All language subtitles for simon_simon_s04e04_the_dark_side_of_the_street

I'll follow her. No, you stay here. You
watch the house. All right, just be

careful with it, okay? She just had it
painted.

Good night on Diamond and Simon.

Many of your friends have a history of
practical joking.

Who in their right mind would think that
this is funny? How dare you accuse me

of shoplifting?

I'll sue you. I know this customer.

Did you know he had three arms?

Anything else happens, I may be dead.

You better hurry up and open it, Val.
The wedding's only a week away.

Wait, this is beautiful. I want to read
this.

Wishing you the full enjoyment as you
share dreams for your new life together.

Uncle Mike.

Oh.

I love it. A smoking jacket.

Well, I think every man should have one.

I wonder who got mine.

I'll exchange it for the right size.

Let's see. Well,

another one addressed to Taylor.

Let's see what this says.

It reads, to Taylor, from a secret
admirer.

It's ticking.

Watch out, Taylor. It's a bomb.

Must have been wrapped at our gift
wrapping department at Bartlett's.

Taylor, why don't you use your teeth?

Yeah, honey.

You're going to need a lot of practice
undoing things.

Yeah, don't say I never gave you
anything.

I hope it's a grandfather club.

There's number 86, Golden Boy Rick
Simon, moving into third place. He's

tied up in quite a battle with Morgan
Melvin.

Number

14,

Morgan the Monkey Melvin, is still
playing in second place.

This just in from our paramedic, Walt
Truman, the brave rider who was forced

retire.

Here

comes

that golden boy, Rick Stein, ready to do
things with the dark knight, Sam

Samatini. They're trading places back
and forth.

Here we go.

Hold on.

We have to go through with this part of
it. Come on. Tell the man to go away and

die in peace.

Come on. You know, it's the only sane
way of getting over.

This is funny.

Well, it depends.

I mean, who do you know who isn't in his
right mind?

I have varying caps here. The nitro's
been hollowed out.

There's nothing here that can blow up.

Does your fiancée have any old
boyfriends who might not like the idea

chose you?

Not that I know of.

Things are rather delicate with the
family.

Valerie's father is Mike Bartlett of
Bartlett's Department Store. Uh -huh. So

you're marrying into the family
business.

I am in line for promotion, yes.

But it's not what you think. I deserve
it. I mean, I've been working at

Bartlett's ever since I graduated from
college. It wasn't until a year ago that

Valerie and I fell in love. Oh, okay.
Hey, all I meant was, you know, you can

land the boss's daughter more power to
you. I didn't land her.

I didn't plan this.

It just happened.

Mr. Martin.

I really don't think you're in any
danger here. I mean, this is just a

joke. It's not very funny, but that's
all it is. You know, I had a couple of

people decide to get married. All their
friends and relatives got to pull out

the joy buzzers.

Uh, read the card.

Bye -bye, Taylor. You're dead.

That's no joke.

Well, if you feel that way about it, you
better call the cop.

Well, you don't understand.

See, Valerie's father is a very
important man in this town.

He only wants to read about our wedding
in the society pages.

That's how come I came to you.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

Before we take any of your money, why
don't you take this?

If anything else happens, give it to me.

I think we handle that pretty well,
don't you?

Close the door.

Dad, I should call you.

I think it's a call cause.

Did it go off?

No. I think the string was too loose to
pull the trigger.

You know, it was just too loose. Too
much... Too much slack in it?

Right.

Who are you calling? Leave him a cute
note.

We will try to keep the police out of
this as long as possible. In the

let us concentrate on finding your
secret admirer.

Who's got a key to this room besides
you?

Uh, the janitor, security, Mike
Bartlett. He has a key to everything.

Um, I don't know who else.

Nothing but a piece of cake to get into
if you know what you're doing.

What, through the whole store?

I mean, you have to go past security,
the cameras, and everything? I mean,

you'd have to be someone who knew the
store awfully well.

Or was known.

The other day, you couldn't come up with
any enemies. What about friends?

Well, most of my friends are the people
who work at the Thor.

Okay, well... Who's your best man, for
instance?

Gary Murcott. He's the head of the radio
and TV, but he wouldn't think this is

funny.

Hello?

Uh, thank you.

Um, Mike Bartlett's coming in.

That's Valerie's father. I can't let him
know that you two are private

investigators.

Okay, uh...

Tell me somebody that you invited to the
wedding who can't make it. Somebody

that your father -in -law wouldn't know.

Brian Cody, my old college roommate.

He couldn't come. He's supposed to be in
Europe. I'm Brian Cody.

Who's he?

New security man.

Taylor, I... Oh, sorry.

