Original subtitles

You know the old story about the beautiful woman with the mysterious

How you tried to help her out of a jam and ended up being played for a sucker?

Stuck on some lonely, rain -soaked airstrip?

Wearing your heart and half your esophagus on your sleeve?

Stupid look on your face as you watch her step on the plane with some other

The guy you thought you were trying to protect her from? The guy it turns out

she really loved?

Well, this ain't one of those stories.

No. This is the story of bad Betty Delvecchio.

And believe me, there was nothing mysterious or seductive about her.

AJ, you still in position?

No,

I'm windsurfing off the coast of Micronesia.

We pull this job off, we will both be windsurfing off some tropical island. I

much prefer Tahiti myself.

What do you say we move in for a closer look?

I'll just wait a few minutes.

AJ, watch this death. He's not alone.

That is not my door. This is private property. What would you know about

property?

You're mine.

They're coming my way.

Say again.

AJ, say again.

It's over, Albie. Make it easy on yourself.

You! You stay away from me!

You can't bust into my house like that. You got no right. You don't got a

warrant. I'm not a cop anymore. I don't need a warrant.

AJ, say again.

AJ,

what's going on?

Uh... Rick, I don't know what's going on, but this is some kind of domestic

dispute. I want no part of it. Some woman just tackled Alvy in the middle of

backyard.

Excuse me.

Do you want to tell me exactly what's... What makes you think you have an

invitation to this party? Oh, boy.

I was in the neighborhood. Drop the walkie -talkie.

Oh, dropping it.

Alvy, you stay put.

If you know what's good for you, start backing up.

Backing up.

Don't make me use this thing. No. Makes a terrible bang, and I've got delicate

ears. Oh, yeah, right. I know what you mean. So do I. I've got very delicate

ears. Canning the chit -chat.

Canning the chit -chat.

Uh, wait. Can we talk here? Uh, look.

I've got to go to the bathroom.

Um, lady?

Hello? I thought I told you not to move.

There was fudge on the ground. That's all. Oh, poor thing.

Come on. That's brutality. You know that.

You... Hold on. All right, I'm moving.

Hey, hey, come on. Let me out of here.

Don't you manhandle me. I got my constitutional rights.

Oh, tell it to the judge back in Detroit.

Wait a minute. I ain't getting in there. I just installed fender -to -fender

carpeting. It's as comfy as a coffin.

Hold it right there.

Put the shotgun on the ground and your hands on top of your head.

You a cop?

I'm a P .I. Who the hell are you?

The name's Betty Delvecchio, if it means anything to you.

Not particularly.

I'm a bounty hunter. I'm taking Alvy back to Detroit.

He skipped bail on a grand larceny indictment. She's lying. I never laid

her before in my life. I'm from Jersey.

My doctor told me I got to get out of there because of the bad humidity.

You should see my allergies. I got hives the size of golf balls. Oh, can it,

Alvy. This isn't a dog and pony show.

Put the shotgun on the ground.

Rick?

Is that your partner back there?

My brother.

Oh, you better go back there and help him.

There's a pit viper inside that shed with him. One bite from that thing and

dead in a second.

I got news for you.

Pit viper didn't make it.

You got no right to hold me at gunpoint like this. Right now, I'm not sure who's

got what right.

So, why don't we just go sell this thing downtown at police headquarters?

Now, what we should have done, we should have nailed Alfie and thrown Betty in

the shed with her imaginary viper. But at the time, it seemed like a good idea

to play it by the book.

If I had known what was to come, I would have thrown the book into the ocean and

taken the next flight to Beirut. Back to Detroit. Otherwise, I'm out $10 ,000.

Abigail, our client has reason to believe that Alfie was involved in the

of an extremely valuable coin collection.

Coin collection?

Coin collection. What's the matter? The Boy Scouts were too busy, so they hired

you guys?

What? Delvecchio, if you will allow me to conduct this interview in the proper

fashion. I don't need any lecture in police procedure. I was on the force for

years while you were still flipping cartwheels for the football team.

Abigail, could we get this settled once and for all? Does she or does she not

have the right to kidnap Ali? I'm not kidnapping anybody.

What would you call it? The Detroit warrant is legitimate.

technically because she's not interfering with any local

there's no warrant for Alvy in the state of California.

