Original subtitles

While I'm young.

Patience. You have to appreciate the mystery of the floating ball.

No, I don't. Way to suck the fun out of the game I just made up. Phoenix, phone.

Have you seen our hair dryers? Why is it so hot in here?

Well, see, the thing about that is... We're playing air pong.

Or trying to.

What's with all the melted balls?

Phoenix takes forever to serve.

It seems like an irresponsible use of a hair dryer. I know you are, but what am

I?

Irresponsible. I just said that. And if you don't mind... Ew!

What's on the floor?

Unsure. And it's been there a while.

And now I'm going to throw away these shoes.

This place is grosser than usual.

I'm itchy just being in here.

It's not our fault. It's the ants.

What ants?

My free -range ants.

It was Phoenix's idea.

I was talking about free -range eggs, not ants.

Oh.

Let's just say you won't be going in the bunkhouse for about a week. A week?

It's just ants.

True, but it's also ants.

Turns out there was enough organic food matter on the floor to support not one,

but two colonies.

Two colonies?

Yeah, and ants are highly territorial.

So now you got yourself warring ant factions.

Anyway, I gotta get spraying.

Whoa.

Where is he anyway?

Phoenix is power -washing the ants off of him out back.

Well, since the boys and I have no bedrooms for a while, we're going to

place to stay.

There's only one other bedroom in the house, and it's tiny.

I could make it up to the boys, but you might have to find a hotel.

Yeah, no can do.

The fans always find out where he's staying.

And before you know it, he springs his filthy finger trying to take pics with

all of them.

Exactly. Oh, and those in -room snacks.

Sure, I can afford it, but it's hard to sleep after paying $25 for a candy bar.

Not to worry. I know a place that's secluded and doesn't have expensive

Yes. Best assistant ever.

But you know what?

I should check with the owner first.

This really shouldn't embarrass me.

But it does?

A lot.

Lou time.

But it's important.

What's more important than mac and cheese?

I need you to put Craig up at your place.

I don't have space for Craig.

I've turned my spare room into a train museum, and I'm the only one allowed in.

Well, actually, I was thinking more of your tornado shelter. What?

How do you know about that?

There's a sign on the outside that says, lose tornado shelter.

I knew I should have taken that down.

But it is one fine sign.

It's okay.

Anyway, no one goes in that shelter but me.

Please. I'm Craig's assistant, so it's my job to find him a place.

Sorry. It would cut into my loo time.

Speaking of which, I'm about to have some with this macaroni.

So, ski -daddle.

Hey.

Loo time.

It's going to be fun having the guys in the house.

Fun? It's going to be a disaster.

Why? One of the big reasons I love Star Falls is that my brothers live in a

completely different building.

Or barn.

Or whatever that thing is. Is a barn a building?

Building. And so what? The boys are in here all the time. What's the diff? Big

diff. Big diff? How big a diff? Like the diff between smooth and chunky peanut

butter. It can't be that big a diff.

It's going to be so bad.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Do you even hear what you're saying?

Always. Hey, I'm talking really bad.

There'll be...

Giggling. Burping content.

Talking about feelings.

Hoisting. Curly smiles.

Getting grossed up.

Taking forever in the bathroom.

Oh, photobombing my selfie.

Getting caught in diamond selfies.

B for pet.

Really? Maybe.

So you better hide that honey you're eating.

This is peanut butter.

Well, bees probably like that too. Hide it.

Sometimes parents need a little help.

So we're helping ours get together.

My mom, my best friend. Her dad, huge movie star.

And things might get a little crazy.

Okay, a lot crazy.

But that's just life in Starfall.

Here it is, our guest room slash closet.

I thought I'd enjoy minimalism.

I do not.

Why do we have to sleep on top of each other on dumb old bunk beds?

Why do you even have bunk beds? You're an only child.

When I was little, I insisted on a bed for my imaginary friend, Perthvinia.

I wasn't very good at coming up with names.

You know, we're the guests.

You should give us your room. Pay it forward.

