Original subtitles

Hello? Hello?

Mr.

Moe, you're accused of assaulting your two roommates with intent to commit

mayhem. You mean murder!

And they also try to kill us, too.

Yeah. You ought to hold them on a habeas corpuscle.

Hey, that's telling them, kid.

Quiet!

This complaint states that you attack the plaintiffs with this.

States Exhibit A.

You admit this is your property, do you not?

Well, Your Honor, do you mind if I look at it? You see, I have my name carved

somewhere on the... A born killer, eh? Sit down.

But, Your Honor, if you let me tell my side of the story... You mean you have

something to say in extenuation?

Oh, not that. No, no, not that, Your Honor. You see, I had a good reason.

you ever indicted?

Not since I was a baby, Your Honor.

But I'm a sick man.

A very sick man.

And I've had two very serious operations.

And this one here for crushed grapeseeds.

Yeah, right here.

Oh, I have one exactly like that. You have?

Let me show it to you.

Look, see here?

Oh, that's a bum job. That's like hemstitching with a pico -edge. I know.

Sit down. We'll continue with the testimony.

As I said before, Your Honor, you see, Your Honor, I'm a very sick man.

Firstly, my creditors closed up my business.

Secondly, I have to pay $10 ,000 or they'll put me in bankruptcy.

And because of that, I had a nervous breakdown.

So only a few days ago, I was terribly sick, and my doctor said I must have

quiet, absolute quiet.

stomping around scat oh my nerves oh i

must have 106 and seven eights

Hey, Joe, did you see my slide?

No.

Maybe it flew in the air. Let's look.

Hey, Mo, did you see a trombone slide?

No, but I see a dream walking.

What a sore head. Yeah.

What did you expect?

My creditors put me out of business, then I have a nervous breakdown, and all

you guys do is make it worse. You know, my doctor said I must have quiet.

Moe, what you really need is the quiet of the country. Yeah, Joe's right. Just

picture the beautiful country, the babbling brook, the murmuring of the

through the trees, the mooses and the meeses, and the fresh air.

Moe, it'll make a new man out of you.

Sounds pretty good.

Sure, can't you just see it? Hunting and fishing, and at night the open

campfire, and far away in the distance you hear the call of the wolf.

That's the wrong wolf.

Not so loud.

Don't tell me. I know. Don't yell at me. Don't tell me to stop.

That noise.

The noise.

That noise.

Medicine! My pills!

Take it easy, Mo. Take it easy.

That ought to cure him. Or kill him.

We'd better get packed.

Ready? Come on, sit down, fellas. Oh, boy, am I hungry.

Hey, it's a good thing we found this deserted cabin. Hey, this area's fine

hunting. How do you know?

Well, I saw a sign outside that says, fine for hunting.

Oh, fine for... Oh, have some bread. Oh, thank you.

I don't scramble eggs. And don't touch them till I come back with the fried

potatoes.

Hey, Joe, I forgot the sugar. I'll go get it.

you worm.

Where's your manners? Why didn't you leave me some of the eggs? I didn't

them.

No, you did. And don't make matters worse by lying about it. If this happens

again, I'll gouge your eyes out. I'll tear your tonsils out three at a time.

shut up.

Big boss.

Always tell us what to do. Don't do this. Don't do that. Pardon me. What did

say? I said, oh, shut up.

At least I'll get my rightful share of the potatoes.

I didn't do nothing. No, you didn't do nothing. You ate everything but the

plate. Now you guys make my breakfast.

Boil me some noodles and fry me some eggs. Go on.

Okay, you fry the eggs, I'll boil the noodles.

You're going to eat noodles for breakfast?

All right, make a spaghetti.

Oh, that's different.

How do you want your eggs?

Sunnyside down, and don't turn him over.

Sunnyside over, and don't turn him down. This guy's nuts.

Where the fuck, honey?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

If there's anything I like better than honey and ketchup, it's bologna and

whipped cream, and we haven't got any.

Spaghetti's ready.

What the?

Spaghetti?

You stoop, bird brain.

Moe, there's, there's, there's, there's... You embershoes, what's the

matter with you?

There's a bear in the window.

You're wacky. There's no bear in any window.

There is two.

You're right. There is a bear out there.

You boys go out and shoot him. I'd go too, but my nerves won't let me.

I haven't got the nerve either.

Larry, you get him.

All right, I'll go.

But if that bear kills me, I'll never talk to you again.

Come on, Joe, I'll be right behind you.

You see anything?

No. What are you waiting for? Go ahead.

Look at me shaking. I've got the chills again.

That bear sure disappeared

fast.

Get him, the bear.

Somebody start in our car.

Either

I'm

dreaming or I flipped my lip completely.

Oh, my nerves, my nerves.

Hey, fellas, I just saw a bear drive our car away.

He put his arm out to make a turn.

Come here. Come here.

Just sit down.

Relax, Mo.

Relax, he says. I see bears driving cars.

I need $10 ,000.

Oh, I want to go home.

Mo, sleep.

Sleep, Mo.

This is the sheriff. I'm after Mad Bill Hookup, the bandit.

Yeah, and you're not going to get me either.

They're driving me crazy.

What's the idea?

Take it easy.

We'll get you in there.

That's it. Don't get nervous.

There you are. We'll take a big swig of that.

That a boy.

One false move and I'll drill you guys.

Listen, you.

What?

Just listen.

Let me see, will you?

Thank you, Sheriff, very much.

My doctor says I have to go back to bed for six months.

I find the defendant not guilty.

Case dismissed.

Thank you, Your Honor.

You're entirely welcome.

Do you mind if I have Exhibit A back again, Your Honor? Oh, certainly not.

yourself. Thank you, Your Honor.

He's got political pull.

Tell the electors.

Oh, my nerves!

My nerves!