first.

I'm really sorry.

And I'm sorry.

You have something on your shirt.

Gotcha.

You want to go to the mall?

Finally.

Well, all's well that ends well. Haley and I are cool again.

And CPQ got over the disappointment of not getting a dip.

Although I did have to treat Akeem to a steak and all -you -can -eat salad bar

at the Sizzler.

But guess this?

That horrible comic chick in has a day job as a talent scout.

He helped get Niecy an audition as a soul train dancer.

She's got her own platform and everything.