Original subtitles

Thank you.

chance going back to the States like this? I got tired of sitting on the

watching a bunch of morons mismanaging my business up here, and I'm not going

back till everything runs as smooth as I left it.

Well, well, well, what a nice time of day for a party.

That guy with the camera up there, find out who he is and get his...

Hold your horses.

I say tree frog.

Tree frog.

Pop in another roll.

Where are we going next, Dad?

I'm going to get a picture of Dad and Mom first.

Dad looks so handsome today.

Rick, at times like this, do you ever sort of float up about a thousand feet

above your head, just check out your own life, make sure you're still over land?

Mind, I'm trying to concentrate here. Well, that's what I'm talking about.

If you were really concentrating, you would know that we could lose our

over this.

This is breaking and entering.

And entering.

Here.

What are you doing?

Video games are a little large to stick in a bad pocket.

So I thought we could steal the alarm.

It'll be worth at least five grand.

Or five years, whichever comes first. It's a burglary ring. No, no, this is a

test. Had it been an actual burglary... Why

did I let you

talk me into this?

Because deep down inside, you know that this is a good idea. I do? Yes, you do.

A better place in Liberty World demonstrates the quality that this

founded on.

Individual enterprise.

Going that extra mile to get the job done.

Securamax has been after this account for months.

This is our chance to ace him out.

a film give me the film hey here look i admit i i was just trying to you know

get some pictures to venusia so what's the problem you want me to stay away

her i'll stay away from her stay away from her okay

Uh, Johnson.

Johnson.

Okay. You can pick these up tomorrow, Mr. Johnson.

Thank you.

Here we go.

Where did you get this stuff?

Where else? Your new video world. Two minutes, 13 seconds to neutralize the

alarm system, disconnect the locks, ingress, and egress.

That doesn't even open till tomorrow.

You robbed me?

Yeah. But only to prove what we've been saying all along. That when it comes to

security for a wonderful place like Liberty World, there is no substitute

full service seat of the pants, no nonsense operation like Simon and Simon.

He robs me.

Then he tells me.

No, we...

Blocked everything again after we left, and we made sure that nothing was

damaged. Wrong.

The overrated reputation of Securamax's high -tech, razzle -dazzle security

system's been damaged.

I mean, when you get right down to it, in the never -ending war against theft,

vandalism, and pilferage, what really counts is people. Right, Mr. Paxton?

Does he always take this attack? Because with me, he's not doing too good.

Uh, excuse me, are you the security person? We were robbed. Somebody stole

camera. I'm sorry to hear that, but this is not... Maybe we can help. I'm Rick

Simons, my brother A .J. We're security consultants.

Did anybody see who did it? Well, whoever it was, they also took our whole

of discount tickets for the ride.

Well, that wasn't very nice.

Here you are, folks, on the house. Thank you. Well, you know, it's never too

late to help nice people. Maybe we can still catch this rotten crook.

Uh, well, we could try.

Now, you just put yourself in our hands. Uh, people helping people, that's what

it's all about. You folks from out of town, are you?

This is great. There's more here than we started with.

Oh, uh, where are you folks from?

Uh, Illinois.

Deadly. I'm, uh, Bob Johnson.

This is my wife, Mary, Trish, and Willie.

We're one of America's Christian families.

Because of my essay.

I'm not sure I follow you here.

Well, Liberty World sponsored a contest for the opening week. All the kids in

Trish's grade wrote essays about their families, and the best one from each

state was chosen for the prize. We're very proud of Trish.

You know, you're always sure that your children are special. It's just nice to

know that some people agree.

I'm sure she must be quite a writer.

Oh, well, Trish is very shy.

And her essay is really the first time that she found a way to say how she

feels.

I guess that's one of the reasons we're so proud of her.

Well, why don't you show us where this robbery happened? We can't have one of

America's 50 families getting ripped off and take it lying down, McDonnelly.

Probably not.

that it was the only roll of film he had on and the camera was empty.

Somehow he must have switched films with these yokels.

All right.

Start there with this family.

And if these people give you any trouble, you get them trouble.

There is such a thing as overselling it, you know, Rick.

A nice family like that on vacation from Oshkosh?

Dudley. Whatever.

What's more important, a $38 camera or knowing somebody cares about you and

family?

We showed the Johnsons that this city's got a heart. As I recall, your last

words to them were, look on us as the official goodwill ambassadors of San

Diego.

Okay, so I was using them, but if I could have helped them, I would have.

Besides, we are representatives of San Diego. We live here, we work here, watch

the ballgames here.

Wait and see. Those people are going to remember us the rest of their lives.

Probably hear from them Christmas time.

Would you believe sooner than that?

Hi.

I'm sorry to bother you at home like this, but we came back from dinner and

found our hotel room broken into.

