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1
00:00:24,970 --> 00:00:25,970
I say you can.
2
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,650
And I say you can't. You can.
3
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:31,430
Now, look, you can't spend all the money
we made just to buy a new home. He's
4
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:32,089
right, sis.
5
00:00:32,090 --> 00:00:33,890
We gotta save some money for the income
tax.
6
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:35,910
Don't be chumps.
7
00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:39,330
Make out your returns in such a way that
you don't have to pay income tax.
8
00:00:39,710 --> 00:00:40,970
What did you guys think of that?
9
00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:42,390
Ouch.
10
00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:45,730
Oh, cut the malarkey. I've gotta go
shopping. Get busy.
11
00:00:46,410 --> 00:00:47,410
Hey, she's right.
12
00:00:47,770 --> 00:00:48,770
Tomorrow's a deadline.
13
00:00:49,410 --> 00:00:52,370
Oh, I put out some lunch for you. Hot
dogs and stuff. I'll see you later.
14
00:00:52,810 --> 00:00:53,810
Okay, goodbye.
15
00:00:55,060 --> 00:00:59,240
Say, after all, making out the income
tax is nothing. What do you mean,
16
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:02,460
When I get through, the income tax
collector will get nothing.
17
00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:07,700
Hey, you know what's funny? How people
love to jip on their income tax. That's
18
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,020
because it's such a cinch. They never
can catch smart guys like us.
19
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,840
We'll horn swaddle.
20
00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,400
All right, all right.
21
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,040
It ain't that funny, you laughing
hyenas.
22
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,820
Oh, I resent that.
23
00:01:24,270 --> 00:01:26,010
Oh, go to work. Force me.
24
00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:34,010
Hold
25
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:42,710
that.
26
00:01:44,650 --> 00:01:48,710
You nitwit, you ruined my trophy. Now
help me pick up the piece so I can
27
00:01:48,710 --> 00:01:50,310
it. Here's a nice big piece.
28
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:51,630
Let me have it. With pleasure.
29
00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:57,070
I'll murder you. Cut it out, Moe. Moe,
you cut it out now.
30
00:01:57,430 --> 00:01:58,910
Wait a minute.
31
00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,370
We got work to do.
32
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:04,350
Okay. Help me with this, will you? How
much can I deduct for charity?
33
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,170
Anything. Take $3 ,000.
34
00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:07,550
Oh, that's very good.
35
00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:09,550
Yeah, but you got to put down who got
the money.
36
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,210
I got it.
37
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:12,610
Oh, you'll never get away with that.
38
00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:13,830
Why not?
39
00:02:14,190 --> 00:02:15,290
Charity begins at home.
40
00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:16,850
You're a smart imbecile.
41
00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:18,710
Hey,
42
00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:20,728
what's that?
43
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:22,630
$2 ,500 for my operation.
44
00:02:23,180 --> 00:02:24,820
$2 ,500 for one operation?
45
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,160
No, for three. Here, I'll show you my
score.
46
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,660
There. Well, what do you know?
47
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:31,800
A zipper and hemstitch. Yeah.
48
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,039
Why the zipper?
49
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,640
That's in case I need another operation.
50
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:37,520
Very ingenious. Oh, thank God. It's
quite grainy.
51
00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:39,060
Ow!
52
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:41,760
Hey.
53
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,760
Cut it out. I got a good mind to live.
54
00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:48,500
Now go on, do your work. All right.
55
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:52,220
Hey, you. Wow, wow, wow. Go pour me a
cup of coffee. All right.
56
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:57,410
Always hitting, picking, doing that
everything. All right, well, he's one of
57
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:58,410
those wise guys.
58
00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:03,410
Hello?
59
00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:06,510
Oh, Joe!
60
00:03:07,010 --> 00:03:08,790
You got a hot one to send and eat in the
third?
61
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:10,710
Fine. Five across.
62
00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:12,830
That's five, five, and five.
63
00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:14,710
Fifteen cents altogether.
64
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:16,830
Thanks. Goodbye.
65
00:03:18,710 --> 00:03:19,710
Here's your coffee.
66
00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:20,649
Oh, thanks.
67
00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:21,650
Say, Shemp.
68
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,160
I need some more deductions. Got any
ideas?
69
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,840
Have you any bad debts?
70
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,840
Yeah, I owe Uncle Jake $1 ,500.
71
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,840
Then deduct it from your income tax.
72
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,640
How can I? I owe him.
73
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:31,940
Do you expect to pay it?
74
00:03:32,140 --> 00:03:33,620
No. Then it's a bad debt.
75
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,140
Smart thinking, boy. Smart.
76
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,340
Say, Shep, how much are you going to
deduct for dependents? $4 ,400.