I just needed your account for the
caterer, but I can get it later. Oh, no,

in, please. I was just talking with...

I left it on the display case down in
supporting goods. I was just bringing it

to Mr. Martin's attention.

Hank's a new man.

With, um... Security.

Security. Ah.

So, thank you, Hank. Just leave the gun
here and I'll take care of it.

Ah, yeah.

Excuse me.

Oh, and this is Brian Cody, my college
roommate. He was able to come after all.

Brian, Mike Bartlett.

Nice to meet you.

Glad you could make it.

I thought you were in Europe.

This man has a memory you wouldn't
believe.

Well, I'm afraid the reports of my
traveling have been greatly exaggerated.

I'm not going to be able to make it to
Europe until next month.

Unfortunate.

Bring your friend around tomorrow. We'll
play some doubles.

I'd love to.

Sorry, tomorrow's a red tag sale.

No, it'll be singles and a couple of
good sets and a drink.

You can fill me in on Taylor's checkered
bass.

You're on.

Don't worry.

I won't tell him about the panty raid on
the Sigma Tau house.

I thought that was a fraternity.

It was a very embarrassing moment for
us, sir.

Well,

see you later, Mr. Grody.

Nice to meet you.

Got to be careful with him. He doesn't
miss anything.

In that case, I think you better call
personnel and have them put Hank Fryer

the payroll.

You're right.

And then you better fill me in on what
you were... Excuse me, what we were like

back in college.

We're dealing here with a very
sensitive... The D .O .G.? You

Now watch.

All right, Tootles. Go ahead.

Go on, now. Eat. Eat.

You see?

And it can't be the food.

Tootles loves his prime sirloin a la
can.

So it must be the dish.

Mr. Friar. Ah, yeah. Nick Friar. Nick
Bates, head of security.

Nice to meet you. Glad to have you with
us. It's good to be here. Come on, I'll

show you the store. And you can fill me
in on your background.

Look around you, Hank.

What do you see?

Okay, um... Beds?

Customers? First mistake.

Clientele. Clientele. Okay.

Lifeblood of any store.

And, unfortunately, the bane of our
existence.

Uh, we being the security force. That's
right.

Inside this world of fantasy and wishful
film, you'd hardly believe we're

fighting a war, would you? No.

Never we are.

Every day a war is waged in these
aisles.

Every single day.

Any survivors?

More than I'd like to admit.

The reason we're fighting a war, Hank,
is that one out of every ten people who

walk through our doors is a shot. One
out of every ten.

The campus cops used to take pictures of
students involved in what they called

counter -corrective activities.

They had his backside up on a bulletin
board for three weeks. It was never

identified.

Well, I knew he had a wild card. He just
never lets it out.

Not me, uh -uh. That story is just a
figment of Brian's imagination.

Sure it is.

Well, I want to hear more.

You will.

See you at lunch, sweetie.

Hey, why don't you join us, Brian?

All right, thank you, yeah.

Great. See you then.

No, not here.

See what I mean?

I think for my wedding present, he had a
streak through the store, don't you?

Good idea.

Look, don't make me too wild. I'm not
like that.

Appetite. Nobody will believe you
anyway.

I'll blow your cover.

Excuse me.

I'm with store security.

You want to give me the cassette player
and whatever else you've got under that

coat of yours?

I beg your pardon? You took a cassette
player from that table over there.

I did what?

You heard me. Would you open your coat,
please?

I will not open my coat.

Who do you think you are, anyway?

I'm a valued customer at this store. How
dare you accuse me of shoplifting?

I'll sue you.

Do you understand what I'm saying? I'll
sue you for false arrest. What's going

on here? I can tell you that this will
be the last time... Are you the new man

here, Friar? Yes. I hope you know what
you're doing, Friar.

So, okay, so anyway, we almost had these
three breathtakingly beautiful girls

convinced that we were French tennis.

I had a pretty good idea. School was
out.

He suddenly says, girls, I'm sorry, I
lied.

I'm not French. I'm not a tennis player,
and I don't need a place to stay.

Then he turns to me and says, au revoir,
Claude.

That is a friend.

I'm so glad to finally meet you.

Well, thank you. I'm glad to meet you,
too.

Hey, it's not too late. You know, you
could still change your mind. It would

an Al Capulco happy hour.

Your being here is going to be so good
for him.

He's been under a lot of strain.

Yeah, getting married will do that to
you.

You ought to know that.

Me? What are you talking about? I've
never been married.

Why are you relieved?

The person that I was thinking of,
Barbara, her former husband, well, he's

just the sort of person who might do
that, you know, that dynamite joke.

Well, no one I know.

You know, jealous former lovers?

