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Detective Bureau, Sergeant Moe speaking.
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Yes, Collins.
3
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You say you don't know what to do about
a woman being annoyed by a man with a
4
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:49,460
wooden leg by the name of Smith.
5
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,960
Well, find out the name of his other
leg.
6
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,760
I have to do everything around here.
7
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You know, my sister was engaged to a guy
with a wooden leg.
8
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Yeah, what happened? She broke it off.
9
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The engagement?
10
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Yeah, the leg.
11
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Oh.
12
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:05,680
Charming sister.
13
00:01:07,460 --> 00:01:08,460
Hiya, fellas.
14
00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:10,030
Hi, champ. What do you got there? A dip.
15
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How dare you look like somebody I hate?
16
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Go on. Sit right down.
17
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What's her name?
18
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Chick. First name?
19
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Slick. Oh, Slick Chick.
20
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Born? I think so.
21
00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:29,390
Where were you born?
22
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In bed.
23
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I wanted to be near my mother.
24
00:01:32,810 --> 00:01:35,990
Listen, putz, you're accused of picking
pockets. Now, don't get excited,
25
00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:37,890
handsome. Oh, gee, thanks.
26
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You are handsome, you know.
27
00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:42,070
Oh, you just said that.
28
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:44,290
No, I didn't. Well, somebody just said
it.
29
00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:47,950
You know, it's ridiculous you're
accusing me of picking pockets.
30
00:01:48,530 --> 00:01:49,930
Look into my eyes.
31
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You know, baby, you've got the most
beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my
32
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You know, I wouldn't take anything from
anybody.
33
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,590
Please tell me that you believe me
innocent.
34
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Please say that you do.
35
00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:05,060
I believe you, baby. I believe you. Oh,
thanks.
36
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:06,800
Got a match?
37
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,340
Certainly. Here.
38
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,300
Oh! I'm out! I'm out!
39
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:27,920
It's all right. He's... One of those
wise dames, eh? Thought you'd get away
40
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,800
it. Come on, get it up. Get it up! Give
me back my match.
41
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:53,840
Hey, you guys, get me the files on the
Ambrose Rose murder case.
42
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,240
Okay, Chief.
43
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Hey, you, get that file. Get it
yourself.
44
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Go on.
45
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,080
Oh, step aside, nitwit.
46
00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:14,180
I'll show you how to do this.
47
00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:20,450
I'll find time to play hopscotch.
48
00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,870
I have to do everything around here.
49
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:25,990
Now pay attention, you two pickle
brains, and learn something.
50
00:03:29,550 --> 00:03:31,870
See? You have to use your brains.
51
00:03:34,370 --> 00:03:39,530
What happened? You used your brains.
52
00:03:40,730 --> 00:03:45,890
What happens with me?
53
00:03:46,390 --> 00:03:48,730
Never mind the files, boy.
54
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I didn't know it, but I had him all the
time.
55
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,900
Oh, he had the file all the time. How do
you like that guy?
56
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:58,260
How do you like him? I don't like it.
And besides, I don't like this. But it's
57
00:03:58,260 --> 00:03:59,260
matter of principle with me.
58
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:02,240
I'm going to shut that drawer if it's
the last thing I do.
59
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,060
That's the last thing I'll do.
60
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,010
killer still at large.
61
00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:41,210
I'll reshuffle the detective bureau,
threatens police commissioner Ronald
62
00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:45,870
Shrinker. For you guys' sake, I am going
to take the rap for this. You're crazy.
63
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:50,370
Now, I'll give you just 24 hours to
catch the killer and get a confession,
64
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I'll throw all three of you out of here.
65
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:53,810
Take it easy, boss. We'll find him.
66
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:06,680
Listen, we got to do something.
67
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:08,040
Think. Think.
68
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,260
Use your head.
69
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:13,960
Pick it up. Think hard.
70
00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:20,160
I got it. What? A terrific headache.
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00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:24,480
Do you like sugar in your coffee? I
don't drink coffee. Well, here's a lump
72
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,480
your cocoa. Oh!