Pay it forward?

Not sure you get the concept.

Probably not. I want your room.

Well, you're not getting it.

Checking friends?

No. I don't want to squish your imaginary friend.

All the private rentals are full, and Lou won't let Craig crash in the tornado

shelter. Craig is practically family.

Grandpa should let him stay.

It would give them a chance to get to know each other better.

I don't think Lou wants to know anyone better.

Yeah, well, sometimes people don't know what's good for them, which is usually

why I scheme.

And I usually don't like your schemes.

I just really wish Grandpa and Craig got along.

But in this case, you might be right.

You want them to be friends, and Craig needs somewhere to stay.

I have an idea that'll solve both problems.

Then you have my blessing to scheme.

That's the best word.

But you got it.

Hey, good news. I found you a great place to stay.

Super quiet, solid, and all the free snacks you can handle.

Really? Great.

You're good.

Sweet. I did not want to go through that again.

Can I take back my high five?

Oh, come on. It's everything you were looking for.

Nate, I can't stay here.

It's just the cod and shelves of canned peaches.

All you can eat peaches?

And hey, nothing keeps out annoying fans like double wall steel doors and six

foot concrete walls.

Hey, I told you he can't stay here. Don't worry, I don't want... Why?

You think you're too good for my shelter? No, I'm not saying... Ah, let

guess. You only eat fresh peaches.

I don't actually like peaches. I'm more of a nectarine guy.

Figures. What does that mean?

Okay, okay.

Instead of talking about your differences, how about we just enjoy the

you both like stone fruits?

Celebration over. Time to go.

Do you have to bounce?

Hell, I think.

Okay. I'll just try and meditate on not being crushed.

Um, I don't want to die.

Um, I don't want to die.

Fine.

But I'm coming down.

Dude, shower much?

You know I don't. But bro, we got a problem.

Look, we both want the bigger room. So how do we get it?

We'll just ask them nicely. I'm sure they'll say yes.

They already said no.

Maybe they'll share the room.

Sharing? Gross.

The only gross thing about sharing is not giving sharing a chance.

Yeah, I've got other ideas.

I knew saving eggs in a jar for three years would pay off.

Think how much better you'll feel being free of the guilt that is denying us

free -range lodging. You might want to hold off on the free -range talk. That's

why you're here, remember?

Well, that and the disgusting personal habits of Beau.

There's fire in the hole!

Three years was too long.

Lou, what's the point of having a tornado shelter when it's never used?

It's used plenty.

For hula hooping?

None of your business.

Okay.

Come on, Nate. We need to find another place.

Huh.

It's locked.

Uh -oh.

What do you mean, uh -oh? I must have pushed a safety lock.

Oh, but that means we're locked in here for 24 hours.

What?

It was designed so that you can't walk out in the middle of a storm thinking

it's over when it's not.

Once it's triggered, it can only be opened from the outside.

When has that ever been a problem?

Oh, you weren't here for the storm of 03.

03. We will never forget.

You weren't even born in 03.

Speaking of being born, what month were you born in?

Maybe you and Lou have that in common.

I was born in December.

Figures. What does that mean?

Head the nectarine man.

This is going to be a long night.

So gross.

Now none of us can sleep in there. Mom, Bo tossed a stink bomb in her room.

Sorry, I can't. Emergency call.

This is an emergency. A stinky, stinky emergency.

Mine too.

Somehow a skunk got into Mr. Seaton's bathtub and... Actually, you don't want

know. But Mom, please.

Sharing the house is not working. I'm sure whatever it is, you're old enough

figure it out.

Oh, smell protection.

Great idea.

Can I borrow that?

Mango? Cherry.

Nice.

Okay, we can handle this. We just need to make some rolls.

Or we could sort it out with a stink bomb fight. No.

Stink bombs are never the answer.

Really? Ew!

What's in all those?

Well, this one's onion -based, this one started off as fish, and this one's

something Baxter made.

Think bombs have been buried.