Yeah, but he is the prime suspect in a rare coin robbery.

Now, our client's insurance company stands to lose $1 million if those coins

not recovered.

A .J., that robbery took place in Los Angeles, and the Los Angeles police

have enough evidence to indict him for the crime.

He was detained for questioning? Yeah. Oh, you guys are really grabbing at

straws. Being detained for questioning and being arrested are not quite the

thing. Well, yeah. Therefore, I have no choice but to simply let Alvey, Mr.

Hortsnagel, go free.

Once he steps foot outside this office... Miss Delvecchio has as much

him as you do. But she'll tear him limb from limb. She was going to put him in

the trunk of her car. She had suffocated him before she got him out of

California. For your information, my trunk is completely ventilated. Yeah,

.44 caliber bullet holes.

Look, you don't give a damn about Alvey. All you care about is your own payoff.

The three of you may continue this debate outside my office.

What?

Alvey, Mr.

Horschnagel, he's a... He's what?

Well, you see, he was seated at my desk, but he wanted to go for a drink of

water, and he... Nixon!

He escaped.

Great.

Oh! Oh!

Pardon, none of the coins from the Sullivan collection have turned up.

sit down?

The heat from the L .A. robbery is probably keeping all the so -called

respectable collectors away.

So you think that Albie's still in the San Diego area?

Well, if he wants to collect his fence money, yes, he is. He's not going to

stick around forever, not without having this female bounty hunter on his tail.

My company is conducting an executive seminar in La Jolla this week. I have

reason to believe that the information that Albie received about the Sullivan

collection came from inside the company.

When did you find this out?

I've had my suspicions all along.

The robbery was executed flawlessly. Details about the security system, what

coins to take. Only three people inside my insurance company had access to that

information.

So you think that one of these people is going to use this seminar as a cover to

contact Alvey and whoever's fencing the goods?

Yes, I do.

The investigators that I hired in the Los Angeles area came up with this name.

He's a fence that lives in this area and supposedly has done business with Alvy

before. He also has an extensive knowledge of rare coins.

Harry Brookmuller.

The debtor's friend?

Sounds like the logo of a pawn shop.

Harry Brookmuller. The debtor's friend?

Sounds like the logo of a pawn shop.

Sounds like Peter to me.

Come on, move it!

California drivers, move!

Elvie, what are you doing?

Don't call me, Elvie! I am not responsible for my own actions, Harry!

Believe me, I am not!

I don't even know my own strength when I get like this, and I get so crazy. You

make me crazy, Harry.

You're making a big mistake threatening me with files. What else am I supposed

to do? You are not comprehending my situation, Harry.

I'm comprehending fine, but it's very difficult to fence this stuff.

We were dealing with coin collectors, Albie. They're very eccentric type

Oh, you want to talk about eccentric type people? I'll tell you, eccentric

people.

to wait till the insurance guy gets back in town.

Sit on your deal.

Look, if I stay around town any longer, I'm going to end up in jail.

And as for this insurance guy of yours, well, I never met him, so you're the

only guy I can finger.

Don't play with that, Alvy. I swear to God, a person could get killed.

Good, because I'm going to kill you if you don't give me my money.

Well, well, if today ain't my lucky day.

Alvy the weasel and Harry the fence.

Wrapped and riven like a present from Santa Claus. Drop it, weasel.

What, you guys have a party in here?

Move over, Harry.

You know, Harry, if I remember right, there's still a bounty on you for that

Newark department store job in 82.

In fact, you're worth five times what I'm going to get for Alvy here.

You know her?

I don't know nobody.

I'm a solid citizen with a respectable reputation to uphold.

Respectable? You wouldn't know respectable if it sat up and bit you on

schnoz.

I would like to make a deal with you.

I'm about to come into a substantial amount of money.

On the floor, both of you. Fine, we can discuss this on the floor.

I'm talking in the neighborhood of a quarter of a million dollars. Yeah,

that kind of money is for dreamers and schemers.

Me? I'm going to be sipping champagne and a brand new Eldorado after I turn

guys in.

What?

All right, now look, our information is barely 20 minutes old. How did she beat

us here?

I got the office, bud.

You check in there.

What's the matter? Are we going to go through this song and dance again? We

keep rehearsing until you get the steps straight.