77
00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:45,280
That's 11 dependents. Who are they? My
ex -wife and 10 bartenders.
78
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,900
Why don't you quit kidding? Who's
kidding?
79
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,269
Why, who?
80
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,770
I'm sorry, kid. I apologize.
81
00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:53,710
Well, I don't accept your apology and
don't do it again.
82
00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:56,370
All right, kid, I won't. But I will do
this.
83
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,510
Looks like a V8.
84
00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:02,670
Why don't you quit hitting me?
85
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,610
Remind me to kill you later. And no
backtalk.
86
00:04:05,990 --> 00:04:08,950
Well, I'll fix you right now. Hey,
Larry, wait, wait.
87
00:04:09,170 --> 00:04:11,030
Wait, put that down. I'll fix you.
88
00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:21,180
Look what you did to my hand. Who cares
about your hand?
89
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:25,100
All right, get it off. I can't. That
instant glue is stuck.
90
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,660
Remind me to kill you later.
91
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:35,400
Now go get me a sandwich. And no back
talk.
92
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:42,180
So you ought to be taking some off of my
car.
93
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:44,220
Seven cents.
94
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,820
Thirty -five cents a gallon of gas.
95
00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:57,110
Five, uh, four, uh... Hey, chef, how
much is 100 ,000 times 7 1⁄2 cents?
96
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:11,430
$39 .57.
97
00:05:12,430 --> 00:05:13,430
Thanks.
98
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,020
Oh, a drop of mustard.
99
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,400
That's always good on a hot dog.
100
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,940
Yes, a little drop of it, and I know
he'll like that.
101
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,600
Hurry up with that sandwich!
102
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,840
Maybe he'll want some mustard.
103
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,200
Hey, Moe, here's your sandwich.
104
00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:39,420
And here I am.
105
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,540
Hey, Shemp, give me a hand. Okay.
106
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:43,170
Oh, boy.
107
00:06:43,210 --> 00:06:45,830
In fact, there's two slices and I might
starve.
108
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,890
I'll beat your brains out.
109
00:07:01,010 --> 00:07:02,010
Ah.
110
00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:04,650
Well, a little more mustard ought to
straighten this out.
111
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:44,760
No, I've seen everything.
112
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:49,140
Hey, fellas, my hot dog ran away. Never
mind that. I got a great idea. Listen,
113
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:52,900
if we can save ourselves a fortune on
our own taxes, why can't we do it for
114
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,800
other people and make ourselves a pile
of money?
115
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:58,700
Certainly, we're natural -born tax
expats. Yeah, half of what we save our
116
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:01,340
clients by jipping the tax collectors,
we can keep.
117
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:05,580
Yeah, here's a toast to the new firm of
Moe, Larry, and Shemp, tax experts.
118
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,180
Yeah, a toast to easy money.
119
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:19,700
doing things to people.
120
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:26,820
Let's see how you like it. Don't do it.
I'm going to... Sives,
121
00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:28,780
you're right. Next time you won't fool
around like that.
122
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:38,080
Say, you gentlemen have done very well
with your income tax business.
123
00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,600
Beautiful home what you got here.
124
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,440
Thank you, Mr. Cash, but we did all
right for you, too.
125
00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:45,220
Yeah, that's right.
126
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,420
You know, you are wonderful at inventing
deductions.
127
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:49,599
And how.
128
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:55,180
We each made $100 ,000 last year. And no
taxes. No taxes. Well, that's good,
129
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,600
too. I didn't do badly myself.
130
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:00,680
I'll say.
131
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:02,540
Oh, permit me.
132
00:09:10,190 --> 00:09:12,450
Hey, who put this measly 50 amongst my
thousands?
133
00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:14,950
That's a dirty trick. That's a shame.
134
00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:16,190
Dinner is served, madam.
135
00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,269
Yes, presence.
136
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,270
Dig in, everybody.
137
00:09:18,670 --> 00:09:20,730
Ladies. Oh, charming.
138
00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:22,210
Gentlemen.
139
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:27,250
Sit right down. Right there, Mr. Cash.
Oh, sitting so charming. Right over
140
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:30,430
there, Mr. Cash. Oh, Larry, would you
cut the turkey, please?
141
00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:31,769
Gladly, sis.
142
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:32,770
Thank you.
143
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:36,070
Ah, now I will proceed to make my
wonderful dressing.
144
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:38,459
Pardon me.
145
00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,780
Do you mind, sir? No, no.
146
00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:50,060
Just a few seconds. I'll be ready to
147
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:51,060
serve.
148
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,760
Ah, cayenne pepper. That's the stuff.
149
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,820
And next we have the crumpets.
150
00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:27,170
I feel a draft in here. Would you like
me to close the windows?