73
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,520
Wait a minute, Moe. I want to think.
74
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I can't think. Will you loosen my scalp?
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Okay, I'll knock it up front.
76
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:50,510
You knocked it up entirely, but I'll get
it.
77
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:53,490
Moe, I'm going to think.
78
00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:55,370
Quiet, everybody. Genius at work.
79
00:05:57,270 --> 00:05:58,270
Think louder, kid.
80
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:01,190
Come on.
81
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:03,470
All right, now, kid, think it up.
82
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:04,990
Think it up.
83
00:06:05,510 --> 00:06:09,110
I beg your pardon. Could I see you for a
moment, please?
84
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,960
Can't you see we're busy? You're back
here again. I told you a thousand times
85
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,960
stay out of here. Now get out and stay
out.
86
00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:17,180
Come on.
87
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,780
Hey, fellas, I got Chopper.
88
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,960
Get him over here. Sit down.
89
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,820
Now listen, Chopper, we're not going to
waste any time on you. The body of your
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00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,700
friend Slug McGrake was found wrapped up
in newspapers.
91
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:32,560
Now I know you can't believe everything
you see in the newspapers, but the fact
92
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,560
remains he's dead.
93
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:35,040
Are you guilty or not guilty?
94
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:39,360
I am the culprit who perpetrated this
heinous incident. Stop evading the
95
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,610
question. Larry, beat him with a hose.
96
00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:43,010
Oh, no, not that.
97
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:45,310
Oh, please, please, not that. No.
98
00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:46,829
That's enough.
99
00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:49,470
I don't want you to bruise him. Are you
guilty or not guilty?
100
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,910
Indubitably. Oh, so you still won't
talk, eh?
101
00:06:53,950 --> 00:06:55,830
But, gentlemen, I reiterate.
102
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Not in here you won't.
103
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:01,390
Nevertheless, I reiterate indubitably.
104
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:02,670
There.
105
00:07:02,810 --> 00:07:04,910
Larry, take him away. He refuses to
sing.
106
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:06,150
Come on.
107
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,040
That's what you forgot.
108
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:30,140
Trying to get away, eh?
109
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You're a wise guy, eh?
110
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We gotta do something!
111
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Detective Bureau!
112
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Yes, this is Sergeant Moe.
113
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Oh, hello, dear.
114
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Why, of course, dear.
115
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Oh, sure, you've got nothing to worry
about.
116
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Goodbye, sweetheart.
117
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That was the mayor.
118
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:58,470
Oh, she's a wonderful woman. And not bad
to look at.
119
00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:03,010
Take it easy.
120
00:08:03,270 --> 00:08:04,270
Take it easy.
121
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:09,530
You're all dry now.
122
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:13,130
Hey, wait a minute. We forgot the main
witness. He's down in one of the cells.
123
00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:16,830
How long has he been there? About four
weeks. Go on down and bring him up if
124
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,050
he's still alive. Go ahead.
125
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Bureau. Sergeant Moe speaking.
126
00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:27,250
Oh, wait a minute, Clancy.
127
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Go ahead.
128
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,590
You say there's a dead horse on
Ticonderoga Street?
129
00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:36,549
How do you spell Ticonderoga?
130
00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:38,169
Oh, you don't know either.
131
00:08:38,409 --> 00:08:39,890
Well, drag him over to First Street.
132
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:41,750
I have to think about it.
133
00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,750
Go ahead. Get going there.
134
00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:47,270
Sit down.
135
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,610
What is this?
136
00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:50,270
He's the Italian organ grinder.
137
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:53,150
Antonio Zucchini Salami Gorgonzola the
Pizza.
138
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,240
Sounds like a bad meal.
139
00:08:55,820 --> 00:08:59,720
All right, Tony, where were you on the
night of October the 13th? Now, speak
140
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:00,840
Paisan.
141
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:06,740
I say, old chappies, it was a beastly
night, if I remember correctly, and I
142
00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:11,560
at the home of Mrs. Ben Derrick, the oil
ladies. I'd stopped there for a spot of
143
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,160
tea and a crumpet.