Oh, no. Come on in. Come on in.

It was horrible. The whole room was ransacked. I just couldn't stay there.

Why, you guys had quite a day.

It's been the most exciting vacation we've ever had.

Well, there could be a connection between the two incidents today, or it

just be bad luck.

You guys break any mirrors on your way out here?

We could have flown. Maybe we should have. I don't know. It's just that

Trish winning the contest, Liberty World, it seemed like a chance to be a

family again.

Lately, all I have time for is work and sleep.

You're sure you haven't seen any suspicious -looking characters hanging

No, not really.

Well, this is terrible.

Maybe somebody's after us.

Oh, what am I saying?

Why would anybody want to terrorize a family like us?

Maybe we should just go home.

Hey.

Look, if it would make you feel better, we would be happy to tag along tomorrow.

Just keep an eye on you. And after all we've heard about Southern Californians.

Well, we've bothered these good people long enough.

Come on, kids, let's hit the sack.

We'll see you two in the morning.

We're going to sleep in the prairie sooner.

That's what we call our campers.

Yes, there's some sort of state Republican convention or something, and

hotels are jam -packed, but we'll be fine.

Well, I... It's silly. I mean, I've got all this room.

Oh, no, we couldn't do that. It would be an imposition, really.

Well, you know, I don't want to force you.

Okay, we'll stay.

I am a great cook, and the kids can do their chores and your chores, and

Bob is great at fixing things.

Listen, you're going to help us, and we're going to help you, too.

I made you some hot chocolate.

Oh.

Thank you.

Well, good night.

Yeah, sleep tight.

This is neat. You live here?

Yeah.

Well, don't sneak up on me like that again, all right?

My sister made some hot cocoa.

Thanks.

Can I sleep here?

Well, there's not a lot of room, Willie.

I don't need much.

11 .45, the World War I ride. Feel the actual sensations of real trench

Boring, what else?

Mom, he keeps saying everything is boring.

Now don't worry, honey, he's just at an awkward age. For the eighth year in a

row. The world of the future in bumper boat rides.

That's the one!

All right, let's go!

Over here.

No, sir, Mr. Paxton, but we're working on it. Yes, sir, we're still on the job.

And the Johnsons sure do appreciate the personal attention they're getting here

at Liberty World.

Your head's on crooked.

Straighten his head.

Yes, sir.

Wait a minute, let me get a picture of you.

You know, I'm not sure that going back is going to solve your problem.

If this trouble followed you all the way from Illinois, it's just going to

follow you right back again.

Can either of you think of anything at home that might have caused this?

Well, there are a couple of guys protecting them. Cops, PIs, I don't

I don't care. Get me that show.

And if you have it, get them.

All right, you bums on your feet. The lieutenant wants to talk to you. All

right, quiet, everybody.

You heard him. Quiet down.

This meeting of the San Diego Order of Low Life, Pickpockets, and Thieves is

in session.

Now, this is the situation.

We have a stolen camera bag, a purse snatching, a hotel room break -in, and a

stolen camper, all looking like part of the same operation.

Anybody here know anything about that?

Not, uh... Wee Wally, what do you know?

I mean, there's not a stolen car in this town that you don't know about.

I'm sorry, Lieutenant, no campers I know of.

Maxie, Roy, what's been cooking in the breaking and entering community?

Nothing, Lieutenant.

The picket's been pretty slim.

Real thin.

Good.

Okay. Purse snatchers.

Anybody got a brand new camera bag?

Heard about a friend with one?

Fine.

You've been very helpful.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

But if I hear that any of you have been holding out on me...

Well, it would be better for that person, he or she, to make arrangements

leave this planet.

Now, you hear anything, as in anything, call me.

Let him go, Nixon.

Have a nice day.

Fair. You've just seen the worst this fair city has to offer.

And you've caused this department to waste 20 or 30 man hours. Happy?

Well, it's sold in a good cause town. It's a very nice family we're talking

about. And you have to look at yourself as a sort of... Yeah, I know, a goodwill

ambassador for the city of San Diego.

Yeah. Yeah.

AJ mentioned you dropped by occasionally.

If you two were planning a quiet dinner together, I can... Mom, what do we eat?

As soon as Rick and AJ get back. This is their mom.

Hello. Won't you join us, Cecilia? There's plenty to go around.

Well, this is all so unexpected.

Oh, you must be Cecilia. Hi, I'm Bob.

We're living with Rick and AJ while we're here. It's a long story.

Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi, Mom. Oh, wow.

More food?

Chicken. It's almost ready.

Won't you join us for dinner?

Well, only if I can help. It's all done.

Boy, I didn't think after the hotcakes this morning I'd eat again for a week.

