Original subtitles

Tell me, how is he, Claude? I gave him one of these sleeping pills about ten

minutes ago. That's the best thing in the world for him, rest and sleep. But

don't you think we ought to call a doctor?

Why throw money away?

I can take care of Shemp better than any doctor. Sure we can. Just follow the

directions till I get back. I'm going to get my doctor book. We'll have Shemp as

good as new.

Sure.

Take one pill, wait 15 minutes, then take a second pill. Hey, it's time for

second pill, 15 minutes. Right, let's go.

Now, don't worry about everything.

Everything will be all right.

Now, don't worry.

Oh, he's sleeping like a baby. It's a shame to disturb him. Yeah, but he's got

to take his second pill so he can sleep.

Maybe you've got something there.

Okay, kid, we... Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Get up, you've

got to take a pill.

What, again?

Yeah, again.

Here.

Come on.

Down the hatch.

Well, let me get back and... Oh, not so fast. You've got to follow instructions.

Now that you've taken the pill, you've got to skip an hour.

Get him the rope.

Here, take that.

Now skip.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on.

Here, one in each hand.

Start skipping.

That's that.

No, no. We'll let you know when the hour's up. Continue.

Well, that's that.

Shit!

Cut it out, fella. You're waking me up.

Where are the boys?

Why, they've been in with Shemp for over an hour. They have?

Hey!

What's the big idea?

He's following the instructions on the bottle. Yeah, it says take two pills and

skip an hour. You dopes. That means to wait an hour before you give him his

pill. Now he tells us. I've got my doctor book right here. I'll have his

diagnosed and nothing flat.

You sit right down there.

Uh -huh.

What is it, Doc?

Nothing.

He's got a rash.

It tells you right here.

A rash may be caused by excessive use of the gray matter of the brain.

Oh, it must be something else. Sure, it can't be that.

It also says a rash may be caused by a bad tooth.

You got something there. Let's have a look.

Well,

none of them came out yet.

Here, open wide.

Get me a piece of strong string.

What are you going to do, Doc? I'm going to pull that bad, too.

Is it going to height? No, I don't think so.

Here's the string.

Tie a nice sailor's knot.

Cut it around?

Yeah. Fine.

Follow me.

Sit down.

All set?

We'll have that thing out before you can say Ticonderoga.

If you can say Ticonderoga. All right, back up just a little bit.

Okay, sonny boy?

All right.

Ellie! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh, what a tooth.

No wonder it was killing me.

You nitwit. That's the doorknob.

Oh, yeah?

Come on.

Why,

you imbecile.

All we're trying to do is give you a hand here so you can get out of here.

He shot me. Get a doctor. Do something.

Oh, quiet, Picklepuss. All he did was pull your tooth. Is that all?

Thanks. I feel like a million bucks.

Easy. You'll soon be a well man, especially if you go away for a couple

weeks. Yeah.

We can go... Wait a minute. We haven't got a car.

Oh, you lucky people.

I've got a car. It isn't exactly brand new, but it's in perfect condition.

How much? I'll let you steal it from me for 900 bucks.

We'll take it. Fine.

I'll have it here in the morning. And to show you I'm the right guy, I'll let

you have my camping outfit.

I'll bring it over tonight.

That's what you call a real pal.

Yeah, we can camp near a lake and catch all the fish we can eat. You know fish

is great brain food.

You know you should fish for a whale.

Out of here.

Hey, Larry, Shemp passed out. Get some water. No champagne.

Oh, my God.

Look, must have left a root in there.

Hey, Mo.

What? Don't you think we ought to practice putting this tent up before we

I think you got something there, Porcupine. Let's ask Claude how to do

Nonsense. I know all about tents. Let's go.

Okay.

Right out, flat boy. Okay.

Go right side. That goes over. I used to be a boy scout.

Yeah. Okay.

Now, now, now.

Oh, wise guy.

Remind me to murder you later.

I'll make a note of it.

Get it up, boy.

All right. Get me out of pole, champ. All right, get me out of pole, boy. Come

here.

Right under my arm here.

Right under the arm. I'll get it. Right up here.

Watch your arm.

How was that?

Pretty good.

All right.

Narcissus!

Stop!

Hold this pole.

All right, tie it off, dummy. All right, I'll tie it off.

Next

time

you come in, knock first, and then don't come in.

All right, you.

And furthermore, I'll tell you... Honey, what are you doing under there?