151
00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:29,950
Perhaps you'd better close your own.
152
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,370
I'll fix it. Don't worry about it.
153
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:36,710
I'll fix it.
154
00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:42,430
This is a beautiful bird.
155
00:10:42,650 --> 00:10:44,310
I'll be ready to serve in a few seconds.
156
00:10:44,650 --> 00:10:46,970
I've got to get this bone out so I can
get the...
157
00:10:56,940 --> 00:11:01,620
Hey, Larry, that's quite a carving job
you're doing on the turkey.
158
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,120
Oh, this turkey looks wonderful.
159
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,420
Taste a piece. It's delicious, too.
160
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:11,660
Thank you very much.
161
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,120
Mmm, you are so right.
162
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,660
I would... Try one of these with the
turkey.
163
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,300
You're very nice. Thank you.
164
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,320
have some salt? No, thank you.
165
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:39,540
Oh, pardon me.
166
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,100
He made a boo -boo. Yes, I don't think
we'll be able to eat the salad today.
167
00:11:45,420 --> 00:11:48,320
Oh, that's all right. I don't like mini
-minis anyway.
168
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:52,280
Yes, I'm sorry about this. That's all
right. Don't worry about a thing.
169
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:58,040
You know, you boys really give a fellow
wonderful service. Not only you are very
170
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,660
good at evading, shall we say, income
taxes, but you are wonderful.
171
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:04,209
Oh, we're terrific.
172
00:12:04,210 --> 00:12:06,770
Yes, here, have some turkey. Yes,
please. Could I have some salt?
173
00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:08,150
And some mustache?
174
00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:10,410
We don't have any mustache. Eight number
six.
175
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:12,310
Eight number six? Yeah, seven sideways.
176
00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:16,690
Anything, yeah. Oh, I love everything,
Mo. Yeah, you got condimenties? Yeah,
177
00:12:16,810 --> 00:12:17,509
yeah.
178
00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:20,250
I hope you like my lobster gumbo soup.
179
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,590
I'll try anything once.
180
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,830
Here, Francis, take this. I'm
superstitious.
181
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:27,770
No soup, thank you very much.
182
00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,610
You know, this gumbo was sure tough.
183
00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:33,050
I would have...
184
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:43,630
You have to dump it. That's the way you
have to help.
185
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,410
This gumbo's alive.
186
00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:49,030
Or is it?
187
00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:50,050
I'll find out.
188
00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,350
By God, he is alive.
189
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:54,990
I'll pick that.
190
00:13:11,530 --> 00:13:12,530
I guarantee you that.
191
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:33,170
Give me back my pie.
192
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:35,450
I'll fix you.
193
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:44,820
Come on, I'll take it.
194
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:48,300
Oh, I'm sorry, my hearing. I need my
hair.
195
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,240
You are a very loose eater.
196
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:57,300
Oh, boy, potatoes.
197
00:13:57,660 --> 00:13:58,660
Oh,
198
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,400
that's a one, a two, three.
199
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:09,500
Oh, and gravy. I loves gravy. Oh, boy.
200
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,500
Oh, I loves gravy.
201
00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:14,330
Thank you very much.
202
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,350
I'd like that... Oh, I'll get it.
203
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:20,430
How do you like that?
204
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:24,970
Now, look here.
205
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:26,950
What is wrong with you idiots?
206
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:30,870
My beard.
207
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:31,869
My beard!
208
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:35,630
What have you done with my beautiful
beard, you idiot, you? I'm sorry, my
209
00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:36,850
herring. I mean my hair.
210
00:14:38,030 --> 00:14:41,330
Look what you've done. You've ruined a
perfectly good $50 beard.
211
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:42,890
Oh. a phony beard.
212
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:44,470
Hey, what's the idea?
213
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,530
I'm an officer of the income tax
department.
214
00:14:47,150 --> 00:14:48,150
Okay, boys.
215
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:54,050
We've been foxed. Maybe you can bribe
him. You men have ignored 20 summons
216
00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:54,769
the department.
217
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:58,090
We therefore place you under arrest on
suspicion of falsifying income tax
218
00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,830
returns and defrauding the government.
219
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,090
Oh, a double -crossing rat.
220
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,610
Hey.
221
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,280
goddess. Here!
222
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,160
Come on!
223
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:34,460
Hey,
224
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,580
I know the back door is locked.
225
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,480
All right, boys, let's get him!
226
00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:42,740
Now listen, you!
227
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,480
You're not... Why, I'll spaghetti you!
228
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,160
No!
229
00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:55,320
Oh, a double -crossing rat!
230
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,240
I'll get him.
231
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,630
So you want to get tough, honey?
16801
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