Oh, everybody loves my chicken and won a gold medal at the county fair. Oh, boy,

and potato salad, too. Isn't that nice?

Might as good as your chicken, Mom.

Bob, I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid the odds of the police being able

to recover your camper... I know.

0 .133.

Slightly less for recreational vehicles.

You know, I've spent my entire career selling insurance for one company.

When I told my boss I'd probably have to file a claim, he said he'd probably

have to cancel my pilot.

Uh, Trish?

Trish, you don't have to do that right now.

No, let her go, A .J.

Willie said he was going to clean up the power wagon for me, too. We're not

going to get service like this again until we get married.

Well, the pies are in the oven, and the cookies are on the counter, and the

potato salad's all made, and the clothes are drying in the bathroom. Sorry, A

.J. It's quite all right. You hold a perfect house guest.

It's an art that some people never master.

Dinner! Come on, kids, let's go. Bring an extra chair.

Okay.

I can eat it right here.

Here, Willie, I'll take that.

I think there's enough.

That's what you do.

There we go.

Thank you.

Help yourself.

Uh, can we have a family council here, everyone?

I've given it a lot of thought, and it's just not safe here.

I'm going to buy some plane tickets home.

Well, Bob, I can't say I blame you. I'd probably do the same thing if I were in

your place.

But we're not leaving until Trish has had her moment of glory.

You've worked far too hard for this, Princess.

Those hooligans are not going to scare off the Johnsons until we finish what we

came for.

Is that all right with you, Rick?

A .J.? Well, I really think that the safest thing for you

to do would be to stay here in the house.

But if that's what you want, we'll be right there with you.

Potato salad?

I'll let Rick have some.

Yeah, well, we're an 18th century sort of guy.

Oh, we want to get some good shots of Trish while she reads her essay.

I'm number 21. They're doing it in the order the states were admitted to the

Union. South Carolina just better not leave until after I'm finished.

Let's go.

Johnson, can I see you a second?

We have a slight problem.

Uh, I'll meet you.

Well, it seems a little girl from Idaho just wants to meet you.

We'd like to work with you.

Excuse me, Mr. Johnson.

Yesterday when we bumped into each other, I think you accidentally got my

of film.

Hey, are you the guy responsible for all this? Look, I'll give you 50 bucks for

it. No, I don't have it anymore. I left it at a film booth. But I want to know

what's going on here. Look, I can explain everything.

I was shooting pictures of those cocktails.

Daddy, go.

Oh, it won't be long now, honey.

All right, ladies, wait right here.

The cook and sergeant will be right with you.

What did you do? Forget to pay a parking ticket.

Oh, we're waiting for my husband. He was arrested for murder.

Hey!

Oh, he didn't do it.

Oh, sure, honey.

Neither did I.

As I said, the dead man's name was Harrison. He was a freelance

specialized in celebrities.

Dad! What's he been working on lately?

I don't know. He was sort of a loner. He played his own hunches. What about the

film? Can't get a warrant till tomorrow.

Bronco.

Excuse us, kids.

Somebody. If he wants to meet your dad, it's... We'll wait right here.

His name is Bronco.

Now, there are a couple of things that we ought to say about Bronco. He wasn't

our first choice.

Yeah, he wasn't even our second choice.

Out -of -state residence, murder one, murder two.

This is Bronco, and we've already told him that you've never been bailed out

before, so he kind of wanted to explain the procedure to you. Well, the

policeman already did that. He said that if I left town or didn't show up in

court, I'd go back to jail.

them to see if we can find a clue as to who killed him.

Oh, there's a great picture of a two -headed man.

Maybe they did it. Willie.

Willie.

Now, don't disturb Rick and A .J.

Okay, I was just trying to help.

Coco, Rick? No more Coco.

Uh, thank you.

I just had enough for now.

Okay.

Forever.

Don't get me wrong, A .J., these nice people.

Good people.

I just can't take them anymore. We're going to have to get them out of here.

Thank God I thought it was just me.

Rick! AJ!

Time for dessert!

Let's leave, AJ.

I live here.

No, no. We'll go to the park. We'll go to the film booth and get the

photographs, okay?

Are you going to tell them or am I going to tell them?

I used to think I could protect my family.

A man's job is to keep his family safe.

I don't know. It's like the world's trying to tell me, Bob Johnson, you're a

failure and we're going to knock you down and you'll never know the reason

Pie?

Oh, that looks good.

Here you go.

Good?

It's your favorite. Thank you.

I came all the way out here.

Dad got arrested, the prairie schooner got stolen, and I didn't even get a

chance to read my essay.

Why, I'd love to hear it sometime, Trish.

I'll go get it.

AJ and I'd love to hear it, too, but we just came in and said we've got to go

pick that up.

