Original subtitles

Come on, you guys, step on it. We gotta get rid of this jalopy today.

My goodness, how'd your face get

so dirty?

Like this.

Now cut out the nonsense. Help me with the wheel.

Say, Mo.

I think this tire needs a recap.

So does your head.

Hold the wheel steady.

You missed me.

Morning, sir. Something in a nice, clean, used chariot? Well, I did...

Step right this way.

Something in a used chariot for this gentleman. Yes, sir. How do you do, sir?

I'm Honest Mole.

That's Honest Champ. And that's... That's Larry.

Now, this buggy is in wonderful condition.

Yes, it's our radio special for today.

Belonged to an old couple in Babylon. All they did was drive it up to the

of Isis once a week.

That's the original paint job.

Original paint.

Uh, did you notice the black sidewall tires?

Me action, too. Never knew it had it.

You can't buy a chariot for half the money over in Madman Ramesses.

Wonderful condition. The best buy on the lot, only 400 shekels. What do you say?

Well, it seems to me you're asking an awful lot of money.

Howdy. Howdy, boys. Howdy.

Oh, nice -looking chariot, sonny. What do you want for it?

I'm afraid you're a little late.

We promised to sell it to this sucker, this gentleman here, for 400 shekels.

Give you five, six, seven.

You can have it. Wait a minute.

Yes, I had one anyway.

You saw it first. We'll stick to our original bargain, 400 shekels.

Well, thank you. Here's your receipt.

There's your chariot. Come on, help him out with it.

Up she goes.

There we go.

There we go.

being reclaimed for it, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Don't get tired of that quick enough.

There we are.

125 shekels apiece.

Hey, that's 150 for you. You said it's going to be an even split.

Yeah.

Right down the skull.

He never knows when I'm kidding.

So,

you dare swindle the chief of the palace guard?

It's the cops.

Wait a minute, I know.

The king shall hear of this.

I'm going to get myself a chief lawyer. To the palace with him.

How dare you bring me this miserable report when I suffer like a dog with a

toothache. But, Your Highness.

Silence! Collection of taxes 40 % off. How do you explain that?

Well, Your Highness, there was a crop failure, a flood on the Nile, and there

were other... Enough!

Floods or no floods, you're supposed to collect my taxes.

This is disgraceful.

Away!

To the mighty Rootin' Tootin'. Hail to the ruler of the sun and the moon.

Well,

who are these sand fleas?

Your Highness, they swindled me.

I demand their lives.

I paid them 400 shekels for a chariot and it fell apart the moment I left

establishment.

You got me covered.

I have no time for trifles. Throw them to the crocodiles.

Andratomys. Find somebody who'll cure this cursed toothache.

This is our chance.

If we can pull his tooth, he may not toss us to the crocodiles. Yeah, but how

are we going to do it? You've got the tools.

Well, we've got to lose my head. Like he was saying, what have we got to lose?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh.

Your Highness, this lad will fix you up. He's known as Painless Papyrus. See? He

has his delicate instruments with him.

Surely Your Highness will not permit these charlatans... I'll try anything.

my tooth is killing me.

Come forward, knaves.

But I warn you, if you fail, you'll die 10 ,000 deaths.

He never fails.

Ready, Doc?

Right, all right.

Where did everybody go?

All right, folks, give me a little elbow room.

Take a powder, kid.

What does it hurt, King?

I think it's this one.

Oh, a rear -by -customer door.

We'll have it out in a minute. Do your stuff, Doc.

Take it easy.

Look, a dog can't wait while you've got your mouth closed. You've got to open it

like this.

Well,

what do you know? A vacancy.

I'm sorry.

I'll put it back.

Get away.

Here.

Come on.

Now there. That didn't hurt, did it, Your Majesty?

Well, then open your mouth.

Come on, fellas. Now's our chance.

Hurry up.

King size.

The pain is gone.

They've cured me.

Unhand them. They're free.

These men deserve a reward.

Invest them as royal chamberlains. Do as I say.

Did he say royal chambermaids?

No, chamberlains. He wants us to stick around and look after things.

Yeah, suppose he has a toothache again. We'll cross that bridge when we come to

it.

Not bad.

Not good.

Did you see him hit a royal chambermaid?

Some

grape.

Boy, this is sure better than the used chariot racket.

Yeah, if I could only get used to these fine fetters.

Oh, thank you.

Boy, have this peeled and brought back as soon as possible.

Oops, be careful. That's me under that nail.

Say, it must be time for the king's afternoon nip.

Where's the wine cellar, honey?

Third dungeon corridor, first door to your right. Thanks.

Some perfume, sister.

What brand do you use? Spink. I know, but what brand do you use?

Come and mow.

Come and...

So you see, Radames, I did collect the tax money.

I simply forgot to turn this pot in.

Very clever.

And using the tomb of old King Put -In -Take, it was sheer genius.

It was rather neat, even if I say so myself.

And, uh, look.

Hey, the dame said it's the first door on the right. Right.

I said the dame said it's the first door on the right. Right!

This guy don't know his right from his left.

When I say go, we all point to the right. Go!

Oh, ambidextrous, eh?

Perhaps you should know, Tudamon. The king suspects you of

withholding taxes.

In fact, he has ordered me to watch you.

I know.

That's why I'm giving you a share of the loot.

How do you keep it?

Get

those

men dead or alive! It's every room in the palace.

Who?

Hail, wise oracle. Which way did those knaves go?

They went that -a -way, and that ain't no bull.

Hmm.

That's funny.

Nothing in there.

Good old Put -N -Take -It. He sure was an ugly old cuss.

I didn't know it was you.

A natural enough mistake, my lad.

You know it now.

Oh, come on. Let's get out of here.

We can't allow those rascals to get to the king. They won't.

Check the main corridor.

I'll wait here.

She'll pay for this.

All right, King King, don't shoot. Don't shoot. Come on, here we are. Here we

are. To rescue.

What is the meaning of this? Wait a minute, King. We have a surprise for

Here is your tax money.

And they're the fellows that held it out on you.

Splendid, splendid.

Again, I'm indebted to you. One of you shall have my daughter's hand in

marriage. Oh, I'm the one here, right? Hey, wait a minute. Hold it. I'm the

first chambermaid, ain't I? I'll settle this. Pardon me.

Just a minute.

Call in the princess.

Ain't this the princess?

Oh, no. She's only a slave.

If she's a slave... This

is

my daughter.

Let the lucky man take one pace forward.

Congratulations, my son.

What's the matter with him?

Moe!

Larry! Do something!

Do something!

Do something!

Moe! Moe!