Original subtitles

Goodbye, Jimmy.

My baby.

It's bad enough you snore like a train, but when you start crying like a baby,

that's too much. I didn't... It's that Tom cat again.

Come on, boys, get the shoes.

Where's that cat? I'll murder it. Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Gee, I wonder if I looked like that when I was delivered by the stalk.

When you were born, you were delivered by a buzzard.

Oh, special delivery, eh?

Well, boys, looks like we're a father.

Please take Jimmy to your heart and give him a good home. He's yours, a broken

-hearted mother.

What a cute little kisser.

Watch me make him laugh.

Zip. Boom.

It's unhappy.

So am I.

Run that back.

What's the idea?

Quiet. You want to wake the kid up? Oh, I forgot. I'm one third of a father.

Yeah, let's see how he's doing.

Well, say he's going to wake up hungry, ready him something to eat. Good idea.

Get your clothes on. Come on.

Hey, what do kids eat?

What do kids eat? That's easy. Soft stuff. No bones, no potato chips.

What did you eat when you were a baby?

Weeds.

I got it.

Why don't we fix him a full -course banquet and let him take his pick?

For once, you're showing a slight trace of brains. Hop down to the market and

buy the works. Right.

Don't forget the dill pickles and a high chair.

I can't get over it. Me a parent.

Now let me see.

A dash of Worcestershire sauce.

Dash. Dash.

Some onion juice.

Oh!

Double crosser. A nasty onion, eh?

Hey!

I got the cheese.

Artichokes.

Herring.

Limburger.

Bicarbonate.

Beer. Oh, and I got nipples. They just fit. I tried them, see?

What?

What's the idea?

Come over here.

Get this celery cleaned up. Come on.

You, clean up the table and do it quick.

Get

that

celery clean. Hurry up.

What's the matter with you?

Come on.

Get that celery clean.

Take that celery and scrub it.

Go on, go on, go on.

Scrub the celery.

How do you like that guy?

Hey, what are you going to do, play around all day, you guys? The baby lad

wake up any minute.

Okay.

What's the matter with you? I couldn't help it.

Take care of the kid. He wants room service. Right.

I was born in Brazil and I grew on a tree.

When they shook the tree, then I fell down.

Then they put me in a bag and they fastened on a tag and they shipped me up

New York town.

Hey, grapehead.

That's no way to clean celery.

No? No.

Hey, Mo.

I'll fix that. Clean this table off.

Here. Cut that right down there. Hold that.

I'll search for some safety pins.

Ow!

Why, you imbecile, you. I'm sorry, Mom.

Give me that.

The eternal triangle.

What size?

I don't know. Maybe six and seven -eighths.

We'll need a model.

You're just the type. Get up there.

All right, get it off.

Come on, Jimmy.

There we are. There we are.

Hey,

where are you?

Here, here.

Oh, there you are.

Boys, all we need is a few slight alterations.

Stand by, Doc.

Scissors. Scissors.

Wait till you see the meal we have for you. Fit for a king.

Even better, fit for an airplane worker.

Come on.

There we are. There's enchiladas, spaghetti, artichokes, onions, celery,

radishes, pigs feet and herring.

Come on, get going.

A nice radish.

Gesundheit!

Nice manners you're teaching him.

Now you're getting your vitamins.

Starch, vegetables, hypochondriacs.

Try an olive.

Oh!

Wise guy.

Maybe he'd like a smarty coke, a potty smoke, a oaky doke, this feathered

You ought to choke.

You too.

Here you are, sonny.

Fool around with that for a while.

While he fills up the cavity, I think I'll read the scandal sheet.

Come on, eat it like this.

I'd like to meet the guy that invented these barbed wire pineapples.

Oh, quiet.

He don't like the artichoke. Here, give him some spaghetti.

Okay.

There. There's some spaghetti for you. And don't get tough.

Hey, fellas.

Get a load of these headlines.

Police scour city for kidnapped baby.

Oh, that's nothing. Kids always get into mischief. Now, when I was a kid, I...

Kidnapped? Who? What? When? Let me see.

Police fear kidnappers have grabbed Colin's baby and are holding it for

So far, the kidnappers have not contacted the family.

Fellas, do you think that's it?

Sure. The kidnappers got cold feet and left us with a kid with a phony note.

And we fell for it.

He

don't

like spaghetti either.

Hey, bunion head, answer that door.

Give the kid back his spaghetti. What, are you going to eat it yourself?

No, you eat it.

How do you like it?

Nah.

Hey, fellas, it's the cop. They're after us for kidnapping.

We've got to hide the evidence.

Let me see now.

The window.

Scram.

Now go and find your baby.

The baby disappeared. That's exactly what we're going to do. Come on.

I don't see them anyplace.

Maybe they went down that dirt road there.

Well, you go down there and look, and I'll follow the highway.

If I don't see them, I'll come back.

All right.

Quiet. I hear a motorcycle.

Expect me to see through the canvas. Quiet.

See? There must be pigeons in this car.

Yeah.

It's the baby. It's in the car.

Yeah. Now we're in for it.

Everything will be all right as long as the kid keeps quiet.

I'll cut a hole in the canvas and see where the cops are. Good idea. And if

see him, let me know.

Keep the baby.

Yeah, I'm going to spawn.

Yeah, it's you. You don't get it.

Get those guys. All right.

Spread out. I got a signal for a turn.

Get your gun. It may be violent.

Stick him up. Stick him up.

Oh, Morty.

Darling.

My baby.

I'm sorry we quarreled last night. Me too. I was so despondent. That's why I

left Jimmy on that doorstep.

Well, don't worry. It won't happen again. No.

Say, what do you suppose became of those three goofs? You got me.

They still don't know that all we wanted was a baby.