Original subtitles

No, I shall get it myself.

That's all.

Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.

Larry, of all people, I haven't seen you in years. Champ, you're a sight for

sore eyes. Sit down and have a drink. I don't mind if I do.

What kind of stuff is this?

When did you join the Woman Haters Club? Oh, that's a long story. I'll have to

tell you a little later. All right. Right now we're busy with this, you see,

brother.

Too much seltzer.

You were right. They do make that seltzer strong.

Well, you asked me a question.

It's a long story, but you asked for it.

I was sitting at home reading the newspaper when I happened to glance at

personal column.

There was an ad that caught my eye.

Tired of being beautiful and alone.

Would like to meet clean, well -dressed, handsome man about 35.

Object matrimony. Address box 41144, Daily Journal.

What an opportunity.

Beautiful and alone.

But a handsome man, that might be a problem.

What time is it?

Every time I look at the seven -day clock, it stops.

I can't be that ugly. Or can I?

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

I break more mirrors that way.

Well, believe it or not, she thought I was handsome.

And I fell for her like a ton of bricks.

Well, a few nights later, I went over to visit her apartment as usual, and,

uh... Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you.

Oh, I'm going to relax and smoke a bit.

You want to smoke?

Thank you.

Oh, excuse me. I'll get it. I'll get it.

What can I do for you? This.

Oh!

Didn't you make a mistake?

Yeah, I hit the wrong arm. Oh!

Oh,

my beautiful Jane, while it's in my brain, may I deign again to ask you not

refrain the chance to make us twain.

kiss me indeed hey what the hey

who is this spotted raccoon oh he tried to get engaged to me with that miserable

little two carat ring just a minute that was two and a half carats you gold

digger why don't you watch your manners how dare you call my tomato a gold

digger get away from here

I guess I told him a tour thing.

Took care of that guy, I'll tell you.

That caterpillar thinks he's smart. But he's not smart enough for me.

I'll... Uh -uh. Look out.

Oh, baby.

Speak to me.

Yes? This.

Hey,

hey. I'll murder you.

Now, turn me loose.

I'll get you. I'll tear your cuffs off. I can't move here. Get me out of this.

I'm through with women forever.

Give me back my ring. That's the wrong ring.

So sue me.

I'll catch up with you one of these days, wise guy. And when I do, pow!

Women have always made trouble. They're all alike.

Now, my trouble started in the subway. It was crowded and I was hanging on to a

strap. And all of a sudden, a beautiful girl got up and gave me a seat.

Well, to make a long friendship short, here I was at her home.

That meal was wonderful. Oh, thank you.

Beautiful and can cook, too.

Thank you.

Well, now, will you excuse me while I powder my nose? Sure. Where does this

picture belong?

Up there in the cabinet.

She forgot to put the dirty dishes in the washer. I'll do it.

Oh,

I'm

so sorry. The automatic shutoff is out of order.

Oh, you're soaking wet.

You better get those wet clothes off before you catch cold. Come on, I'll

you something to wear.

In a minute, in a minute.

him out to be cleaned and pressed. Meanwhile, make yourself at home. Thanks

lot.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here you are.

Where'd you get the men's pajamas?

Well, they're my husband's, but we're separated.

It'll help keep you warm, I think. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, what a night that was.

Go on. Let's wet our whistles first.

Here's looking at you.

Sorry, pal.

Go on with your story.

Well, there we were in the living room, waiting for my suit to come back from

the cleaners. She was fond of music, and I was playing the piano and singing.

I was trying to impersonate that guy with the candelabra. Oh, yeah.

Home, home on the farm in Georgia.

Our farm had such charms, and Mama's so sweet.

Cooks good things to eat in Georgia down on the farm.

How was that? Oh, that's wonderful. You're quite a musician.

Just fair. I play that in four sharps. I used to play in five flats, but I got

kicked out of the last one.

Oh, what a lovely ring. May I see it? Certainly.

Well, now, wait a minute. Thank you very much. No, wait, now, give me that. Oh,

it went down that hole.

Excuse me, I'm expecting an important phone call.

I can't get my hands on that.

Well, gosh, it went down.

I feel like a pretzel.

Oh,

if

she sees this mess, she'll kill me.

I'd better get rid of it.

Ah, in here with it.

Never saw a piano with so much junk in it.

Oh. She'll never know the difference.

Hello.

You wrecker.

Your ring.

That will pay for the damage to my piano.

There must be a way to get that ring without getting in trouble with the

I forgot my key.

It's my husband. But I thought you were separated. We were. He was on a trip.

That's separated, isn't it? Yeah.

Oh, he's terribly jealous. If he finds you here, he'll kill you. If you think

I'm afraid, you're right.

Where will I hide?

Upstairs in the bedroom.

Darling. I'm sorry, honey. I must have forgot my key.

Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes.

You got home early, didn't you? Yes, I flew.

I'm expecting a wire.

Oh, oh, oh, a tiger.

The boy said you told him to clean and press this suit.

Whose is it?

Who are you hiding?

Never mind, I'll find him myself.

Oh, no, no, no, honey, please.

Because that's where I hide when I... What am I saying? What?

Never mind, I'll find him. Oh, the closet.

I'll get that home record. Listen to me, please, please.

I'll find him.

He must be amongst these clothes.

No, I told you there was nobody here.

Liar. Well, that's not my suit, and I'm going to find the guy that it fits.

Oh, Mo.

Mo, please listen to me.

I ain't listening to nobody.

Shut up!

You're getting all upset for nothing.

Well, maybe you're right.

Well, certainly you're being silly.

You know I wouldn't have another man in this apartment.

I pinched for masquerading as a woman, and I had to pay $50 fine.

How do you like that? Oh, I hate women.

I don't blame you, Shemp.

$50 fine.

Oh.

Hey, there's Charlie. Let's say hello.

All the dame wants is diamonds.

Two carats, four carats. Hiya, Charlie. Well, hi, fellas. Say, I want you to

meet a new member. This is, uh... Why, you rat.

Oh, yeah?

Easy already.

I'm sorry.

Oh,

you're going to fight, eh?

Get out of here.

I'll bring you.

Thank you.

What the hell?

Oh, Moe, Moe. Wait, I'll get you out of here.

Hold still.

Moe, can I do something? Can I get you a glass of water?

A truck hit me. Come on, let's get out of here.