Original subtitles

Right in the middle of the ocean to you.

Nobody eating fish today.

Hey, porcupine, stop the boat.

Nice, juicy, right fresh fish.

Fish, fish, fish.

Fish, fish,

fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish.

Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish.

Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish.

fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish,

fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish,

fish, fish.

Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish.

fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish,

fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish

catch our own fish and it don't cost us nothing.

And you nearly talked us into buying ice just to put on the fish.

Oh, quit squawking. Let me peddle my fish.

Fresh fish!

Fresh fish!

Seafood mama!

Fresh fish!

Here they are, right off the ocean. How do you do, madam?

Do you have a haddock?

No, I don't have no haddock. But I get a little attack there every time I eat

too much.

What kind of a fish is that?

Tarpon. Tarpon?

That's a weak fish.

Smells strong to me.

What's the use? The first customer in a month and no sale.

What's the matter with him?

Topping monoxide.

Come on, get busy and sell this fish.

Fresh fish!

Fresh fish! Fresh fish!

Fresh fish!

What's the matter with you guys?

Hey, what kind of fish have you got today?

We have rug -caught sea bass, albacore and pickerel, sand -dead yellowtail,

fish and mackerel, bluefish, sailfish, tarpon -tarpon, if you wish, swordfish,

whitefish, herring and gefilte fish. And that ain't all.

Throw me up a mackerel.

Settles it. I'm getting out of this business.

Business? We've been trying to sell these fish for 30 days and haven't got

of one.

You call that a business?

It's enough to drive a man to drink.

Drink. That's it.

We're going into the saloon business.

Saloon? Yeah, saloon. S -E -L -U -N -E.

You don't even know how to spell saloon. Any sap knows you spell saloon with a

C. Come on.

Hey.

Look at this. Cheap metal shop.

Interested in the good business today, senors?

Yeah, we'd like to buy a saloon. It's got to have class and it's got to have

beauty. Oh, you want a beauty saloon? I have the best one in whole Mexico. And

cheap, too.

Mexico? Si, just across the border of Cucaracha. One hour's drive from here.

Do they have B -girls? Si, si.

C -girls? Oh, boys, mermaids. You know the thing with the brush at the bottom?

Can't you forget the fish business?

How much do you want for the saloon? You give me $300, I give you the business.

We'll take it. Gracias. Come in. Gracias.

customers.

and quit stalling.

Who are you serving in there?

It's locked and we have no key.

How are we going to get in?

How should I know? Use your head.

Let me see.

Where's the bar?

Where's the pretzels? Where do they keep the Mickey Fins?

Say. What is this? Something wrong.

This ain't a saloon. It's a beauty parlor. Are we saps? The guy said he was

going to give us the business.

He did?

But you can't blame me this time.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. There's a lot of money in making homie dames

beautiful. Yeah, but you gotta know how.

I saw a guy paint a car once with a spray gun.

So what?

So you spray the nails with paint and call it a manicure.

Hey, I know how to bleach hair.

You do?

Certainly. My last wife used to bleach her own. It's a cinch. You take a gallon

of gasoline, two tumblers of bicarbonate soda... An ounce of iodine and a pinch

of mustard.

Oh, a pinch.

Go on, get busy. We've got to clean up this joint.

Go on.

Powder.

Flirty skunky.

My favorite flavor.

I'm sorry, Moe. I know, kid. It was only an accident.

What's it say there?

Moe! Want to start a war, eh? No, wait a minute now, kid.

Take it easy.

Did you get surrendered?

Yes, we surrendered.

Well, that's much better. Get out of here, you old... What's your idea?

I'll tell you the idea.

Give him good.

Buenos dias, gentlemen.

Buenos dias.

I am Manuel Gonzalez, proprietor of the Cantina La Rosa.

1410 South American Way, no cover charge any time. Glad to meet you. Glad to

meet me.

Gentlemen prefer the blondes, and I want you to bleach my chorus girls to

blondes, sabe?

You have a sense, mister.

Oh, I want you to meet Juanita, Conchita,

Pepita, and Rosita.

They must be hungry. They all ended neither.

I don't get it.

Haven't I met you someplace before?

I know your face, but I cannot put you.

What? Oh, my English is not so good looking, no?

Your English is atrocious.

Oh, so sweet.

Thank you, senor.

I see I'm going to get no place with you fast.

Oh, no. I don't go no place.

Oh,

skip it, skip it.

Senor, can you make my hair henna -colored?

Henna -colored at all, kid.

Mister, can you prop on all? No, but I can sing.

No,

no, you don't understand.

I mean, can you finger wave?

Oh, certainly.

I can also wiggle my ears.

bleachers for the girls, no? And how. When we get through with them, you won't

recognize them. That's what I'm afraid of. Keep your fears to yourself.

Whoa!

Don't forget La Cantina La Rosa. Yeah, we know.

1410 South American Way. No cover charge at any time. Glad to meet me.

Adios. So long. Goodbye.

Skip together.

Toodle -oo. Break a leg. Go, William. Come on, we got bleaching to do. Let's

wait right in here till we're ready for you.

Thank you, senor.

Look at you.

Did anybody ever tell you you had beautiful black eyes?

Get back there and get to work.

Park it, butch.

I want a facial, a manicure, and a hair wave beside the bleach.

Okey -dokey.

I think I'll take a nap, and if I fall asleep, don't wake me. Just relax.

Hey, change that facial to a mud pack.

What does she think I am, a magician?

What does she mean by a mud pack?

You heard that expression, here's mud in your eye? Yeah. Well, go get some mud.

In her eye?

No, your eye.

You put the curlers in the hair, I'll manicure her nails, and we'll bleach

heads together.

Well, what are you standing there for?

I love you.

Oh.

Here's the mud. What are you waiting for? Right.

Quiet.

It's a mud pack.

What's going on here?

Oh, the mud.

Oh, well, that's something.

Lay down, lay down.

Oh, quiet, will you?

What are you patting on my hand? What's the matter with you?

Here, go on.

Finish the mud pack. I'll take you over a manicure. All right, all right. I

couldn't do better without you. Come on.

Boy, I'll say she needs a manicure. Look at the left of those nails. What lunch

hooks. Hold still.

Why don't you tend to your own business?

Why, you... Give me that.

Get out of here.

Hey, you. That mud's dry. Get it off.

Step back.

What?

If you had any brains, I'd knock them out of you.

Put the chisel on there, chiseler. Yes, sir.

Wait a minute.

Where's the gadget that workman left here?

I'll get it. Hurry up.

No, wait. Get it someplace.

Where's the hammer?

There it is.

Stand clear.

What's the matter with her?

Ungrateful. Hey, you forgot your bleach.

Never mind her. Get the other girls. You get the bleach.

There we are.

Oh, hiya, Toot.

Hey, you work on that chair.

I'll work where I please.

You will.

See that?

I'm sorry, Lou.

Cut it out, Lou.

Oh, you got the poochie all wet.

Oh, little poochie, they got you all wet.

This stuff's too thick. Get something to thin it out. What'll I get?

Anything. Get something.

All right, always picking on me. I'll bet your rear's down.

Oh, you're doing something.

Pigs, I will shoot them so full of holes they will look like the Swiss cheese.

Hey, for what you did to my Rosita, I'm going to kill you.

Wait a minute, pal.

That was a mistake.

Well, you see how beautiful we bleached these girls.

All right, I shall wait.

Ready, men?

Presto, change -o, domino!