Drop the gun, cowboy.

Who the hell are you? There's no reason for anyone to get out here.

Bad idea.

What are you, people running a spectacle on Magnum?

Get over there.

Who are you guys?

Let's just say we work for a certain retrieval agency.

The key.

What key?

Give him the key. Give him the key.

Needless to say, the first one of you stick your head out that door, it's

to get blown off.

Have a nice day.

Chicken. Idiot.

What the... Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Where do you think you're going? I'm going after the $50 ,000.

Well, hey, hey!

How many guns do you think they got out there? They got your gun, they got my

gun, they got their two guns. That's four guns.

How about we pick up a couple for ourselves?

Come on, come on.

Let's go.

For you?

For me?

Compensation?

Wasn't a very good shot, was he?

Betty, look, we're not going to make very good time with me running alongside

the car here.

Well, hop in back. I am not getting in the back, Hancock. Move over. If you

don't let me drive, we're going to lose him. Come on.

You better be a better driver than you are a private investigator.

No, I've never tried this, Hancock. Look for him, Cooper.

We're losing them.

Hey, hey, hey.

Happy you got their attention.

Hey, hey, hey.

Well,

you're

not going to be satisfied until you get us both killed, are you?

unless you're willing to go all the way.

Watch out!

At this

point, you're probably wondering why I didn't just cut my losses and bid Betty

adieu.

I don't really know the answer. I guess I'd have to compare the whole experience

to one of those black holes out in space. Once you get sucked inside, it

keeps getting darker and scarier as you go.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

You what?

He lost you in a Chinese laundry?

Yeah, I understand.

Well, he probably shipped himself out in a bundle of starched shirts.

A .J.

A .J. I will fill you in back to the office, okay?

Goodbye.

Your brother lost Alvy, didn't he? No, he didn't lose him. He just temporarily

misplaced him.

And you call yourself private investigator? You call yourself a bounty

If you hadn't been acting like a lobotomized Mario Andretti, we wouldn't

lost the guys who abducted Harry.

You're forgetting who was behind the wheel. Oh, come on. No, I'm going to

you something now. The way I figure it, you and your brother owe me in the

neighborhood of about $70 ,000.

$10 ,000 for letting Alvy get it. No, make that $20 ,000 for letting that

weasel get away.

$50 ,000 for Harry the fence and $10 ,000 for crashing my car. You crashed

car? Get off me! You let Harry get away.

You're going to be in debtor's prison by the time I get through with you. I'm

calling a lawyer, right?

Will you two keep it down in here?

I want complete depositions from the two of you. Attaining to what?

Harry Brook Mueller, a .k .a. Harry the Fence.

You found him?

Uh -huh.

Stretch a swampland outside of Del Mar.

Two bullets through the back of his head.

This is the part where Betty violated every law of professional ethics and

common decency. I mean, some blows are just too low to believe, right?

Wrong. We're talking bad Betty here, so lower your horizons.

Are you Cecilia Simon?

Yes, I am.

Rick and A .J. Simon's mother?

Yes, what's happened?

Oh, no, nothing's happened. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

I can understand how you must worry being the mother of private

and all.

I'm Betty Delvecchio.

I'm a bounty hunter.

A bounty hunter?

Yeah, I know. It's a rather unusual occupation for a woman.

We hold our annual convention in a telephone booth.

What can I do to help you?

Well, you see, Rick and A .J. and I are sort of in competition.

To tell you the truth, the whole thing's sort of gotten out of hand, and I could

use some advice. That is, if you're not too busy.

Come on inside. I'll make some coffee, and we'll talk about it.

What'd Marsh say about McCabe?

He said he was going to go interview him first thing this morning.

So this is what keeps you guys so slim and trim.

Nice setup.

Who let you in here?

I did.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Well, Betty and I had a long talk this morning, and it seems that the two of

have been a little insensitive to the difficulties confronting a working woman

in today's society, especially in your business.

Mom. Well, I think it would be a good idea if the three of you called a truce

and pooled your resources.

You'll be a lot more productive working together than competing with each other.

Mom, with all due respect... I don't even know what this is all about.

Of course I do, honey.

You have to find Alvy the Weasel and get him to implicate the men who murdered

Harry the Fence and turn in the coin collection insured by Mr. McCabe's

Then you'll be entitled to the $100 ,000 reward.