Uh, no.

Besides that, my last boyfriend is
married and has a family now.

Taylor's been the only man I've been
involved with for more than a year.

area more than anything else in the
world and i know that that uh joke it's

really freaked him out if you could just
uh be with him and talk to him maybe

well i know he trusts you how can you be
so sure because i trust you sorry

i'm late well well well i hope you
haven't been making

I'll second that motion.

I don't know when I've had such a
workout.

Oh, come on, Brian.

You're just being easy on an old man.
You could have taken me any time. Oh, no

way. Let's get a drink up the house.

Boy, you've got a beautiful place here.

Large, too. You must have raised a big
family here. You'd think so, wouldn't

you? There's room for one, but Valerie's
all I have.

Well, I had a son, but he passed away.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You're about to add another son to your
family.

To tell you the truth, Brian, that's one
of the reasons I wanted to talk to you

alone.

I don't think I can ever feel like
Taylor's my son.

Why? I don't know.

Instinct?

I don't like him.

It's going to be rough on all of you.

Maybe so.

A man can't change his feelings.

Well, I don't think it's unusual for a
father to resent having his little girl

taken away from him. No one's taking her
away.

I'm not a possessive father.

Just cautious.

Is there any room there for trust?

Plenty.

Trust for my own instincts.

Sir, I think you're feeling a little
panicky.

I mean, I think your instincts are
telling you not to give the bride away.

At any cost.

Value sends you.

Save something for Saturday night.

Very romantic fellow, you know that? You
bring it on me, Val, really, you do.

I never thought I could feel this way.

I never dreamed I could feel the way I
do right now.

Hold on.

Stop.

I don't get it.

Nobody forced a lock on the door.

Nobody broke in through the windows.

When could this have happened?

Sometime today.

And from the time I left this morning
until after I dropped Valerie off this

afternoon.

It had to be somebody with a key.

One of your neighbors have a key?

Okay, uh... Old girlfriend, former
owner?

Friend who stayed with you once, maybe?

Well, damn it, man, it has to be
somebody. I mean, did you ever lose the

Leave them somewhere for a couple of
days?

Was the house ever robbed?

Anything?

Looks like something was written on the
mirror in there. What did it say?

Catch you next time, Taylor.

Well, even that doesn't make any sense.

I mean, if he really wanted to catch
you, he would have waited, right?

Hey, I was going to say her father. I
was going to say her father.

Ah, gee.

Uh, mind if I join you, Mr. McCann?

Not at all.

Make that Gary. I didn't get a chance to
thank you the other day for nailing

that shoplifter.

If you knew how much my department loses
in stolen goods every year. No problem.

It's just happy to do something right
the first day, you know, especially

Mr. Martin got me this job.

Can I get some coffee, please? I didn't
know you knew Taylor. Oh, sure. We go

way back.

Just, uh, casual acquaintances, of
course, you know.

Me? I'm the best man.

Is that so?

Besides, Taylor's always been a little
skittish. What do you mean?

You know him.

Paranoid. Oh, yeah. But not serious.
Nothing serious.

Did he tell you about the time he
thought somebody was getting inside his

No. Moving things around. Not stealing
anything, just moving things around.

Crazy, isn't it? Yeah.

See if anybody's been watching Taylor
that I made the Camaro. She's driving

Huh?

Taylor?

I can't tell. Hey, here, let me have the
keys to Liz's car. I'll follow him.

What are you talking about? Follow him
in this.

No, no, no. If he's been in the house,
then he's seen the truck and the car.

I love it.

Taylor, really think you could hire this
bum to track me down?

Not a question. What are we going to do
with him?

That's real good, Morty.

Too big.

Does Morty steal all his clothes or just
the hat?

I would imagine just that.

What do you mean?

I'll hang on to that. You get over
there.

Move!

Now, I don't know you, but I was
determined to make your acquaintance,

especially after you knocked me out and
tried to make a submarine out of my car.

What happened to the car?

I told you, I went in the water.

You didn't say you went in in the car.

What happened to Liz's car, Rick? AJ,
I'm a little busy here.

Since I don't think you make it a habit
of trying to kill every stranger you

meet, I want to know why you tried to do
it with me.

I like your nose job. You want to try
for a little dental work? Hey, stop it,

huh? Leave him alone.

Well,

now that we've got your attention...

Do you know the guy in this picture?

No.

Go for the dental work.

Yes, I know him.

All right, what's his name?

Flack. His full name. Reynolds.

Flack Reynolds.

Does he come here often?

Often not.

Well, what do you know about him?

Not a whole lot.

What does he do for a living? Where does
he live? What... Can you tell us? I can

tell you that he's pretty wild.

