Original subtitles

Ever since Dad and Dee decided to have a baby, there's been a lot of tension

around here.

So when Cherise called and invited me to come up to Berkeley to get a taste of

college life, you know, my bags were packed in a New York minute.

Well, of course, whenever one takes an overnight trip, extra precautions must

taken.

So I secured my valuables and left an obvious strap.

For an obvious fool, I dipped my fake diary in some itching powder.

out Sonny Liston with a right. Hey, bro, you wrong. Everybody know it was a left

hook that knocked out the big ugly bear. What you talking about? Well, as soon

as I find this videotape, you gonna use your left to pay me. You believe that?

Actually, you're both incorrect.

Muhammad Ali was not the pugilist that delivered the infamous phantom punch.

What the hell you say, man?

Yeah, George, you're talking crazy, man. Everybody know Ali beat Sonny Liston

with the phantom punch. Now, I know my history.

And... I just found a tape.

If you're so familiar with history, you would know that at that time, Muhammad

Ali was known as Cassius Marcellus Clay. It wasn't until after that fight that

said Mr.

Clay became said Mr.

Ali. Frank, you own me, man. What are you talking about? We betting on the

-right thing, not the slave name thing.

Yeah, baby, what's up?

Frank, who are these people, and what is going on here?

These are my friends, Dee.

Bernie, my brother, grew up with me. You met him at the wedding.

Hey, Dee Dee.

And then George, the brother who froze on Jeopardy.

And then this is... That's Bernie's friend. No, no, big brother, I don't

him, man.

I thought he was with George, man.

I never laid eyes on him before tonight. I assumed you knew him, Frank.

Howdy.

Frank, can I talk with you in the living room, please?

Yeah. Look, I'll be right back. Hold on. We're going to let you get through with

me. We're out here, man.

Yeah,

babe, what's up?

Frank. You have been out three nights in a row this week. I don't know what's

going on here, but I know I don't like it. What do you mean don't like it,

I'm at home in my own house with my friend. You were supposed to be at home

your own bed with your wife.

Tonight was a good temperature night.

Really? And I thought it was chilly outside.

Yeah.

Frank, I can dole out... the vitamins. I can make the doctor's appointments. I

can chart the charts. But I cannot make a baby by myself. If I could, we

wouldn't be having this conversation. Look, this let's have a baby thing is

turning into a job, baby.

Eat this.

Don't wear that. Chart this. I'm starting to feel like I'm in the army.

Shoot, I do more by 9 a .m. than most men do all day.

It's just not fun anymore.

If you are not serious about having a baby, I sure wish you would tell me

because it's not fun for me either.

Yeah,

there you go.

There you go.

I didn't know C .O .D. meant cutie on delivery.

Brother, please. It is too early.

Then what time to get off?

We're inflatable friends inside there, my man.

What you doing here this early in the morning, Bernie? Just about to take

pictures of the bruises.

This kid's never going to be a trial.

Oh, you're very funny this morning. You know I feel funny.

Yes, put those on the table.

Morning, baby. Morning.

Morning, Dee Dee.

Morning. Listen, Dee, I apologized about last night, so I brought you a little

peace offering.

Oh, how thoughtful.

And my favorites, how'd you know?

Well, you know, Dee, listen, I pay attention.

Thank you. Mm -hmm.

And since when did you become so thoughtful?

When I passed the vase in the living room.

Mitchell. Morning. Kim, what are you doing here? Well, you know, since Moe is

gone, I thought I'd do the Christian thing and stop by and help out.

Translation. She's here to hit on Hakeem.

Miles, this came for you.

Oh, my abracadabra magic kit.

Excuse me, young man, but where are you going? You haven't even had your

breakfast yet. I have to practice if I'm going to sell Moe in half.

Good morning, my overextended family. Hey, Hakeem.

Oh, Hucklefest.

All dressed up and...

Aliesta.

Ain't the hungry boy from next door wearing clothes from the 99 cent store?

I was just funny with you old school.

I'm about to whoop your butt preschool.

Anyway, what's for breakfast, Mr. Mitch? I'm starving.

Morning, Kimmy.

Did I say I was starving?

I meant fasting.

I love that girl, man. She keep away the freeloaders, man.

Blackened bacon and egg.

Never had Cajun breakfast before.

I don't think I'm going to starve now.

I'm going to see you later, man, all right? Yeah, all right.

Diddy, I love you, baby.

All right, Dee.

Talk to me.

Oh, you want to talk to me?

Bernie and George must be very busy.

Babe, why are you doing this? I mean, I can't go out with the guys once in a

while. Once in a while?

The Clippers win a game once in a while.

Frank, it's getting so... I don't know whether you're going to be here or not.

Oh, Dee, you're being ridiculous, baby. I tell you when I go out. Oh, oh, you

tell me. Well, Frank, that is not how marriage works. Oh, no? Well, then how

does it work?

asking. Why?

I mean, it's not like you can exactly tell me no.

Frank, you just don't get it, do you?

See? Do you see?

I wasn't even going out tonight.

But you think I'm going to stay here with that attitude?

Think again, baby.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Deborah, kid.

Deborah.

Have you seen my keys?

Oh, yeah, they're right here.

Watch this. Now you see them?

Now you don't. Oh, that's great, son. Now give me my keys.

You have to say the magic word.

How about punishment?

Nah, close enough.

Nice dress, baby.

Look, if you're trying to keep me home tonight, it sure is working.

Well, you can stay at home if you like, but I won't be here.

Then where are you going, woman?

I'm going out with Giselle and Andel, man.

Oh, excuse me, caveman.

