Original subtitles

What's the idea of pushing my face in the paint?

I didn't do it. You did.

I didn't. You did.

I didn't do it, so there.

Now, get to work.

Moe, you see, Moe, I didn't... Gee, I'm sorry, Moe. It was just an accident.

Oh, think nothing of it, son. Anyone can have an accident. Why, only last week I

was holding a paintbrush and suddenly you got a twitch in my right arm like

this.

Oh, gee, sorry, kid.

It was that old twitch again.

Oh, quite a twitch, quite a twitch.

You know, I got a niche to twitch too.

Get up, you.

I'm going to murder you.

Wipe that face and get busy. I'll get busy when I'm ready.

Are you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. Well, go on.

There they are.

Let's go and have some fun with them.

I thought you boys had parts in this show. How come you're not in your

We only do a small bit in the southern act in the last scene.

Dokes wouldn't give us a break.

Oh, that's too bad.

I'll bet you'd be great actors if only you had a chance.

Thou art face to face with a great thespian lover.

Your eyes are like two limpid pools of fire that burn into my soul.

Ah, fair one.

Come with me to the Cosmodore.

This was terrific.

You almost had me swooning.

Step aside.

You call that good?

Get a load of me spouting Shakespeare.

A rose by any other name would smell... And so do you.

I'll have your head for this. Your blood shall fill the streets.

Draw thy sword, Dave, and prepare to defend thyself.

Never lived a Capulet who could insult a Montague.

I'm gone.

Way on, Robert.

BK, I'm terribly sorry, but the brush.

Shut up!

But I need you. Now, listen.

Nick Barker, the dramatic critic, has been panning my shows for years. Now, I

don't want him to pan this one. So if you see him sneaking in backstage, throw

him out and watch for his assistant, too. But, B .K., if we throw Barker out,

he'll pan our performance in tomorrow's paper.

Okay, okay, so disguise yourselves.

Then he won't know who tossed him out. You can depend on us, B .K. By the way,

Nick Barker has been known to disguise himself, too. So if you see any

suspicious characters, give them the works.

Yes, sir.

Listen, boys, we've got to get disguised.

There.

Well.

Listen,

Mr. Barter, don't sneak in.

Or Poncher's going to shoot you, I think.

I'm a bad man.

I... Don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

My disguises are good. I didn't recognize myself.

My gun.

Ouch!

They'll recognize me in this.

Now keep your eyes open. Okay.

Dangaroos Kippewa.

I wonder what that is.

What happened? Somebody in that room punched me in the nose.

That must be Nick Barker. He's disguised as a black banana.

We'll get him.

Hey, time to take a nap.

Remind me to kill you later. I'll make it out of it.

Why didn't you tell us it was you? We thought you were Nick Barker.

I thought you were Nick Barker and his assistant.

Quiet.

That must be Nick Barker. He's trying to sneak in. Come on, get him.

I'll clear him.

How is he now? How is he now?

We need children first.

Sorry, boss. We didn't see you. That's the trouble with you morons.

You didn't see Nick Barker when he sneaked in either. Sitting in the front

watching the show.

Oh, there must be some mistake.

Yes, and you made it.

Get the props ready for the third act. And don't forget the salad and the cake.

If I had someone to replace you in that southern act, I'd fire you.

Oh, but B .K.

Maybe he'll change his mind if we're good in the show.

You get the cake. You get the salad.

Mo, I got news for you. You forgot to buy the cake. And the salad.

You imbeciles. Why did you let me forget?

Hey,

it's late. All the stores are closed.

We'll have to whip up a cake and salad ourselves.

Schnaz!

Come on.

that flower.

I'm hurrying.

Well, dump it.

Take it easy, Mo. Take it easy. I'll fix you up in a second.

Come over here. I'll fix me up. I'll fix you up now.

Don't worry about a thing.

They are as good as new.

Pal, I don't know what I'd have done without you.

But I do know what I'm going to do with you.

See that?

Yeah, I'll murder you.

I sure fooled him tonight.

Oh, let's cut it out.

Get the rest of those layers so I can build the cape.

That pothole was no good.

Hurry up and get that frosting.

We got another cape to build. And besides, we got to get dressed for that

act.

Okay, okay.

Janie Bell, Janie Bell, just plain

Janie Bell.

But we're all in love with Janie

Bell.

And here comes Miss Janie Bell now.

Gentlemen.

Miss Janie Bell, will you all laugh?

Gentlemen, I can't marry all of you, but I haven't. I just baked this lovely

little old cake with my own little hands. And the one who eats the most

quickest, I'll marry.

I got

to win this contest.

Oh, you're losing right now, man. I'm going to eat that cake right up.

Hey, there's something wrong with this cake.

Shut up. You want to crap the show?

You've got to eat it. It's part of the plot.

Punch?

Miss Janey Bell, what do you all call this delicious cake?

Oh, I call it Old Point Comfort.

Excuse me, boys.

Old Point Comfort tastes more like an old comforter. I get the point.

Thank you.

Is it good?

Delicious, you all.

You know, this cake is as light as a feather.

They're molting.

It's a sensation, BK.

This is the greatest satire I've ever seen. And these boys are hilarious.

I was just telling them the same thing.

Yes, sir, I'm starring my boys in the next production.

A break at last.

Now I can act. To be or not to be.

That is the question.

Here's the answer.