May the earthworms forgive me. Hope you marked the spot. We might need them.

We will absolutely not need them.

What we do need are some ground rules if we're going to live in this house

together. Yes, ground rules. Let's do this. I'll start.

My pudding cups are off limits, as is our room and the bathrooms.

Do we need both bathrooms?

Yeah, there are two of us, duh.

Hey, you don't get to make all the rules.

Fine, what have you got?

In exchange for no bathroom use, we demand...

What do we demand? That you deliver us one hard -boiled egg on the hour, every

hour. I'm not bringing you eggs. Fine, fish then. What does it do with you and

stinky stuff?

Phoenix, you got anything?

I demand that you two meditate to fill your hearts with light.

Do we object to that? No idea.

Deal? And you have to dance badly so we can film it, put it on the web, and make

it a meme.

You guys really don't get how this works.

Let's keep it simple then.

There are certain rules that have always stood the test of time for young people

everywhere. I'm speaking, of course, of first needs.

You know, dibs, called it, mine.

That's actually not a bad idea.

Agreed. We call the kitchen, dibs on the living room. Yes, the TV is ours, and

we're going to watch all your favorite shows.

Spoilers coming at you. You wouldn't. Just try us.

No service.

Must be the concrete walls.

Is there a two -way radio?

Nope. This place has concrete walls but no radio?

I spend money on important things, like food.

Yeah, you can never have enough peaches.

Pretty soon you'll be hungry and you'll be begging me for my peaches.

Okay, how about we play some games?

There are no games.

The only thing you should be thinking about in a tornado shelter is whether or

not you've got enough peaches.

Not board games.

Games like I Spy or I'm Thinking Of.

How about we play What's Your Favorite Preserve?

That's not a game.

Fine, don't play. Guess you forfeit.

I'll play.

My favorite preserve is Ginger Beats Sauerkraut. So Hollywood to mess up

something as perfect as Kraut.

One for fancy Kraut and one for basic.

See? We're getting to know each other.

Nice, huh?

They say flipping a water bottle and getting it to stand upright is almost

impossible.

Who's they?

I don't know. The internet, the government, aliens from another planet

bottled water.

What's with the fidgets?

I left my phone in the living room, and I can't post my emotional state.

My followers don't know how I'm feeling.

Well, come on, I'm starving.

It says here it's not edible.

It's actually extremely poisonous.

Why would Mother Earth do this to us?

One of these plants should work.

It says the Aztecs ate cacti.

This one's called owie.

No, wait, that's the sound you make when you eat it. It doesn't say that, does

it? No, but I've been thinking about doing stand -up, and this is great

material. We need food!

Well, you were right. Watching a blender is not as fun as watching TV.

Speaking of watching TV, Jessica just broke Chad's heart on Reality Mansion.

Poor, poor Chad.

Spoilers, spoilers.

We got this.

Oh, yeah? Too bad you can't enjoy this delicious shake we made.

Hey,

you have to fight fire with fire or smoothie with bone.

Hi, I'm... Diamond, I like to swim in butter.

Blue Jays are the worst birds.

I have bird -watching fans. You know that. Do not hit post.

You can't go in there. Remember Gibbs?

First season? I get it, but I need my phone.

I need it.

You can't just break the rules.

Whose is this?

Mr. Hogglejay Barebottom.

Again, I wasn't good with names.

Well, I'm going to rename him something good.

Like...

Mr. Hugglebottom.

Bear.

That's the same thing.

Not good at taunting.

Okay, forget dibs. We're sneaking in there.

I think they look exactly like us.

Not sure anyone's going to buy me having steel wool for a head.

The boys are tired and hungry. It'll totally work.

Come on. We'll sneak out the back and slip in the front. Let's do it. Then we

can get my phone.

And Mr. Hugglejay.

Passion fruit iced tea? Yeah, it's refreshing.

Passion fruit is nothing.

Yes, it is.

In my movie, El Arbol del Amor, I picked a magical passion fruit which made all

women fall in love with me.