Say, he's my brother.

Yeah, well, he's my husband.

Wait a minute. He's my husband.

Girls, girls!

What are you playing around about? Come on, get this tent up. Come on. Hold her

up. Come on, sisters.

Boy, a super deluxe special.

Yeah, and all trimmed with chromium.

Well, boys, there she is.

Yeah, but what is it? A Columbus.

Never mind who you bought it from. What make is that? I told you, a Columbus. I

thought he came over in a boat.

You couldn't find another car like that if you searched for weeks.

That I can believe.

Okay, okay, wise guys.

Wait till you step on the gas and feel the smooth flow of power under that

You better be right, chum. Don't you worry about a thing. Well, I gotta get

breakfast. See you before you take off.

All right, fellas, let's get loaded.

Wait a minute, you know I don't drink.

Go on, Muscle Bones, go on.

Hurry up, we gotta get started.

Hey,

fellas.

Yeah? Come here.

He must have found the road map.

Yeah, what is it?

What are you trying to do, ruin the baggage?

What are you hissing me for? I'm not hissing you, but it's not a bad idea.

Boy.

How do you like that? A flat tire.

Get the jack and take the wheel off. I'll get the spare.

Here.

Stubborn, eh?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey,

quit monkeying around, you guys.

What do we do now?

I wonder how they got the tire on.

Easy.

That's right.

No. You think if I got the... Oh, come on, come on.

What seems to be the trouble? We can't get the tire past the jacks.

Why, you nitwits. Get out of there.

You want to get hurt?

Let a man do it that knows how.

You've got to use your brains.

All you do is give it one quick jerk.

Oh, my foot. My foot, it's cut off. Help.

All right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

That's it. Help me.

Get it out. Push him toward me. All right.

Is it out yet? Is it out yet? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Here.

Chop it out. Yeah.

We'll get you out.

Get me out of my foot. Hold steady, will you? I'll get you.

My toe. Look in the shoe for some toes.

How was it? Pretty heavy?

Why are you going with that tire?

Why, it's ours.

Not unless you got $15 .97.

Now, you don't understand. We were changing tires and it got away from us.

it ain't going to get away from me. Let go of it. Let go of that. Loosen that

rubber or I'll take this hammer and wrap you over the noggin.

Oh, yeah?

I'd like to see you try it.

Oh! Hey, pal, don't text us. You can't get away with that. Tell him, text.

partner, I'm... Oh!

I'd like to see you do that again.

Oh! By golly, he did it.

Now, look, pal.

Can't we reason this thing out like gentlemen?

After all, we're sensible... Atta boy, kid.

I got it.

Atta boy.

All right, you girls park yourself right here while we finish tying off the

load. Larry, get on the other side.

Hurry up.

Champ, give me a hand. Which one?

Come on, get over here.

A little more.

Give me a hand. A little more.

Move!

Shut up! I hope we find the worms. I'm going fishing when we get there. Never

mind the worms.

Stubble! Shut up! Always fooling around. You can't ride that way. You'll

unbalance the load.

Get me down!

Let him down.

Easy now, kid. Easy.

I got him. Okay.

Cool. Let him down. I'm letting him down.

What are you trying to do here? Come on, get up on top of the log.

Everybody all aboard.

Come on. You start to climb, kid.

Okay, come on before the sun goes down.

Go ahead, kid.

Oh, what fun, boys.

I think we can do business.

Oh, a junk man, eh? Oh, no, no, no. My card.

Talent Scout, Acme Pictures, Hollywood.

Talent Scout?

You want us for the movies?

Come, girl, your answer. Either consent to marry me or become my wife. Never.

Then you shall die.

No, no, not you.

The car.

We'd search the country for a car like this.

Would you consider, say, $2 ,000?

Would we? Just a minute.

I'll take it.

I've decided not to sell to these fellas.

There's your money back. You can't do that. Oh, shut up. I didn't sign

Come on, Professor. You'll be late for lunch.

No. I want to buy this car.

Right after lunch, Professor. You can buy ten of them.

Goody. I love cars. All kinds of cars.

Oh, I love them. Love them.

Love them. Love them.

Love them. Love them.

Well, you bought yourself a nice car, partner.

There's yours, and here's mine.

Love it.

Love it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Where you going? I'm hungry, too.

Come on, get out of here. Wait a minute. What's wrong with me? What's the matter

with you?

He can eat.