Oh, I want you to do me a big favor.

Show Betty some of that charm and...

Hospitality you're both so famous for.

Enjoy the croissant.

What did you do to our mother?

I appealed to her feminine good sense.

What would you know about anything pertaining to either femininity or good

sense? Let's cut the foreplay and get down to business.

You've got information from McCabe that I need. The way that I see it, if the

three of us team up, we've got a hell of a better chance of finding Alvy.

And what do we stand to gain by teaming up with you?

My personal guarantee that if and when I find Alvy, I don't Shanghai him back to

Detroit.

As long as you promise to split the insurance money with me.

Split?

50 % of something is better than 100 % of nothing. Well, 100 % of nothing is

exactly what you're going to get. What's the bounty on Albie if you get him back

to Detroit?

$10 ,000.

We'll give you $20 ,000.

$20 ,000?

Are you out of your mind? You're negotiating with her.

Would you excuse us for a moment, please?

Uh, don't take too much time to decide, boys. The trail is already getting cold.

And now we return to the Eternal Deacon.

It's gone completely bonkers. This woman makes my bar girl look like a Girl

Scout. I know. I've seen her in action. Which is exactly why we ought to cut her

in. If she finds Alfie first, she'll have him back in Detroit before you can

goodbye. A hundred thousand bucks.

Huh. Yeah?

Well, you're not as smart as you. I don't trust her. Neither do I.

Which is why it's so important to keep an eye on her. That is a pretty

eye you're talking about.

I know this is tough, Mrs. Bacon, but you're going to have to tell us exactly

what happened.

It was awful.

Poor Ronnie.

He was standing there with the gun in his hand, threatening to shoot me. And

then he pulled the trigger.

Poor Flo. She's never going to make it without Ronnie.

So what did you guys decide?

We'll give you 20.

30. 30?

You're only going to get 10 for him back in Detroit.

30 or it's a battle to the end.

Yeah, Rick.

25, that's our final offer.

And this time you ride with her.

Having succeeded with her beguilement of mom, Betty set her dark powers to work

on A .J.

Now, sharp as A .J. is, he couldn't see her talons coming.

A sentimental tale of love and betrayal, then my brother would have agreed to

anything. All right.

No, thank you. I'll call back.

Keep reading.

Babe isn't going to be in a suite for another half hour.

Look, I've read as much as I need to know.

Why don't we go over there and check it out?

No.

If I'm going to be partnered with you, I want you to know everything I do, all

the positions and all the players.

So McCabe's entire management team is staying at this hotel in La Jolla? Yeah,

but only three of them knew about the security measures to protect the coin

collection.

Hmm.

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

What's the matter? Are you feeling lonesome and itchy?

Not that personal.

Then how come your face is turning red?

How come you quit being a cop?

How do you know I quit?

Marsh ran a check on you?

Eighteen years.

Detroit Vice Squad.

Detective Sergeant.

Medal of Valor.

The whole works.

Two more years and you could have retired with a partial pension.

Two years can be a long time if you don't trust the people who are

backing you up.

She also said something about your partner being critically wounded in an

ambush. Now you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.

No. I am trying to establish a basis for trust.

The two men that killed Harry are professional hitmen. I don't want to go

against them without knowing who's going to be standing behind me.

Working vice is like being underwater in a stagnant pond.

The only thing that rises to the top is scum.

Me and my partner were outcasts in our own department.

We had the misguided notion that we were being paid to enforce the law.

So one day we found ourselves in a crossfire between the guys we were

arrest and the guys we thought were there to back us up.

Nick didn't make it, I did. End of story.

You were ambushed by your fellow police officers?

No charges were ever brought against them.

Internal affairs simply concluded that I was naturally distraught and angry.

See, everyone on the force knew that Nick and I were lovers. They used it

against us during the inquiry.

They hounded us with some trumped -up morals charge. Completely destroyed our

credibility.

You don't have to worry about who's standing behind you. If we run into

I'll be standing beside you.

Now, if A .J. had spent as much time on the open sea as I have, he'd have been

able to tell the difference between a tuna and a barracuda.