144
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,520
Mm -hmm.
145
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,440
Well, what were you doing at the time of
the murder?
146
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,880
Well, we had a glass of... Murder?
147
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,900
Good gracious, let me out of here.
148
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,820
I detest blood.
149
00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:29,610
That settles it. Slowly but surely we'll
tighten a noose around Chopper's neck.
150
00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:30,790
That's evidence.
151
00:09:30,930 --> 00:09:32,010
Yeah, did you put it down?
152
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:33,510
No, I couldn't find a pencil.
153
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:34,449
Come on.
154
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:35,109
Did you?
155
00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:36,730
No. Did you?
156
00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:37,950
No.
157
00:09:41,590 --> 00:09:43,050
Go on, fill out that report.
158
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:46,030
Come on, you. Get going.
159
00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:49,090
Always picking on people.
160
00:10:07,749 --> 00:10:10,210
Antonio, zucchini, salami.
161
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:13,250
Hello?
162
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:17,610
Oh, yeah, Joe, look. Release that guy
that stole those 11 bottles of whiskey.
163
00:10:17,890 --> 00:10:22,170
I know he's guilty, but the DA says we
can't make a case out of 11 bottles.
164
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,670
On a tee at the... Where'd they put that
at?
165
00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:30,970
Oh, here it is.
166
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,720
on that thing.
167
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:43,060
Boy. Hey, chap, come here. Hurry.
168
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,260
Ah, you're always caught.
169
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:46,580
Oh,
170
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:58,680
you
171
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,020
did it, you little rascal.
172
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,000
I'll fix you. I'll crush your skull.
173
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,340
I'll mangle you.
174
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,640
Boy, is this not tight.
175
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,280
There, it's loose.
176
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,420
That cockeyed monkey, I'll flatten him.
Believe me.
177
00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:21,080
I'm losing my mind.
178
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:28,760
I must have iron in my blood.
179
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,040
Monkey with me, will you? I'll fix you.
180
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:01,560
I meant to hit the other monkey.
181
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:04,780
That's all right, kid. I know you... Oh,
you're not sore then?
182
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,060
No. Well, that's fine.
183
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,580
That was a mighty swipe, wasn't it?
184
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,080
I fooled you, didn't I? Yeah. Oh!
185
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:14,120
Oh! Let go.
186
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,720
Oh. Don't spin me, Moe. Don't spin me.
187
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,900
Oh. Hey, Sarge. Chapel wants to confess.
188
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:21,400
Come on. Sit him down here.
189
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,040
Write down my confession, please. Start
talking.
190
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,500
I... Wait a minute.
191
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:28,960
Take it down in shorthand.
192
00:12:32,170 --> 00:12:37,850
brave Q Tiddlywatter herewith confess
that I did willfully kill one Slug
193
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:39,190
Just a moment.
194
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:43,050
I killed Slug McGurk and nobody's going
to take away the glory from me. I'm a
195
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:45,330
thrill killer and I'm going to get the
rest of you guys.
196
00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:32,150
What's going on here?
197
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:44,790
Oh, this is dangerous.
198
00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:09,369
So you're the killer, eh?
199
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,390
Well, I'm gonna let you have it.
200
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,559
Get here.
201
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,700
Okay, here.
202
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,320
Here, take a swig of this. A little swig
now.
203
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,700
All right, put the cuffs on him, Larry.
204
00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,960
Get a move on so we don't get away.
205
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,740
I'm handcuffing him. Come on, Larry.
206
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:04,340
I'm hurrying. Relax.
207
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:09,820
There we are.
208
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,540
He serves him right. I wanted to get
into the movies, and he spoiled my
209
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:14,540
publicity stunt.
210
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,600
Poor champ, he's dead.
211
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,260
Not dead, dead drunk.
212
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,459
Come on, kid.
213
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:32,560
Get up now. Take it easy.
214
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,140
He shot me.
215
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,120
Larry, quick, get a doctor.
216
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:37,340
Get an ambulance.
217
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:38,480
No, get a plumber.
15697
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