I like him pretty wild. I like the
Clydesdale over here. Hey, it's my

Ah.

Well, I would guess that your brother is
now facing a charge of attempted

homicide. That is, unless you care to
tell us what you know about this slack.

I don't know anything about him. He
doesn't let loose about himself.

He likes to talk, but not about himself.

I did meet his mother once.

What?

You do that a lot, Rick?

Oh, absolutely, Liz.

The car was a lifesaver.

Sure.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, Rick's
getting it washed right now.

Oh, no, darling, I think I might need it
tomorrow.

Why don't I just hang on to it for a
couple of days and you drive Camaro?

That's her.

Thank you.

Mrs. Martin?

An old woman, you know.

Where did you get that shiner?

Somebody hit me.

They did?

Did you hit him back?

Eventually. Good for you.

That's the trouble with most men
nowadays. They don't know how to use

fists. Not like in the old days.

Yes, um... We came to talk to you about
your son.

What's there to talk about?

He's a spineless piece of jelly. He has
been since the day he was born.

Slack?

I don't have a son named Slack.

Well, we were told that you did. We were
told that he comes to visit you, brings

his girlfriend.

No, thank you. You do have a son,
though.

Taylor.

All right.

Let's... Talk about Taylor.

We think he's in trouble, and he may
need your help.

My help? I wonder why.

Taylor's done well for himself, from
what I hear.

Who do you hear it from?

Does Taylor come to visit you?

No, no, Taylor never comes to visit me,
never.

Are you proud of him?

I mean, he's done quite well for
himself.

I'm more surprised than proud.

And Taylor had a lot to overcome.

His father didn't like him very much.

He always said, the wrong one died.

The wrong one? Taylor had a brother?

Taylor was one of two. You didn't know
that?

Twins, boys.

One died and one didn't.

Taylor survived.

The meek one survived.

The one who didn't want to cause anybody
any trouble. His father couldn't stand

him.

Did, uh... Did Mr. Martin beat him?

Mr. Martin beat me.

He beat both of us.

If, uh... If Taylor had just stood up to
him once,

just once, maybe things would have been
different.

What'd Taylor do, run away?

No, no, he never did.

He had an act of imagination. That's
what he used to escape.

I used to catch him sometimes,
pretending he was somebody else.

It was like he really was somebody else.

His brother?

Was this after his brother died?

Did his brother have a nickname?

His father gave it to him.

That's who comes to see me these days
not Taylor slack

How'd

you know Taylor's dad used to hit him

This is the cat.

Rick?

Come on, Rick. Talk to me.

You ever remember Dad spanking you?

Hitting you, I mean, even if you
deserved it?

No, he never laid a hand on me.

No, not you.

He did me.

Especially right after you came along
with this warm -up.

Yeah, we used to have some good ones.

I guess he learned I was the oldest at
first.

There were times, though, especially
right after Dad and I would have a

I used to wish I were you.

Instead of me.

I didn't know that.

It wasn't your call.

I know.

It's all right.

Rick? What do you got?

Let me get a hold of you. Listen to the
tape on the answering machine. I've gone

to try and save Valerie.

I tried to warn you, Taylor. I tried to
scare you away from this wedding, but

you're determined to go through with it,
aren't you?

You fool. You see, I can't let that
happen, because eventually she'd find

about me, and she'd try to get rid of
me.

And even I can't fight the fact that the
two of you are in love.

Your love would destroy me, Taylor.

Valerie's love would destroy me.

So, I guess the only solution is to get
rid of her.

It's a reason to kill her, he didn't
know it.

Hello, Mr. Bartlett?

Damn it, you better talk to him.

Hi, Mr. Bartlett, it's Brian Cody.

Yeah, fine, how are you?

Is Valerie there?

She's out with Taylor.

Do you know where they went?

Okay, no, there's no problem.

Right, thank you very much.

Bye -bye.

You're so quiet.

Yeah, I know.

Now me, baby.

Must be thinking of Taylor.

Taylor, what's wrong?

I'm not Taylor.

My name's Slack.

Slack? Yeah.

Now, you are a damn good -looking woman.

Just too bad I can't let Taylor marry
you.

Taylor, what's going on?

There they are.

Bye.

Drop the knife.

Make me.

It's over, Slack.

We've got you on tape.

We'll do a voice print.

Cure, maybe.

Cure means bye -bye, Slack.

Okay, you can give us a knife now. We're
your friends.

I don't have any friends.

What about Brian?

Brian's your friend.

Brian doesn't exist.

I made him up.

I made up everything.

Well, what about us?

We're your friends. You didn't make us
up.

And Valerie didn't make her up. She
loves you.