Original subtitles

Hi, Shorty. Did you miss me?

Come on.

See,

I'm tired.

And I'm hungry, too.

These look so good.

Doggies don't get cookies, either.

Surprise!

You again.

In person, Millie, my little dilly. And I brought you some flowers.

Thank you.

Don't mind if I do.

Hey, Millie, how about having dinner with me tonight?

I have a date with Shemp. You know we're engaged.

You're a sucker, Millie. You know he's not true to you. He's a playboy.

I don't believe you.

Nevertheless, it's a fact.

You're too good for that, chiseler.

Serves you right for lying about my sham.

Yeah, someday you'll catch that two -timer red -handed and you'll know I

lying. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Flowers for the fair.

Oh, wherever did you get the money to buy such a beautiful bouquet?

Oh, thinking nothing of it. It was practically, uh, steel.

Uh, Champ Larry was just here again.

Oh, if he don't stop annoying you, I'll punch him in the nose. I'll black his

eye. I'll give him a... Oh!

Was that my guns?

Sam, be a darling and put these over on the table while I change my clothes.

Certainly, my sweetheart.

Okay, Shorty, I'll throw the ball for you.

Oh, I got you all wet, didn't I? Well, I'll fix you up. Come up here, Shorty

boy. Oh, don't you worry. We'll get you dry.

Oh, yes.

Stay right there now, Shorty boy.

Stay there, will you? Now, oh, this way.

That a good boy. Now, shorty, I'll have you dry in a minute.

I'll have you dry in a minute, boy.

That's the boy. Just, oh, hold it there, boy. I'll have you gone in a minute.

Oh, you're still wet, ain't you?

Well, I'll fix you up. Come over here, boy.

Good morning, Miss Lapdale.

Good morning, Mr. Lowry.

Take a letter, Miss Lapdale.

Yes, Mr. Lowry.

I'm ready.

To my Siamese representative, Mr. Rami.

Dear me, I...

Trying to steal my wife away from me, eh?

I'll tear you apart, you philandering porcupine. You keep away from my wife or

I'll tear this cucumber off and shove it down your throat.

Wait a minute. I never saw your wife. Oh, yeah?

I found this in my wife's purse.

Oh, that. That's my Christmas ad. I give it to all my customers.

I never saw your wife.

I'm engaged to three beautiful girls. Ask my secretary.

Oh, well, I... I just... Oh, take it easy, will you, pal? Here, sit down,

yourself. Thanks very much.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Wait a minute, take it easy. How about a cigar?

I don't smoke.

Well, get something to calm yourself.

You want a drink?

I don't drink.

But I'll have a little birdseed if you don't mind.

It always calms my nerves.

Say, I used to be a private detective, and as a favor to you, I'll try to find

this chiseler who's trying to steal your bell.

Bell?

How did you know her name was Bell?

Wait, you know, all women are bells, like Belle of the Ball.

Oh, I'm sorry, pal.

I'm too impetuous and jealous, I guess.

That's all right.

I'll try to find this chiseler, and when I find him, I'll let you know. And when

you get your hands on him, give him this, and that, and this.

And this! And this!

And this! And here!

Oh, thanks.

You're certainly a pal.

That's all right.

And when you find him, give him this.

When a narrow escape,

he suspects Bell and I.

I've got to find myself a foreguy before he gets wise.

My foreguy.

I want you to stay away from Millie, you fuzzy -top Casanova. She's my girl.

Remember that.

Ow!

Ow!

Why, don't get excited, champ.

I'm only playing up to Millie to get her dad's business.

And furthermore, I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to get you a job.

Oh, thanks.

Here, take this card to the perfect underwear company. They need a salesman.

Oh, this will make my Christmas dandy.

Oh, that's all right. Anything for a pal.

Oh, I forgot to feed Cedric.

What do you got in there?

Why, that's Cedric, the only trained lamb in the world. Watch this.

A clam? Yeah.

Cedric, how many days in a week?

Marvelous. You ain't seen nothing yet. Come here.

Cedric, what do we do if we don't like somebody?

Let me try that.

Go ahead.

Now, Cedric, what do we do when we don't like somebody?

Listen to you. I'll get you in a chowder one day and look out. Believe me.

Here's that last bulb.

Now get this in, then I'll be finished.

Oh, be careful, Moe, dear. You might fall.

I hope.

Why, Belle, baby.

The only one I'd ever fall for is you.

finish the tree. I got an appointment and I'm late.

Kiss me goodbye, darling.

Larry Fine sent me in regard to some undergarments. Oh, yes, he phoned me.

you come in? Oh, thank you, thank you.

You have a lovely plate here.

Thank you.

Now, here's the latest creation from Gay Paris.

Why, they're rather cute. Would you mind modeling them for me? Anything to make

a dishonest dollar. All right, you may go in there.

Oh, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Oh,

excuse me.

But, Billy, it's true. You go to that address like I told you, and you'll find

out what a two -time chef really is.

Is he there now?

Sure, he's there with her right now.

Atta girl.

Goodbye.

Oh, now to call Belle's husband.

But a lone prefix.

Hello, Moe.

Well, I found him.

Well, here it is.

Oh, pardon.

Well, where is he? Where's that faceless ship? Who?

Don't act so innocent. You're not fooling me.

Well, just a moment.

I'm going to look for myself.

No use lying to me. Larry told me he was here with you.

That double -crossing skunk.

Do you know Larry?

Yes. And I suppose I'm going to have to marry him after all. Over my dead body.

Mine too.

the kitchen and

That's what you get for tripping me.

I tell you, I don't know what you're talking about. He must have come back in

here. I'll fill him full of holes. Give me that gun. You shoot some. Turn me

loose, I tell you.

Gotcha, boyfriend.

I shot him right in the...