But Betty had her teeth sunk into him and the feeding frenzy was about to

So, as usual, it was up to Big Brother to save the day and, more importantly,

solve the case.

I have a warrant that entitled me to search these premises.

What is your excuse for being here?

Something better than a warrant.

Boo as to who might have killed Harry.

Never leave home without it.

All right, Mr. McCabe.

I want my money, and I want it now.

Where did you put it? Where did you put it? Was it here?

Huh? All right.

Shh, quiet, quiet, quiet.

Somebody has so many clothing for me.

Three -piece suit all the time. What does he got there?

Come on.

Don't be too obvious. Don't make it too easy for me, please, sir.

I'm getting angry now. I'm getting angry, Mr. McCabe.

Go around to the back. Excuse me, but I've been to this hotel before and there

happens to be only one way into the parking lot.

So why do we have to use the parking lot? You and your brother have a lot of

trouble thinking on your feet, don't you?

I'm losing my patience now, Mr. McCabe.

I'm losing my patience.

with the tooth fairy left.

Rick and Fred.

Thanks for the hospitality.

Don't you find it a little strange that your McCabe provided you just the right

information at just the right moment?

Yeah, I was wondering about that.

On the other hand, if he's behind the robberies, why on earth would he hire us

to find out?

Why don't we just grind him a little and see what we can find out?

Okay.

Can I knock?

Knock.

Mitch and Gabe.

This is Ms. Delvecchio, the bounty hunter that we were telling you about.

Charmed, I'm sure.

My brother and I have decided to join forces with Ms. Delvecchio on a

temporary basis, at least until we can find Albie.

Isn't that a little unusual? I would have thought that your vested interests

Albie would keep you miles apart.

So, this is some sort of seminar you're conducting here?

You hold it down in San Diego every year?

No, as a matter of fact, this is the first year.

Why did you pick this particular hotel?

Um, Mr. McCabe, you'll have to excuse my new partner. She tends sometimes to be

unnecessarily blunt, not always to the point.

What exactly is the point?

Well, the point is, we simply want to ask you a few questions.

Such as?

Why is it...

that you never made any attempt to contact Alvey when he was being

the Beverly Hills police.

Why would I have wanted to do that?

So you could make a deal with him.

I mean, the way I understand it, you're more interested in finding out if

someone in your company masterminded this robbery than you are in bringing

to justice.

Miss Delvecchio, I've already spent the better part of the morning answering

questions for the San Diego Police Department.

We don't work for the San Diego Police Department.

Who are you working for?

Well, of course, technically, we still work for you.

It's just, as I explained, my brother and I have decided to form this, which

might call a limited partnership on a temporary basis. Look, why don't we can

this technical chit -chat and get back to the meat and potatoes?

Meat and potatoes.

What exactly is this leading up to?

The jackpot is what this is leading up to.

We've got Alvy.

We do?

You do?

We do.

We do have Albie.

It's just, uh... It's just that, uh...

It's just what?

It's just that we haven't decided yet whether we're going to turn him over to

the police.

That's right.

Abigail, you are more worried about my breaking and entering a dead man's door

than you are catching a murderer. I am concerned with following proper police

procedure. If you find a piece of evidence illegally, it won't stand up in

court. We're not talking about a piece of evidence. We're talking about a scrap

of paper with a phone number on it. Oh, that's right. That's right. To the

uneducated, unprofessional mind, all we're talking about is a piece of paper.

Just ran a red light.

Look out for the...

I don't believe you lost him again. What do you mean I lost him? You're the one

that ran into the waiter. You ran me into him. If you give a person some

space, there he is.

That all three of you are trapped.

You two shouldn't have gotten so ambitious.

I hate to pay overtime.

Let me see if I figured this out right.

You hired Alvy to rip off the coin collection?

Harry Defense hired me.

I just knew it was somebody inside the insurance company that set the whole

thing up.

I didn't know. Was it with him?

You should have stayed stupid, Alvy.

Would have saved your life.

Stratton will take him out the service entrance.

Wait a minute.

If you were always planning to kill Harry and Alvy, what on earth did you

us for?

I couldn't wait.

After LAPD investigated Alvy, he became a hot item. I hired you to find him. And

if Harry the Fence hadn't insisted on keeping Alvy's whereabouts a secret, I

never would have had to involve you.

Come on, let's go.