So I don't suppose a few more minutes is going to make that much difference.

What the word family means to me, by Trish Johnson.

For as long as I can remember, I've been a part of an American family.

There's my dad, writing checks and cursing softly to himself.

And there goes Mom.

Looking for my brother, Willie, so she can tell him to go to bed and we can all

listen to him complain about it.

And here am I, the one on the rug with three brand new pencils.

I asked my dad to help me on this essay, but he said he was too busy.

But last year, when I was scared because of a dog in Gower Street that used to

chase me on the way to school, my dad told me not to worry.

And he drove me in the car every morning until the year was over so that big dog

in Gower Street couldn't get me.

Families are people who care about each other.

My mom says all the people in the world must be like one big family.

And I like that.

Because I think God must be like my father.

And he doesn't mind taking us in the car every morning if he has to.

So that big dog in Gower Street can never catch us.

Very nice.

Our convenient tunnels to the parking lot are available at the north and south

gates. If you've left a pet in our kennel service, please make sure he

way home.

We'll be open tomorrow at 8 a .m. sharp.

Libertyland hopes you've all had a wonderful day.

Nothing. Nothing? No.

There's another booth in the parking lot.

Same two guys were with the family.

Private detectives.

At least it's not as bad as killing a cop.

Got it?

I got the film.

He doesn't like his picture being taken, but who is he?

They certainly aren't our pictures.

Yeah, mostly they're of this woman.

Venusia! Get serious.

It is. Look.

No, it's not.

Trish, Willie, settle down. Tell us, what are you talking about?

That lady is Venusia. It sure looks like her. What is a Venusia?

You have never heard of the queen of music videos?

Willie and Trish are right.

Well, maybe she can tell us who the blurry guy is.

Finuccia? Finuccia.

All

right,

good rehearsal.

Go get made up.

Where's the lady? We're from National Celebrity. Here to do the interview. Who

let these guys in here? No, no, no. Venutia's expecting us. We're very close

personal friends.

Lads.

Hey. You want bad publicity?

Huh?

These guys say they're from National Celebrity. National Celebrity? You look

more like Newsweek. Yeah, they're okay.

Thanks. Big guy would have made a great chiropractor.

You don't mind if I get ready while we talk, do you? No, no, go ahead.

Listen, what we're interested in is the story that goes along with these

pictures, you know, kind of a day -in -the -life -off approach.

Yeah, can you help me with the zipper, please?

I didn't know anybody was taking pictures of me that day. You didn't?

No. Can you tell us something about the pictures here? Well, yeah, here I am

shopping and lunch at Mojo's. Yeah. And this was at the beach. Oh, and more

shopping. Oh, and this is that party on Manny Corbett's boat.

Who's that?

Corbett. Yeah. Oh, he's this big gangster. Well, at least he says he is,

know how some people like to brag.

You seem very open about your friend's occupation.

Oh, haven't you read my autobiography?

Oh, of course.

I mean, my last boyfriend shot three people. That's right, yeah. We had to

up, though.

He was extradited.

Yeah, that's a shame. I'm sorry to hear that. I got lots of sympathy letters

from my fans. Oh, good, good.

This fellow here, is he a friend of this Corbett's?

No, he came late and busted up the party.

Look, what we want is to have this gentleman sign a release so that we can

the picture. So do you think you could tell us where we could find the boat?

Oh, sure.

It's at Liberty World Marina.

Thank you.

Could I get an autograph?

Would you leave the lady alone and get out?

who the excited guy is.

Well, next print should give us the space.

You've been using this stuff? I thought I had a lot more sheets than that.

Oh, well, Carlos needed a photo record for his insurance agent.

75 sheets worth?

She was a little hard to get in focus.

She?

His insurance agent. Never mind, I shouldn't have asked.

I thought he was in Panama.

Well, he runs his onshore operations there.

But if the feds find him here, we're talking 20 years.

I guess this business needed a personal touch.

Trish, honey, now don't worry. As soon as we get the prairie schooner in ship

shape, everything will just be fine.

Now, come on. Come on, let's go.

You're holding something I want.

I'm holding your friends.

Trade. Where and when?

Unless we see the Johnsons out here, we're going to leave.

Thank you, gentlemen.

some of those neat magazines you have on your boat.

Magazines? Yeah, I had some sailing stuff.

Didn't anybody ever teach you not to snoop?

The best part of all was meeting you.

And Rick, and your mom.

Keep writing, Trish. You've got real talent.

Bye. Drive carefully.

Bye.

Nice people.

Nice to see them go. Oh, yeah.

My photo booth's a total wreck.

I just got 27 miles of bad publicity.

And it cost me money to have bullet holes taken out of my water slide.

I need a security company, all right.

To keep guys like you out.

It's happening.