No, no, no, I'm not sure I approve.

And I'm sure I don't care.

Who's going to take care of Miles?

Babysitters are us.

Somebody left a key in the door.

Just call me, Houdini.

Hakeem, you are in charge, and bedtime is in exactly one hour.

Got you, Mrs. Mitch.

Good night, Miles.

Oh, and Frank, don't wait up for me.

Ciao.

What's that, boy?

Cool. I know. Now go to bed.

Come on, make one more thing disappear.

Look, look, look. This is how it is, okay?

You have to go to bed because I have a little bit of honey coming over, all

right? Why didn't you just tell her, brother?

I'll work with you if the price is right.

No deal, short chance.

Look, here's the quarter. Go to bed.

Welcome to my... Are we alone?

Oh, look, the North Star.

Where? Right there.

Hakeem, open up this door. Go away, Kim.

Long live the honeyhumber.

Bye, brother.

Look, girl, I said get off this cold porch and come into the house.

Hakeem, were you expecting someone else?

No, no, but hurry up and get in. It's a full moon out there.

now that you're here.

You are so sweet.

I can be much sweeter.

Cold beverage, anyone?

was too anxious. There'll be so many city workers over here, the lawyers and

doctors will never get through.

I'm not worried about that. I'm married.

Your husband's a car salesman, right? Uh -huh. You were probably bouncing around

like that when you met him.

And what is it that your man does again?

Oh, I forgot.

You don't have one.

at 2 o 'clock. Okay, avoid eye contact and try not to act like you got a bus

pass.

What's your name?

Unavailable. Say, how about I call you Anna for short?

What's your sign, girl?

Dollar.

You know, that is my song. Would you like to dance?

I'd love to.

Well,

It's too late.

But this is my favorite song.

Would you like to dance? He can't.

Plus, he's married.

Oh, and your wife let you come out?

Yeah, well, she's very confident. She knows I'm not going to do anything.

I'll see you around.

You can see me from now till breakfast.

bag on his head.

Oh, yeah.

Well, too bad that's the last of the pictures.

Uh -uh, I got you on tape at my seven -year -old birthday party.

See, we was playing pin the tail on the donkey, and he tried to pin it on me.

I can't do it justice.

You just gonna have to see it for yourself, girl.

Look, Nikki, why don't you set up the VCR rope, and I'll pop the popcorn.

Oh, thank you for inviting me, Katie. I'm having so much fun.

Hakeem, I'm having a really good time tonight.

You are? Yes, and because of you, I've gotten to know Kim better, and I think

we're going to become really good friends.

Thank you very much for the dance.

Back up, brother.

I'm next.

You know, I've been dancing all evening long, and I'm a little bit tired, so I'm

going to sit this one out.

Great. I'll sit with you.

Waitress, another round for the ladies, please.

Oh,

I would buy you a drink, but you look like 90s women.

Just remember I'm still married.

Now that's what I like about you.

No games, no pressure.

Believe it or not, every now and then a guy just wants to come out, dance, and

have some fun.

Good night.

No pressure.

No way, girl. He's all game.

And the pressure will start five seconds after you slurred your first word.

Well, you know the good thing about being married?

I don't care. That's right.

I'm going to go check on Miles.

Mr.

I'm married.

This is my friend Tony. Oh, baby, your last name must be tight.

It's man.

For the pleasure of meeting you has no equal.

Thanks, but I'm Hawaiian.

Well, then, uh... Aloha.

So, Melba tells me you're happily married.

That's right. In the 90s. In L .A.? What's your secret?

Love, respect, trust.

In Miami?

In L .A.? Does your mother have any more at home like you?

I'm still at home.

Speaking of home, I'm sorry. I have to call and check on my son.

What'd I tell you?

Check on your son. How sweet is that?

Oh, here.

Use my stuff. Oh, no, no, no. I can just go. No.

I am sorry.

Well, uh, since you insist.

Is it, uh, three of diamonds? That's it. You're great, Ma. Go on, Ma. Yeah, Ma.

Go on. Go on to bed, Ma. Go on.

Hey! Quack, quack.

Yo,

Dad, my time. Talk to me.

Hakeem, when you answer the phone, say hello.

Peace to children, Mrs. Mitch.

Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah. Everything is righteous. Just like that old school music you bump

into.

Hold on, Mrs. Mitch.

I'm going to try that hello thing you suggested.

Okay.

Hello, you're down my time. Talk to me.

Don't answer my phone like that.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, man. Yeah, everything is boss, just like that.

Hey, Mr. Mitch.

Now, you're not going to believe this, but I'm on the other line with Mrs.

Mitch, and she listens to that same tired song that you listen to.

Dang.

Well, girl, Charisse is in the car, and we road trip down here for a party. Ooh,

a party? Ooh, I know I'm going. You want to go? Yeah, there's nothing happening

here.

Time out, time out, time out.

What about me?

Oh, boo -boo, you babysitting.

But you're his sister.

But you're the one...

Come here often.

I don't mess around with married men.

Oh, but I mess around with married women.

Dance? Okay.

Baby, I'm sorry for the way that I've been acting.

I mean, I've just been under a whole lot of pressure, especially since we

decided to try to make this baby and everything.

There's no pressure.

It's just you and me.

Whatever happens, happens.

Well,

I'm no Al Roker, but I'd say it's going to be a good temperature night tonight.

If only for one night.

Man, I've got to leave town more often.

Dad and Dee have been locked up in their room all day.

I'm not sure if they even know I'm back.

I saw a little college life, and the cuties look real good.

But best of all, I found an effective way to combat America's most common

household pest.

Buckethead little brother.