Original subtitles

Now, you see, Miss Dinkelmeyer, that's the way it should be sung. Shall we try

it again?

I'll try anything for you, Professor.

Oh, that's fine, fine.

If you please, Doctor.

Doctor.

Hey.

You are too portissimo, too allegro, too quantro. Oh, is that bad?

It ain't good. You're supposed to be singing about the voices of spring, not

eruption of a volcano.

Give with the throat, not with the bellows. Oh, Professor, you want it more

a bird.

That's it.

That's it. Give me the bird.

That's enough. That's enough. We've done enough for today.

You might hurt your voice. You know, bend it, crack it, or break it or

something. Oh, Professor, you're so considerate.

I'm just crazy about you.

Don't forget, we've got another lesson Tuesday.

Gargle with old razor blades. All right, Professor. I know you wouldn't want

anything to happen to my throat.

Except to have somebody cut it. How would you like to be married to a dame

that? Don't even say that.

I order.

You ought to what? I ought to be a little more careful.

Well, shut up and listen. Do you remember your Uncle Caleb? Do I? Why,

tightwad, he'd steal flies from a blind spider.

But, Champ, he's... He's a louse and a weasel. Yeah, well, he just died and

you 500 ,000 bucks. Just like that old skinflint.

500 ,000 bucks!

Poor old Uncle Caleb.

Like I was saying, he was a swell guy.

Give me the shirt off his back and throw in the buttons, too.

But there's one little catch.

You get the dough provided you're married.

So... Married? No.

No, fellas.

I'm gonna faint.

Or... Or what?

If you get married within 48 hours of the reading of the will. What time was

that? Six o 'clock the night before last.

You just got seven hours to get yourself a bride. It can't be done. No woman is

interested in me.

Maybe not, pal.

But if you look real hard, you might find one that's interested in a half a

million bucks.

Maybe you got something there. You're darn right he has.

Do you know any girls?

I got a lot of numbers, but I haven't had much luck with them lately.

Well, you can't get killed for trying. Where's the phone? There's a booth down

the hall. Well, what are we waiting for?

Down the hall.

Here,

here's six nickels. That makes 17. You ought to hit the jackpot with one of

them. Go ahead.

Susquehanna 2222.

Say, he's been in there over an hour. What are you getting nervous about? When

Shem pours on the charm, no dame can resist him. I hope you're right.

Hello? Is this Ginger Gray?

It is? Well, this is your little snookums.

I'm about to do you a big favor.

Will you marry me?

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Hey, any luck?

I've got one phone number and one nickel left.

Well, start using it.

You clumsy ox, you. Where'd that go? It went down here someplace.

Let's find it.

Take this receiver. I got it. I got

it.

All right, just take it. Wait a minute. All right.

Get this out of my hair here.

All right.

Easy, easy, easy. Get off your foot.

Look at what I got here.

What was that? One of those. Yeah. And wait a minute. It leads around under my

arm. Getting up here around the neck.

Get your hand over here.

Oh, all right. All right. All right. All right.

Now, wait a minute.

Can you dial from there? No. Can you? Yeah.

This one.

How's that?

Well, it don't feel as good as when I did this. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Take it easy. Now, look.

We ain't getting no place fast.

Let's get this thing right the right way. All right, wait a minute. All

Can't stand it anymore. It started with the book, didn't it?

Moe, where's your hat?

But you are kind of cute at that.

Oh, it's not me. It's him.

You've got to get out of this. All right. There isn't much time left. You

that, don't you? All right.

That's what I want to know.

Wait a minute.

Did you get a load of that?

What is this? I wonder who she is.

We'll soon find out.

Oh, boy. Yes.

Who's the new dame? A Miss Hopkins.

Miss Hopkins? Did you hear that, kid?

And good -looking, too. Go get her, Shep.

Oh, wait a minute.

You can't propose to a girl looking like that.

We've got to give you the works. Come on.

Stand still, will you? We've got to get going. It's three o 'clock now.

Yeah? And if you don't marry the girl by six o 'clock, we're out of the money.

I said stand still.

Oh, oh, Moe, Moe, I'm blind.

You point my eye out. Get a towel, Moe. Get a towel.

Hey,

where are the towels?

In the bottom drawer.

I got it.

You sure look funny with a bust of brown collar.

Hold that.

Say, I forgot to tell you. When the afternoon papers come out, you're going

be famous. How come?

I gave the story to the reporters. Yes, sir. Shemp power to inherit a half a

million bucks.

Let's get going, kid.

I'm telling you to hold still now. I'm warning you. Oh, excuse me.

Almost had seven years of hard luck.

How do you like that?

I said stand still.

Hey,

I cut off my head. I cut off my head. Mo, my head is off. Mo, my head is off.

My head is off.

Oh, there I am.

And that's... Pretty as a picture. Yeah, but Nate.

Get going. This means half a million dollars.

I know what it means.

Here you are.

Boy, am I tired.

Where will I throw this water?

You look good. You look great, kid. You're a cinch. Go to it.

Oh, hello.

Come in, Cousin Basil. Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

I've just been dying to meet you.

You're even cuter than that lady said you were.

Oh, boy, success.

Yeah, listen to those kisses.

must be exhausted after your long trip. Sit down.

Let me look at you, Cousin Basil. Now, don't you go away.

Hello? Yes, this is Miss Hopkins.

Your Cousin Basil?

Well, then who is... I was just... How dare you pretend to be my Cousin Basil?

I'll teach you a thing or two. You wolf!

Don't you dare strike me!

Taking advantage of a poor...

Boy, his kisses are getting louder.

You, you, you horrible person, you.

What happened, kid? Can I help it if I ain't Cousin Basil?

Professor, are you all right?

Oh, I'm fine.

All I wanted to do was propose, but... Propose?

Oh, Professor, this is so sudden.

You mean you'll really marry him?

him a half a million bucks. We only got two hours left. Come on, get going.

Come right

in, folks.

Say,

here's the license. My pal wants to get married in a rush. Oh, splendid.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Who? Mr. Howard.

Yes, he's here.

500 grand and the papers. Come on, pal. We got to make this fast.

Have you got the ring?

Why, certainly.

Certainly I got it. Oh.

It went in the piano.

Get it.

You see anything?

Yeah, wires.

Listen, you. What?

You know, I think the piano's out of tune.

Come on.

I think I see him.

Impossible. Never mind your face and get that ring. It's a quarter of six.

Oh, I'm awful sorry.

So am I.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Quit flying around in there and get that ring.

Get me out of here. Get me out of here.

stuff off. Oh, oh, oh.

You get in the messes every time. Here, give me a round.

I'm a few minutes left and no ring, no nothing.

Wait a minute, fellas.

Here's the ring.

You tied me down.

It's bigger.