Except the one I wanted.

Are any of your movies good?

Why don't you watch them and see?

Because I'd rather stare at a wall of canned peaches.

You mean hula hoop in a bunker?

Hula hoop and it's good exercise.

Okay, okay.

You two need to stop it. We're stuck in here, so you're going to have to get

along. Man, it's stuffy. I will if he will. What does that mean?

What does that mean?

Now look, Hollywood.

Maybe if I just turn the... Ah, the steam pack! Be careful, it's hot!

It'll cook us like corn!

You steam your corn? I boil mine.

That's the craziest thing I ever heard.

Not the time!

We need to fix this, quick!

Nothing to see here.

Just a harmless chair creeping closer to the kitchen.

It might work better if you didn't see what we're doing.

Snack time.

What's going on?

They're dummies.

Who are you calling dummies?

Hey, what are you doing in there? Get out of our living room. Get out of our

kitchen. Why is the chair in there?

Why isn't the chair in here?

Okay, that's it.

No more negotiating, no more rules.

It's boys versus girls.

Winner takes all.

And this time, it's terminal.

What movie is that from?

I don't know, like all of them. Now focus!

This is about to get interesting.

Wait, what movie is that from?

Now we know how broccoli feels.

Ah, grab that towel and hold this pipe. Be careful, it's hot.

Aw, Lou, this towel's adorable.

Of course it is.

It's a basket of kittens.

Now try not to ruin it.

Why isn't it stopping?

Mmm, chocolate chip?

Cookies. Don't get distracted.

What? Us distract you?

Now why would we do that?

It's a trap.

Food is weapons?

Heathens.

Well, we have traps too.

You can't hold my phone hostage.

You can't hold our stomachs hostage.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? I just said that.

Oh, right.

So what do we do now? We stare at each other until one of us falls asleep.

Daring contest.

The ultimate decider.

Can we start over? I've got something in my eye.

Okay.

We did it!

Impressive! You know...

You both love being by yourself, you both hate each other's sauerkraut, you

love kittens, and you work well as a team.

You guys really got to know each other.

Why do you seem to care so much about that?

No reason.

Kid.

Okay, I didn't accidentally push the button.

You locked us in here on purpose?

Because Sophia wants you two to get along.

And then you broke the pipe to show us we could work together.

Actually, that was an accident.

Thanks for fixing it so we didn't, you know, become broccoli.

Well, since we are in each other's lives, it wouldn't hurt to be friends, I

guess. Yeah, I'll make up the spare room.

Really? Yeah.

I'll have to reroute the 3 a .m. to Tiny Town, but I think it can work. Can I

help lay track?

Let's not go nuts.

Sophia's going to be so pumped about this.

Wait till I tell her.

Yeah, 22 hours left.

Anyone up for a game of I Spy?

Okay, it's been two hours, and this is silly.

I kind of like the napkin. It's a good look.

What? No.

Okay, we may not agree on much, but I know there's one thing we all want.

Three hours of nonstop social media time?

No. For our parents to be happy.

And that means them being together, which means we've got to be together.

we're not doing a good job of being together.

The irony is we never actually tried to share the house.

We kind of just assumed it wouldn't work.

Yeah, you're right.

So maybe we should just relax and give it a try.

Bo and I could crash on the couch so you can have the bunk bed.

You know, until your room stops smelling like an egg.

That one's swimming in a sewer.

And you guys can have one of the bathrooms.

Look at us. We're totally getting along.

Great. Now give me a cookie.

I mean, may I have one of your cookies?

Something smells better than the night I just had.

Mom, watch out!

I spy with my little eye something green.

Those are peaches. They shouldn't be green.

You might not want to eat those.

Thanks.

The door is open.

Finally, we're saved.

Cool shelter.

How do you know to come for us?

It's not the first time Dad locked himself in here. Why are you so damp?

Long story.

Okay, let's get back home.

It's locked.

Don't joke.

It's really locked.

Who hit the button?

Dibs on the peaches.