It was all finally coming to a head.

Although Abigail still needed to be convinced my superior investigatory

had provided me with a pretty good idea of who was behind the coin robbery.

All the players were on stage.

The die had been cast.

We were headed for your classic showdown.

Just like one of those great old westerns.

John Wayne.

Randolph Scott.

Gary Cooper.

Why do you think I wear the hat?

If you put your foot on the gas, it'll be the last thing you ever do.

How did you know it was McCabe?

Oh, Sherlock here found his phone number in Harry's pawn shop.

It's the little things that make a great detective.

Oh, no.

No.

Don't tell me this.

Oh.

They're gone.

I ask you not to tell me that.

We're running out of time, guys.

She could be anywhere by now. She's on the same schedule we are. She's got to

have Allie back in Detroit by midnight tomorrow.

Leaves have trains and buses.

I've got a man watching every terminal at the airport.

She's not stupid. She's not going to use a major airline.

About charters.

Nixon's checking every charter service in the county.

So far, no one's chartered a plane to Detroit for the past 48 hours.

Aha.

She's not stupid.

She wouldn't charter a flight directly to Detroit.

And she's also not going to use a reputable airline.

I didn't know irreputable airlines advertised, Richard.

Here's one that specializes in flying out -of -the -way places. Let's see,

got...

Dearborn, Michigan, how close is that to Detroit? Well, it's a heck of a lot

closer than San Diego.

Line by night, airlines.

Oh, you're right.

I'm not sure even Betty would risk her life on an outfit like that.

You're missing the most important part of the ad.

The lowest fear is in the air.

That's at one.

I don't have a unit within 30 miles of this place.

We're deputies.

What are you brooding about?

Oh, I think we may have misjudged her.

Betty? Yeah?

We didn't misjudge her. Fly -by -night airline. It's got her name written all

over it. I'm not so sure.

Are you questioning my investigatory judgment?

Beck, your instincts are all right.

Thank you.

But this is a question of stylistic interpretation.

Stylistic inter...

Yeah. Every person has certain nuances.

And my sense of Betty's nuances and your sense of them may be totally different.

Betty DelVecchio has all the nuance of a middle linebacker blitzing a

quarterback.

There's a side to her you know nothing about. I don't believe I'm hearing this.

Next you're going to be telling me that beneath that grub, all -weather

exterior, beats the heart of Florence Nightingale. Yeah, she's a woman. What?

And ultimately, I believe she's a lot more sensitive than you give her credit

for.

Have you been going to those sensory awareness classes again?

It won't be long now, dear.

In a few more minutes, we'll be in the air. Get me out of here. You promised me

we'd be flying first class.

This is first class. Once we're up in the air, I'm gonna open a bottle of

champagne. I even brought a straw so you can sip it through the coffin.

And if you give me any trouble, this little box is gonna be for real.

Be gentle with him.

What A .J. had failed to see was the classic pattern of the deviant mind.

That he had told so many lies that the truth was just another sorry excuse to

seized and utilized in her never -ending odyssey of manipulation and terror.

Fly -by -night Airlines was her charter.

The weakest of the weak.

Crippled and homely.

Ready to be crushed and exploited.

Take off.

Look.

You remember that story I told you about my lover being ambushed?

Yeah.

I lied when I told you he didn't make it.

He didn't die.

He's paralyzed from the waist down.

His heart and lungs ain't anything to brag about either.

I've been taking care of him since the shooting.

Look, $10 ,000 might not mean a lot to you guys, but it's going to keep Nick

of the state hospital for another six months.

It'll keep us together.

Look, I'm all he's got.

He's all I got.

Start him up.

Let's start her up.

We're letting her go. AJ, you don't believe that... AJ.

Why didn't you stop her?

False alarm.

You mean it wasn't her?

No. No, it was just some poor lonely widow taking her husband back home.

I'd have believed it.

I don't know.

Why I decided to let her go.

Why did Bogart tell Bacall he loved her at the end of the big sleep instead of

seeing her for the scheming murderess that she really was?

I don't know.

I think, ultimately, men are at the mercy of certain kinds of women.

I know I am.

There's that fine line between shoving a pie in their face and just...

Letting them walk out of your life.

You ever notice how there's never a pie in your hand when you really need one?